"Your" vs "his" baby in pregnancy

abbeydabbey · July 2014

Okay, hear me out. The other day I was talking with SO and I mentioned that since the morning sickness had gotten somewhat better that day, I indulged and had some chips at work. He asked if that was a good idea and said that I probably shouldn't be eating that kind of stuff. I argued that a couple chips wouldn't hurt myself or the baby, and that it's my body, so I can eat what I want within reason. Obviously I would never consume anything (knowingly) that would harm my child, but a few indulgences here and there are okay. He then said it may be my body, but it is his baby and so he should have a say.

I guess this got me thinking: of course, this child is equally his and mine. He gets as much a say in decisions affecting the baby as I do. However, does he get the same power over my body when it is housing his child? Where is the line and when is it crossed? My opinion is that, yes, it is his baby, but at the moment, he really doesn't (and CAN'T) have the same amount of leeway in decisions affecting him/her as I do. That entitles me to the right to make some of these decisions without him. (Again, within reason. I will always consult him first.)

This is something I've never thought about before, and I find it very interesting and important. What are your thoughts on this?

merc5411 · July 2014

I agree with @chunkymonkeylver. My body, my choice, my decisions. And if my dh ever said I shouldn't eat a couple of chips, he'd be sleeping on the couch while I laid in bed with an entire bag of chips.

kschref · July 2014

Hmmm, DH and I never had this conversation when I was pregnant before so I've never really thought about it. But:

1) He has no idea what crazy hormones are about to rage through your body - or already are - and demand that one day you eat all. the. cake. and then the next day only be able to stomach water and saltines. So I think that he doesn't really get a say unless you're popping pills and drinking whiskey for dinner while chain smoking. I agree with you - it has to be within reason. I lost almost 20 pounds in my first tri last time because I couldn't keep anything down. DH kept his mouth shut about what I ate and cheered if it stayed put. This has started again this evening and DH brought home chocolate chip cookies, lol.

2) I would say that conversation can also go both ways even though he's not growing a human. He also has to help you raise LO, and shouldn't he be in great shape to do that? Not saying I would pull that one on my H unless he was doing the above with pills and booze, but I would probably throw that at him if he came at me about what I was eating just because that's my personality.

sjep922 · July 2014

Like @CityBee‌ said, it's not like you were smoking crack. My husband would be proud that I kept it to only a few chips!!

I understand being healthy for not only yourself but your baby also. However, being pregnant you need to be able to give in to your cravings once in a while! You'll go crazy if not!!

I say your choice while you are still growing baby!

abbeydabbey · July 2014

CityBee said:

If my husband told me I couldn't eat chips because I'm pregnant, I'd be all...

Seriously though, there is a big difference between eating some chips while you're pregnant and say, smoking crack. You're pregnant and while I think you should eat somewhat healthily, you are going to have cravings and there is nothing wrong with indulging them. Hell, I indulge them a lot.

Your H has the best intentions I'm sure, but he does not get a say in what you are allowed to eat while you're pregnant. The next time he grows and then pushes a human out of his body, he can watch what he eats.

That is EXACTLY what I said. Word for word I swear. He got all butthurt and defensive, saying that if I pulled that card for the rest of the pregnancy there'd be problems... but it's true! He said that "You know that if I could take some of the burden off of you I would, but we both know that's not possible."

mamajack86 · July 2014

Wow that all came up over eating chips?
Anyway my DH is very "it's my baby in there", he doesn't say what I can and cannot eat but he has been more opinionated later in pregnancy over what he felt was safe and not safe. I do believe having the whole "it's my body I do what I want" attitude (for me at least) would just be inconsiderate of his feelings, if he was legitimately concerned. If you look on the bright side, he could care less about what you do and have no interest in the baby.

Unknown · July 2014

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FrecklesInside · July 2014

Uhhhh, what is wrong with your H? Is he serious? I can't imagine my husband EVER trying to tell me what I should or shouldn't put in or do with my body. Yes, it is his child, but it is your body. He has NO say over what you do or eat unless, of course, you take up crack and excessive drinking while pregnant or were to do something of the like that is actually harmful. A few chips??

I mean, seriously, is he going to put you on a diet? His reaction got me a bit ragey.

Unknown · July 2014

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fi46re129 · July 2014

I would definitely tell DH to buzz off about a few chips. However DH is a chef so when it comes to certain things he has been strict since the day we pulled the goalie.. No sushi, only board head cold cuts heated up, only beef that he has cooked, etc. This is his first rodeo my second and he is a food safety not when I'm not pregnant so I oblige for the most part.. Or we discuss it. He would never have the balls to tell me not to eat a few chips though!

Unknown · July 2014

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thejucheidea · July 2014

Just... just the thought of him saying that made me angry. Women already have a hard enough time with body autonomy from the government, and now the one closest is joining in on shaming?

I read the OP to my husband and he looked disappointed by life.

ETA: My husband bought me a whole bag of chips yesterday because I wanted some, and he left a post-it on top of it that said 'awww, your first preggo craving xoxo

'.

janda426 · July 2014

H wants me to eat healthy because of studies suggesting the mothers diet while pregnant can influence a child's metabolism. Even if it's bunk, I agree with him.

That being said- H sees me struggling with the nausea. He sees me napping at least once a day because I'm so exhausted. He's also the first one running to the store when I tell him a food ACTUALLY sounds good because he'd rather me eating junk and being full than feeling weak from no substance in my belly.

I'll give your H the benefit of the doubt- wanting to raise your child healthy is a huge pressure and it's nice that he's showing he cares this early on. Try to sit with him and explain that you understand the importance of being healthy and it means a lot to you too. But, first tri is a day to day struggle sometimes with finding something that sits well with you. It'll (hopefully) become easier in 2nd and 3rd tri and you can focus on eating better when you feel better. It's still totally okay to give in to cravings from time to time also.

JennyP0222 · July 2014

This makes me ragey. Look, of course the baby is half his. But, no matter how he might wish he could be a gentleman and take the burdens of pregnancy from you, you are the pregnant one. You make many sacrifices to carry a baby and then continue to as the baby is born, and potentially breast fed. My H loves my son as much as I do. He will love this baby the same. However, he would never suggest to me that even though I am the mother and creator of this life, that he has some right to dictate what I do or eat while pregnant since it is his kid too. No, Just no.

wendyld · July 2014

So, when was the last time your H had some chips? Because I sure as shit wouldn't be taking dietary restrictions from someone not willing to follow the same rules.

wendyld · July 2014

(Or at all, but my H would never tell me he thought he got to choose what I eat or do with my body).

4RingCircus · July 2014

You all said it so well & I'm exhausted so I'm going to go munch on chips and pass out. Kind of like this.. Eta l suck & this my last try

litt1er4 · July 2014

Oh hell nooo... Its freakin chips not coffee or lunch meat or sushi, etc; and those are fine in moderation or from a reputable source...

PuppyLove84 · July 2014

DH and I are in agreement to eat as healthy as we can during this pregnancy. But when I ask for ice cream, he asks how much.

blythelove · July 2014

We both agree that it's important to be eating healthy but I have a sweet tooth and pregnancy makes it worse. I know my H is probably thinking I shouldn't eat certain things but he doesn't dare tell me (I worry enough for both of us). His solution is to cook almost every meal, and I'm not complaining (or trying to rub it in). This way he gets some say as to what I'm eating and I get meals cooked for me. I think it works out for everyone!

YellowBag · July 2014

That would not go over well with me, but I think everyone has covered it.

Momarazzi007 · July 2014

The ladies here def nailed it- I think if mine said that I'd have similar reactions and I think if that was ALL you were eating the best way to suggest something different is making you a three course meal and not just saying don't do that. Give me MOAR food dangit!!!

thejucheidea · July 2014

abbeydabbey said:

He then said it may be my body, but it is his baby and so he should have a say. [...]

This is something I've never thought about before, and I find it very interesting and important. What are your thoughts on this?

I just realized that I missed a prime meme opportunity here.

melleasndrs · July 2014

Thanks. Now I want chips for breakfast. In all seriousness I get where your H is coming from. I'm not saying I wouldn't have cussed him out for telling me not to eat chips but I do understand he wants to be apart of it all. If your healthy eating is something he wants to be apart of then sit down and talk to him about it. It's important to him so listen to what he really has to say. Maybe let him know how you feel about what your eating as well. Communication isn't always the key but it's a start to this long journey to March.

ark83 · July 2014

I never really thought about it this way and do think he has a say in things but I look at it like there is not one person in this world that wants the best for my baby more than I do. Not only because it's my baby but every decision I make also effects my body. Therefore my husband needs to trust what I am doing---especially if it is just the small day to day things.

MadameMiel · July 2014

oh hell no... I am eating a bag of chips in your honor as we speak...

ngolimento · July 2014

So, I read this to my DH, and he goggled at me before saying: "Hell no I wouldn't tell you not to eat chips. I don't want to die."

^_^

Seriously though, if ANY man told me that he gets a say in what I eat, I'd be all:

abbeydabbey · July 2014

Thanks for the responses ladies! Lol chips are a serious matter. I talked to SO about it and it went well... afterward I asked if he could go get some ice cream at the store for me. He returned with Ben and Jerrys and a big ol' bag of Lays.

Unknown · July 2014

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