Expectation: Maternity leave would be like a mini-vacay, I would catch up on some house projects and LO and I would be out and about doing stuff.
Reality: HAHAHAHA! There is nothing vacation like about this. I am afraid to leave the house with LO by myself because he doesn't nap much. I get NOTHING done at home bc he is on my boob allllll day. I can not get my k'tan right no matter how many videos I watch so I am chained to the same spot all day. Mentally I am bored and feel like my mind is wasting away. I have nothing of value to add to any conversation because I have not been doing shit. There is a part of me that is going to enjoy returning to the adult human world of work where I am not a human food cart.
This^^^. I didn't expect a vacay but I didn't know I'd be confined to the house, chained to the couch, worrying about germs so not allowing visitors and basically feel like my brain is turning to mush. LO wil be five weeks this Thursday and every week I think next week will be better.. We'll get out of the house on our own, she will magically stop screaming at the car seat and stop nursing all day.... No such luck yet. Feels like she's been in a growth spurt since birth. I sometimes envy (and sometimes resent) that DH can leave freely and is still part of the real world. I love my LO and my snuggle time but a few breaks would be heavenly...
Expectation: DS (3 years) would be old enough to help with the baby, or at least entertain himself.
Reality: DS's antics in response to the new baby are actually more challenging than the baby herself. I'd heard that older kids would be difficult once the baby was born, but I was not prepared for HOW difficult.
Expectation: After BFing DS for 3 years and still BFing as recently as last March I thought BFing would go absolutely perfectly this time around.
Reality: While it's a lot easier with this LO than it was with DS at this time, I've still had major nipple pain (DD had some latch problems) and the 3 week growth spurt still feels like it will kill me.
Expectation: birth would be manageable and not as painful as everyone made it seem (I had period cramps that I needed meds to manage pre-preg). Reality: I only had back labor and so it was nothing like menstrual cramps. And if I had made it to the hospital sooner it would have been a drugged labor fosho :P
Expectation: DH would be mildly interested in LO but help out more with dishes, cleaning bathrooms, etc. Reality: DH loves holding, dressing, and changing his diaper (he gets to pick out the style for CD). Wants to get up for the MOTN feeding to help me stay awake but I usually let him sleep :P His wanting to interact so much surprised me the most honestly.
Expectation: There would be this insta-connection to LO and we would be emotionally and physically attached to one another. I expected to cry when he was born from happiness. Reality: I was more focused on the pain than LO when he was born. And I feel terrible for admitting that, but it's true. Maybe the connection will happen more when we are able to interact better than feed/change/sleep?
Expectation: I could totally wing this mommy thing and be the best mom ever. Reality: Motherhood is hard. And I feel PP on the mom-guilt - when he can relax around others but works himself up for me because I'm the food-giver, it just makes me feel like a failure.
Your second to last one was me 100%. I thought for sure I'd cry or want to snuggle right away, but when they put her on me right away I kind of just stared at her. The nurses thought I was in mild shock but idk. I felt terrible afterwards that I didn't respond to her right away.
This happened to me with DD1, but I also never cried/got completely emotional with any of my kids. There is nothing wrong with it and happens to many women. The moment is crazy/overwhelming and honestly it took me weeks to really bond with Dd1. Don't feel guilty! It doesn't mean you love baby less.
Yes, it took me a long time to feel bonded to DS (probably at least 2-3 weeks, maybe more) but it happened in time. I had always heard about the blissful love and happiness I was supposed to have and was sure there was something wrong with me. I had a very difficult birth with DS and I'm sure that played a big part in how I felt afterwards.
With DD I had a very positive birth and bonded more quickly and felt a lot happier immediately afterwards but, still, I didn't feel that head-over-heals immediately in love feeling that many report.
@whoberry Right there with you on the vacay thought. I thought we'd have glorious day trips, I'd craft all the time, etc. Baby doesn't like his car seat or sleeping alone. Otherwise he is a great baby and I am fortunate for that, but I wish it was easier to do stuff.
Expectation: I wouldn't feel like I have to pee all my life.
Reality: I still pee every 20 minutes. But it's actually relieving. While pregnant I never felt truly relieved after a pee.
Expectation: I'd be able to wear all my regular clothes again soon after giving birth.
Reality: I put on more weight in my hips than I thought so I'm still wearing maternity shorts and so few of my tops are practical for nursing... so I basically have less options now than even when I was pregnant.
Expectation: we could baby wear and start doing outings soon.
Reality: DD isn't crazy about her carrier, it's hard to try to get her out of the car seat and into the carrier, and most of all... It's so stressful when she gets fussy in public. So pretty much we've been home and DH and I take turns running errands. I'm dreading DH going back to work because I fear I'll never leave the house.
Expectation: All things breast feeding. Magic. Unicorns. Glitter. Rainbows.
Reality: Depression. Anxiety. Guilt. Pain. Formula supplementation and extensive pumping.
STUCK IN BOX
^^ This! I have had the worst time with breastfeeding even after copious preparation (reading, classes, etc). I just happened to end up with a baby who chews instead of sucks (no lip or tongue tie to fix). Actually stops the milk flow and has left me in terrible nipple pain from the compression. I cried the entire first week at every feeding. I have a great LC, but still in pain with feedings. Had to supplement and pump months before anticipated. So many tears. So much disappointment! Ugh, breastfeeding...the bane of my early motherhood...
Reality: c-section after both docs from my practice warned me about what could go wrong given her size and my long labor.
Expectation: I'd lose 10 pounds once the 9-pound baby and her placenta were gone.
Reality: I left the hospital weighing the same as before I delivered, wtf? I distinctly (well, doped-up-ily) remember a medical professional removing a baby from my insides.
Expectation: I'd be exhausted and cranky all the time.
Reality: DH absolutely loves helping to take care of this kid, and I'm actually getting decent sleep. Also, even five days post-C-section, I feel SO much better than I did at the end of pregnancy.
Expectation: I'd be less swollen.
Reality: My feet are ridiculous. I look like I'm wearing thick-ass socks that are made of feet.
Expectation: BF would be hard because I might not have enough milk and it would be uncomfortable, but the bonding experience would outweigh those difficulties.
Reality: I have plenty of milk, LO latches no problem, but I just don't like it. I don't feel any special bonding while doing it, I'm doing it out of a sense of duty. I feel kind of like a cow, in the literal not figurative sense.
Expectation: Bigger boobs would mean a C instead of a B and would be fine, maybe even good.
Reality: I hate having DDs! And they kind of hurt :-q
Expectation (more of a worry): I might not like my baby or think she's not really as cute as a puppy.
Reality: I really like LO, and she is at least as cute as a puppy and very charming!
Expectation: I would be that mom who over packs the diaper bag and constantly worries about safe sleeping, people getting too close, etc.
Reality: I am far more likely to not have packed something and not care and I am probably too casual in public.
Expectation: People would insult my parenting.
Reality: They do, but what surprises me is that people insult my baby. Really people? Stick to picking on the adult.
Expectation: I would hire a babysitter so I could go to my Pilates class, get my hair done, etc.
Reality: I am insanely nervous about leaving LO with anyone other than DH. I will consider leaving her with my dad. Maybe.
Expectation: I would wear clothes. Hadn't worked out the details, but assumed I would be able to cover my body.
Reality: My maternity clothes hang on me like frumpy tents, but I can't zip up my regular jeans. Plus BF makes wearing tops kind of a challenge.
Expectation: I would have a difficult baby.
Reality: I think she's pretty normal. When I read some of the posts on here I think she's on the easy side.
Expectation: As a FTM, I'd go into labor on my EDD and it would last 12-15 hours, but probably without complications.
Reality: I went into labor at 37 weeks, labor was about 3 hours, but without complications.
@Temurlang1 omg yes to everything you said (except the labor part- mine was 12 hours and I expected it to be way longer).
I went into this whole having a baby thing always expecting the worst to happen and now that he's here and we have had virtually no problems, I'm totally amazed by how easy he is. Sure, I'm tired from not getting 8 consecutive hours of sleep and the growth spurts suck, but I definitely feel lucky to kind of be all unicorns and rainbows over here.
Expectation: my older kids would be super helpful because they are so much older.
Reality: They fetch diapers and formula so I can have an extra hand. However DS has been regressing on potty training (you're five. You know when you have to shit!) DD is doing ridiculous stuff for attention like talking to EVERYONE we meet in the store or having to be told repeatedly to stop sitting on every adult visitor we have. They get attention. We've done ice cream, fireworks, campfires/smores, trips to the park, etc and put baby to bed so we could both just hang with them. They're fighting constantly. I have been out on my own with all three. I've even been crazy enough to do a couponing trip to Walmart with them. That will never happen again. Ever.
Glad that my older child isn't the only one acting out to get more attention. I was told it gets better after a month with the new baby but I think it has gotten worse.
BFP #1 April 28, 2009 - miscarriage 5/17/2009 BFP #2 March 21, 2010 CP 3/28/2010 BFP # 3 August 1, 2010 baby boy April 7, 2011 BFP #4 February 9, 2013 missed miscarriage @ 15 weeks on May 1st , 2013. fingers crossed BFP #5 10/03/2013 due June 10, 2014. Unplanned C-Section on May 29, 2014. Welcome Grant!
Expectation: That before LO arrived I would make a stash of cards and jewelry to sell while on ML on Etsy and in a couple of local stores to help with our cash flow. Reality: My hands were so swollen and sore from carpal tunnel that I stopped working on projects 2 months before she got here. And now I have this lingering joint pain which my MW said may stay with me as long as I BF.
Expectation: Breastfeeding would feel all sorts of natural and be this great bonding experience. And she would be a unicorn and never cluster feed. Reality: Other than the fact that milk naturally comes out of my breasts, nothing about this feels natural. She unlatches herself then screams at me like I took the nipple from her and I end up frustrated... so much for bonding. She seems to only go a couple of days between 3 day cluster feeding jags. My nipples are killing me, I always smell like sour breast milk and I get spit up on multiple times a day.
Expectation: DH would be a far better parent than me since he's had more experience with babies/kids and he adores them. Reality: DH is pretty much hands off. And apparently he expected her to come out 6 months old...
Expectation: I would be going on walks with her and the dog a couple of weeks after birth. Reality: I'm a 4 and 1/2 weeks PP and still get pain and bleeding after walking around block. Also 8 just don't really want to leave the house most days which I know I have to start forcing myself so my baby blues doesn't turn into full blown PPD.
Expectation: I would take advantage of all of the help available. Reality: All anybody wants to do is take my baby. Nobody wants to do the laundry or cook or clean for me. DH 's idea of giving me a break is taking her out of the room while she's sleeping and bringing her back only when she starts crying.
Expectation: I would sleep when the baby sleeps. Reality: I'm apparently never sleeping again.
Expectation: I would be out and about with two kids on my own a week after birth, going for walks, etc Reality: recovery time from this birth is taking longer than I remember it taking last time, walks are limited and i have yet to take them both out by myself
Expectation: the baby k'tan breeze would save me, I would nurse my baby in it, wear dd and put ds in the stroller and go for walks, etc Reality: dd is not comfy in the k'tan, I do use my old carrier with her but it get hot in there, I ended up ff, I only go for walks with one of the kids or with another adult so we can each take one
Expectation: I would be super mom and be able to magically split my time between my 2u2 Reality: lots of tv, sending one of the kids to the grandparents or uncles to hang out while I spend one on one time with the other, we are getting there but this motherhood stuff is hard
Expectation: the transition from one kid to two would be nbd since I am already in "baby mode" Reality: two kids is way different than one, I admire moms of 3+ I dunno how you do it, at the bare minimum I have two arms and two kids so that kinda helps
Expectation: that I could take my 3 week old out to the local restaurant to test drive how she would do on outings as MIL just arrived for a visit and I planned on taking her out for a special meal. Reality: LO screamed her head off and I don't think I will be able to take everyone out to the nice dinner I had planned in my head.
Wow. Any thought that I had, you laid right out! I often feel guilty for not being more enthusiastic about mommyhood. Don't get me wrong I am insanely in love with my son and I would do anything for him (including being miserable while sitting at a breast pump for what feels like eternity).
Expectation: Breastfeeding is natural and babies WANT to nurse from their mother. Reality: My baby rejected my breasts from the moment he was born and it made me feel like shit.
Exp: I thought I would be able to EP for a whole year for my baby and be ok with it. Reality: Taking his ped's advice and slowly starting formula so that I don't have to sit at the freaking pump forever and rip out my hair.
Exp: Thought I would be happy to be out of work for 3 months. Reality: Miss the office drama and kinda wish I could go there to escape for a little bit. Imagine that... Work being a place I WANT to go to. Ha!
And whoever says sleep when baby sleeps must not have kids. Lol.
The list can go on and on. Thanks for giving me a place to vent
@jjva Yes, I totally expected unsolicited advice and comments on things I was doing or not doing and possibly getting looks in public if LO cried or something. But for some reason a number of people feel she's "too small" and one woman told me she was surprised they let us leave the hospital (and this was when LO was already two weeks). And my ILs have a whole list: she's too dark, has too much gas (that's both her fault and mine apparently), they don't like how her belly button looks, she's too fussy, blah blah blah. And I'm sure they'll have more when they come here X(
I wanted to wear regular clothes again. I'm 4 weeks pp and still wearing maternity clothing, recycling the same 3 pairs of back capris. I feel so dumpy.
@CherSomething girl I'm going back and forth between two pairs of yoga pants. I feel ya. Luckily we do a load of laundry a day with the two kids now. Also, half the time I don't even change out of them for bed. This is clearly my FFFC haha
@katieluc106 I don't change out of mine for bed either. I feel like such a slob.
Expectation: breastfeeding would help me lose weight
Reality: the self-checkout kiosk at Stop N Shop tells me to remove items from the scanner, but I don't have anything on the scanner... Oh wait... my belly's hanging over onto the scanner -- whoops. Friggen pooch.
Expectation: Bonding w my baby, like breast feeding, would be natural, immediate and an organic experience Reality: I love my son but there are times I think he's indifferent of me and I'm merely a food source for him. And BF is not nearly as much of a bonding experience as it is a distraction from sleep
Expectation: By 6 weeks PP, baby will acclimate to our schedules Reality: LO runs this household and we're his minions here to serve him
Expectation: Classical music would soothe my baby since I love classical piano and listened to it a lot during my pregnancy. Reality: LO prefers hardcore rap music and TI and Jay-Z lull him to sleep better than a lullaby (clearly my husband's influence, lol).
Expectation: Newborns are kinda cute but w/o much personality Reality: J14's newborns are breathtaking and so filled with personality, individuality, and a bit of sass!
Re: Expectations vs. Reality
BFP#2: EDD 2/11/14, MMC confirmed 7/15/13 (growth stopped at 6 weeks), D&C @ 12 weeks 7/25/13
BFP#2: EDD 2/11/14, MMC confirmed 7/15/13 (growth stopped at 6 weeks), D&C @ 12 weeks 7/25/13
Reality: I put on more weight in my hips than I thought so I'm still wearing maternity shorts and so few of my tops are practical for nursing... so I basically have less options now than even when I was pregnant.
Expectation: we could baby wear and start doing outings soon.
Reality: DD isn't crazy about her carrier, it's hard to try to get her out of the car seat and into the carrier, and most of all... It's so stressful when she gets fussy in public. So pretty much we've been home and DH and I take turns running errands. I'm dreading DH going back to work because I fear I'll never leave the house.
Reality: I love my baby with an intensity I've never known and I would do anything for him.
I went into this whole having a baby thing always expecting the worst to happen and now that he's here and we have had virtually no problems, I'm totally amazed by how easy he is. Sure, I'm tired from not getting 8 consecutive hours of sleep and the growth spurts suck, but I definitely feel lucky to kind of be all unicorns and rainbows over here.
Glad that my older child isn't the only one acting out to get more attention. I was told it gets better after a month with the new baby but I think it has gotten worse.
BFP #2 March 21, 2010 CP 3/28/2010
BFP # 3 August 1, 2010 baby boy April 7, 2011
BFP #4 February 9, 2013 missed miscarriage @ 15 weeks on May 1st , 2013.
fingers crossed BFP #5 10/03/2013 due June 10, 2014. Unplanned C-Section on May 29, 2014. Welcome Grant!
Reality: My hands were so swollen and sore from carpal tunnel that I stopped working on projects 2 months before she got here. And now I have this lingering joint pain which my MW said may stay with me as long as I BF.
Expectation: Breastfeeding would feel all sorts of natural and be this great bonding experience. And she would be a unicorn and never cluster feed.
Reality: Other than the fact that milk naturally comes out of my breasts, nothing about this feels natural. She unlatches herself then screams at me like I took the nipple from her and I end up frustrated... so much for bonding. She seems to only go a couple of days between 3 day cluster feeding jags. My nipples are killing me, I always smell like sour breast milk and I get spit up on multiple times a day.
Expectation: DH would be a far better parent than me since he's had more experience with babies/kids and he adores them.
Reality: DH is pretty much hands off. And apparently he expected her to come out 6 months old...
Expectation: I would be going on walks with her and the dog a couple of weeks after birth.
Reality: I'm a 4 and 1/2 weeks PP and still get pain and bleeding after walking around block. Also 8 just don't really want to leave the house most days which I know I have to start forcing myself so my baby blues doesn't turn into full blown PPD.
Expectation: I would take advantage of all of the help available.
Reality: All anybody wants to do is take my baby. Nobody wants to do the laundry or cook or clean for me. DH 's idea of giving me a break is taking her out of the room while she's sleeping and bringing her back only when she starts crying.
Expectation: I would sleep when the baby sleeps.
Reality: I'm apparently never sleeping again.
Reality: recovery time from this birth is taking longer than I remember it taking last time, walks are limited and i have yet to take them both out by myself
Expectation: the baby k'tan breeze would save me, I would nurse my baby in it, wear dd and put ds in the stroller and go for walks, etc
Reality: dd is not comfy in the k'tan, I do use my old carrier with her but it get hot in there, I ended up ff, I only go for walks with one of the kids or with another adult so we can each take one
Expectation: I would be super mom and be able to magically split my time between my 2u2
Reality: lots of tv, sending one of the kids to the grandparents or uncles to hang out while I spend one on one time with the other, we are getting there but this motherhood stuff is hard
Expectation: the transition from one kid to two would be nbd since I am already in "baby mode"
Reality: two kids is way different than one, I admire moms of 3+ I dunno how you do it, at the bare minimum I have two arms and two kids so that kinda helps
Reality: LO screamed her head off and I don't think I will be able to take everyone out to the nice dinner I had planned in my head.
Expectation: Breastfeeding is natural and babies WANT to nurse from their mother.
Reality: My baby rejected my breasts from the moment he was born and it made me feel like shit.
Exp: I thought I would be able to EP for a whole year for my baby and be ok with it.
Reality: Taking his ped's advice and slowly starting formula so that I don't have to sit at the freaking pump forever and rip out my hair.
Exp: Thought I would be happy to be out of work for 3 months.
Reality: Miss the office drama and kinda wish I could go there to escape for a little bit. Imagine that... Work being a place I WANT to go to. Ha!
And whoever says sleep when baby sleeps must not have kids. Lol.
The list can go on and on. Thanks for giving me a place to vent
Reality: life with twins is REALLY hard. But so worth it.
Expectation: Bonding w my baby, like breast feeding, would be natural, immediate and an organic experience
Reality: I love my son but there are times I think he's indifferent of me and I'm merely a food source for him. And BF is not nearly as much of a bonding experience as it is a distraction from sleep
Expectation: By 6 weeks PP, baby will acclimate to our schedules
Reality: LO runs this household and we're his minions here to serve him
Expectation: Classical music would soothe my baby since I love classical piano and listened to it a lot during my pregnancy.
Reality: LO prefers hardcore rap music and TI and Jay-Z lull him to sleep better than a lullaby (clearly my husband's influence, lol).
Expectation: Newborns are kinda cute but w/o much personality
Reality: J14's newborns are breathtaking and so filled with personality, individuality, and a bit of sass!
Reality : she's sleeping on me most of the day and for a few loud noisy hours in her bassinet at night.
Still Feeling exhausted.