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November 2014 Moms
emoxymoose
member
Sleep Training/ Planning for LO sleep
emoxymoose
member
The thread asking for baby guides got me thinking about parenting styles and how (duh!) everyone is different. It seems that this is really evident when it comes to getting your infant/ toddler to sleep through the night.
So, I'm asking everyone what you did or plan to do when it comes to getting or putting LO down for a nap or the night.
Edit: Added to title
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Sleep Training/ Planning for LO sleep
Personally, I had the baby that wouldn't sleep, hated being swaddled, didn't want a paci and I held him all the time, or rocked him in my glider.
I know people think that's terrible (and to this day and I'm the smuck that had a toddler that doesn't regularly STTN) but in my heart that was what I felt was right. I couldn't ever let my child CIO for more than a minute and I have such wonderful memories of holding him while he drifted to sleep.
ETA: The swing was my best friend for naps, he loved that thing, probably because it was just like me rocking him.
I can't remember exactly when we started sleeping training, but I think DD was around 8-10 months. Daycare helped with her nap schedule. We just tried to follow that as much as possible. As far as sleeping through the night, we used the CIO method. It was tough, but it literally took two nights for her to sleep through the night. I read a book about it. I can't remember the name, but it was super helpful. I can take a look when I get home.
Another big thing that helped us was having a routine at night. We keep the routine still. We do bath, books, bed. I was reading to her last night and she actually pointed to her bed when I was done. I said "Do you want to go to bed?" I usually read her three books, but had only gotten through two. She said "yes". So I put her to bed, LOL! She still wakes up here and there, but she typically puts herself back to sleep.
I should also add that she's a paci baby, so I think that helps her self-soothe.
ETA: Paragraphs.
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Nov. '14 January Siggy : Work Sucks!
Me 32-DH 38
Married July 14, 2007 ----- TTC # 1 October 1, 2013
BFP March 7, 2014 ----- EDD November 17, 2014 ---- Baby boy born November 16, 2014
I think the main thing here is you can have a plan, but all babies are different and your plan might not work, if it doesn't, you just have to go with your gut, not beat yourself up, and try and survive (at least the first year). I bought about 8 different sleep books with DS. I think getting them on a schedule can be a little more challenging if you nurse - DS was a cluster feeder for almost 8 weeks (they feed non-stop for longer periods of time, then sleep for longer periods of time). As far as nursing, it would have been nice to get him on a regular schedule but he would scream to be nursed and there was no way you can let an infant CIO for food.
I would say buying some sleep books like Ferber or Weissbluth now is a good idea to just understand infant sleep cycles and how it changes as they grow - one thing I didn't do and wish I did was read-up in advance. We created a lot of negative sleep associations with DS without knowing it. So once we were comfortable doing CIO (we did this about 10 months), we had to correct all our issues first (nursing to sleep because of cluster feeding early on, holding to sleep, paci's - all these can cause problems).
Like pp, I just couldn't let DS scream for me early on so I held him - a lot. My friends with really good sleepers would check on the baby, but let them cry to self sooth once the baby was old enough (4 months). This is personal choice. In the end we did do CIO and it made life a whole lot easier, only took about 3 days, but DS was much older. I can tell you he's still not a great sleeper, wants one of us to stay with him while he falls asleep, wakes up in the middle of the night and won't put himself back to sleep (he's 3). We created this so we deal with it, hoping it goes differently with the second one. I do believe what most of the books say - sleeping is a skill learned early on that lasts for life, so if that's what you want, read-up on it now and be prepared to do CIO/self-soothing earlier. I just didn't have the heart but I have realized crying is not going to damage my child. We didn't let DS cry for a few seconds without jumping to pick him up.
https://webecamethree.com/beingmom/mom-things/rock-toddler-to-sleep/
For bedtime, we'll be co-sleeping with a bedside co-sleeper for the first several months. With the work schedules that H and I have, I can't fathom getting up and going to another room to feed baby in the middle of the night several times. H wakes up at 4:30 and I wake up at 5:30. However, I'm a teacher, so when the school year lets out (LO will be 7 or 8 months), I'll probably start some sleep training and night weaning.
There are so many theories and strategies out there for dealing with infant and toddler sleep. I'm holding off on a serious plan until I've met my baby and have a better idea of his/her sleep issues.
October Challenge: How I feel about the 3rd trimester:
Throwback: Hubby and I on our first date (Nov 2007), and then again on our wedding day (Nov 2012)
October Challenge: How I feel about the 3rd trimester:
Throwback: Hubby and I on our first date (Nov 2007), and then again on our wedding day (Nov 2012)
how/why of it all, and mean no judgement whatsoever, but I just think
that not allowing children (once they are old enough to understand, of
course) to learn how to self-soothe will make it difficult for them to
do so in other areas besides sleep. Also, when does it stop? When are
they "ready"? Age 4? 5? 6? 7? When do you stop holding them to sleep?
Even if you're not holding them, they'll probably still want you in the
room since you teach them that that's the only way to feel comfortable
sleeping. I totally get the no-tears thing but crying is part of growing
up in some respects - not if somethings seriously wrong, of course,
which is why our instinct is there in the first place - but it allows
for growth/learning if it's done correctly. I just believe it can be
done with SOME tears but with teaching your little one in the end the
difference between "mommy's gone and she's never coming back" and "mommy's nearby and I'm ok." I don't mean ANY
disrespect at all - I've nannied for families of small ones that used
both methods (and I've of course honored their wishes), and have met many different kinds of babies, and I know
there's benefits to both - I'm just offering my opinion! To each her own
------- stupid quotes! ------
You bring up some great points. I love @PineApple85 's term "AP lite". That totally describes me. I think it's really important to follow my child's cues. I don't think I'm depriving her of anything, I'm allowing her to go at her own pace.
It will stop when she's ready for it to stop, with little nudges from me to see if she's ready. For example, we stopped breastfeeding when she was 13 or 14 months old. Just after 12 months I stopped offering. If she wanted to breastfeed then we did. I thought it would be a disaster, but she amazed me. She weaned like a champ and never looked back.
Same thing with sleeping, I offer little nudges and see how she reacts. If it's something that works then it's the new norm. First we bed shared and I went to sleep with her for cuddles. Then one day I decided to lay her down by herself and see how she did. It took a couple of weeks to adjust, but if she cried then my husband or I would go comfort her. It's a slow process. It's not for everyone but it works for us.
Now, at 22 months I rock her for 10 or 15 minutes and lay her in her bed asleep. If she wakes up and cries than someone comfort her. There's no rocking in the middle of the night, just someone to cuddle and she's out again. Usually it's once a night. Sometimes she has a rough night and ends up in our bed. I'm okay with that.
I think it's probably a weird approach, but I'm okay with that too. Was this my plan when I was pregnant? Nope. But I know my kid and I know what works for her and also what works for me. She's a happy, independent little girl who also happens to be a cuddle monster.
Well I am a FTM and don't have any first hand experience on the difficulties of a newborn. I am blissfully niave as to how hard it actually is.
When I was researching for my registry I happened across this article: https://www.lucieslist.com/postpartum/the-shift/
Seems pretty reasonable and I plan to follow the advice. I am returning to work after 12 weeks, so it will be wonderful if LO is sleeping fairly well through the night (like 4-6 hour increments). I think it is silly to let the baby dictate the schedule, especially if they have nocturnal tendencies.
#sorrynotsorry
Lol! Nope! It's a good way to survive!
At 4 months he had more than doubled his weight, so when we got the all clear from his pedi, we did CIO. Took 3 nights, and he was sleeping 4 hours, wake up for boob, and another 4 hours (as opposed to waking every 2).
Now DS is 14 months and sleeps from 7:30-6:30. Getting sleep is life changing!
my happy boy
2) If you thrash, don't cosleep. It isn't for everyone and that's a good reason.
He is a great sleeper now, but I am hoping we can get this baby on some sort of schedule so that our lives will be easier, since I can't stay home with her and let her sleep whenever she wants.
That's our approach to parenting in general though. Feed them when they are hungry, rock them when they are sleepy, soothe them when they need soothing, etc. it's really hard to have a schedule, and at a young age it's not really necessary. They will let you know what their needs are by using simple cues. I found that paying close attention to hunger cues cut out a ton of crying in general. Turning head and opening mouth is first, sucking on hands is second, crying is a last ditch effort to get your attention-- it's always like, "come on lady, boob already!!"
My daughter also cluster fed from like 5-9 each night. My husband learned to cook, and I spent most evenings sitting on the couch nursing. It was a struggle at first, but then I realized that her nursing like that was exactly what she needed. She slept from like 9:30-5:00 am. It was worth the hours of nursing nonstop (following her cues and not a set schedule) in order to then have a good night's sleep.
All in all- my only advice is to just take it hour by hour and day by day. The first few weeks are HARD-- just follow their cues, and all will fall into place in time
This. FTMs, don't use babywise. It's unsafe and your baby cries at that age because THEY NEED YOU.
I will be doing the same thing for this lo. If she cries I will pick her up and teach her that she is loved and we are Here. I'm still hoping she will be an amazing sleeper like her older brother though!!
I'm extremely type A so schedules, lists, routines, etc. make me happy and I actually take glee in doing them; however, when it comes to my child, I put that aside for her benefit. Baby wise is terrible. I'm glad you took good things from it but it can be taken to the extreme and be very dangerous. This is why is would never recommend it. Ever.
I freakin' love schedules. Unfortunately, babies are little people, and some just don't like schedules either - DS didn't. I think as a first time parent it's important to educate yourself, try what makes sense for you and your family, and if it doesn't work, try again or try something different. Most importantly, don't get too hung up on when what worked for some other mom doesn't work for you, or your with a group of moms who are in "oh the horror" that you co-sleep when LO is over a year, or you did CIO and they are aghast - or visa versa.
The biggest issue I had at the end of the day with sleep issues was being stressed about it not going the way I thought or wanted and then getting even more stressed-out and even depressed from feeling judged over it. At the end of the day - if you want to rock LO to sleep for 3 hours only to put him down and have the screaming start immediately, so you spend more hours doing it - more power to you (I did this). When you hit your breaking point and chart sleeping in Excel for 2 weeks gearing up for your CIO plan - good luck (we did this too). It's whatever works for you particular baby and lifestyle. Also, sometimes you just have to get by - and books don't have all the answers, so says the mom who bought and read (in desperation):
12 Hours Sleep by 12 Weeks Old
Healthy Sleep Habits, Healthy Child
Secrets of the Baby Whisperer
Solve your Child's Sleep Problems
The Sleep Easy Solution
The No Cry Sleep Solution
The Happiest Baby on the Block
I learned a little with each of them to **think** it will go better this time, but if not, I know I'll get through it and F everyone of my friends who tells me every other day how crazy, silly, wimpy, horrible I am for doing X, Y, and Z to get by.