Baby Shower Question

haboobjob · July 2014

Hi ladies! I'm a newbie when it comes to the rules/etiquette surrounding moms-to-be and baby showers. We eloped for our wedding so I didn't have a bachelorette party or bridal shower. Just a little background on me that may explain my panicy post below... planning events is a big part of my career and I'm a control freak.

My MIL and husband's aunts are planning my baby shower. I should start by saying they are the sweetest, most wonderful people in the world. We are the first in our family to have a child so this party is a big deal for their family. I keep asking about how I will be involved but I don't really think they want me to be part of it. I guess I kind of had some type of vision or ideas but I feel like I'm being a little ungrateful if I share them. I keep trying to pin things to my Pinterest (as I know my MIL looks at it all the time) hoping they'll see the kinds of things I'd like to be included. My MIL prefers more of a luncheon style/hang out party and hates baby shower games. I think games and activities break up the party and allow people (like my friends who have never met) the chance to meet and interact in a fun environment. I feel like they are just trying to reduce the amount of stuff I have to think about but this is something I really would love to help out on! I don't need to know everything but I would love to have some input.

I did bring it up to my MIL via text asking how I could be involved and expressed that I was very excited to be part of the planning of the party. I asked if we could have a meeting. She said, well I'm meeting with (one of the aunts) on Wednesday and all we need from you is your guest list. We are working on food and decor right now.

Short Story: Is it common for the mom-to-be to participate in the planning of the shower or should it be more of a surprise?

Thanks ladies!!! Y'all are amazing!

haboobjob · July 2014

Oh and if someone could help explain to me how to resize my out of control Siggy Challenge photo above, I'll love you forever and ever. :x

ETA: Words are hard.

victoria+james · July 2014

I think if they approach you and ask for ideas you should then share them... but since they are throwing the party in your honor you should probably just go with the flow and let them plan it.

Exceptions would be if there are big issues that need addressing - like most of your friends are vegetarian so you need food that will work for them.

persephonerose · July 2014

Etiquette says that all the Mom to be needs to do is supply a guest list and show up. You do not get to plan your own gift giving event. Your MIL has already suggested to you that she is going to follow old school etiquette by saying all they need is your guest list.

BTW, Posting things to your Pinterest might come across as passive aggressive and rude to her and your AIL. So I would personally stop that.

MrsSarahRenee · July 2014

I agree with PP. I like to plan and control too, but in this case, your desire to help could be perceived as rude. I gave a guest list and that's it.

Save your ideas and host a friend/family members in the future.

MrMrsandBaby · July 2014

What they said...a shower is a gift, let the giver decide how involved they want you to be. My aunts planned a shower for me and while it was nothing that I would have done for myself it was still a great time and I loved every minute of it.

Relax, show up and have fun.

cozybluebear · July 2014

Believe me, I'm a total control freak! My Mom and MIL planned my surprise shower amd though it was the complete opposite of what I would have planned, I enjoyed it anyway. Just try to sit back and relax and let them have their glory. Don't ruin it by interfering...

golfingdarwinfish · July 2014

My sister pins cake and centerpiece ideas to a private pinterest board and expects me to "love" my favorites so that they can select from a narrowed selection. My mom mentioned that my MIL keeps asking her to verify things with me, but I've told my mother multiple times that I want them to choose things that they like and surprise me.

I do not think you should be having meetings with the hostesses and have involvement on a daily basis. That's a bit much! The shower itself is a gift, and you should let them have fun with it!

TheOtherJacobsons · July 2014

When my mom offered to host a shower I told her I was thinking it would be fun to have a high tea party and she sort of went from there. I have been really involved, but mostly because she lives 5 hours away. I too would be having trouble letting go and may even get into a fight or two about it... It's just how we communicate. Though my mom was open to suggestions, so my situation is a bit different.

Ultimately PPs are right and it sucks to have to let it go, but you'll run the risk of offending them.

haboobjob · July 2014

Thanks ladies!! Your perspective helped a lot. They have surprised us recently by doing a lot for us on our house (fixing things up, painting, etc) and I guess my initial feeling of wanting to be involved was more about helping to plan something fun for everyone, and trying to take the focus off of me like it wasn't for me. I feel uncomfortable with them paying for everything (because they are always surprising us with special things) and I thought by being involved, I would be able to contribute financially somehow.

I agree. It's completely tacky to throw your own party to receive gifts. I guess I've always looked at the baby shower as being more of a celebration for our family and the arrival of our LO, not as one to give us gifts. That's something I don't want to be a focus.

I guess I'll just "shower" them with something special to express my appreciation for all that they've done for our family and the baby's arrival.

DreadGamerWife · July 2014

I just had one of my showers - I confirmed that the date/time was good (we travelled from the East Coast to TX so we needed a say in that part). The host (my mom) confirmed the general theme of our nursery with me. The only item I was really involved in was the food but that was due to my multiple dietary restrictions and my Mom wanting to make sure that there was food that I could eat available. Aside from that, I showed up and had a great time.

Now, it did help that I hosted a baby shower for my SIL about a month prior and my Mom based my shower heavily on that one.

haboobjob · July 2014

Happyin14 - I agree... most baby shower games suck and are totally gross. I have seen recently people involving their guests by having people submit a baby photo and playing a "Guess That Face" so that it provides a sort of ice breaker for those who have never met.

Also, most of the family and friends that will be attending are very crafty so I also thought that activities like creating headbands or decorating letters for her room would be a fun, interactive way to keep everyone engaged.

persephonerose · July 2014

@justaudrey A hostess gift for MIL and AIL is a great idea. Get them something they like but would not normally buy for themselves!

TheOtherJacobsons · July 2014

I'm going to take my mom and MIL to get a mani/pedi the day before the event. It's something I have never done with my mom and she works so hard with her hands that I think she'd enjoy it. I plan on doing the full champaign super duper delux one.

MissMandyD · July 2014

I plan events for a living and so I feel your pain. Unfortunately it isn't your place to have too much input since they are hosting. However you could shoot them an email saying that you would really like some fun baby shower games to break up the event. That doesn't seem to be overstepping to me.

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