Really need some guidance here - triplets and SR

danichyl · July 2014

After TTCing for almost 4 years, DH and I finally conceived through IVF with PGS. We transferred two embryos. At most we were expecting twins and there was only a 15% chance of that. Knowing we were pregnant was the happiest day of our lives. Then at our first U/S we found out it was triplets. The discussions about selective reduction began. Since one embryos split, creating identical twins in addition to our singleton. We are being advised to terminate the twins and reduct to the singleton.

Does anyone have any experience with this? I'm worried about losing the remaining fetus. I'm hoping that one of the identical twins will stop growing. I want to be able to enjoy this pregnancy that was so difficult to achieve. I should be celebrating that I've made it this far and hearing the heartbeat. I should be worrying about what to eat and what to wear. Instead I continue this struggle and feel I can't be happy. I want to look forward to sharing the news of my pregnancy around 10-12 weeks but instead that will be about the time I will likely have to undergo SR.

I'm devastated. I feel lost and scared and wonder why this is happening to me.

rcnavywife · July 2014

Congrats on the pregnancy and I'm so sorry that you are grappling with the decision to SR. It's such a personal decision with a lot of different factors to consider. We decided not to reduce our trio, but it was a decision that I put a lot of thought into. If you'd like to PM me, please feel free.

shaunah816 · July 2014

Oh honey. I want to send you a hug right now. I'm so sorry you've been dealt a hand you weren't expecting, and that you're suffering right now. I don't have triplets, but I found out I was having twins at my 20 week scan, and that feeling of my stomach dropping out from under me with fear and horror has never left me. I was NOT happy to be having twins at first, and triplets would be and even bigger shock.

I can't advise you about SR, because I was never in that situation and it is such a sensitive and personal decision. We sometimes see these questions here, and members sometimes reach out through private message to share experiences, so I'm sure you'll hear from some of the ladies here.

There are many triplet moms here, so they can speak to the challenges and joys that triplets would bring, both in pregnancy and beyond. It doesn't feel like it right now, but you'll find the right decision for your family. Just let me say though that you should make a decision about SR based only on what you and your family want to do, combined with only the medical opinion of your doctor. Many triplet moms are talked to about SR because it's a high risk pregnancy, but many, many, MANY moms go on to delivery three healthy babies. Don't let doctors scare you if you feel in your heart that you don't want to reduce. If this decision is on the table because you and husband want it to be, then that's good. Make a decision for you, not because a doctor has made you feel you have to.

Good luck. I'll be thinking about you.

kbeach82 · July 2014

sing4mysavior said:

Happy yahoo said what I would have. This is YOUR choice, no one can make you reduce. You decide if you want the risks associated with triplet pregnancy or with reduction. We decided we would not for any reason reduce, but it's your choice. It sounds like a very tough place to be. *hugs*

All of this. A triplet pregnancy does not necessarily mean an unhealthy pregnancy. You need to discuss this in length with your DH, and search your heart for the "right" answer for you. I wish you peace with whatever decision you make and a healthy pregnancy.

DenaMaree · July 2014

I know exactly how you are feeling as my Husband and I were put in your exact position in late March when we learned we were expecting triplets. I didn't even consider doing the reduction, we declined immediately. We ended up loosing our girls shortly after we heard their precious heart beats and made our decision. I don't regret our decision one bit as there were risks regardless. Definitely do a ton of soul searching and even more communication with your DH. Your welcome to PM me if you have any questions, etc!! Your in my thoughts and prayers!!

DenaMaree · July 2014

I just wanted to add that we had our babies tested and they were all healthy!! Through loosing our girls I found out I have MTHFR homozygous and it was blood clotting that caused us to loose our babies. Having had the reduction wouldn't have prevented our loss!

danichyl · July 2014

@DenaMaree Thank you for sharing your story and I'm sorry for your loss. Thoughts and prayers for you too.

Mrs.McIrish · July 2014

I'm so sorry you are in a position you don't want to be in. I have never had to make this decision and don't think that anyone who hasn't walked in your shoes can give you advice. I've learned through IF to never say never until you are there. I've done 8 rounds of IVF with the last four using donor. I have definitely transferred "more" than I "should" have and had a friend last year at my old clinic who transferred the same number as me. She got 3 babies and I got none. She decided to SR to twins (none were identical). It was the hardest decision of her life. Only you and your DH can make it. Don't let the doctors push you into if you don't want it. I would make several appts with a few different MFMs to gather info first. I also wonder why they say to reduce the ID twins vs the singleton. I'm sorry you have to face this..

amy1007 · July 2014

I just wanted to say you do what is best for you. People have healthy triplets every day. I had identical girls and had no problems. I can't imagine my life without them. I don't think I have ever heard of them pushing this on you?? I'm sorry. Everything will be okay either way

zazu13 · July 2014

So sorry you are in this position. My personal bias hopes that you choose to carry all three and can have a safe, healthy delivery and are emotionally and physically prepared for the joys and challenges of triplets. That will probably be the prevailing opinion here since those posting are moms or moms-to-be of multiples.

Only you can decide what is best for you. Listen to your doctor's experience, but consider consulting with a high risk OB before deciding. Regardless of your decision, we are here for you and support your choice. Biggest hugs. Infertility is so hard, but Im sure this is a curve ball you didnt expect.

danichyl · July 2014

@Mrs.McIrish They recommend reducing the twins as they would high-risk on their, sharing a placenta.

danichyl · July 2014

Just to be clear, I don't feel that any of my doctors are pressuring me into doing something I don't want or forcing me to undergo a reduction. Everyone has given me the option of carrying triplets. They rightfully give me their professional opinion, risks associated, and statistics. I myself am feeling that the reduction may be right for me. It is not an easy decision but it seems there are no easy decisions here. We would have been thrilled with twins but triplets might not be the right thing for us. We are trying to get as much information as we can. Weigh everything. See what happens.

danichyl · July 2014

@zazu13 Thank you for your input and perspective. I see what you mean re. MoMs. I was on another board and they suggested I come over here.

zazu13 · July 2014

arender said:
@zazu13 Thank you for your input and perspective. I see what you mean re. MoMs. I was on another board and they suggested I come over here.

I hope I didnt imply you werent welcome

Im sorry if thats how it came across. I just mean that while you may find others who were in your shoes they chose to carry to term. This is a great place for you to get perspective on the realities of a multiples pregnancy, delivering & raising multiples which may help you better decide. It is very daunting and overwhelming at times (and I "only" have 2) but I would not trade it for anything. I wish you the very best.

danichyl · July 2014

I also want to stress that the doctors have been very sympathetic and a reduction is not something they take lightly. It's not something they throw out there as some simple, obvious solution.

danichyl · July 2014

@zazu13 Exactly. I would like to get some insight into what it would be like to carry, deliver, and raise triplets. It may help me make an informed decision.

Don't worry - I didn't feel like you were ushering me out. just wanted to explain how I came across this board.

1+tripsmom · July 2014

When we found out I was expecting quads all fraternal my RE was trying to push me in to SR it was not an option for us after we heard how it was done. We ended up losing one of our babies and went on the carry triplets to 35w3d. I carried them longer then I carried my singleton and had a less complicated pregnancy. And just cause you reduce does not mean it will be a eassier pregnancy. Not trying to push you in any way just trying to make sure you see both sides. I would see if you have any drs in your area who specialize in multiples and talk to them. I had one horrible dr tell me to reduce after my re did then I saw another dr who specialized in multiples and never heard I could do not do it again and told I could do it.

danichyl · July 2014

@1+tripsmom Thank you for sharing your story and for the reminder that a singleton is not necessarily risk-free.

SWA80 · July 2014

Just want to say how sorry I am that you are going through this. I have mono di identical twins and had some complications during pregnancy. Others have no issues at all. For me, the mental stress with just two was so difficult, I can't begin to imagine three. Good luck making the right decision for you and having a positive outcome.

Ylvelill · July 2014

I have no advise to offer, just wanted to offer support in this hard time. My thoughts are with you and your husband.

xtina78 · July 2014

I also don't have any advice to offer, but wanted to say I'm so sorry you're going through this and have to make such a difficult decision.

APRILMW · July 2014

I, too, implanted 2 embryos in April & found out that both took & 1 split & I was carrying triplets!! I can completely identify with the overwhelming feeling. During the ultrasound when the 3rd was discovered & all 3 had heartbeats I can fully admit I completely checked out. Turned white as a ghost and had a pit in my stomach. I could not come to terms with having triplets. I cried. The IVF Dr. Mentioned reduction at that appt, our immediate answer was not an option. (Such a personal & individual choice only you & your partner can decide). Anyways. Took nearly 2 weeks. & I started rallying bad researching and beginning to accept that we were having triplets.

Went in for our ultrasound with regular OB, only to discover one of the identicals had stopped developing. I felt sad, as did my husband. Very surreal to come full circle with emotions.

I write my experience to only say that I can understand the feelings you're going through. Take your time and research what all options mean.

PGwithNo3 · July 2014

SR is a personal decision and I wish you the best of luck. I follow a couple of blogs of mom's of identical triplets. (I know that is not your situation). Here is one of them if you want to check it out:

https://thegreatumbrellaheist.blogspot.com/

danichyl · July 2014

@APRILMW Thank you for sharing your experience. How far along were you when you discovered one of the identicals had stopped developing? Was there any indication during the previous ultrasound that this might occur (slower heartbeat or smaller size)? So are you pregnant with twins right now? How far along are you? Did you share your circumstances with those around you (family, friends)? Thanks again for replying.

danichyl · July 2014

Thank you everyone who has chimed in even just to lend your sympathy and prayers. It really does help. My husband I are consulting with a couple more doctors including a perinatologist. I've just heard so many stories of women trying to carry triplets and then losing all three of them. So we're going to take a step back, take another look, and follow our hearts.

mommaoftrips · July 2014

I know there are a few triplet moms on TB who have the term or longer stories, which is wonderful and I am in awe

.
Here is my story which is not as favorable but has a good outcome but was very stressful. I had a perfect pregnancy up until my 22 week appointment at which point I had severe funneling and very short cervix. I was put on bed rest. There were no appointment available the next week so I got pushed to the following Monday. The Saturday before I experienced contractions - went into the hospital at 23w6d. I was told I had no cervix, fully effaced and 4-5 cm dialated and that I would for sure delivery my babies and that the likelihood of survival was 5% at best. Luckily, as a Healthcare professional, I told them that this was not an option as they recommended an epidural and immediate delivery and asked for magnesium, antibiotics and tocolytics. This worked for me and we made it to 28w but this is still early and we spent a lot of time in the NICU. I had preeclampcia so I also experienced a hard time, plus the pumping for the babies was super draining and I had extreme muscle wasting from 7 weeks of bedrest.
No to make it sound all doom and gloom - my LOs are all healthy and I love being a mom to triplets and would not have it any other way.
Just a little story of the triplet pregnancy experience and wishing you all the best and welcome to the board.

ajsweeton · July 2014

I was never pregnant with triplets so this may not be helpful, but I lost my first set of identical twin boys at 22w due to IC and PPROM. When we found out we were pregnant again we were elated. We saw and re to get pregnant both times. When we went in for our ultrasound with the re @ 7w we discovered that I was pregnant with fraternal twins. The re immediately suggested SR as I had already lost twins and the risk of carrying twins again was that I could lose both of them as well. It was a difficult decision to continue with the pregnancy as it was. I had a lot of anxiety as losing my 2 boys was the hardest thing if ever been through. Ultimately we decided that we could never make that choice that we would leave it up to God. We went to a MFM who specializes in multiple pregnancies and he was wonderful. He never even acted like a SR was an option. He was confident in his ability to keep me healthy enough to carry the twins to term. In April I delivered my b/g at 37 weeks with no signs of ptl. I would strongly advise seeking a perinatologist that specializes in multiples and getting their advice before making any decisions. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your DH. It's not an easy decision and obviously it's one only the two of you can make.

TRS48 · July 2014

Although I would not do a SR if I were you, or under any circumstance, I feel compelled to reply and tell you to go with your gut. My entire pregnancy has been bullied around by doctors, we were scared to death by doctors so many times that even my poor husband was brought to tears at one point, and he never cries. It has been the biggest emotional roller coaster of our lives hearing the "what ifs" and "warnings", and it is sooo draining, I know. All along I felt inside that we would be ok, and here we are at almost 37 weeks still cooking these twins. I was told they would not make viability, put into the hospital for a week and given the works and worst case prognosis, etc, been warned of preterm labor multiples times, even with with week estimates by multiple doctors, which we always surpassed, and on bedrest for now about 15 weeks- although I admit I've been on my feet a lot for the past almost 5 weeks of it now-- and still no preterm labor has occurred. Once we hit 28 weeks, I decided the doctors will not tell me what to do anymore or scare us to death, and guess what, my gut has given us many more weeks than it would've if I let the doctors do everything they wanted (invasive cervical checks, etc). Trust yourself and know that you ultimately will make the right decision and, I believe, can carry those 3 little miracles to a healthy gestational age, if you have the desire to. It may not be easy, but it is so worth it. I believe even Kate Gosselin made it to 30 weeks with her sextuplets. You got this- don't let anyone tell you what to do with your body or your babies, no matter what. Even my high risk doctor I loved told me we'd only make it to 29 weeks, and he's been practicing for 20+ years in high risk obstetrics, he was wrong. Listen to your gut momma! You know best!

prayingformiracles · July 2014

I also wanted to send my support. We, too, had to recently make a decision about SR as I found I am pregnant with quads.

This has been a very long road of trying to get pregnant and we knew multiples were an option. Prior to IUI, I had 4 good size follicles and many that were smaller. Our doctor gave us the decision, and we figured after all these years no egg has fertilized, then we were going for it. And of course, all 4 eggs fertilized.

Initially, my RE noticed I have one that is smaller and after much prayer, talking with family and friends, reading, and meetings with a perinatologist, we decided to continue forward with this pregnancy. I know all the scary detail and statistics- they aren't fun to think about. However, we agreed that what is meant to be, will be.

That said I am doing all I can to ensure being as healthy as I can. I am following doctor's orders as closely as possible and reading numerous accounts of women with quads who had success stories.

I'm 10 weeks today and as of Tuesday, all 4 had very strong heartbeats & all are measuring the same size. One still has a smaller sac, but that's out of my control. We are hoping for the best.

Whatever decision you make will be the right decision. I fully support whatever you decide as I know how scary this is! Best of wishes & hope to you & your family!

CNYBride05 · July 2014

Sweetie! Your post brought tears to my eyes - what a difficult decision and I wish I had more advice/insight for you.

Especially after the agonizing 4 years of TTC and all that you and your DH have been though, I can imagine how torn you must feel.

Would it be possible to SR to ID twins? When do you need to make your decision?

You are all in my thoughts and I hope you can come to a peaceful and healthy decision for your family. Sending many (((hugs))).

APRILMW · July 2014

Sorry it took me a bit to get back!!! Been busy. We had confirmation U/S with IVF Dr at 7weeks along. At the time each had exact same heartbeat pace as well as same size. The identicals each had their own sac too. So, all looked great! I was transferred to my OB and at 8.5 weeks it was discovered that one of the identicals had stopped growing (based on what measured) literally 2 days past last ultrasound. (Obviously give or take)

Yes, we had told close friends and family because we wanted a strong support system from beginning having being face with a triplet pregnancy etc!

APRILMW · July 2014

Oops, missed one ?

. Yes, I'm carrying twins now. I am 12w2d now. Just had my monthly appt, 1st since discovering the loss of one triplet, and both babies look great!

1blueridgemama · July 2014

I agree with @LolaDair, she summed up my thoughts perfectly. It's a huge decision and only one you two can make. Check in with us when you feel comfortable again. We are all thinking of you.

danichyl · July 2014

1+tripsmom Are any of your triplets identical? Were you of advanced age at the time? Thank you.

danichyl · July 2014

1+tripsmom just re-read your post and you did say they are all fraternal. I think the identical is what getting all of the doctors going on the SR train. I am leaning towards going ahead with the reduction. Actually what I'm really hoping for is that one of twins vanishes. And I was hoping I would find someone who did the same and could offer some support. How to cope with the choice. And how to cope with the fear of losing the remaining fetus(es).

danichyl · July 2014

CNYBride05 That is one of the options but so far has not been the general consensus just because id twins pose their own risks. And also for me I feel like it would be unfair to the singleton who I'm already attached to. Have to see what the MFM says.

danichyl · July 2014

LolaDair What did you find in your studies that brought you to the decision to keep all three? Thank you.

danichyl · July 2014

As odd as it feels, my husband and I are hoping that one of the twin vanishes on his own. Anyone who agrees that this would be best case scenario and minimize some of my suffering, please pray for this outcome. I appreciate you all helping me talk through this.

Courtneyw04 · July 2014

The majority of moms in my quad group have identical twins/triplets in their mix. It's very common and doable. I have a friend from college who just had triplets where all three were identical. As far as taking care of them, if these are your first, you won't know any different. People ask me all the time how I manage but I don't know what it's like having one baby.

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Really need some guidance here - triplets and SR

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