June 2014 Moms

Baby Blues Monday Check in

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Re: Baby Blues Monday Check in

  • @Bozzy2 - I'm sorry, I hope things get better soon.
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  • I want to hug all you ladies so hard right now. I have been a mess with everything going on with Bennett. he's getting better and gaining weight but I can't help thinking that since he lacked proper nutrition for the first weeks right after birth that his growth or development will be stunted. and ever since they told me my breast milk wasn't good enough for him and I couldn't nurse, only pump and fortify which I failed at, I had to dry up my milk and it has made me so depressed and it's been almost 4 weeks since then. that coupled with the fact that I've now had two traumatizing births that went so far off from what I hoped for I am just sad.

    /blog
  • I want to hug all you ladies so hard right now. I have been a mess with everything going on with Bennett. he's getting better and gaining weight but I can't help thinking that since he lacked proper nutrition for the first weeks right after birth that his growth or development will be stunted. and ever since they told me my breast milk wasn't good enough for him and I couldn't nurse, only pump and fortify which I failed at, I had to dry up my milk and it has made me so depressed and it's been almost 4 weeks since then. that coupled with the fact that I've now had two traumatizing births that went so far off from what I hoped for I am just sad. /blog

    Don't beat yourself up. You identified the problem and are fixing it and I'm sure he'll thrive. DS#1 didn't have as severe of problems as you went through but we did struggle with weight due to prematurity and reflux and today the kid is above average on the charts and eats like a teenager. He will catch up, you are doing an awesome job, some of the most awesome, healthy, smart people were formula fed (modestly points to self)
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  • Huge hugs to everyone!!!  Earlier when I was upset crying, I looked at DS and told him that I love him, and the difficulties are so worth it.  That goes for everyone here too!  We're all doing the best we can.

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    <3

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  • I thought my baby blues were clearing... NOPE.
    I think its mostly that I am frustrated because DH was being SO AWESOME with helping in the beginning, but now he is... not so much. I have to literally yell at him 4 or 5 times to get him to wake up and help when the boys freak in the MOTN, and when he "wakes up" he nods off, drops the bottle (luckily not the baby), gets all pissy, and is generally just not worth waking up. So then I'm stuck dealing with the twins on my own all night. Last night I got like 2 hours of sleep, and I haven't gone to sleep at all tonight. I am exhausted, but apparently DH has become completely ignorant and unsympathetic to that.
    I've caught myself missing life before the babies, and I don't like that. I know it's "normal" but I just don't like thinking it.
    I've started to get overwhelmed all over again and I was really starting to enjoy the boys. I don't want to backslide into thw way things were, I don't want to be exhausted and irritated and mean.
    It really, really upsets me. :'(
  • Bozzy2Bozzy2 member
    edited July 2014
    @CJnKR2014‌ hugs
    I know one baby is hard two makes you a champ and amazing
  • @CJnKR2014‌ big hugs! I can't imagine what it must be like with two babies but I know you are doing a great job!
  • @skamber‌ ((hugs)) I'm so sorry things are rough like that but don't give up! Bennett wasn't up to his birth weight until almost 4 weeks but as long as she is hungry and willing to eat they may just want you to supplement a little bit. I totally understand how devastating it is when BFing just isn't working out how you wanted but even if you EP (or decide to FF) you are doing amazing!! but please don't forget about yourself. you always want to do what's best in your eyes for your child but you can't sacrifice your well being because you being happy and healthy is also what's best for baby so sometimes you have to make the decision that is good for her but good for you too, even if it's not what your ideal situation would be. (does that make sense?)
  • @CJnKR2014 your husband makes me so mad. He really needs to step up and help you. Twins are so hard and draining (and loveable and cute and perfect, but ya know!!)

    Can you guys try working in shifts? You go to bed early and he stays up with the boys and let's you get a block of sleep? So maybe you sleep from 7 pm to midnight, then he can sleep from midnight till the morning when he needs to get ready?

    You have to get some decent sleep. It makes such a difference.

  • I miss sleeping with DH in bed alone. Struggling to get LO to sleep in his own crib and bassinet
    First time mommy-to-be
    E.D.D. June 1, 2014

  • @skamber yes ma'am I am! that's kind of how I've noticed parenting is, saying one thing and doing something else. I've done so many things I said I never would and then not done half the things I swore I would. it almost seems situational, you do what you can the best that you can. I was so conflicted as well when I was told no more BFing, either EP or formula, and it was a hard decision to make. it felt like my milk wasn't good enough for him but in a different way that you feel like yours isn't for her. but you try your different options and see what works best for both of you. don't make things worse for yourself to do one thing if it's going to be better for you to do something else that's also just as good for baby girl.
  • oh boy did my OB get an earful at my 6 week PP appt today. luckily he is amazing and made me feel better about the choices I've had to make and the never ending tests I feel horrible that Bennett has to be put through. I'm going to miss seeing him all the time :(
  • @skamber‌ I hope DDs appointment went well today!!
  • Hugs to all you ladies and also a huge thank you!! Reading your posts makes me feel so much more normal. I dont seem to have any patience left and find myself snapping / yelling at DD like I told myself I would never do. It makes me feel so horribly guilty and is not the kind of parent I've been working so hard to be. Then to top it off, DS is much more difficult to comfort than DD was and I find it makes me less sensitive to his crying; sometimes I put him down and walk away for a couple minutes, which I never did with DD. I want so badly to get back to being a gentle parent :( SO is hardly home anymore (dinner most nights and breakfast some mornings, that's it) which makes it even harder. Thank you ladies for providing a safe place to complain and breathe ;)
  • @skamber‌ I'm so happy she's making progress! try not to stress about it, see how the fenugreek and lactation cookies do first :)
  • steprozzsteprozz member
    edited July 2014
    @skamber‌ you got this girl! I'm in Alpharetta. where are you?
  • skamber said:

    @skamber‌ you got this girl! I'm in Alpharetta. where are you?

    Ah no way! I'm in N GA in Jasper but DH and I are moving to Cumming in about a year from now :)
    Did you deliver at Northside ATL?
    we are hoping to move to cumming in about a year too! lol jasper isn't too far away either. my BFFs parents live in Bent Tree. I did deliver both boys there and I was born there too which I think is kinda cool :)
  • skamber said:

    skamber said:

    @skamber‌ you got this girl! I'm in Alpharetta. where are you?

    Ah no way! I'm in N GA in Jasper but DH and I are moving to Cumming in about a year from now :)
    Did you deliver at Northside ATL?
    we are hoping to move to cumming in about a year too! lol jasper isn't too far away either. my BFFs parents live in Bent Tree. I did deliver both boys there and I was born there too which I think is kinda cool :)
    We were supposed to go to fireworks at bent tree tonight!
    I'm so excited to move to cumming. I love that area so much, and I feel like it's perfectly central to our families and DH's work.
    We spend a lot if time in Alpharetta/Roswell area :)
    I love it there too it's so nice and new compared to some of the other suburbs. I like the Roswell/Alpharetta area but I'm ready for somewhere else.
  • skamber said:

    @izzetoot‌ thank you for saying that about the formula :) lots of crying fits on my part today because I have felt so torn. I'm supplementing with my breastmilk after I nurse that I've pumped, but my supply is so limited. I see the formula sitting on the counter and it feels like I've failed her. I know that's not the case and there's nothing wrong with formula, but it's not what I wanted for us :(

    @skamber

    I am so with you. I have had to supplement w formula. Hate it didn't want too. Had to the first week she was born due to jaundice and we were back in the hospital. Then all was good but the other day at the Dr he was asking how she is sleeping. She is 4 weeks. Told him u was up almost all night w feeding. He said with her getting older maybe she is not getting enough. So now I am supplementing.

    I also was told by the LC in the hospital that I might not produce enough mild due to my breasts are tubular. So that means it is congenital and for some reason my boobs never really grew. Never knew this so upset. I knew I was small but had no idea.

    With this I might not be able to produce enough milk. So bums me out I only pump between 1-2 total per feeding. Sometimes I can get more but not a lot.

    When my LO nurses she is fine for a few minutes and I can hear her swallow. After a bit I don't hear her swallow and she seems to fight the boob. Growning and pulling on it. Does that mean she is still hungry and she is not getting anything?

    She seems more content w formula. I hate doing it. I know it fills them more.

    I do breast pump and formula.
    I might try the mixing the two together. I was not sure if you could. That would be better.

    I am so glad I am not the only one having issues w having to supplement.
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    Me (40) DH (42).......Married 7/1/11......TTC 12/2013.......BFP #1 12/30/12........EDD 9/8/13
    Spotting,clot 2/15/13 all ok......2/21/13 no heartbeat 11 w 4 d missed miscarriage........2/22/13 DnC :(
    BFP # 2 10.10.13...........EDD 6.19.14



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  • CJnKR2014CJnKR2014 member
    edited July 2014
    @Bozzy2‌ @stephross88‌ @skamber‌ @katekate18‌ - DH stepped up the other night and watched he boys from 12am to 5am so i got some sleep. But I'm still not feeling any better emotionally. In fact I feel like it's getting worse. I'm starting to get worried, actually.

    I'm finding myself wishing I could just get away. For a while. Like not just for a couple hours. And I feel so horrible for feeling that way.

    DH has an interview Monday with the county jail to be a correctional officer, and while we are praying our asses off that he gets the job, I am TERRIFIED of him getting the job because he would be working 12 hour shifts, 3days on, 2off, 2on, 3off (aka panama shifts.) I'm terrified of being alone with the boys that long- when they get fussy overnight and I'm tired, I get so mad and frustrated, I find myself telling them "hush, just hush," over and over like a crazy person as I am trying to console them. I feel crazy.

    I even applied to Wal-Mart to be able to get away for a few hours every day. Even if all the pay pays for is daycare, it would be worth it to get away for that amount of time.

    My PP appointment isn't until the 17th and I am worried that I won't be able to mentally make it until then. But all I have is the pregnancy medicaid which only covers this PP appointment so even if I am diagnosed with PPD (which I'm thinking is possible if not probable at this point) I wouldn't be able to afford to do anything about it.

    And to top it all off, I haven't seen my parents in 2 1/2 years. I don't show DH how much this hurts me because I know we can't do anything about it and I know it will just make him feel bad, but it seriously is killing me a little more every day. And having the boys has made that separation worse because it seems like everything that soothes them has to do with my family. (Like the song that calms them is "over the rainbow", but the version that was sung by the Hawaiian gentleman, and that was one of me and my dad's songs. So I have to listen to it over and over every night.) So I can't just shove it down anymore and I think that's making how I am feeling exponentially worse. And again I can't do shit about it.

    And now I'm ficking crying. I think its time I admit to DH how I really am feeling.

    Thank you for reading if you did. You ladies have all been amazing support and I think I would be in the crazy house if I didn't have y'all. Thank you for being here.

    Hugs to all the ladies who are having a rough time too, I know I'm not the only one struggling and I hope you all can find a solution to the issues you are facing. I love you ladies.

    Eta tags; crap i didn't realize how long that was; i can't believe i wrote all that without making a single typo! (Ficking was intentional.)
  • @CJnKR2014‌ hugs. You're doing a great job, mama, don't doubt yourself. Talk to dh and let him know. I'm sure that alone may levy the burden a little bit. Thinking of you :)
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  • @CJnKR2014‌ Hugs! I think you definitely should talk to DH. Maybe together you can come up with a plan to get you away a little bit each day. Does the medicaid cover any mental health treatments? It might help to talk to someone. We are always here to listen too!


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  • @CJnKR2014‌ - hugs!! Talk to your DH ASAP and just tell him everything you are feeling. I tend to hold stuff in and then reach my breaking point and then confess everything to DH and he feels awful that I didn't talk to him before my crazy breaking point so I have made a point to talk to him before that point now, it has helped a lot! Hang in there mama, you are doing amazing!
  • @CJnKR2014‌ I don't have anything to add to everyone else's advice except for some ridiculously creepy, long internet hugs. you're doing a great job, just hang in there :)
  • Bozzy2Bozzy2 member
    @CJnKR2014‌ I think it might be time you talk to someone. *hugs* glad you DH stepped up thought. Good luck
  • lest12lest12 member
    @CJnKR2014‌ - What everyone else said. Hugs.

     

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  • When I spoke with my ped about ppd, they recommended this site. https://www.kansasppd.org They give tips for dealing with ppd, but also have a number you can call and talk to someone about how you are feeling. It's based out of Kansas, but I'm sure that anyone can call.


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  • MegEL85 said:

    When I spoke with my ped about ppd, they recommended this site. https://www.kansasppd.org
    They give tips for dealing with ppd, but also have a number you can call and talk to someone about how you are feeling. It's based out of Kansas, but I'm sure that anyone can call.

    I'm in Kansas too!
    I'm in Missouri, but work in Kansas. Where are you at?


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  • My husband accidentally said the meanest thing to me. I had a Dr appointment and I was supposed to be home by 11:15, in time to feed the LO, so I told my husband not to give him a bottle (of pumped breast milk) But if course I was delayed by the doctor and didn't get home till 12. When I got home the baby was screaming and my husband said he'd been crying for an hour and was upset and said that "it wasn't fair to him or the baby to make them wait when he could have given him the bottle" and it broke my heart. In my head I heard "what you did was mean/bad/wrong for the baby" and although he apologized when I said that I was hurt. But I don't think he really understands why I'm upset. And I'm not sure why I am either. He's right, what's the difference? What's wrong with him getting the bottle?
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