Re-intro... and a question

megastar007 · July 2014

Hi everyone

I've been lurking for the past 4 months or so, but since I haven't had a medicated cycle yet, I'm hoping it's ok if I stay. I was told last time that TTTC was probably a better place for me to post, but I hate having to hide my siggy of my son and so never really got to post or respond a lot.

Sooooo...

DH and I have been married 5.5yrs and have a 3yr old son that is the light of our lives. 15 cycles ago we decided to give Jameson a sibling (if only it was that easy right?!). We were incredibly lucky with him and succeeded our very first month of trying, so we had no idea what we were in store for. We pulled out (haha) all the stops and thought that we were doing everything right. Temping, OPKs, Conceive Plus lube, vitamins, supplements, and essential oils... nothing has worked. This past May the official 1 year of trying passed, so I made an appt with a new OBGYN to try and get a referral to an RE. This Dr ordered an HSG for me and my insurance denied it because it was coded as "infertility" and apparently I have zero coverage for that. So there goes any hope of going to an RE *insert tears and sad face here* I called up my old OBGYN that delivered our son and is a NaPro specialist. I explained what was happening and made an appt. to see her on Aug. 7th, which brings me to my question....

Has anyone had a bone density test ordered for them? Yesterday I received something in the mail from my insurance saying that a bone density test was ordered and that they would be covering it, so to go ahead and make an appt for that. I'm going to call the Dr. tomorrow to double check that is correct, but just wanted to know if anyone had any insight?

So anywho... TL;DR... Please let me stay here, I don't know anyone IRL who is dealing with this and sometimes I just need to talk to people that are going through the same shitty ordeal.

pettycrocker · July 2014

Well ok I want to be nice, but I am PMSing so please forgive if I go off track with that.

15 cycles is really NOT a lot of time here, so I'm honestly going to tell you I rolled my eyes reading this, not trying to be mean, but I'm going on.. Idk something like damned near 3 years, probably a bagillion Clomid cycles, IUI, TWO IVF cycles, and two, yes two ectopic pregnancies- and let me tell you, I'm probably someone on the lighter end of the spectrum dealing with IF especially on this board. So when we say, this is really not the board for you, it's because it's NOT, not because we don't want you to post here? But because we'll all roll our eyes every time you complain about being on cycle 16- even as I type this, I truly hate that I am this jaded, but that's what serious infertility does to you.

My regular Dr is constantly trying to convince me that some people just take longer to get pregnant, maybe he's right? Maybe instead of 1 year, it will take you 17 cycles? But that's ok, as long as it means you are pregnant and you do not have to deal with real infertility.

To answer your question, nope I have never had a bone density test and can not for the life of me imagine what this has to do with infertility- I've been dealing with Reproductive Endocrinologists for over a year now and this has never come up as a possible thing to test for.

So with all that being said, post here if you want? I think if you don't want to put a ticker warning in your siggy (Seriously who said you had to hide your kid? That's just nuts- just put a ticker warning in there) then perhaps you should hang on on TTGP and check in with their weekly IF thread- I can tell you that THAT particular check in, welcomes people that have been "trying for a year" with open arms, AND they don't care how many kids you have- so that might be a great in between board for you

Good luck. I truly hope cycle 16 will be the lucky cycle for you.

megastar007 · July 2014

Well... I guess I'm out then. I didn't realize that as someone who has a child and then went to the Dr. and was given a diagnosis of infertility doesn't belong on a secondary infertility board. I understand that there are ladies here who have been through much more than me and it sucks for everyone. Sorry for looking for some support.... I won't be coming back.

pettycrocker · July 2014

megastar007 said:

Well... I guess I'm out then. I didn't realize that as someone who has a child and then went to the Dr. and was given a diagnosis of infertility doesn't belong on a secondary infertility board. I understand that there are ladies here who have been through much more than me and it sucks for everyone. Sorry for looking for some support.... I won't be coming back.

I don't understand how you could have POSSIBLY been DX with IF when you said you've have NO TESTING DONE? That's like a Dr saying you have cancer just because you walked in and told them you haven't pooped in 3 days :-q That's a BAD DR.

pettycrocker · July 2014

I want to give you serious info right now OP, I worked with an OB that specialized in IF for about 6 months- did all the primary testing (BW/ HSG/ SA/ etc) THEN was referred to the RE for even MORE testing, and then it was approx 4 more months before I was DX with Unexplained Secondary Infertility. No Dr worth their salt is going to DX IF with no legitimate testing.

pettycrocker · July 2014

I just read your intro 3 more times, no where in your whole intro did you say a word about being DX with IF, what you said was your Dr coded a test under IF, which is pretty standard for infertility TESTING, which the HSG happens to fall under. That is not a DX, a DX is when you sit down with a Dr and they "This is what you have" #-o

gymnst1013 · July 2014

Oh the rules all of these boards have these days....hard to keep up. So what you're saying is that regardless of the time spent TTC, until the very moment of that doctor's appointment confirming an IF DX, people are not welcome here? Nice. So compassionate.

gymnst1013 · July 2014

Oh and you're a mod too. Even better.

annibes · July 2014

gymnst1013 said:
Oh and you're a mod too. Even better.

Who = you?

pettycrocker · July 2014

gymnst1013 said:

Oh the rules all of these boards have these days....hard to keep up. So what you're saying is that regardless of the time spent TTC, until the very moment of that doctor's appointment confirming an IF DX, people are not welcome here? Nice. So compassionate.

I never said anything about rules, in fact I told her twice feel free to stay on this board. Thank you for your input. I (and others on the board) are absolutely allowed to roll our eyes at people TTC for 15 cycles, coming to an INFERTILITY board, with not only NO DX, but no testing even?!

Thanks for stopping by, and most importantly:

CeCe8579 · July 2014

I think the point is if you are diagnosed with infertility then why post on an IF board? I would hang tight OP, lurk, learn and then post. @gymnst1013‌, I agree with Castillo!

pettycrocker · July 2014

gymnst1013 said:

Oh the rules all of these boards have these days....hard to keep up. So what you're saying is that regardless of the time spent TTC, until the very moment of that doctor's appointment confirming an IF DX, people are not welcome here? Nice. So compassionate.

And btw you are both killing me with this logic. Just because you TTC longer than the "average" person DOES NOT MEAN YOU ARE INFERTILE. That is why there are tests required to DETERMINE this fact. You think I am unreasonable for suggesting she hang out on another board until she gets more information on what is causing the delay in conception? 1 year is just the AVERAGE, sometimes it takes people 13 months, 15 months, 18 months, that still doesn't make them infertile, it just means it took them a little longer to conceive than the AVERAGE couple.

gymnst1013 · July 2014

Mrs Castillo said:

gymnst1013 said:

Oh the rules all of these boards have these days....hard to keep up. So what you're saying is that regardless of the time spent TTC, until the very moment of that doctor's appointment confirming an IF DX, people are not welcome here? Nice. So compassionate.

I never said anything about rules, in fact I told her twice feel free to stay on this board. Thank you for your input. I (and others on the board) are absolutely allowed to roll our eyes at people TTC for 15 cycles, coming to an INFERTILITY board, with not only NO DX, but no testing even?!

You sounded so sincere too. And that's rich considering you, personally, have a pinned post telling newcomers, essentially, what the rules are.

gymnst1013 · July 2014

Mrs Castillo said:

gymnst1013 said:

Oh the rules all of these boards have these days....hard to keep up. So what you're saying is that regardless of the time spent TTC, until the very moment of that doctor's appointment confirming an IF DX, people are not welcome here? Nice. So compassionate.

And btw you are both killing me with this logic. Just because you TTC longer than the "average" person DOES NOT MEAN YOU ARE INFERTILE. That is why there are tests required to DETERMINE this fact. You think I am unreasonable for suggesting she hang out on another board until she gets more information on what is causing the delay in conception? 1 year is just the AVERAGE, sometimes it takes people 13 months, 15 months, 18 months, that still doesn't make them infertile, it just means it took them a little longer to conceive than the AVERAGE couple.

13 months, 15 months, 18 months, 3 years, where do you draw the line? Can't possibly be infertile if you don't have a doctor telling you so.

gymnst1013 · July 2014

Iloveshanej said:

I think the point is if you are diagnosed with infertility then why post on an IF board? I would hang tight OP, lurk, learn and then post. @gymnst1013‌, I agree with Castillo!

I'msorrywhat? Why WOULDN'T you post on an IF board if you were diagnosed with IF?

Steph1673 · July 2014

@megastar007 I'm sorry that you don't feel like you fit in anywhere. I, too, was hesitant to post on any other TTC board because they seem very sensitive to those of us with children, or mention of them, and putting a disclaimer on everything seems overkill. So I understand wanting to fit in here.

I just started on this board in May, but as I learn the ropes I think it's important to understand that 2IF is sensitive to "drive-bys" who say hi and then get pregnant lickety split prior to a diagnosis. That's not to say that you aren't dealing with IF, the board just prefers lurkers until initial testing is done and you meet with a specialist.

I felt reluctant to jump in because I'm unexplained and while I was seeing a RE most initial testing came back normal (it's just my own insecurity with not being able to identify a "reason", and dealing with unexplained as a legit diagnosis, not that anyone actually made me feel that way). While I have been actively trying for over 1.5 years (and actually have never prevented in 5 years) this is my first medicated cycle; I just didn't post until I met an RE and had initial testing a few months ago.

I hope you find success soon, but if you get a DX, meet with an RE, please join us. These women are really supportive if the time comes for treatments, etc.

pettycrocker · July 2014

gymnst1013 said:

Mrs Castillo said:

gymnst1013 said:

Oh the rules all of these boards have these days....hard to keep up. So what you're saying is that regardless of the time spent TTC, until the very moment of that doctor's appointment confirming an IF DX, people are not welcome here? Nice. So compassionate.

I never said anything about rules, in fact I told her twice feel free to stay on this board. Thank you for your input. I (and others on the board) are absolutely allowed to roll our eyes at people TTC for 15 cycles, coming to an INFERTILITY board, with not only NO DX, but no testing even?!

You sounded so sincere too. And that's rich considering you, personally, have a pinned post telling newcomers, essentially, what the rules are.

Right, I pinned that, on this board that I am a regular poster on. After having a lengthy discussion with the OTHER REGULAR POSTERS, about what is important to all of us on this board. Who are you to come in here and tell us what should and should not be happening on our regular board? Did you just lurk here for 5 seconds because your friend didn't like what I had to say to her? Well thanks for chiming in, it's good that this isn't YOUR regular board, right?

I was VOTED mod by the regulars on this board for this exact reason, so we could pin up board considerations. This is an infertility board, it's not meant for every random person who is sick of trying but hasn't even gotten to the point of a DX, that's actually what TTGP is for.

pettycrocker · July 2014

gymnst1013 said:

Mrs Castillo said:

gymnst1013 said:

Oh the rules all of these boards have these days....hard to keep up. So what you're saying is that regardless of the time spent TTC, until the very moment of that doctor's appointment confirming an IF DX, people are not welcome here? Nice. So compassionate.

And btw you are both killing me with this logic. Just because you TTC longer than the "average" person DOES NOT MEAN YOU ARE INFERTILE. That is why there are tests required to DETERMINE this fact. You think I am unreasonable for suggesting she hang out on another board until she gets more information on what is causing the delay in conception? 1 year is just the AVERAGE, sometimes it takes people 13 months, 15 months, 18 months, that still doesn't make them infertile, it just means it took them a little longer to conceive than the AVERAGE couple.

13 months, 15 months, 18 months, 3 years, where do you draw the line? Can't possibly be infertile if you don't have a doctor telling you so.

I feel like you should already know the answer to this question considering you've done IVF yourself. If a person spends 3 years having sex at the WRONG time, then yes, a Dr would have to tell them they are not in fact INFERTILE, they've been having sex at the wrong time. How do you determine this? Basic testing.

Wulfgar · July 2014

@Mrs Castillo, since you read her post so many times, did you actually see that her INSURANCE doesn't pay for any IF testing at all? Some people don't have the money to get a DX let alone do any treatments. Also, having lurked on this board before the "rules" were posted you tend to pick and chose who you want to be nice to which is wrong. Just because your PMSing as you said in your initial post doesn't give you the right to act so self-righteous.

CeCe8579 · July 2014

gymnst1013 said:

Iloveshanej said:

I think the point is if you are diagnosed with infertility then why post on an IF board? I would hang tight OP, lurk, learn and then post. @gymnst1013‌, I agree with Castillo!

I'msorrywhat? Why WOULDN'T you post on an IF board if you were diagnosed with IF?

And you're either clearly a moron or know that I mistyped and meant "aren't" and are coping your trolly little tude! I have bigger issues then you, haha. You're trolling antics aren't going to work here so PO, STFU and GTFO!
Kthxbye!

annibes · July 2014

@Wulfgar‌ I'm not sure who you're referring to, but Castillo doesn't really pick and choose. She's the first one to question testing Dx on a consistent basis. She treats everyone pretty equally on round one. We don't get too many round twos.

pettycrocker · July 2014

Wulfgar said:

@Mrs Castillo, since you read her post so many times, did you actually see that her INSURANCE doesn't pay for any IF testing at all? Some people don't have the money to get a DX let alone do any treatments. Also, having lurked on this board before the "rules" were posted you tend to pick and chose who you want to be nice to which is wrong. Just because your PMSing as you said in your initial post doesn't give you the right to act so self-righteous.

I did in fact read that portion of her intro (several times) there are lots of people on this board right now who are OOP. What do you want me to say about that? I am sorry IF coverage isn't universal, but just because you can't afford testing does not make you a Dr that can DX yourself. It doesn't have to be IF, like I said before, you can't just go around saying you have cancer, because you think you have it, or any other illness for that matter- Drs exists for this reason.

Also I'm not sure what you're talking about me picking and choosing people? I welcome people that have legitimately been DXed with IF, and I try in the nicest way possible to redirect people who aren't. I was being HONEST in my initial reply, which is why I said a few times I am not trying to be mean, but I do realize that it's hard to know how to a statement is implied on the INTERNET. So what? I'm not allowed to be honest?

People coming to the IF board with NO TESTING/ NO DX annoyed that they are not pregnant in 15 cycles, make me roll my eyes. Now I'm sorry if you don't like that, but to say I pick and choose people on this board is laughable. I am one of the most neutral people on the board, and several of the actual regulars can attest to that.

annibes · July 2014

And I think the point here is while OP can post wherever she wants, she wanted to commiserate with people going through the same thing. Most people here are way beyond fighting Insurance companies to have testing done. There's not a lot in common right now, other than the fact that we all have kids (who, as much as we live them, do not come up in every post, no matter what the other IF-themed boards think).

gymnst1013 · July 2014

The WHO and ACOG both define IF as “a disease of the reproductive system defined by the failure to achieve a clinical pregnancy after 12 months or more of regular unprotected sexual intercourse.”

I'm not seeing anywhere in their definition that you have to have a doctor tell you so.

Yeah, yeah, I get it. OP hasn't gone through every last thing the rest of you have. But you have to start somewhere. No reason to make a person already hurting hurt even more and feel unwelcome to boot.

annibes · July 2014

^^I get what you're saying, but walk into a doctor's office and say, "I have ____. Treat me now."

annibes · July 2014

I guess that works with like, glaucoma in California, lol.

pettycrocker · July 2014

gymnst1013 said:

The WHO and ACOG both define IF as “a disease of the reproductive system defined by the failure to achieve a clinical pregnancy after 12 months or more of regular unprotected sexual intercourse.”

I'm not seeing anywhere in their definition that you have to have a doctor tell you so.

Yeah, yeah, I get it. OP hasn't gone through every last thing the rest of you have. But you have to start somewhere. No reason to make a person already hurting hurt even more and feel unwelcome to boot.

I seriously did not do that. Did you read the last paragraph of my original post? I told her post here if she wants, post on 3T if she wants, I told her I think she will likely fit in best on TTGP which also has an IF check in- I was genuinely trying to steer her to place where I think she would be more comfortable. The tone in my post was probably bitchy, I apologized for that IN THE ACTUAL post.

If anything I was just trying to let her know her situation is not that bad, by sharing my own shitty ass scenario with her- therein is where I tend to get bitchy. Maybe you get blissfully happy talking about your IF struggles? Well I get pretty bitchy when I'm talking about mine, no matter how much I try to be sugary sweet.

This line right here : Good luck. I truly hope cycle 16 will be the lucky cycle for you.

^^^ That was 100% sincere. I really hope she gets pregnant TOMORROW, and this whole thing is just FUNNY to her after she gets that +.

pettycrocker · July 2014

gymnst1013 said:

The WHO and ACOG both define IF as “a disease of the reproductive system defined by the failure to achieve a clinical pregnancy after 12 months or more of regular unprotected sexual intercourse.”

I'm not seeing anywhere in their definition that you have to have a doctor tell you so.

Why are you even saying this part when you know it's totally irrelevant? Just because you walk into a Drs office and say "Hey Doc, I've been trying for 12 months, I'm not pregnant yet" does not mean they stamp your chart with IF and prime you for IVF. This is NOT a DX, it's just (in most cases) a prerequisite to getting the testing done that will (should) result in an actual DX. Now I feel like having gone through this yourself, and coming to a board full of women currently going through this now, you are just trying to insult our intelligence with these statements.

gymnst1013 · July 2014

I'm not trying to insult your intelligence and yes, she will have to get the testing done to receive the "official diagnosis" but damn, no one can post anywhere these days without meeting the criteria that the popular folks deem worthy. Like I said, she has to start somewhere. God forbid she intro here BEFORE she is officially diagnosed even though she's trying to get testing done now.

pettycrocker · July 2014

gymnst1013 said:

I'm not trying to insult your intelligence and yes, she will have to get the testing done to receive the "official diagnosis" but damn, no one can post anywhere these days without meeting the criteria that the popular folks deem worthy. Like I said, she has to start somewhere. God forbid she intro here BEFORE she is officially diagnosed even though she's trying to get testing done now.

If by popular you mean the people that have been posting on this board regularly for a year or more, ok, how does that seem fishy to you? If you walk into a room full of friends that have known each other for years, do you automatically expect to be treated exactly the same? Seriously, bro, calm down. No one threw her out, and I agree the boards (especially the IF boards) are weird lately.

Let me tell you, the reason this board in particular tends to be so guarded about "welcoming people" is because a lot of other TTC boards, have a tendency to send posters to this board JUST BECAUSE THEY HAVE KIDS, and the other boards don't want to see tickers or look at siggies. So I can't even tell you the amount of times we have to redirect people that are just TTC, or newly TTCAL because other boards sent them here. Sorry we're not over here shitting rainbows for everyone who comes through the "door", but honestly this is the tone of the board for the most part, so if people don't like me honestly saying an intro made me roll my eyes, this is definitely NOT the board for them anyway. This just is not a board full of rainbow shitters, but considering there 3249234829384329847 I am confident there is a board for that.

pettycrocker · July 2014

What this thread needs is more boards.

pettycrocker · July 2014

pettycrocker · July 2014

CeCe8579 · July 2014

^^^^NAILED IT^^^^

Jodee37 · July 2014

I am seriously laughing at whoever was quoting WHO.

OP I feel bad for you. You are right, there is no good place for you in the 8272251 TB boards unfortunately. The TTGP and IF boards can't stand the mention of a wee one, and this board is vocal and upfront about providing a safe space for women diagnosed with infertility who happen to have had a fucking miracle happen. Far too often we have a heinous drive by and it's a knife to the heart. For the majority of these women, it's been YEARS (plural) of medications and cycles and failures. So to have someone open the door and be like "hi! I tried to come in once and it wasn't a good fit but nothing has changed so I thought I'd come back again and see if anything changed"... Well, you should be able to understand the crickets. And the opposition. I truly feel for you, I think after 15 months you deserve an RE to check shit out. And I would fight your insurance... Most should cover everything leading UP TO the diagnosis of IF.
GL.

AprilDrew04 · July 2014

At the very least you should have had a SA and bloodwork done before trying to intro on an IF board. This is the general starting point for anyone who has been ttc for over a year and is concerned. An HSG usually comes after those two steps. Best of luck and sorry you may have to pay for this OOP. Although I would try to work with the Dr. Office and your insurance as they should cover the first things I mentioned. A General practitioner can order those tests, but you are better getting them done with someone who knows a little more specifically about the reproductive system.

iheartsippycups2 · July 2014

My HSG was cheaper oop than going through insurance.

That's all I got, sorry...

MandiNewMommy · July 2014

I get it. I posted here the other day and was also told this might not be the place for me because I was not DX with anything yet. I posted on TTTC and was told to post here because I already have a child and most over there are still trying for #1. I feel like TTGP is a not a good fit either at this point. After try for a little under a year and being told I will need to see a RE if nothing happens in the next two months. I think some of us just feel a lil lost. I know in my case I by no means want to step on toes or upset anyone, but would like some supportive words of encouragement and a place to post.

topaz7777 · July 2014

I'm sad you weren't welcomed here like you should have been. This does seem like a good place to ask your HSG question. I was fortunate when I originally went through IF treatment for my DD that they didn't code it as "infertility". PM me if you like, but I think everyone on this board knows what it felt like when we all began the IF journey and need to consider what it felt like when we started. It's a scary thing to go through alone and this should be a great place for people who have more experience to give advice and support with those who don't.

Also, No I never got a bone density test, could that be something done at a specific age?

pettycrocker · July 2014

I'm not sure why Trouble Trying To Conceive isn't allowing you all in the GRAY AREA to post on that board freely, that is the PURPOSE of that board. It's a between board from regular TTGP and an actual IF board. That board if full of people that are taking a little longer to get pregnant and just beginning testing for a DX.

This board is NOT a board for people in these situations as we've already done all the testing and are all actually doing treatment cycles- IUI, IVF, etc or at the very minimum have gotten an actual IF DX. We are on completely different sides of the spectrum at this point, so why would you all want (insist) to be a part of this group? Just because you have kids already? 3T needs to get over that- Not saying you all shouldn't respect that they're asking for a siggy warning, but just put a siggy warning in your actual siggies and carry on.

2IF is not a freaking catch all for people TTC with kids. I wish other boards would stop filtering people here just because they have a ticker in their siggy.

pettycrocker · July 2014

Also FTR, I'm not sure what the issue is with the actual TTGP board? I stayed on that board until I had done ALL my IF testing and gotten an official DX of IF. As I mentioned before, there are tons of ladies on that board with kids TTC #2 or more, and there is an actual weekly IF check in on that board. I can not figure out why people seem to think that a timer goes off when you reach 12 months, and you automatically move over to an infertility board.

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