Baby is a week old, paralyzed with name indecision.

Jennifer2008 · July 2014

I'm sure this board is sick of me and my naming indecision, but I'm hoping some kind souls will patiently help a girl out...

Baby is a week old. It has been a hard week. Big brother and sister have a virus that means baby and I haven't gone home yet (we are staying at my parents' house, who until last night were away on vacation). I haven't seen my kids in a week and am going crazy missing them (they are 13 months and 36 months -- we've never been separated anywhere near this long). I haven't seen my husband much as he is with our toddlers. I'm overwhelmed. Monday or Tuesday we should be back together.

Anyway, we thought we liked Julia Shannon. Then we decided that we really loved Tessa best (it had always been DHs fave and he would have happily settled on it ages ago). For a couple days we have been trying out Tessa and it was great. But I'm doubting it again. DH is very happy with Tessa but would be thrilled with Julia as well.

I think something is wrong with me. How can a person be so indecisive?! Everyone is asking baby girl's name. Yesterday we told the family it was Tessa. I've been up nursing her for the past hour or so in tears wondering if she is really Julia. I can't shake that most random people I've asked, most of our family, and lots of internet strangers seem to prefer Julia. It shouldn't matter, but it's making me doubt myself re Tessa.

Is anyone out there as crazy indecisive as me? How do I pick and feel great about it? I love too many names, and am making myself so overwhelmed and sad. And which name -- Tessa Juliette, Tessa Shannon or Julia Shannon?

If you read all that, thank you. I'm sorry if I sound truly nutty. Maybe it is hormones or maybe I just really suck at baby naming. I'm not usually an indecisive person...

Eta: grammar fix

KTZ17 · July 2014

It sounds like you are very overwhelmed right now, not only due to baby naming. It has to be so hard not to be with your older kids, and I would be so worried about them getting the newborn sick. I think the hard time you're going through is definitely contributing to your naming dilemma. Both names are good. You're not saddling her with a terrible name either way. Hopefully once you're reunited with your DH you can share your feelings with him and talk it out. Good luck, take some deep breaths!

mrshudson618 · July 2014

Postpartum hormones and everything else that is going on is affecting your decision.

I struggled throughout my pregnancy with my son to find a boy name that I liked. I didn't want to be in the situation you are in now, so I forced myself to just agree with one a couple days before he was born. It felt really weird calling him that for the first few weeks because I was never really sure. It didn't take too long before it just seemed natural, and like it had always been his name.

DH prefers Tessa, and you already told the family that was her name, so I would stick with that. I am sure in no time you will feel like that has always been her name. Maybe use Juliette as the middle name just in case that in a few weeks when things and your hormones have settled down if it still feels wrong, you could call her by her middle name.

MandMLeona · July 2014

I'm always very indecisive about names. My DH always asks me what name I'm leaning toward right after birth. Then he declares that's the name. I'm never sure. Even now, almost 2 years later, I could have just as easily used our other name for our second daughter. It's funny usually I'm the one that makes the decisions...but on names I just can't. So I get being paralyzed with fear on this issue...even without the other things going on in your situation.

Lean on your DH, this is a two person job!

Jennifer2008 · July 2014

smeame14 said:
Just my opinion, you already told family the name is Tessa. It has already been spread around. If you do decide to change it, it will be an akward situation. Especially if people bought gifts/cards, etc and have them labeled as Tessa and are eager to come visit and give the gifts.

To clarify -- we told family we think it is tessa but said it was not official. Everyone knows we have been back and forth so I'm confident nothing monogrammed is coming our way. We said not to put it on Facebook or anything as we aren't sure.

Thanks for the kind words and advice. I wish baby could just tell me what she likes. Tessa or Julia, Tess or Jules... I'm so torn.

Your advice helps!

rowdyrosebud · July 2014

Your DH prefers Tessa, you already shared that it was the (likely) name with family- to me it's over- baby girl is Tessa! I would just let it be done with and start moving forward!

Jennifer2008 · July 2014

Alexriggs said:
Your DH prefers Tessa, you already shared that it was the (likely) name with family- to me it's over- baby girl is Tessa! I would just let it be done with and start moving forward!

Okay, thank you.

Jennifer2008 · July 2014

/ wo

Jennifer2008 said:

Alexriggs said:
Your DH prefers Tessa, you already shared that it was the (likely) name with family- to me it's over- baby girl is Tessa! I would just let it be done with and start moving forward!
Okay, thank you.

Follow up question - would it make any difference to your advice if family would be happy to hear it was julia instead? We said it was likely tessa, but they've all been vocal about preferring Julia (while saying either is fine). In other words, the change would be well received and no one will be upset we didn't stick with tessa -- quite the opposite....

rowdyrosebud · July 2014

That's so tough! I think like others have said at this point you just have to go with YOUR favorite and not what anyone else thinks, so I wouldn't let that factor in if possible. Like another pp said when I get too stuck on a decision it's usually best for me to rely on DH and just be finished with the deciding process. Good luck!

magsugar13 · July 2014

both are beautiful

if you are stuck let him pick so this baby has a name

LadyXaverian · July 2014

I like magsugar's advice.

Since you like both but feel torn and your husband has a strong preference, let him decide (which I think he has).

I *love* the name Tessa and the nn Tess.

ETA: Also, here's an anecdote for you: Even though our daughter's name was decided before she was born and our 2nd/3rd choices were distant memories, I still had some weird moments after she came home wondering if her name fit her. It felt so weird saying it out loud sometimes. Not too long ago, a family member asked us what some other names were that we considered, and when I told them, they said, "Oh, she's definitely not a ______! You picked the right name." I'm willing to bet that before long, you won't be able to imagine her being a Julia at all.

LNic5 · July 2014

I think your hormones from having your baby girl and the situation your in being away from your other kids and husband is definitely contributing to your indecisiveness. Don't make yourself go crazy about, take a deep breath (or a few haha) and relax!! It's ok to be indecisive! Next time your with hubby just take some time when baby girl is sleeping and discuss it again. My honest opinion, if you're having a hard time letting Tessa go, that just might be her name and I LOVE Tessa Juliet!! It's a beautiful name!!! Good luck!!

Jennifer2008 · July 2014

Thanks everyone. This is such a great board. I appreciate your thoughts very much. Taking a break to just enjoy my sweet girl today, and will revisit when I'm feeling less flustered by this. Eventually, she will have the right name . DH is being great and is happy with anything. Thank you!!!

jnnfrrose6 · July 2014

We were team green and didn't have a girl's name decided on when DD arrived two weeks ago. It took 2 full days in the hospital to settle on her name (filled out the birth certificate paperwork on day 3) and it's still weird for me to say her name when people ask or when I talk to her or about her. I ultimately followed dh's lead and went with the name he preferred because I liked it too and nothing else seemed to scream out that it was better. I remember similar thoughts with DS as well, but now there's no question it's the right name. Sometimes you just have to dive in and go with it. Whatever name you decide on will be the right name even if it feels so hard to decide right now.

belle072 · July 2014

I didn't have any clue what DD2's name was until she was born. We took a list of 7 names and their meanings to the hospital and decided there. It is definitely common, IMO, to be confused about the name and want to get it "just right."

Tessa is a beautiful name and I like it. Can you name her Tessa Julia and see which name she grows into? I'd stick with Tessa. You already decided on it, DH likes it better, and you already made a low key announcement. GL!

KaseMyLove · July 2014

Jennifer2008 said:
/ wo
Jennifer2008 said:

Alexriggs said:
Your DH prefers Tessa, you already shared that it was the (likely) name with family- to me it's over- baby girl is Tessa! I would just let it be done with and start moving forward!
Okay, thank you.
Follow up question - would it make any difference to your advice if family would be happy to hear it was julia instead? We said it was likely tessa, but they've all been vocal about preferring Julia (while saying either is fine). In other words, the change would be well received and no one will be upset we didn't stick with tessa -- quite the opposite....

I think since you are so indecisive, you should let your DH choose a name he truly loves, and not worry about what everyone else would prefer.
ETA Congrats and good luck!

JMU_Bride09 · July 2014

I definitely think that hormones and the overall situation is making this choice even harder for you. Just know that all three of those names are beautiful; you really can't go wrong. My suggestion would be to use Tessa Juliette as it kind of uses both Tessa and Julia.

sharksfan · July 2014

First, congrats on a healthy baby girl. Second, name cold feet is totally common abs totally understandable, especially considering all the other stress you're under. Tessa is a beautiful name that your husband loves, and some part of you must love it too if you informally announced it as her name. I'd stick with it. Good luck!

queenbone · July 2014

Just let him pick at this point.

FWIW, I have always felt apprehensive about a name choice for a week or two afterwards (we don't finalize a name until we are in the hospital.) I think it is normal to be unsure of the decision for a bit, but I don't think that means that you need to act on those feelings.

Ineedmorecoffee · July 2014

They are both lovely names. It sounds like you want her to be Tessa, but the fact that more people prefer Julia slightly is making you doubt Tessa. Tessa is a beautiful name, and you should go with what your husband and you love, not what everyone else prefers. Hope you get some peace with everything.

Congrats on the baby

le bebe xo · July 2014

Ditto everyone else, but just adding reassurance: Tessa Juliet is a stunning, classy name. Be proud you and DH agreed on something so lovely! Good luck!

novilise · July 2014

I've been really indecisive this time, too! And I have a post up right now again, too! :-D Baby is set to be born this week and I think we are taking the names to the hospital now, though I think we finally found one that might suit best!

LimaD · July 2014

I'm curious, would you be second-guessing this much if you had chosen Julia? I feel like you are really wanting people here to tell you to change it. PPs are saying leave it at Tessa, and you are responding with reasons why you should change it. To me it seems like you really WANT Julia.
In other words, if you change it to Julia will you give a big sigh of relief? Or will you wonder if she's really a Tessa?!...

I'm sorry you're having a hard time choosing. Try not to let your family's preference for one name influence your decision too heavily. I think both names are lovely! GL in your decision.

AccioPizza · July 2014

LimaD said:

I'm curious, would you be second-guessing this much if you had chosen Julia? I feel like you are really wanting people here to tell you to change it. PPs are saying leave it at Tessa, and you are responding with reasons why you should change it. To me it seems like you really WANT Julia.
In other words, if you change it to Julia will you give a big sigh of relief? Or will you wonder if she's really a Tessa?!...
I'm sorry you're having a hard time choosing. Try not to let your family's preference for one name influence your decision too heavily. I think both names are lovely! GL in your decision.
-----

Stuck in box. This, exactly. And I don't think you should let the fact that you told people that her name MIGHT be Tessa deter you at all. I also don't think you should let anyone's opinion but DH's influence you at all.
Not to make things even more complicated, but is there some random third name you can't stop thinking about? Just wondering if that's a factor at all?

Jennifer2008 · July 2014

AccioPizza said:

LimaD said:

I'm curious, would you be second-guessing this much if you had chosen Julia? I feel like you are really wanting people here to tell you to change it. PPs are saying leave it at Tessa, and you are responding with reasons why you should change it. To me it seems like you really WANT Julia.
In other words, if you change it to Julia will you give a big sigh of relief? Or will you wonder if she's really a Tessa?!...
I'm sorry you're having a hard time choosing. Try not to let your family's preference for one name influence your decision too heavily. I think both names are lovely! GL in your decision.
-----

Stuck in box. This, exactly. And I don't think you should let the fact that you told people that her name MIGHT be Tessa deter you at all. I also don't think you should let anyone's opinion but DH's influence you at all.
Not to make things even more complicated, but is there some random third name you can't stop thinking about? Just wondering if that's a factor at all?

Thank you all for the kind, caring and helpful responses.

We are in fact looking at a totally different name. Juliet. We love it, but switched to Julia because it sounds much better with DDs name, Violet . But we love Juliet so much more. Trying to choose now between our for faves -Tessa or Juliet. We get stuck on whether Tessa is pretty or strong enough compared with our other kids' names (and compared to Juliet, which we think is prettier) and on whethr Juliet is too matchy with Violet . If I wanted to really complicate things, if we wind up feeling neither fits third on our list is Olivia.

I feel like such a moron that she still has no name at this point. Just want it to be perfect.

Thank you all so much. I've read over each of your responses several times. Xo

ashiscute · July 2014

I absolutely adore Tessa. It is my favorite name on your list and has been the whole time. I have voted for it each time.

But I really do not think Juliet and Violet are too matchy. If you guys love Juliet (which I also prefer to Julia) then I'd use it. The names sound different enough when you say them together so that there is no confusion. To me that is most important. Hope you can figure it out soon and love it!

Dr.Loretta · July 2014

I know I'm weird, but I don't think I could ever look at a newborn and say, "That's the name that fits this baby." If you like both names, pick one and go with it. She'll be just as lovely a Julia as a Tessa. I personally prefer Julia, but this is YOUR baby.

I think you're putting a lot of pressure on yourself in an already overwhelming situation. I'm glad you're sitting back and taking some time. FWIW, my brother didn't have a name for a week. My mom ended up naming him after our hot neighbor, LOL. And his MN was the same as my dad and other brother. We are not a creative group for sure!

Jennifer2008 · July 2014

Thank you guys so much. I am finally allowed to be at home! It has been a long first nine days -- now the craziness of three under 3 begins.

As for names... I am not going to rush it. She will be Tessa or Juliet, and now that I'm home we can try them out together. The support for Tessa has been great to hear. Thank you.

Anyway I really just wanted to thank you for listening, sharing, and being encouraging. This board is so helpful.

nikkitaplin · July 2014

Tessa Juliette is my fav. how did you get to leave the hospital without having her name in place? At our hospitals, baby has to have a name and birth certificate with name on it to leave the hospital.

Jennifer2008 · July 2014

nikkitaplin said:
Tessa Juliette is my fav. how did you get to leave the hospital without having her name in place? At our hospitals, baby has to have a name and birth certificate with name on it to leave the hospital.

Luckily for us, in Ontario, Canada you have 30 days to name your baby.

novilise · July 2014

I like the name Tessa. Maybe using the name Tesla would remind you of both?

novilise · July 2014

Yup, it is....and it's awesome. :-D Gaining in popularity, but I love that it is after Nicola Tesla.

aicila717 · July 2014

Tessa Juliette

neverblushed · July 2014

Congrats on the new baby! Post partum stress is making you doubt yourself.

Know what? In your circumstances, I'd just let my DH pick. You've got two names you both like. Let him make the final call and roll with it. You're too traumatized from the stress you're under.

FWIW, I simply ADORE the name Tessa, and I think Tessa Juliette is an amazing name. Just do it. You've already told people she's Tessa.

aerotigergirl · July 2014

Both names are beautiful, and whichever you choose will grow to be "her name." It's got to be very difficult in your position, being separated from your family and going through all of the hormones that come with delivering a baby. I wish you the best of luck with your decision!

FWIW, my experience was very similar to what @LadyXaverian described. We chose a name that we both really liked. There really wasn't much of a decision to make once he was born, as we'd chosen a name early in pregnancy. But for the first few days, his name just didn't seem right. Like, I would use his name (talking to him, or talking about him to someone else) and it just didn't sound right coming out of my mouth. I wondered if we'd made the wrong decision. But after a week or so, the name we chose just sort of became his name. I still like the other names we were considering way back when, but at this point, I can't really imagine him being called anything other than the name we gave him.

ETA: I have a friend who had a home birth with their third, and they had a really hard time deciding on a name for him. I think he was about 3 months old before they settled on one they liked. In the meantime, we all jokingly called him Thor. Maybe they were able to do this just because he was born at home?

MandMLeona · July 2014

Technically, in the US, you have one year to name your child. The hospital can file your birth certificate with boy or girl as the first name.

LNic5 · July 2014

Love love Juliet!!! And I don't think it's too similar to Violet at all (the i at the end of Juliet makes the difference!) if you guys really love it, I'd go for it, Juliet and Violet are beautiful names. Good luck and glad you got to go home to your family!!!

Dr.Loretta · July 2014

aerotigergirl said:

FWIW, my experience was very similar to what @LadyXaverian described. We chose a name that we both really liked. There really wasn't much of a decision to make once he was born, as we'd chosen a name early in pregnancy. But for the first few days, his name just didn't seem right. Like, I would use his name (talking to him, or talking about him to someone else) and it just didn't sound right coming out of my mouth. I wondered if we'd made the wrong decision. But after a week or so, the name we chose just sort of became his name. I still like the other names we were considering way back when, but at this point, I can't really imagine him being called anything other than the name we gave him.

LOL, this was us too. it doesn't help that DD has an unusual, very irish name. It took a while for it to roll off the tongue

Ceridwen21 · July 2014

Congrats on the birth of your baby! I prefer Tessa to Juliet (especially paired with Violet).

Jennifer2008 · July 2014

Hi everyone,

Just wanted to pop by with an update. Your responses were so helpful and appreciated. I was grateful for your help during a stressful, hormonal time.

We are proud to share that we wound up naming our baby girl Tessa after all. We considered about a zillion names, but kept coming back to this and before we knew it the name just seemed to fit her. Tessa is now almost 12 days old, doing great, and her siblings Benjamin and Violet totally adore her.

Thank you again!

EXL311 · July 2014

Love Tessa! Congrats on making a decision and feeling good about it.

Baby is a week old, paralyzed with name indecision.

Re: Baby is a week old, paralyzed with name indecision.

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