June 2014 Moms
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Expectations vs. Reality
BMaidPlanner
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I remember all the threads asking what we were all looking forward to after having the baby/no longer being pregnant. I feel pretty differently now that it's actually happened.
For me:
-I wanted to sleep on my stomach. Reality? At least one boob is rock hard and/or my nips are raw or sore. Stomach not really tempting anymore. No thanks.
-Wanted to have more sex/not pregnant sex. I'm not 4 weeks in yet, but so far I'm still pushing away baby blues, exhausted, still bleeding some and again, the unhappy boobs. Maybe I'll feel differently if I'm cleared at my 6 week PP OBGYN visit?
-Wanted to drink again, and margaritas. Reality is I've had ONE beer at dinner two nights ago in the past 3.5 weeks. This child is not on a predictable breastfeeding schedule and sometimes wants to eat - out of no where - every hour on random evenings or afternoons. Afraid of anything stronger than beer too. WTF?
- Breastfeeding is bonding time. Reality? I knew breastfeeding would be hard and do have it better than some, but still had no idea. No idea.
- Thought the weeks would fly by because everyone says they do. Reality? I feel chained to my house sometimes. Realizing how much it sucks to be far from any family/help also. Need to find time to pump more so at least I'm not the only one feeding her. Not sure how people don't do that for 6 whole weeks. That is a long time to have to run back home - if you can get out at all without the LO - to feed the baby. I got one pedicure I barely enjoyed because DH was home with her and I knew he couldn't console her if she woke up hungry and her food source was enjoying paraffin wax on her dry heels instead...sigh.
-Sleep when the baby sleeps...lies. Just lies.
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Re: Expectations vs. Reality
I wanted my swelling to go away. It is, but my feet were swollen for so long that it's seemed to cause damage to my feet and they still hurt. So they're not swollen but I still have pain. Awesome.
I wanted to be able to sleep at night. Pumping makes this impossible, and if I do sleep then I wake up in a mess of leaky boobs.
I wanted to have beer. I can only handle half of one and have to time it perfectly to coincide when I won't be nursing shortly after.
I wanted to be able to breathe easier. This one I can do, yay!
Reality: My body does not feel like mine still. I don't mean how it looks, because I knew it would be different, but now I feel like my body (boobs) belong to a baby.
Expectation: I would be able to eat normal foods again.
reality: I struggle to even want to eat. I can't eat certain foods because they upset LO's stomach and I still deal with heartburn.
Expectation: Breastfeeding would feel natural.
Reality: it doesn't. It's hard. It hurts. I struggle to know if im doing what is best for DD. Is she getting enough food? Am I causing her reflux?
Expectation: My DD would be healthy, happy, and big (based on things doctors said).
Reality: She hasn't gained enough weight and I deal with crazy mommy guilt over it.
love this thread!
Baby #1: expected June 2014
Reality: it doesn't. It's hard. It hurts. I struggle to know if im doing what is best for DD. Is she getting enough food? Am I causing her reflux?
Expectation: My DD would be healthy, happy, and big (based on things doctors said).
Reality: She hasn't gained enough weight and I deal with crazy mommy guilt over it.
^^ This! @juliesmiles you are not alone! Hang in there mama
I wanted to drink a good beer on occasion. Reality is, I have attempted this three times and have ended up dumping half the beer before I can finish each time because I either got too nervous to drink it all before it got warm or was interrupted by a messy diaper/hungry baby/etc.
I wanted breastfeeding to be a special thing I shared wuth my child. In reality my milk isn't coming in the way it should, so we are supplementing with formula and whatever milk I can pump but nursing is pretty much off the table right now. I'm frustrated that my body is being uncooperative, but I'm also kind of relieved to not be forcing the nursing that was going nowhere anymore.
But I am managing to drink a daily Guiness (to "help my milk supply"). Priorities ladies!
DD1: June 2014 - VBM4lyfe
DD2: October 2016
DC3: coming May 2019
Reality: when I'm out I'm stressed. Worried about the baby my boobs and worried my husband (or any family babysitter) will be "mad" if the baby cries (none of them would be). After an hour I'm so antsy to get home.
Sleep when baby sleeps, I can't sleep during the day and then at night he is up, boo
I expected that breast feeding would be a challenge but this is actually worse than a "challenge", it is an impossible mission from hell that no one tells the truth about and you feel like shit whenever you have the tiniest setback.
I expected to want the beer I have craved this whole pregnancy, I drank it and it just made me tired. And I LOVE beer so this was super disappointing.
I expected my hives would go away within weeks of giving birth (allergic to my fetus) and reality they went away within hours! Win!!!
Expectation: I would have an ugly baby because I was super ugly as a baby
Reality: he is super damn cute!
@nutmegs8 I thought I was going to have to EP and was mentally and physically preparing for the challenge. I salute you! EPing takes such a huge time commitment..
Expectation: I would take LO almost anywhere. We would take walks and enjoy the summer.
Reality: Leaving the house takes careful planning. Me NIP is limited. I don't like people breathing in my child.
Expectation: Sleep when the baby sleeps.
Reality: I take more naps and have been able to sleep during the day (so new to me). However, DH fusses at me for not eating. Who has time to eat? I'd rather sleep. Thus, we fight.
Expectation: I will have a margarita.
Reality: Like PP, LO's feeding schedule is to chaotic. I have a small freezer stash, but I felt guilty going against the pediatrician and the LC about introducing a bottle before one month.
Expectation: LO will be happy to eat.
Reality: sometimes we battle it out. She's hungry, but only wants to eat in a certain position. She's picky!
Expectation: I'll wear my regular clothes or a few MAT pieces.
Reality: Regular clothes don't fit. I'm done
with MAT clothes! They make me look pregnant.
Reality: 2 under 2 is fucking hard. I feel guilty for having another and for not having undivided attention for S. I feel bad for W that I can't give her the devotion I gave to S as a newborn. I'm afraid to leave my house alone. I need to learn to be in two places at once.
BFP: February 2016 EDD: October 17, 2016
Reality: baby is not chill, and definitely has a couple witching hours. He's also a big spitter, basically I don't know why I expected them to be the same when I know every baby is different.
Reality: 4 glasses of wine in 6.5 weeks.
Expectation: hubs will be a great dad but will ditch diaper duty and bottle feeding (aka he'll be good at snuggles and playtime)
Reality: totally spot on!
Expectation: I will finally feel normal again
Reality: what the fuck is normal?
Expectation: baby weight will just melt away
Reality: HA!
Expectation: sleeping on my belly!
Reality: ow!
Expectation: sex will be awesome!
Reality: ow!
Expectation: breastfeeding will be easy!
Reality: ow!
Expectation: constipation is gone
Reality: replaced with hemis
Expectation: adorable baby
Reality: totally adorable baby
Expectation: burning my maternity clothes
Reality: still wearing them bc old clothes don't fit and I refuse to buy bigger ones yet
Reality: I have not had a good steak and I've only wine tasted.
Expectation: my kid would be ugly.
Reality: he's the cutest baby I've ever seen.
Expectation: H would help out more and not complain.
Reality: He helps when C is being an easy baby but as soon as C gets cranky H is over it. And he complains when I ask him to get up in the middle of the night.
Reality: I took a drink the other day just to shut my husband up about it.
I can finally sleep on my stomach.
Who has time to sleep? She cries and constantly wants to be held.
Stupidly that my husband would help cause he wasn't helpful with DS.
I should of remembered what it felt like to practically be a single mom with DS cause its pretty much the same with 2 kids
I guess my only other expectation was that I wouldn't be the only one that could get her to sleep. Reality is she basically needs to nurse to sleep. It's slowly killing me.
Reality: Not only did this baby come before the end of the school year, he came 7 weeks before the last day. So much for a late baby.
Expectation: Baby would come home with me from the hospital.
Reality: Baby spent 12 days in the NICU and came home on a monitor, which two months later, he still has.
Expectation: I would deliver vaginally without meds, and hoped for a short labor.
Reality: This pretty much happened exactly as I had hoped, thankfully considering the trauma of him being early. The only shocking part of labor was once I hit the second stage I didn't want anyone talking to me or touching me. I imagined doing all these coping techniques with DH. Nope, spent most of the time in bed.
Expectation: Baby would be breastfed and wear cloth diapers.
Reality: So far, so good. Still using a nipple shield that I had thought we weaned, but alas we didn't. I should try that again now that our lives are more settled, living in only one house.
Expectation: I'd love people holding my baby because I'd get a break.
Reality: sometimes I get insanely jealous of people snuggling my baby for hours on end. It bothers me less if the person is my family or friend. Sorry DH's people...(I don't know why but his mom and sister especially bug me! His mom always wants to wrap him up no matter how many times I tell stories of him being hot and sweaty. She also makes comments about the expense of cloth diapers. Shut up. Not your baby, not your money. Ugh)
The bumpie formerly known as First Time in MI
Reality: I only had back labor and so it was nothing like menstrual cramps. And if I had made it to the hospital sooner it would have been a drugged labor fosho :P
Expectation: DH would be mildly interested in LO but help out more with dishes, cleaning bathrooms, etc.
Reality: DH loves holding, dressing, and changing his diaper (he gets to pick out the style for CD). Wants to get up for the MOTN feeding to help me stay awake but I usually let him sleep :P His wanting to interact so much surprised me the most honestly.
Expectation: There would be this insta-connection to LO and we would be emotionally and physically attached to one another. I expected to cry when he was born from happiness.
Reality: I was more focused on the pain than LO when he was born. And I feel terrible for admitting that, but it's true. Maybe the connection will happen more when we are able to interact better than feed/change/sleep?
Expectation: I could totally wing this mommy thing and be the best mom ever.
Reality: Motherhood is hard. And I feel PP on the mom-guilt - when he can relax around others but works himself up for me because I'm the food-giver, it just makes me feel like a failure.
J14 Jan Siggy Challenge: Santorini
Baby #1: expected June 2014
Reality: Ha, yeah. I can count on one hand how many diapers he has changed in the last 5 weeks. He gets irritated and acts like it's a chore when I ask him to take over for a few minutes so I can take a shower or get something to eat. Literally nothing has changed in his life. His "bonding" time with LO consists of her sleeping on him and him glued to his ipad and Facebook the whole time. Also had the nerve to complain about me not cooking him dinner more often now that I'm a SAHM. Not to mention he slept through my entire 3 day recovery in the hospital, which was when I *really* needed help because I was still in so much pain. Figuring out this mom thing with a newborn completely alone when I couldn't even get out of bed without crying was a hoot.
Expectation: BF would be tough, but I'd get the hang of it and we'd EBF for the first month at least and then I'd pump a little just to build a stash.
Reality: I'm EPing now and have been since week 2. I'm not sure if the level of nipple mutilation I experienced with LO was normal or not but if it is, my hats off to you ladies still EBFing. That was excruciating. We are slowly trying to add in more nursing sessions throughout the day but who knows if we'll ever get back to the boob for good.
This mom thing is hard, yo.
Expectation: nursing would be a sweet thing for Lucas and me!
Reality: I dread having to feed my son. He doesn't latch and I'm using a shield. It breaks my heart when I bleed and I feel like that's what he's eating. Since, I'm using the shield, it comes out slower so I nurse for so long! Especially since he falls asleep and he wants to eat 10 minutes later.
I feel so guilty to complain because I have this beautiful baby boy, but it's so hard. If I had this nursing thing down I would feel so much better. Lucas is only a week and one day old and it's hard to hear people say don't give up...but with the emotions and being confined to being at home because of a c section, it's hard!
But, my sweet husband and my mom and sister have been a huge help!!!!! And, Lucas is the sweetest baby I have ever seen!
Sorry, so lengthy! It feels good to say these things to people that actually get it!!!!
IF, 5 losses, 1 son, 1 on the way.
The bumpie formerly known as First Time in MI
Reality: vag birth recovery was way longer than I expected. At almost 3 weeks I can take short walks but it makes my vag throb a lot.
Expectations: I would lose all the swelling and be able to bend my ankles and knees again, wear shoes and generally be mobile.
Reality: Mostly true! I had extreme swelling. At 3 weeks pp I have lost 44 lbs of the 55 I gained. Those last 20 lbs were all water. I can see my knees again! My joints and shins hurt if I put any pressure on them and I am afraid my feet will have permanent elephant like wrinkles.from my skin stretching. But otherwise it has been glorious!
Expectation: sleeping on my back or stomach.
Reality: Still sleeping on my left side w pillow between my legs. It prevents my knees and ankles from putting pressure on each other. Sleeping on my back kills my tailbone! Stomach sleep is impossible thanks to BFing.
Expectation: DH would love on baby but be no help with house work.
Reality: He has been great in both departments! He has done more laundry in 3 weeks than he has in the 13 years we have been together. He is cooking, grocery shopping, errand running, dishwashing, changing diapers and giving the baby his baths.
Expectation: Maternity leave would be like a mini-vacay, I would catch up on some house projects and LO and I would be out and about doing stuff.
Reality: HAHAHAHA! There is nothing vacation like about this. I am afraid to leave the house with LO by myself because he doesn't nap much. I get NOTHING done at home bc he is on my boob allllll day. I can not get my k'tan right no matter how many videos I watch so I am chained to the same spot all day. Mentally I am bored and feel like my mind is wasting away. I have nothing of value to add to any conversation because I have not been doing shit. There is a part of me that is going to enjoy returning to the adult human world of work where I am not a human food cart.
IF, 5 losses, 1 son, 1 on the way.
Expectation: breastfeeding would be super hard, but I would persevere and would bf in public and pump at work.
Reality: LO latches great! BUT I find myself pumping more because he downs a bottle quicker and sleeps longer. Also I can't bring myself to bf in public. Talked to a coworker that tried pumping at work and I have decided to start switching to formula. My line of work makes it almost impossible to take breaks at regular intervals. I don't want to go 12 or more hours without pumping. So I'm currently trying to go longer and longer stretches between pumping and nursing sessions. I have so much guilt over this, but don't really feel like I have any other options. LO doesn't seem to care what he is eating it where it comes from, so I guess that is a plus.
Expectation: weight would melt off
Reality: I've plateaued and need to lose at least 30 lbs, preferably 45lbs.
Reality: I still pee every 20 minutes. But it's actually relieving. While pregnant I never felt truly relieved after a pee.
Reality - she's usually fussing and crying when she's awake and only wants to sleep on my chest. She also wakes up for her MOTN feeding and starts screaming and pulling off my breast and is then awake for hours.
Breast feeding would be easy and a great bonding experience.
Reality - it's gone great (except for the middle of the night feeding).
I thought LO would sleep in the car.
Reality - she screams bloody murder in her car seat.
LO would love baths
Reality - LO screams bloody murder
LO would like going for walks in the stroller
Reality - LO screams bloody murder