I will be having my 3rd child and I have never had a babyshower. I thought I was gonna have one this time but I guess not. I doesn't really hurt me but it's kinda sad.
It is kinda late to choose to have a baby shower with baby #3. It really should've happened with baby #1 if you were going to have one. Sorry it makes you sad.
Me: 38 DH: 36 Married 8/27/2011 BFP #1 9/28/2011 DS born 5/22/2012 BFP #2 4/24/2013 m/c 4/25/2013 at 4w BFP #3 1/31/2014 DD born 10/14/2014 BFP #4 1/20/2016 m/c 2/12/2014 at 7w2d BFP #5 8/19/2016 DS2 born 4/29/2017 BFP #6 3/7/2018 EDD 11/18/2018
A lot of people don't believe in baby showers for kids after the first, so that may be why no one has offered to throw you one. Hopefully you kept everything from your first two kids.
Also, are you new here? An intro would probably have been nice prior to this post.
I am sorry lady. That just sucks. I guess people have welcome baby parties. Apparently it is socially acceptable for people to throw those for themselves. You can celebrate your baby and also avoid people coming by at random times after you give birth. That might be a nice thing to do.
Having a baby shower is not a big deal IMO and it's your own responsibility to buy stuff for your baby so there's no reason to be sad over this. (Especially when it's your 3rd child).
Gifts are not the only reason people have baby showers. I personally just want to have a fun party with my lady friends and celebrate the fact that I am having a baby, which is a pretty darn momentous occasion.
@TheOtherJacobsons That's why I had a gender reveal (sex reveal sounds icky) BBQ. I'd totally do that for 2nd or 3rd babies. Just pinning the name "shower" on it means showering someone with gifts, so it's about the gifts, really. I'm all for parties and celebrating for any baby. I like throwing parties, so I can see me doing that. But. No second shower for me.
I also think where I'm from, a shower is not a "fun party with my lady friends," it's a 100-person affair. I think that's probably the difference. I'd definitely want a fun party with my lady friends for Baby #2. Not a shower. I hardly want the first one.
Having a baby shower is not a big deal IMO and it's your own responsibility to buy stuff for your baby so there's no reason to be sad over this. (Especially when it's your 3rd child).
Gifts are not the only reason people have baby showers. I personally just want to have a fun party with my lady friends and celebrate the fact that I am having a baby, which is a pretty darn momentous occasion.
Also, when most people around you are offered one except for you, it can be disappointing. I know I feel sad every so often when I'm constantly being invited to other people's wedding showers, baby showers, etc and I think about how I wasn't offered one by anyone close to me.
@TheOtherJacobsons That's why I had a gender reveal (sex reveal sounds icky) BBQ. I'd totally do that for 2nd or 3rd babies. Just pinning the name "shower" on it means showering someone with gifts, so it's about the gifts, really. I'm all for parties and celebrating for any baby. I like throwing parties, so I can see me doing that. But. No second shower for me.
I also think where I'm from, a shower is not a "fun party with my lady friends," it's a 100-person affair. I think that's probably the difference. I'd definitely want a fun party with my lady friends for Baby #2. Not a shower. I hardly want the first one.
Holy sheeeeit! My baby shower had like 20 people there and I was overwhelmed with that. I don't even think I like 100 people enough to invite to an event ">
@TheOtherJacobsons That's why I had a gender reveal (sex reveal sounds icky) BBQ. I'd totally do that for 2nd or 3rd babies. Just pinning the name "shower" on it means showering someone with gifts, so it's about the gifts, really. I'm all for parties and celebrating for any baby. I like throwing parties, so I can see me doing that. But. No second shower for me.
I also think where I'm from, a shower is not a "fun party with my lady friends," it's a 100-person affair. I think that's probably the difference. I'd definitely want a fun party with my lady friends for Baby #2. Not a shower. I hardly want the first one.
Holy sheeeeit! My baby shower had like 20 people there and I was overwhelmed with that. I don't even think I like 100 people enough to invite to an event ">
Yeah. I don't. There will be people I don't even know there. There were people I didn't know at my wedding shower. It's how our families do things, even though I HATE it.
I think that's why I have Feelings about second and third showers. Like. You got 100 presents the last time, why beg for more? What could you possibly need? But I CERTAINLY realize that MOST other showers really ARE intimate affairs. And I'm jealous of those. I don't want anyone to think I don't want to celebrate babies. I really do. Just. Showers are definitely just status things and gift grabs here, and they are REALLY frowned upon to do a second or third time. And ya don't throw ya own. Never.
Throw a welcome baby party! You can put in the invites not to bring gifts, if you don't want them. Just have a get together before the baby arrives. Ask your mom or someone close to help you plan it. I know most people are against people having showers for babies if you already have 1 or more but this is my 3rd baby and my family is throwing me yet another. People don't have to bring gifts. I don't expect much other than diapers since it's also my 3rd boy and we've saved most stuff. Every baby should be welcomed IMO. If you want a party, throw one!
Started Dating DH 09/03/2009 Married 07/01/2011
Surprise BFP 10/18/2008 EDD 06/19/2009 DS #1 Born 06/16/2009
@TheOtherJacobsons That's why I had a gender reveal (sex reveal sounds icky) BBQ. I'd totally do that for 2nd or 3rd babies. Just pinning the name "shower" on it means showering someone with gifts, so it's about the gifts, really. I'm all for parties and celebrating for any baby. I like throwing parties, so I can see me doing that. But. No second shower for me.
I also think where I'm from, a shower is not a "fun party with my lady friends," it's a 100-person affair. I think that's probably the difference. I'd definitely want a fun party with my lady friends for Baby #2. Not a shower. I hardly want the first one.
Holy sheeeeit! My baby shower had like 20 people there and I was overwhelmed with that. I don't even think I like 100 people enough to invite to an event ">
This! Holy cow, 100 ppl! I invited 50, knowing that only 40 max would be able to make it, and of those only 20 ppl have RSVP'd that they are coming. I would also never invite people I don't know.
I see what you mean about the shower being gifts. For me, it isn't. I have imagined having a shower for a while now, especially since I never had a bridal shower (since no one offered). This is really what I would have wanted to do for my bridal shower; a high tea with fancy hats. It's all about the little sandwiches for me! Give me all the petit fours!
It is kinda of a bummer to not be thrown one especially if you make a point to attend and shower others. I was in a similar mood before someone offered to throw me. I am sorry that you did not get to have one for your 1st baby.
I agree with pp that you can do a "sip & see" once little one arrives. That way you can still celebrate the occasion and people can see the new kid!
I get the feeling that it's probably about not being made to feel special or having your own moment in the sun rather solely feeling bad about not getting gifts. I'm not having one this time around (this is my 4th!) but, had no one ever given me a baby shower before, especially with everyone else (family and friends) having had showers thrown for them, I'd probably feel a bit down about it. I think op is entitled to her feelings but of course, no one is entitled to a shower and/or gifts, it's just a really nice way to celebrate the baby and yes, get a bit of attention...gifts are a plus.
@TheOtherJacobsons That's why I had a gender reveal (sex reveal sounds icky) BBQ. I'd totally do that for 2nd or 3rd babies. Just pinning the name "shower" on it means showering someone with gifts, so it's about the gifts, really. I'm all for parties and celebrating for any baby. I like throwing parties, so I can see me doing that. But. No second shower for me.
I also think where I'm from, a shower is not a "fun party with my lady friends," it's a 100-person affair. I think that's probably the difference. I'd definitely want a fun party with my lady friends for Baby #2. Not a shower. I hardly want the first one.
Holy sheeeeit! My baby shower had like 20 people there and I was overwhelmed with that. I don't even think I like 100 people enough to invite to an event ">
This! Holy cow, 100 ppl! I invited 50, knowing that only 40 max would be able to make it, and of those only 20 ppl have RSVP'd that they are coming. I would also never invite people I don't know.
I see what you mean about the shower being gifts. For me, it isn't. I have imagined having a shower for a while now, especially since I never had a bridal shower (since no one offered). This is really what I would have wanted to do for my bridal shower; a high tea with fancy hats. It's all about the little sandwiches for me! Give me all the petit fours!
I'm jealous of your high tea. Seriously. I see beautiful showers and decorations on pinterest, and I'm like well, that would have been nice, but when mom forces you to invite 100 people, some of whom you don't know, you know nothing is going to be intimate or thought out. It would be impossible.
I'm REALLY hoping not even half show up. It's just really overwhelming, but my mom wants it, and I'm giving in on this so the blow will be softer when I say "oh, and don't come over the first two weeks after the baby's born, because you make me nuts, ok? Thanks."
I think it's just all about semantics. A "shower" is literally to shower someone with gifts. No one shows up without one. Registries are made for them. Inserts go in the invitations to say where that person is registered and what they want. A party is different, and I would totally do that for any other babies. The celebrating, I love. The showering, I don't.
I get the feeling that it's probably about not being made to feel special or having your own moment in the sun rather solely feeling bad about not getting gifts. I'm not having one this time around (this is my 4th!) but, had no one ever given me a baby shower before, especially with everyone else (family and friends) having had showers thrown for them, I'd probably feel a bit down about it. I think op is entitled to her feelings but of course, no one is entitled to a shower and/or gifts, it's just a really nice way to celebrate the baby and yes, get a bit of attention...gifts are a plus.
I do think you're right about this. In some cases. In others, it's definitely about the gifts. But, I know even I, who hates the idea of ONE baby shower, will probably feel a little sad come baby 2, should there be one, and there isn't this event to look forward to. I get that. But, I figure by then, I'll have this baby, and I won't miss that sort of thing, and we'll be all about making this one feel excited to be a big sister.
My feelings would be hurt too if nobody in my circle offered to throw me a shower. Not even taking into account the gifts, just the lack of thoughtfulness. Assuming that they know you've never had a shower before...
@SPurp13 Ugh, that does sound like a chore! I didn't really see it from your perspective. Mom's can go a bit overboard. It's like they get confused about who they are really having the party for. I am sure she's just really excited to become a grandmother. I hope that it ends up being less stressful.
I am totally in denial about the gift thing too. It is not that I don't understand that they are expected. I just personally don't expect it. Though I fully understand that when I am invited to one, there is no way I am going to show up without a gift. I think part of me not expecting it is that I have been estranged from my family for so long that I am not really used to the attention. I married into a big family, but it still doesn't really feel like my family yet. Maybe after LO is born.
On a side note, do you think OP will ever come back?
@TheOtherJacobsons That's why I had a gender reveal (sex reveal sounds icky) BBQ. I'd totally do that for 2nd or 3rd babies. Just pinning the name "shower" on it means showering someone with gifts, so it's about the gifts, really. I'm all for parties and celebrating for any baby. I like throwing parties, so I can see me doing that. But. No second shower for me.
I also think where I'm from, a shower is not a "fun party with my lady friends," it's a 100-person affair. I think that's probably the difference. I'd definitely want a fun party with my lady friends for Baby #2. Not a shower. I hardly want the first one.
Holy sheeeeit! My baby shower had like 20 people there and I was overwhelmed with that. I don't even think I like 100 people enough to invite to an event ">
Yeah. I don't. There will be people I don't even know there. There were people I didn't know at my wedding shower. It's how our families do things, even though I HATE it.
I think that's why I have Feelings about second and third showers. Like. You got 100 presents the last time, why beg for more? What could you possibly need? But I CERTAINLY realize that MOST other showers really ARE intimate affairs. And I'm jealous of those. I don't want anyone to think I don't want to celebrate babies. I really do. Just. Showers are definitely just status things and gift grabs here, and they are REALLY frowned upon to do a second or third time. And ya don't throw ya own. Never.
Wow 100 people. My shower is going to be like 14 people and its just my closest friends and family. I'm looking forward to it as most of my closest friends live far away and its an excuse for them to come visit and for us to get some quality time together. Most are staying for the whole weekend and two are staying an extra day or two beyond. I don't even care about the presents, present enough that I get to see a bunch of women I really care about.
I'm also having my third but even though I got rid of everything because I was done having babies I'm not having one and that's fine. I don't even expect one.
I feel like an alien from another planet when bumpies get so enraged over showers. Why is this such a hot topic? It's not an actual scandal to have a shower even at a weird or inappropriate time. It may be weird. Or inappropriate. But not a scandal. Not a giant panties-in-a-wad deal. And we've already established on the countless shower threads that shower customs vary regionally.
I am sorry @osuna6 that no one has ever thrown you a shower. It would make me tremendously sad if I didn't have family or friends that were willing to do that because a shower truly is a lovely gift. I hope your support circle finds other ways to help you celebrate your third child.
It does sound like you want a special celebration just for you and there is nothing wrong with that. Just have a party. This is my second and I've decided to throw myself a "henna tattoo party." I'm going to get my belly painted and my girlfriends will get henna tattoos as well. I have a few friends who are due in the fall as well. We are going to sit around and celebrate our big bellies. Having a shower is fun, it's always great to be the center of attention. But when the "baby shower ship has sailed" you have to be creative.
It's not about the gifts, it's about all of us coming together. That's what I care about.
IF it's not about the gifts, then, which it shouldn't be, because what could you possibly need at this point, then do what we keep telling you and have your own party. Just don't make it a shower.
You don't know how badly I could just have a big BBQ instead. Just do that. It's summer. It would be perfect. People probably aren't throwing you a shower because of the above reasons already mentioned or because they can't afford to, and if you just have the party yourself, with no mention of gifts, then I'm sure your friends will come and support you and celebrate your baby. It's a win-win situation.
OP I don't blame you for being sad. I would be too. In fact, I'm sad that I do not have a shower to look forward to this time around and I had a shower with my first baby. It's a fun way to celebrate the new baby and I think the fact that someone else is so happy for you that they decided to plan a special day makes it all the more meaningful. One of my friends sent me a card and a onesie congratulating me on my pregnancy and it was awesome not because I needed or wanted a onesie but because someone took a little time out of their day to share in our excitement. Honestly, my family doesn't really even mention my pregnancy or really ask how I'm doing or feeling. I think the fact that I know this will be my last pregnancy makes me more emotional about the experience.
I'm not having one and its disappointing and a little hurtful. This is my first baby. One of the most hurtful parts is all my mom has said all along is "well surely someone wants to throw you one." GeeZ thanks mom. My sis is law was asking "so your girlfriends aren't throwing you one ?!" No they aren't but thanks anyway..... Oh well. We will have no problem buying everything ourselves. I'm not the type to throw myself birthday parties or ever make a big deal about ME ever. It just would have been nice for someone to for once.
I'm not having one and its disappointing and a little hurtful. This is my first baby. One of the most hurtful parts is all my mom has said all along is "well surely someone wants to throw you one." GeeZ thanks mom. My sis is law was asking "so your girlfriends aren't throwing you one ?!" No they aren't but thanks anyway..... Oh well. We will have no problem buying everything ourselves. I'm not the type to throw myself birthday parties or ever make a big deal about ME ever. It just would have been nice for someone to for once.
I am so sorry, hopefully someone surprises you with a little something. It sucks to not have your life choices celebrated.
The friend who offered my is child-less by choice. She has never been married so when she bough her house last year I helped her throw an awesome (IMHO ) housewarming party because that is what friends do when big things happen in each others lives.
I'm not having one and its disappointing and a little hurtful. This is my first baby. One of the most hurtful parts is all my mom has said all along is "well surely someone wants to throw you one." GeeZ thanks mom. My sis is law was asking "so your girlfriends aren't throwing you one ?!" No they aren't but thanks anyway..... Oh well. We will have no problem buying everything ourselves. I'm not the type to throw myself birthday parties or ever make a big deal about ME ever. It just would have been nice for someone to for once.
I understand your sentiments. I have always tried to be a very considerate and giving friend so it's hard when even though I don't *expect* that in return, I know it'd be nice. My closest friends don't live in the same state so I'd like to think if they did, they would throw me a baby shower. In my case, my mom is "hosting" it, though my husband and I are doing most of the work for it. I don't care about the presents so much as I'd just like to have people come over to our home and have a nice time before things are chaotic with the baby.
I also think where I'm from, a shower is not a "fun party with my lady friends," it's a 100-person affair. I think that's probably the difference. I'd definitely want a fun party with my lady friends for Baby #2. Not a shower. I hardly want the first one.
And maybe we've just solved the second shower debate! that's crazy... My two showers with DS#1 were about 15-20 friends as well. Close friends. My wedding was only 75... I think a big event like that does mean something quite different than 20 friends over to your house for a lunch one afternoon. And yes, I know that those people will still bring gifts if you have a second shower, but if they are your closest friends, chances are they would anyway. Even when you tell them not to.
But, then, that's why I wouldn't want a second shower. They're going to buy you something anyway if they want to. Don't have a shower to force the issue. Have a We're Having A Baby party/BBQ/lunch whatever instead.
Really, if people would just stop calling this second shower business a SHOWER and just say "oh, I'm having a second baby, and I'm having a party to celebrate" I'd have little to no issues. I'm tellin' you what to do and how to sneak it by, ladies. Take note.
@SPurp13 I think part of the fun is having someone plan something for you and your baby. There are definitely a lot of STMs or more that think it is ridiculous, but it's hard to know how you will feel until you are in the situation. When I was a FTM I didn't think I would feel a little sad to not have one the second time around.
@JessAnnJ I know I won't feel any differently, because there's no way anyone here would offer. It's not done here. And I won't feel sad that no one is offering, because again. It's just not done here. There would be no need. If they offered, I'd say no, because I will keep everything from this baby, and I have registered for gender-neutral things in the big things. If I need boy-specific things, that's on me to buy the second time around.
The thing is, you can feel sad. I get it. I will probably feel sad the second time around. Maybe. Not sad, really, but. I don't know. Like people were like "been there, done that." I get it. I really do, and I think I'll feel similarly. That's fine. But there's nothing you can really do about it. You can't force someone to throw you a second or third baby shower. So instead, I'd just throw my own BBQ and call it a day. Even better, throw a BBQ and make it about your Baby #1 becoming a big sibling. It's like, you know, I felt sad that this baby isn't a boy. I was SO convinced it was a boy. I wanted either, but I was convinced it was a boy, and it felt like this picture of this boy in my head was dead and gone. I felt sad for a while. But I can't change it, and I just decided to focus on all the positives of having a girl instead.
For people who are sad about it, I can understand, but it's silly to feel that way because probably they aren't getting the offers because people feel the way I (and many others) do. It already happened, and you don't get another shower, so they literally CANNOT throw you one. It's not because they don't want to, it's because it's not acceptable or even worth it to do so--because you don't NEED anything. If those people are truly friends, they will come through in other ways for baby #2 and beyond.
On the flip side, my future SIL is offering to throw me one and I really don't have anyone to invite. I can include FI's family, my mom, and my best friend. (That's 4 people.) I moved 1000 miles away from everyone I know and I just don't have a lot of friends or family here.
I don't want to invite people just to have them there, either. If I didn't have a shower, I'd be just fine with it.
I suggest throwing a tea party or something of that nature in which you can celebrate with friends and family. Don't call it a shower, don't discuss gifts, etc. I really liked the henna tattoo idea earlier, too. Just something different and fun so you can still feel special, but nobody feels like you are gift grabby.
I just kinda find it hard to believe that some people are sad because they just want to celebrate. I think it's just because they aren't getting presents. Because. We keep giving options on how to celebrate babies #2 and beyond but it's not enough.
I think it's really easy for people who are having showers, or multiple showers, being thrown in their honor to tell someone who isn't having a shower that that they just want gifts. Honestly, I can understand where these people are coming from; I bet it's a huge blow to someone's self esteem if no one has ever asked if they could do them the honor of celebrating their baby/entry to motherhood. Especially when it's such a popular event, people squee about their showers, and AW them.
FFS, I have few close female friends and I cringed when I sent my hostesses my invite list because it was so short, and not because of the number of presents I would be getting (DH actually wanted to stipulate that presents weren't allowed and is adamantly against the whole shower premise), but because it reminded me that I don't have many close female friends, and honestly, that makes me pretty sad sometimes. It also goes back to when I got my BFP and there weren't many people I wanted to share it with - it's a reminder that perhaps there's something missing in your life. So, maybe we can calm down a bit when people say they are bummed that no one ever offered to throw them a shower; IMO it's like kicking someone when they're already down.
(Disclaimer: this doesn't apply to women who are upset that they are not receiving a 2nd or 3rd shower, only to women who are bummed that they aren't having a shower (or party, or whatever the hell we want to call it, even sans gifts).
5 cycles of "TTC" - 3 intentional, 2 not so intentional. 5 BFPs. My rainbow arrived 10/15/14. TFMC 08.02.13 at 19+ weeks. Everyday I grieve for my little Olive.
Hugs. I'm not a big fan of showers, but felt really flattered that my mom and sister went out of their way to throw me a shower for my first. I would feel sad about it, too. Maybe you could host a sip and see after the baby arrives? It would be a chance for everyone to get together and meet the baby and you could keep it simple (like cake and punch or appetizers). We'll end out having our baptism pretty soon after baby arrives b/c our older son's birthday is at the end of October. That set of parties will be our chance to introduce our new son to our friends and family.
I think we're on the same page. Bummed that no one is throwing you a shower for your first baby? I completely would understand it. Second or third, no, I don't think I would understand it, but I WOULD understand the second baby being kinda...been there, done that, not as much excitement from others.
I just think, you know, rather than feel bummed about it, throw a party to celebrate yourself (not a shower). It's really the next best thing, because there's nothing you could do about it anyway, and by doing that, maybe you can let go of the disappointment. That's the point I was trying to make and failing. I understand feeling bummed. But it's not worth the feelings.
I think we're on the same page. Bummed that no one is throwing you a shower for your first baby? I completely would understand it. Second or third, no, I don't think I would understand it, but I WOULD understand the second baby being kinda...been there, done that, not as much excitement from others.
I just think, you know, rather than feel bummed about it, throw a party to celebrate yourself (not a shower). It's really the next best thing, because there's nothing you could do about it anyway, and by doing that, maybe you can let go of the disappointment. That's the point I was trying to make and failing. I understand feeling bummed. But it's not worth the feelings.
I get what you're saying, and I agree, but feelings of loneliness and whatnot are sometimes difficult to minimise. Saying it's "not worth the feelings" is easy to say when you're on the other side. I think it's easy to get caught up in the superficialness of this topic, and simply disregard the fact that for some this can be a reminder that perhaps they don't have many friends or whatnot.
As someone who has been there, this is actually a really upsetting topic. It's really easy to tell someone to move on, but in practice it's not quite that easy. And no, I'm not saying it's not easy to walk away from having a shower or to have a no-gifts party post arrival, I'm talking about the deeper feelings associated with topics of this nature, which is beyond the scope of showers or presents.
5 cycles of "TTC" - 3 intentional, 2 not so intentional. 5 BFPs. My rainbow arrived 10/15/14. TFMC 08.02.13 at 19+ weeks. Everyday I grieve for my little Olive.
@golfingdarwinfish I hear you. I suffer from dysthymia. I know it's not easy (and I meant to say that in my post about it) to have feelings of despair that can be triggered by anything at all--especially things that are as seemingly trivial as a baby shower. To deal with feelings like you describe, I see a shrink, and I was medicated prior to pregnancy.
I also think that, sometimes it can reflect not having a lot of friends, but in other cases, it doesn't. It just reflects that today's world is BUSY. I get upset all the time when I think about the fact that I will spend more time with my coworkers than my husband for my entire life. People don't have time to even GO to showers, let alone throw them. That's how I've broken it down when I was a little bummed about people not coming to my wedding shower or wedding. It just is what it is. My feelings were hurt. But logically, I know it doesn't mean a ton, but sometimes I still think about it and I'm bummed. And, yup. I tell myself it's a waste of time. And no, it doesn't always help or solve the issue.
Re: No babyshower :(
Married 8/27/2011
BFP #1 9/28/2011 DS born 5/22/2012
BFP #2 4/24/2013 m/c 4/25/2013 at 4w
BFP #3 1/31/2014 DD born 10/14/2014
BFP #4 1/20/2016 m/c 2/12/2014 at 7w2d
BFP #5 8/19/2016 DS2 born 4/29/2017
BFP #6 3/7/2018 EDD 11/18/2018
Also, are you new here? An intro would probably have been nice prior to this post.
I also think where I'm from, a shower is not a "fun party with my lady friends," it's a 100-person affair. I think that's probably the difference. I'd definitely want a fun party with my lady friends for Baby #2. Not a shower. I hardly want the first one.
Also, when most people around you are offered one except for you, it can be disappointing. I know I feel sad every so often when I'm constantly being invited to other people's wedding showers, baby showers, etc and I think about how I wasn't offered one by anyone close to me.
I think that's why I have Feelings about second and third showers. Like. You got 100 presents the last time, why beg for more? What could you possibly need? But I CERTAINLY realize that MOST other showers really ARE intimate affairs. And I'm jealous of those. I don't want anyone to think I don't want to celebrate babies. I really do. Just. Showers are definitely just status things and gift grabs here, and they are REALLY frowned upon to do a second or third time. And ya don't throw ya own. Never.
It is kinda of a bummer to not be thrown one especially if you make a point to attend and shower others. I was in a similar mood before someone offered to throw me. I am sorry that you did not get to have one for your 1st baby.
I agree with pp that you can do a "sip & see" once little one arrives. That way you can still celebrate the occasion and people can see the new kid!
Wow 100 people. My shower is going to be like 14 people and its just my closest friends and family. I'm looking forward to it as most of my closest friends live far away and its an excuse for them to come visit and for us to get some quality time together. Most are staying for the whole weekend and two are staying an extra day or two beyond. I don't even care about the presents, present enough that I get to see a bunch of women I really care about.
I am sorry @osuna6 that no one has ever thrown you a shower. It would make me tremendously sad if I didn't have family or friends that were willing to do that because a shower truly is a lovely gift. I hope your support circle finds other ways to help you celebrate your third child.
I am so sorry, hopefully someone surprises you with a little something. It sucks to not have your life choices celebrated.
The friend who offered my is child-less by choice. She has never been married so when she bough her house last year I helped her throw an awesome (IMHO ) housewarming party because that is what friends do when big things happen in each others lives.
Really, if people would just stop calling this second shower business a SHOWER and just say "oh, I'm having a second baby, and I'm having a party to celebrate" I'd have little to no issues. I'm tellin' you what to do and how to sneak it by, ladies. Take note.
The thing is, you can feel sad. I get it. I will probably feel sad the second time around. Maybe. Not sad, really, but. I don't know. Like people were like "been there, done that." I get it. I really do, and I think I'll feel similarly. That's fine. But there's nothing you can really do about it. You can't force someone to throw you a second or third baby shower. So instead, I'd just throw my own BBQ and call it a day. Even better, throw a BBQ and make it about your Baby #1 becoming a big sibling. It's like, you know, I felt sad that this baby isn't a boy. I was SO convinced it was a boy. I wanted either, but I was convinced it was a boy, and it felt like this picture of this boy in my head was dead and gone. I felt sad for a while. But I can't change it, and I just decided to focus on all the positives of having a girl instead.
For people who are sad about it, I can understand, but it's silly to feel that way because probably they aren't getting the offers because people feel the way I (and many others) do. It already happened, and you don't get another shower, so they literally CANNOT throw you one. It's not because they don't want to, it's because it's not acceptable or even worth it to do so--because you don't NEED anything. If those people are truly friends, they will come through in other ways for baby #2 and beyond.
TFMC 08.02.13 at 19+ weeks. Everyday I grieve for my little Olive.
I think we're on the same page. Bummed that no one is throwing you a shower for your first baby? I completely would understand it. Second or third, no, I don't think I would understand it, but I WOULD understand the second baby being kinda...been there, done that, not as much excitement from others.
I just think, you know, rather than feel bummed about it, throw a party to celebrate yourself (not a shower). It's really the next best thing, because there's nothing you could do about it anyway, and by doing that, maybe you can let go of the disappointment. That's the point I was trying to make and failing. I understand feeling bummed. But it's not worth the feelings.
As someone who has been there, this is actually a really upsetting topic. It's really easy to tell someone to move on, but in practice it's not quite that easy. And no, I'm not saying it's not easy to walk away from having a shower or to have a no-gifts party post arrival, I'm talking about the deeper feelings associated with topics of this nature, which is beyond the scope of showers or presents.
TFMC 08.02.13 at 19+ weeks. Everyday I grieve for my little Olive.