(ANOTHER) UPDATE IN COMMENTS! DS is losing his papa and its breaking my heart :(

Kboyce08 · July 2014

Alright so DS is VERY close with his great grandpa (papa) and he's currently in the hospital not doing so well. They don't think he'll even make it back home this time unfortunately. DS is already devastated. We spend at least two days a week at my grandparents so now when he goes there and his papa isn't there he has a meltdown. And my grandpa just keeps asking for DS but they won't let him in the room because of the age limit

I want to make papa something for him to have in his hospital room from DS so he feels a little more comfortable but I'm not sure what to give him. Anyone have any easy blanket suggestions or anything along those lines? Something comforting for him and maybe a matching one for DS.

Its seriously breaking my heart that these two are so attached and their is nothing I can do to help them. DS is only 3 but he's grown pretty accustom to seeing his papa every week so he's having a hard time. My grandparents pretty much raised me and I lived there when I first had DS so its been pretty rough on us all but he just doesn't understand

Also, does anyone know of any good children's books that can explain death to him better. Specifically pertaining to a grandpa or papa?

ANGnJON · July 2014

I'm so sorry that you're going through this difficult situation OP! My heart is breaking for your DS too! I think your idea of matching blankets for both is super cute & very meaningful! As far as a book idea I have no advise, sorry! Big ((HUGS)) to you & your DS!

bumpuser10309732 · July 2014

Big hugs to you! I'm so sorry you and DS are going through that, it breaks my heart. My oldest brother was about 4 when my mom lost her mother and shes said how it was so hard on him. She ended up getting him a cat to take his mind off of it. You hate that they have to be so young when they experience a loss like that. I don't personally know of any books but just wanted to let you know I'm thinking about you!

rlyttle · July 2014

I'm so sorry! We just went through this with my grandma, which we were very close to. I just kept telling DS that she is in heaven and she is happy and not sick anymore. When we went to the funeral DS said she was sleeping and went to heaven. We have a picture of DS and grandma in our living room so he still looks at that often and we take about it a lot. He seems ok with her being in heaven.

MrsL2B · July 2014

The situation sounds tough for all of you. Maybe you could just get an inexpensive receiving blanket and have your son decorate it with puff paint or fabric markers. My step-sister had a blanket printed with family photos from someplace like snapfish or cafepress, but I have no idea how long it takes to order something like that.

AmandaJean12 · July 2014

What about a fleece tie blanket? Let DS pick out the print at the fabric store... He may not be able to help cut and tie much but he can feel like he helped and they're pretty quick to make. I think pp had a great idea with the pictures... They'll be something to hold onto forever.

NavyFlyer · July 2014

I am so sorry for what you are going through. Can ya'll bring him home for care, or move to hospice care? It seems that at this point, it is so important for him to be somewhere that he is allowed to be surrounded by those that he wants to see. I would push the DS issue. Hospitals have their rules, but how dare they say who he can spend time with?????

DaniGrace89 · July 2014

I don't have any suggestions, I'm sorry. Just wanted to send your family thoughts and prayers. Especially your little guy!

turtlewifey · July 2014

I'm so sorry you are going through this. If he is truly dying, do you think you can ask the doctors to bend the policy so that your DS and Papa can say goodbye and have one final moment together? It doesn't seem like an unreasonable request given how close they are.

lrobi13 · July 2014

I am sorry for you and your DS. My only suggestion may not help him now but maybe right write down in a safe place some of their stories, jokes, and maybe interview DS and that way down the road he can reflect on that for some memories since he is so young.

LightBright515 · July 2014

They won't make an exception to the age rule even for a little bit?

I love the picture idea that a PP mentioned. I hope your family can make the easiest humanly possible transition.

AndyPants519 · July 2014

The blanket is a great idea. When my grandpa was dying in the hospital, I sent him my lovey/blanket, and I am told he cried with it almost every night, and was clutching it when he passed. I have since had the blanket returned to me, and it is in all truthfulness, my most prized possession. My heart goes out to you and your family during this time; I really know what you are going through and my heart breaks for you.

[Deleted User] · July 2014

I'm so sorry. Thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

ohioloveyou · July 2014

I like all the ideas from PPs, and I just wanted to pass along my sympathy to you and your family.

Sockgnome78 · July 2014

I am sorry you and your fax are going through this. I love what PP said about the blankets And taking pictures. I also love they video idea. Maybe interview them both and ask the same questions.
I am not sure of books.
Praying for you and your family.

jlz32185 · July 2014

My heart goes out to you and your DS. Losing someone you love is never easy at any age. Thoughts and prayers to you and your family.

persephonerose · July 2014

I am very sorry. Have you considered one of the hallmark recordable story books? It would be another way for your son to have a piece of his papa.

Waterlilly11 · July 2014

I'm so sorry your family is going through a difficult time. Maybe a build a bear would be something special for him to make?

lilmissfancy · July 2014

Idk if you have a build a bear near you. You could record your son's voice in the bear, for papa to hear. I think Hallmark has cards and books that record voices.

sabby2 · July 2014

@kboyce08 I'm very sorry for your situation. Many of my patients have their families bring in pictures of their kids and grand kids and even pictures and art that the kiddos have made. Could DS make something for his papa to have hanging in his hospital room and also a picture of DS? I like the build a bear idea that a PP mentioned as well.

hermanavelasquez · July 2014

I am sorry that you are going through this. I think that you could give papa a nice framed picture of your son or a picture of the two of them together, so he could see him even when the boy can't go into the room, you can do the same for your son.

According to explaining to your child, I read that this topic should be treated according to the family beliefs, I am Mormon and in this situation I would explain my child that families are together forever even after leaving this world, that if he behaves good, he will see his papa again after in some time, and that his papa will be in a better place watching after him. It all depends in your own perception of death and explaining to your child in words according to his age.

ashie0610 · July 2014

I am so sorry you're going through this. How heartbreaking.

I like the blanket idea and PP's idea of the recordable book. I can't believe they won't make a one-time exception for him to go visit at some point! That really stinks.

atraveller · July 2014

I'm so very sorry that you're dealing with this OP. My heart goes out to your DS - death is hard for all but particularly difficult and confusing for young ones. I can't offer any advice from personal experience but I know my SIL and BIL just tried to talk with their kids honestly about what was happening, explaining it as best as they could to two 5 year olds and a three year old - when they were losing their great grandpa. They also encouraged them to talk about it. My thoughts are with you and your DS.

Runninggal28 · July 2014

I think everyone else had some great ideas. I just wanted to offer my thoughts and prayers to your family. ((Hugs))

KatieCC08 · July 2014

When my mother was ill, I bought a plain white pillowcase and had my two kids (age 2 and 10 months at the time) decorate it with fabric markers. I traced their hands and had my 2 yr old color in their hands so that they really jumped out at you. My mom loved it so much that she never used it as a pillowcase. She wanted to be able to look at it instead of lay on it!

Kboyce08 · July 2014

Thank you all ladies, for your kind words. I LOVE the build a bear idea and I'm pretty sure they have recordable bears. We went and picked out fabric today and started working on their matching blankets. DS is so excited. He keeps telling everyone not to touch the blankets cause theyre just for him and papa

its so sweet. And I think I might get them each a bear so they can record something for each other. Unfortunately he's too weak to record a full story book otherwise I would have done that.

As far as lifting the age rule for DS, they said they would but only once its gets a little closer to his time.

I'm just worried that will traumatize DS and he won't think of his Papa the same way. I don't want him to remember him as something scary and covered with bandages and tubes. So my grandmother is going to keep asking and hopefully they will be more understanding. Really it all just depends on the nurses I think.

Once again, thank you all so much for your thoughts and prayers. They are greatly appreciated.

BreandMikewedding · July 2014

My daughter was really close to my dad who she called papa and when he passed away she was 5. We got her a build a bear that we call "papa bear." we tried to make it as much like my dad as possible and picked out clothes he would have worn for the bear. It gave her something to talk to and express her feelings. I also printed a picture of my dad and put it in a frame in her room. One of my mom's co-workers brought a blank scrapbook to my dad's funeral and had everyone write down their favorite memories of my dad for my daughter to keep. It was such a sweet idea and we treasure that book.

As far as books, there were some really good ones but I can't remember the names of them. I would ask a social worker at the hospital and if they don't have any suggestions a social worker at a hospice should. My dh's best friend is a hospice social worker and he gave us a lot of good info when we were dealing with this. Hugs to you and your ds!

LaDyBostonRN · July 2014

Thinking of you and your family ...

Kboyce08 · July 2014

UPDATE: We went up to the hospital last night because he's getting worse. They let DS in to see him and give him his blanket. He LOVED it! Our whole family was there so he showed it off to everyone. DS kept asking him when he was coming home so they could ride Papas power chair around the neighborhood like they use to. Its was heartbreaking but I'm so happy they got to see each other. I took some pictures but I can't figure out how to upload them on my phone. Its the first time I've seen him smile so big since he's been in there.

Kboyce08 · July 2014

They're best buds

ANGnJON · July 2014

I'm so happy your DS was able to see his Papa & to give him his blanket! I'm sure it was a shining moment for your Grandfather! Your DS is adorable BTW!

LaDyBostonRN · July 2014

What a beautiful thing. Precious moments you will never forget.

Sockgnome78 · July 2014

Glad your son got to see him. Sorry to hear your dad is not doing well. Prayers for you and your family.

lrobi13 · July 2014

I'm am so glad that they let your son visit and it sounds like the blanket was a success. I am so sorry that you are dealing with this. Big hugs...

Glas43 · July 2014

I love your ideas of the blankets and bears. Continued thoughts and prayers!

CynthiaVRey · July 2014

Gosh my heart breaks for you and family I'm so sorry . Maybe can you video your DS with a phone or video cam so great grampa can see him? I agree with hospice call your local hospice they are wonderful they even have great child classes for your son to explain heaven. Prayers are with you and family and prayers for great Grampa

lct2008 · July 2014

Oh my. How heartbreaking for you all. So glad your ds got to see his papa!

Kboyce08 · July 2014

Well, update on Papa and DS. They brought him home tonight so he could be comfortable and in his own bed. DS is so happy to have him home. They have been laying in his bed all afternoon watching cartoons. It makes me so happy that they can spend his last few days together. They both have their blankies that we made and they seem to be soaking up every minute of this.

Thank you all once again for your support and prayers through this rough time for our family.

ANGnJON · July 2014

I'm happy to hear that they are able to get some much needed time together, albeit that the inevitable is very near! I continue to send T&P to you & your family during this extremely difficult time!

ladybug0088 · July 2014

This is heartbreaking. I'm so glad they are getting to spend time together. Your family is in my thoughts and prayers.

Sockgnome78 · July 2014

Glad that they get to spend some time together.

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(ANOTHER) UPDATE IN COMMENTS! DS is losing his papa and its breaking my heart :(

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