Feb 14 very 1st SAHM check-in

Meghan14 · July 2014

Welcome to our first Stay-at-home-moms check in! It seems like a lot of us really need to discuss some of the feelings we are having being home with LO all day, so now we have a place. I'd like to welcome moms who are working from home, but have babies with them most of the day and moms who are working part-time. Really anyone who is home alone with LO for large portions of their week and is feeling that combination of boredom/stress/and loneliness.

What were you successes this week?

What was your biggest challenge or struggle this week?

What helped save your sanity?

Topic for the week: What made you decided to stay home with LO? Is it going as you expected?

GTKY: Introduce yourself. I know most of us have gotten to know each other really well, but I thought some intros might be needed. It can be hard to keep track of all the Feb 14ers

Feel free to bring up any other thoughts, feelings, or concerns you are having.

Meghan14 · July 2014

What were you successes this week? Does starting this check-in count? I think so. Also we began a new feeding schedule and it's working out really well so far.

What was your biggest challenge or struggle this week? The loneliness is hitting pretty hard this week. Also a total lack of motivation. Up until last week as soon as LO was asleep or happily occupying himself on the mat I was getting things done. Even at 1 week PP, when I should have been resting, I was super motivated. Lately as soon as LO is asleep I'm on TB, Facebook, napping, or watching TV. After almost a year of the house being pristine, it's back to looking the way it did when I worked full-time. It's not a disaster, but I'd have to clean-up a bit to have anyone inside.

What helped save your sanity? My project of trapping the family of stray cats has helped. This has given me a little bit of that sense of helping and productivity I got a work.

Topic for the week: What made you decided to stay home with LO? Is it going as you expected?

Growing up I never pictured myself as a SAHM. The combination of boredom and stress is pretty much what I expected. The loneliness is harder. I generally like my own company and even enjoyed living alone, plus I was used to having summers off, so I thought it would be no big deal. But there are also days that I love much more than I thought I would.

Almost all of my friends had babies about two years before LO. I watched most of them go back to work before their LO were STTN and saw the stress they were under balancing work and their new responsibilities as a mom. Doing the math with daycare, taxes, and commuting I felt like I'd be making an amount that was not worth the extra stress of juggling job & baby. We are luckily financially able for me to stay home, so this contributed.

I also worked crazy hours. People like to think a teacher's day ends at 3:00. I don't know where they get this idea. My typical day was 11 hours. I'm in awe of the mamas who can work. I couldn't imagine doing less at my job and still feeling good about it, and I couldn't imagine only seeing LO for an hour or 2 before having to put him to bed.

GTKY: Introduce yourself. I still think of myself as a teacher and love it so much. I do plan to go back eventually. I'm originally from Long Island, NY, college in PA, 2 summers, living/working near Cape Cod,MA, and the last 10 years in Houston, TX. I met DH in college and we were married for 8 years before our BFP. I have 4 siblings, we just had to say goodbye to our dog, and adopted a cat who had been abandoned in October. I enjoy reading, homebrewing, and pets. I also love to travel and was fortunate to get to see a lot of amazing places, mostly thanks to DH's job, before LO arrived.

We had some trouble TTC, but after 2 years finally got that BFP. LO had some minor weight gaining issues and although still small he is doing great. He will likely be an only child. Overall he has a great, happy temperament and is a pretty good night time sleeper.

Feel free to bring up any other thoughts, feelings, or concerns you are having. LOTS! But I've emotionally vomited all over you ladies enough for today. I'll address these slowly over the next few weeks.

Thanks for reading, sorry I wrote a ton.

Unknown · July 2014

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JackieP1023 · July 2014

I was actually coming in here to see if I was welcome, and it looks like I am!

What were you successes this week?

We are getting into a pretty decent routine, which is nice.

What was your biggest challenge or struggle this week?

We are still having small issues here and there. I have to wake her on occasion to make sure she eats enough. She still isn't rolling (5m tomorrow). Above all, I have such a hard time getting anything accomplished at home, both because needy baby and because lack of motivation. I have a TON of housework to do before people come over tomorrow night to watch the fireworks. And I have no idea how it will get done-I am working today, and have to go in to my second job for a few hours tomorrow (with LO).

Also, DH's work schedule has been insane lately... (well, 'normal' for most- 8 hour days 5 days/week- but we are used to him working 12-hour rotating swing). This schedule has changed everything. Typically, on the 12 hour shift, he is able to keep DD 3 or 4 days a week. I am able to flex my schedule around this, so we only have 1-3 days of daycare per month. Now, we have been needing 2 days of daycare per week. MH was supposed to be on this schedule for 2 weeks... and that was 10 weeks ago.

What helped save your sanity?

So far, DH. He gets home before I do when I work, and he does a quick straightening of things. He is in charge of meals the 2 days a week I work, so that also helps.

Topic for the week: What made you decided to stay home with LO? Is it going as you expected?

I don't technically SAH. I work 2 part time jobs, one 20 hours per week, some of that in office, some at home. The other is around 9 hours a week, some at home, some in the office-I also bring LO to this job (church secretary). I would love to SAH all the time, but we really just can't afford for me to.

GTKY: Introduce yourself.

I am 29, in the IT field. Grew up in central WI, the oldest of 5. Hobbies: basically baking, sewing. Anything crafty! Moved to central MO, and later to SouthEast MO. I met DH while working in a factory (when I was still with XH). We had our first BFP before we were married (Dec 23, 2010). Total shocker-I have PCOS, and was told it would take a lot of work to get pregnant. He proposed 2/14/11, we had our wedding date set for 5/21/11. We ended up losing our first on 4/2/11, due to IC. I got my first IT job (part time) after we got back from our honeymoon in Sept 2011. We started TTC again March 2012, started with a RE July 2012. It took us until May 2013 to get our second BFP. The pregnancy was tough--PGAL brain, plus cerclage placement at 13 weeks, pills every 6 hours, shots every week, MBR from 15 weeks, GD diagnosis around 27 weeks (had to be controlled with insulin).

LO has had some challenges with weight gain, but otherwise is a very happy baby. She has been a great night sleeper.

Feel free to bring up any other thoughts, feelings, or concerns you are having.

Unknown · July 2014

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southerngal07 · July 2014

Do you mind if I join? Next week is my last week as a SAHM.

What were you successes this week?
LO and I have been out of the house every day so far...that always feels like a huge success.

What was your biggest challenge or struggle this week?
DH and are still struggling to divide up housework and child care in a way that seems fair to everyone. He says he gets that it can be tough being home with LO all day, but I'm not sure he truly gets it. He's always asking me to run to the store for like 1 thing that he forgot to put on the grocery list. I've tried to explain to him that it's not a 5 minute trip to the store anymore; that taking LO means a minimum of 30 minutes. I just don't think he'll ever get the stuff like that until he has to experience it.

What helped save your sanity?
Honestly...when LO smiles and laughes it makes me forget the frustration I have. I know that sounds cheesy, but it's like something comes over me and the bad stuff becomes a fuzzy memory.

Topic for the week: What made you decided to stay home with LO? Is it going as you expected?
I didn't really decide to stay home, my leave just line up perfectly with summer break (I'm a teacher) so that I could be home with him. That's why next week is my last full week SAH. I have a pd class, then some leadership stuff, then pre planning starts. SAH has been so much harder then I thought. I was delusional to think staying at home meant I'd be able to keep an immaculate house and put dinner on the table every night. I'm lucky if I'm out of pjs by noon!

GTKY: Introduce yourself. I'm the artist formally known as emgomez13. :-h Live in GA, DH and I will both be turning 30 soonish, and our 2nd anniversary is less than 2 weeks away. Which reminds me, I need to come up with a gift!

Meghan14 · July 2014

@Bookshelves : I frequently use housewife to prevent others from using it first. I've been struggling with what to call myself too. I hate the term 'full time mom" because its so insulting to moms who work. I find myself saying "I was a teacher, but for now I'm home with the baby." I am right with you on so much of what you said.

I think we are all just so happy to get a chance to talk about our feelings we are all writing novels.

@madisonpenny : I meant to PM you last week when you said you were giving LO the last breast milk bottle, but somehow got distracted. I was pumping about 3 oz a day when I finally have up. Even with the pedi's recommendation to go to all formula it was still hard to do. ((HUGS))) mama. I know how hard this is and I'm sorry you've been feeling low about it.

@JackieP1023: Is it wrong that I'm a little relieved to see I'm not the only one feeling a lack of motivation? A friend of mine is in IT and works from home. He tried to have LO with him during the days to save money, but found this to be overwhelming and eventually they found a daycare. Is LO with you when you work from home? ((HUGS)) for your past struggles.

Unknown · July 2014

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coralreefmom · July 2014

What were you successes this week?
I was able to get some aquarium maintenance done, along with some laundry

What was your biggest challenge or struggle this week?
Getting the motivation to get out of the house to go to the store, it just takes so much work to get out the door with lo. I'm also anxious about hearing back about a job.

What helped save your sanity?
Nothing really this week. H has apparently been stressed at work, gets home, then takes a nap. Which means I'm on 24/7 since I don't make him get up overnight because he works. And writing this is making me tear up, ugh.

Topic for the week: What made you decided to stay home with LO? Is it going as you expected?
I had a cross country move at 5 months pregnant. It seems if people can see you're pregnant, they don't hire you. So I've been staying at home until I can find a job that'll pay enough to cover child care. I didn't know that out would be this hard. I was aware that I'd be taking care of lo most of the time, but the lack of adult interaction is killing me. I tried a mom's group and I didn't think I "clicked" with them.

GTKY: Introduce yourself. I know most of us have gotten to know each other really well, but I thought some intros might be needed. It can be hard to keep track of all the Feb 14ers
I'm cyclone. I was a meteorologist in TX when lo surprised us. Dh was working in MN, big vacation surprise. So we moved me to MN. We're by our families, so that helps a lot. I actually don't think I've shared this with f14, but lo came via emergency c-section and dh almost missed it. He had gone downstairs to pick up food when 3 nurses came rushing in because lo's heart rate had dropped significantly. They finally let me call DH after a few minutes. Ob came in after the nurses saying she wanted that baby out, even though they didn't have enough people for the OR. 10 minutes after that, lo was born.

mlynn333 · July 2014

Thanks for starting this @Meghan14‌ - I've been feeling alone in my SAHM journey and I'm looking forward to this!

What were you successes this week? I made time for music practice. It's the only hobby I've made time for, and as a plus LO seems to enjoy hearing it

What was your biggest challenge or struggle this week? LO ended up with a fever from her 4 month shots so that was a rough couple of days for us.

What helped save your sanity? Netflix marathon

. I've made it my goal to keep the TV off when DH isn't home, but on rough days I need the mental break.

Topic for the week: What made you decided to stay home with LO? Is it going as you expected? We planned on me being a SAHM before TTC. It's way harder than I anticipated - I didn't realize how much I thrived on the recognition and appreciation I got from my job. But I'm looking forward to being there for LO as she grows up

GTKY: Introduce yourself. Hi! I'm MLynn. I'm a super active lurker, but usually afraid to post much. My siggy is a mess - I can't update it without help from TB, so the ticker is right (I think?) and all of the other info is pretty much screwed up. Whatever.

LO was born by C/S on 1/31, DH and I have been married 4 years, we're both 27, and in what little bits of life all of that doesn't take up I enjoy music and photography. I'm a loner IRL, so I have one good friend that I spend time with, but she's struggling with IF right now so I depend on TB to be support/camaraderie in my journey as a new mom.

Meghan14 · July 2014

@cyclonewxchick (((HUGS))) about feeling stressed, not getting enough help and looking for a job. I'm glad DH didn't miss the birth.

JackieP1023 · July 2014

@Madisonpenny I'm not super worried (yet) about the not rolling. It just seems like ALL the F14 babies are doing it! She's experimenting with her voice a lot lately, found her toes, and loves reaching for toys when she is on her mat. I should be thankful she isn't rolling yet--we still need to figure out how we will baby-proof the open staircase going downstairs! (our living room is tiny-once she is rolling, we'll have to do something, because about 5 rolls from her playmat, she'll be headed down the steps).

@Meghan14 Yes, LO is home with me when I WFH. It is tough getting my time in. Thankfully, I can do things after hours (sometimes it's even easier after hours) to help make up my time. I technically WFH 4 hours one day a week. Eventually, if/when MH goes back to his normal shift, I'm going to see if I can start working 3 6hr days in the office, and 2hrs from home 1 day a week. I can easily get 2 hours in just checking and replying to emails! And yes, lack of motivation is tough! Yesterday (my WFH day), I managed to get a load of laundry mostly done (it's sitting in the dryer as we speak), 1 of 4 curtains made (for my brother), my work in, plus taking care of DD. She didn't nap much either, which made it tough.

@Bookshelves I don't really like the terms "Housewife" or "SAHM" either. I also feel the need to clarify that I work part-time, which always ends up being awkward.

mlynn333 · July 2014

@cyclonewxchick I totally get the struggle of feeling "on" 24/7. I get jealous when I read about other people whose SOs get up and help with nighttime stuff, even though DH and I agreed it would be my thing since I stayed at home (before LO was born... I had no idea what I was getting into anyway). It's so tough!

lbalek2 · July 2014

What were you successes this week?
I have been feeling more upbeat lately so I was able to run lots of errands. Even a few w/o LO!

What was your biggest challenge or struggle this week?
MH recently got a new job and our income is less than it was. (Also doesn't help that I don't really have an income either). It's been a struggle this past month making a budget and sticking to it.

What helped save your sanity?
I started finding fb groups of moms in my area. I'm going to meet up with a few moms next week so I'm pretty excited. I have friends with kids but none around my age or with kids my LO age.

Topic for the week: What made you decided to stay home with LO? Is it going as you expected?
I work as an EMT and if anyone is familiar with the field, we make practically nothing. I was making barely above minimum wage. So the choice to keep working and pay for child care or to stay at home was a fairly easy choice. I'm also the type of person that will go crazy if I don't get out every once in a while so I'm still working part time. But it's very part time, like 24-36 hr/ month. Staying at home is a lot more exhausting that I thought it would be! I thought I would get tons of stuff done. Not!

GTKY: Introduce yourself. I know most of us have gotten to know each other really well, but I thought some intros might be needed. It can be hard to keep track of all the Feb 14ers
I'm lbalek2 and I just turned 28 yrs old. I work as an EMT and I love the adrenaline rush the job gives me! MH is also 28 and just got out of the military and started his first civilian job. Both of our families live 1,000 miles away so in ways it feels like I am alone raising DD even though DH does his absolute best. Our LO is our first human baby after a long line of fur babies

coralreefmom · July 2014

mlynn333 said:
@cyclonewxchick I totally get the struggle of feeling "on" 24/7. I get jealous when I read about other people whose SOs get up and help with nighttime stuff, even though DH and I agreed it would be my thing since I stayed at home (before LO was born... I had no idea what I was getting into anyway). It's so tough!

It's part of the reason I can't wait until I get a job. I love spending time with lo, but I can't take the 24/7 aspect.

Question for the rest of the group - how much help do you get from h? I feel like I have to fight tooth and nail to get him to care for the baby. He'll help out with out with chores at least.

Ibliss · July 2014

What were you successes this week?
We received the bigger nipple size in the mail (yay Amazon) and DD has been less fussy while eating.

What was your biggest challenge or struggle this week?
LO is waking up more frequently and staying up longer at night. I get up with her because DH works. But sometimes I am a zombie all day.

What helped save your sanity?
Looking forward to Fourth of July weekend. Having DH home to help more and family around.

Topic for the week: What made you decided to stay home with LO? Is it going as you expected?
I have always wanted to be a SAHM. I was managing an optical shop and loved that but the stress of a sales job, combined with a crappy company, made the decision to quit easy. I actually quit when I was 2 month pregnant, knowing it was only a few month early. Being at home is extremely different than my job. I find it hard that DH doesn't fully understand. It's hard not being able to keep everything as clean as I want it or make dinner every night. But I am trying to remember these young years are so short and to cherish them.

GTKY: I am the oldest of 13 kids, 10 of which were adopted from 5 different countries. DH is the second youngest and the last to get married. We live in UT and I love being outdoors. We camp, fish, and hike. Two winters ago we took up skiing but then I was pregnant last winter so I am looking forward to picking it back up this season. We have been married a year and a half and this is our first child. I enjoy scrapbooking and craft projects. I am happy to have this thread started!

JackieP1023 · July 2014

@cyclonewxchick MH does all of the outside stuff, like Mr. Bookshelves. He has recently started to do the finances as well. He helps with laundry and dishes when he is around. Since we started bottle feeding, he is doing probably 20% of the feeds. When we were EBF, he would change ALL the diapers when he was home, and bring her to me so I could feed her. He helps me make a food plan for the week on Sundays, and we do the shopping together. He is in charge of 2 meals a week (for now) while I'm working later than he is. ('meals' is used loosely-usually it consists of a frozen pizza, corndogs, or fish sticks)

Madelyn0713 · July 2014

Biggest success this week - Just staying on top of everything. DH is OOT, LO isn't sleeping, DH's sister and her wife are arriving today, we still have contractors coming in and out of the house, etc.

Biggest challenge/struggle - DH being OOT all week and LO suddenly not sleeping well. She's STTN since she was 2 weeks old until the last few weeks. And of course it's been the worst this week, when he is OOT. He's working but he's recruiting so he's with all of his friends, going out to dinners, having a good time....blah.

Saved my sanity - wine and my jacuzzi tub!

I decided to stay home with LO because we moved from Alabama to Utah when I was about 9 weeks pregnant, so I had already left my job for the move. I knew I couldn't work in my current field (event planning) with DH working in his field (collegiate coaching) with a baby with no family or friends in the state. We both worked long hours, weekends, traveled frequently, etc., and something just had to give. It is going as I expected. It's incredibly lonely since DH works ~16 hour days when in town and travels around 240 days a year. But it's nice to not be alone all of the time. And having a baby has made it easier to meet people here (northern Utah - average family size in my town is 7 - so kids are common factor and ice breaker here).

I'm originally from Minnesota, went to school in North Carolina and lived there for DH's job. Then we moved to Alabama and lived there for 5 years for his job. We moved to Utah last summer (you guessed it, for his job) and just bought a house. My husband is a college coach, I was an event planner in higher education fundraising. Collette is our first baby and we also have three dogs.we are coming up on our 7th anniversary and have lived in 3 states and 6 houses since getting married. Coaching is an insane profession.

southerngal07 · July 2014

Bookshelves said:
@cyclonewxchick‌ He does most of the outside stuff (mowing, etc.) and handles finances. I do most other inside stuff, and I'm kind of a near freak, so I put a lot of pressure on myself. I've tried to be really honest with him when asking for help. "I'm feeling a little overwhelmed/exhausted/isolated today, could you please empty the dishwasher/put away this laundry/hold the baby for an hour?" He likes to feel helpful, but he's not intuitive about it. It's frustrating when he doesn't just notice stuff, but I've learned I have to ask.

He helps with MOTN diaper changes, which is a nice break for me, since we are BFing.

I struggled with feeling guilty about asking for his help, because he is at work all day. However; I reminded myself that my day starts in the MOTN with LO, and it certainly doesn't end when he comes home from work. It takes both of us to keep things running. Sometimes we work best as a team, like if I remember to marinate some chicken and prepare some steamed veggies and rice for dinner, he will grill when he comes home.

This is pretty much exactly what it's like in our house. DH is also not very intuitive about what needs to get done around the house, and I hate reminding/asking him to do stuff sometimes because I feel like a nag. That's kind of where we're at right now...getting him more involved without nagging him to do it. It's tough!

coralreefmom · July 2014

I feel like a nag too @southerngal07‌! From what everyone said, dh and I do about what y'all described.

lbalek2 · July 2014

MH is more than willing to help out with anything I need help with but I do have to tell him. I think most guys are like that. I do feel like a nag sometimes but I'm getting better at speaking up.

Sscarolynedvx · July 2014

What were you successes this week?
Getting LO into a eat, play and sleep routine, and being able to get more things done around the house.
What was your biggest challenge or struggle this week?
LO has been constipated and it really worries me, all the teething process it's stressful, everything goes to mouth, all the drooling and crankiness drives me crazy.
What helped save your sanity?
When MH comes home from work and takes over so I can shower/eat/sleep/pump.
What made you decided to stay home with LO? Is it going as you expected?
I went back to work when LO was 6 weeks old but I just could not do it and quit my job after 1 week, I would constantly think what was going on with her and if she cries if whoever was with her would know what she wanted then I just thought how wonderful is to be with my baby see the progress and every achievement of hers and not have to worry if she was being well taken care of.
It's way harder than I expected, some days I just don't know what to do with my self, its stressful and it is definitely a 24/7 job.
GTKY: I am 23 yo from NJ, a FTM and a stepmom of a 5 year old boy, I've been married to MH for almost 4 years and I used to work as an assistant manager at a clothing store.
I love sports, traveling and reading. I went o college overseas for Marketing but never graduated due to traveling.
I am more of a lurker here, I always hesitate to write anything because I feel theres no acceptance in some ways but lately I posted some comments that made some of you upset, AGAIN I do apologize F14 for any hurtful comment made I felt very bad afterwards and I would love to apologize to each and everyone of you if possible.
I am known here as the goats milk lady or the formula "shame" girl. I will clarify some things, I combo feed LO, EP and supplement with Similac formula and I do not feed my LO goats milk. I will try to get to know you ladies more, I promise and I will be more active when possible.

Flyingtoast · July 2014

What were you successes this week?

For the last 2 weeks I have very rude guest stay with us. I didn't blow up at them for all their offensive and derogatory things they said at me or about me to friends.

What was your biggest challenge or struggle this week?

Between the guests, LO super cranky from teething, and no down time, just keeping it together. I have high expectations for myself, and nothing got done for 2 weeks. I am struggling on accepting that and how I'm going to catch up while taking care of baby girl.

What helped save your sanity?

Honestly, my DH. Every night in bed we each had 5 minutes to bitch each. Then we would count down till we had the house to ourselves.

Topic for the week: What made you decided to stay home with LO? Is it going as you expected?

I'm not sure if I decided to stay at home with LO. I am a 'practical homesteader' and LO is along for the ride. I try to balance everyone's needs everyday. Some days are easy, others are not. I never expected it to be easy, but it's hard when I need to finish drenching the last few goats, and LO just won't take it. Her needs are always met before livestock, but having to stop a task 5 min before being done always kills me.

GTKY: Introduce yourself.

I live in NW Montana homesteading. After getting my degrees and being in the workforce, my H and I traveled around the country toxins where we wanted to homestead. Our LO was a welcome surprise while we are trying together established in our new lives.

I'm used to being alone most of the day, but I feel even more isolated since LO was born. Before neighbors would invite me over to 'help' with one thing or another. Now I'm not included because my hands are already full. Yes LO keeps me busy, but it doesn't mean I can't do things, just not in the same way. I think it's also hard because I was accepted as 'one of the guys' and now I'm not with a baby in tow.

@cyclonewxchick DH helps as much as he can outside. While I still do most of the work, he knows I can't spend a day weed whacking and balance LO's needs. In the house he doesn't see what needs to be done, but gets his nose out of joint when I ask him to do something(because he feels like I'm questioning his initiative/motivation. It's a work in progress). I struggle with asking him to do stuff because he works really long hours and comes home and works here some more. We both get up at 5 am and don't come inside till dusk (after 10pm now). DH does so much all over, but not always the most helpful task to me. Fixing the fencing on our driveway doesn't help when the pasture needs to be done right now. But he felt it was a great priority and would help me :-?

He is getting much better at giving me breaks. Not the most timely, but some it better then none.

Gah, that wasn't to supposed to be a novel. I guess I needed to get that off my chest.

southerngal07 · July 2014

@Flyingtoast‌ I'm sorry you had such rude guests! That's not cool that you opened your home up to them and they did that. You're a much better person than me, I'd have told them to GTFO!

cauliflowereyes · July 2014

This is a great idea! Thanks for starting it.

Successes: I've been trying to eliminate as much clutter and extra 'stuff' in our house as I can - it's so liberating! Too much stuff starts to own ME, and makes me anxious. I brought a few loads of extra kitchen, nursery, and craft stuff, plus a lot of clothing to the charity shop, and felt liberated. LO watched his silly Momma agonize over putting certain baby things in the 'keep' or 'give away' piles! (I kept many a momento though, don't worry, ha)

Biggest challenge: I know that we all put our family's needs wayyyy before our own a lot of the time, which happens.. but I keep skimping on FOOD for myself during the day! Which I hate. I get caught up in stuff I'm doing with LO or other projects and work and before I know it my blood sugar's plummeted and I'm devouring peanut butter straight out of the jar like a barbarian. This has to stop. Make yourself a friggin' sandwich, crazypants.

Sanity Saver: Both Grandmas (who both live out of town!) visited separately this week - I got some audience-free showers, real sit-down meals, (eaten with TWO hands) and a little bit of solitude, thanks to them. Oh, and I found a bunch of episodes of Downton Abbey posted online, and I'm re-watching them when I feel like my brain is about to flatline.

What made me decide to stay home with LO: It's hard to pinpoint, exactly. My mom stayed home with my sister and I until we were both in school.. it just seemed natural for my family, I guess. It has its ups and downs, but so far it feels like the right choice for us!

Introduce yourself: I joined the bump in January I think? Late to the game, I know!! Then I vanished for a few months, but now I really enjoy checking in and reading all the great threads here as often as I can. I'm from Ontario, like old stuff, nature, gardening, painting, cooking, reading, history, and oldies music! This LO is my first baby, after having a previous loss. I also had a surprise C-section last minute, so that was interesting, ha! (I had one of those birth plans that went straight out the window and turned into something completely different than expected, lol) I love my little dude, and although the newborn phase was a bit rough because I was sleeping about eight hours a week (I WISH I WAS JOKING, long story) I feel like we've really gotten to "know eachother", and I'm loving being a Mom.

Flyingtoast · July 2014

The house guest was my 'father'. But we have never been close. I was trying to let the past be the past and trying again for a adult relationship for LO. Nope. 2 weeks of hell for me, and he literally held her the entire time for 10 minutes total. Sadly it solidified choices I made years ago. He told my neighbors that he 'let us' buy the house/property. That it was his good graces we moved her ect ect. I was told I was taking care of the livestock wrong. I was questioned why I raise my daughter one way, because his neighbor does XYZ. Everything was his way, his time schedule, or it was wrong. Interesting because we hadn't talked in a decade, how did he 'let' anything? Never seen a goat, never mind bottle fed a kid, but his way was the only right way. It was just 2 weeks of me not speaking my mind because it would make it worse.

Meghan14 · July 2014

Wow, I find myself wanting to reply to everyone. It may take a while, but so many similar emotions!

@Mylynn333 : I'm glad you decided to post here, but am sorry to hear you've been hesitant to post in TB overall. I hope this check in will be welcoming community within a community for you. What music do you play?

@JackieP1023 : You got a ton done for someone who said they weren't feeling motivated!

@Mavaroo : glad you find TB helpful. Sorry you've lost friends, I know that situation can be hard. Sounds like they're missing out on your awesoemness. I think I've mentioned this to you before, but I LOVE Idaho. I actually went searching for one of my Idaho hiking pics for "summer eye candy"

@Ibalek2 : Errands help me fell productive. Go you getting some done. I admire EMT (and firefighters) so much! WOW! Meeting other moms sounds nice. I met a few and am hoping to meet more at a class next week.

Ques about DH: He helps a ton and is really supportive. He does too much for me to list but the big ones are cooking dinner and cleaning the bathroom. My only complaint is how quickly he gives up when LO is fussy. His feeling just get too hurt by it.

@Ibliss : Sorry LO has been more wakeful, but less fussy is nice. Sorry DH doesn't understand. 13 kids- WOW! 10 adopted- can I hug your parents?

@JoyBaby 5 : Sorry LO is sick, I'm glad DH is helping.

@sjelwood : I hear you on considering showering a success. It's been a struggle for me this week. Good luck with decisions between being home and searching for a new job. I'm super impressed by the Masters in piano- Wow!

@madelyn0713 Good luck with DH OOT. Wine and a jacuzzi tub sounds great right now. But first I'd have to clean the tub and we already discussed my motivation this week. I imagine balancing a LO and event planning would be tough, especially with DHs job. My "cousin" is a college basketball coach and it's hard on his wife. Plus they end up moving a lot.

@armalan12 : An unpredictable napping schedule is killing me too. I like to make daily to do list and LO is just too unpredictable. It drives me nuts! Glad the diaper issue worked out. Seeing the kids you nannied sounds nice. I could go on a very long rant about hiring coaches. Maybe I'll get into that another day.

Ok, if LO cooperates I will read more now. I got distracted by the NIP and SCOTUS threads, plus kitties, LO, and Target.

JackieP1023 · July 2014

@Meghan14 It was by far my most productive day I've had in awhile! I *had* to get working on the curtains because they need to be done by the end of the month. My brother (and his fiancée and my sister) are all coming to stay with us for DD's baptism that weekend. I want to get them done ASAP, because in a couple weeks, I'll need to be getting things organized and ready for that. I *had* to get laundry done in order to get started on the curtains.. they needed to be washed before I could start sewing them. With DD not wanting to nap, it was a lot of juggling-trying her in the PnP, then on the floor, then in the jumper, and the bouncer, and the bumbo. Usually she would last about 15 minutes in/on each, and she was wanting to be picked up again. It was a lot of starting and stopping projects, to get all of that done!

Meghan14 · July 2014

@sscardyndvx : Yay for a routiune! Sorry about teething. Hopefully this check-in will be a place for you to reinvent yourself on TB

@Flyingtoast : Sounds like a success to me! I'm sorry you had to deal with rude guests. I'm glad DH is such a source of strength for you. I'm so glad you are participating in this check-in, I've really wanted to get to know you, and your goats better. I'm eager to hear everything you do and how you balance it all. I struggled a lot feeling like I lost my "guy" status. For me this happened when I moved and had to make new friends. I imagine its even tougher for you and dealing with feeling isolated.

And now ladies, naptime is clearly over. I will read the rest later. SO SO SO sorry if I didn't get to you yet!

Edit: because LO woke up before I finsihed responding to flyingtoast.

Flyingtoast · July 2014

@Meghan14‌ I really don't balance it well. I am just trying to make sure everyone is cared for as much as possible. I am working on accepting my limits not my expectations (and the huge difference in my own head, and the small difference for my DH). I have a list, everyday somethings happen, others I really want to happen. It helps me when I start to berate myself for lack of progress to have a list that include the small things. Read a book to LO, yup. Cuddled with LO while staying up to date with homestead type topics, done. She obviously care about the new recommendations in story time voice. Started a load of laundry, check. Side goat note. The kids are now weaned to 1bottle a day. Really it's because I just couldn't handle 3 times a day, but I'm going to claim that they are old enough to have grain and graze. The experts were living in utopia, not my world. Though their baying has invited some not welcome large predators into the area. Before a long gun was in the vehicle at all times. Now it is out and in reach. Mountain lions are no joke, and don't stop to wait for you to get a gun.

Cerisrichard · July 2014

What were you successes this week?

I finally got LO into a routine of 2 naps per day and a regular bed time... Yay!

What was your biggest challenge or struggle this week?

I had a migraine this morning and find it really hard to cope with LO when I feel Ill.

What helped save your sanity?

Episodes of once upon a time and supernanny, Piano practice, and My DH is great at taking LO for a while when he gets home

Topic for the week: What made you decided to stay home with LO? Is it going as you expected?

I always wanted to stay at home with LO and don't really want him in child care. We can't quite afford it though. I'm still on maturnity leave at the moment but am planning to teach piano and do some private tuition work from September. That way I can stay home with him during the day and work for a couple if hours when DH gets home. My mam has also offered to have him for 1 day so I may be able to do some supply teaching.

Introduce yourself:

Hi, I haven't posted much since LO was born but am just getting back into TB. I am 29, from South Wales originally but living in England now. I was a science teacher/private tutor before LO was born.
DH and I met on a tall ship sailing holiday in 2008. We got married on 5/4/13 and got our BFP in early June. LO was born on 13/02/14. He is very healthy and in 98th percentile for weight. He can almost sit but no sign if rolling yet...
The birth was tough. I was in early labour for 3 days and he was eventually forceps delivered.
At the moment I am working my way through my old piano grades to get back up to a standard where I can teach and really enjoy playing. I take LO to Playgroup and swimming each week and have found a moms group in my villiage which is really nice.
I'm really looking forward to this thread, thanks for posting!

Meghan14 · July 2014

@Califlowereyes : good job with the clutter! We had to de-clutter a lot to make room for LO, it felt great! Now the idea overwhelms me. He keeps me so busy. I also forget to eat. By the time I had lunch today it was almost 4:00. Yay for help from grandmothers!!!! I am glad you are feeling pretty good about your decision to stay home. Sorry you went through such a rough time during the newborn phase. We're glad you are back. I also love "old stuff" someday I'd love to PM you to learn more, but today is not that day.

@Broccoli's_girl : sorry you are having a rough week. I'm glad chocolate helps. I always feel better on days we go out and can't wait until LO is big enough to enjoy outings.

@Flyingtoast : ((HUGS)) about your dad. I still think you must be doing a great balancing act. Give yourself the credit you deserve.

@JackieP1023 I'm still super impressed.

@TyranasourusLex : I also have laundry to fold. Sorry making mom friends is tough. We were a 1 car family for a while, it must be really hard with a LO. Glad you DH is so supportive. Mine has been pretty understanding about how overwhelming it is to be home all day and why so little else gets done sometimes. Ah, that magical Canadian maternity leave

Keep us posted on the potential move.

@carleys : Glad the car ride went well! The playdates sound nice. Wow, having that option sounds really nice. It must have been a bit scary to move away from family right at a time when you would need them.

How did you balance classroom discipline with hearing issues? I have a mild auditory discrepancy problems and have a tough time when I suspect kids of saying something inappropriate, but don't quite catch it. I think I am remembering correctly that you were at a school for hearing impaired kids, but it still seems difficult.

shellbell3845 · July 2014

I'm going to read all your responses this evening, but I wanted to jump in with my own responses now while I have 10 minutes on my laptop. Thanks so much for this check in!

What were your successes this week?

Not letting the lack of sleep get to me; getting out of the house every day; using some naptime for productivity and some naptime for a break

What was your biggest challenge or struggle this week?

Trying to figure out at least some kind of routine; naptime; feeling very alone/overwhelmed, especially in the MOTN

What helped save your sanity?

Allowing myself to take some breaks while LO is happy

Speaking up for what I need DH to do (and giving him specifics)

LO being okay for 10-15 minutes in the exersaucer

Topic for the week: What made you decided to stay home with LO? Is it going as you expected?

So I'm a teacher and this is summer break. I was working part-time this year, and my school has been closed by the diocese, so my job disappeared. We discussed me SAH before we were even expecting because we both felt it was the type of family experience we wanted. I've since accepted a new part-time job (2 days a week), and I'm pretty excited/terrified. I think it will give me the best of both worlds. Is it what I expected? I don't know. In some ways, my life hasn't changed that much. But somedays, I just feel overwhelmed and like I don't have my own life anymore.

GTKY: Introduce yourself. I know most of us have gotten to know each other really well, but I thought some intros might be needed. It can be hard to keep track of all the Feb 14ers

Hi! I'm ShellBell! LO is a boy, and he was born 2/24. I'm a FTM. When I'm not being a domestic diva, I'm a music teacher. My favorite domestic diva tasks are baking, cooking, crafting, and thinking of ways to get DH to clean the damn bathroom. I also enjoy reading, traveling, vodka with cranberry juice, and iced coffee.

Feel free to bring up any other thoughts, feelings, or concerns you are having.

I struggle with resentment issues. Some days I get so jealous that DH has an hour lunch break where he gets to talk to grown-ups and sit down and eat without also having to wipe up drool or put a paci back in. Then comes the guilt -- because I've wanted to be a mom forever, and I've wanted to SAH the majority of the time.

We're also pretty much on the most screwed up sleep schedule of all time. DH keeps offering to help -- to get up, give a bottle, etc. I have a hard time accepting that help because I feel like he works all day. I don't know why I've kidded myself into thinking I don't work all day -- it's just different work. I think I'm going to let him help tonight and see how it goes.

In general, this week is going better than last week because I'm getting out of the house every day. I decided I don't care -- for now -- if I spend a little more money or waste a little gas.

mlynn333 · July 2014

@meghan14 I play flute and French horn, and both quite poorly

but practice should help me get back to being halfway decent.

cauliflowereyes · July 2014

Thanks, @Meghan14!

Meghan14 · July 2014

Hey, I really am trying to write real responses to everyone who took the time to answer, so sorry but I really need to take a break. I'll read through the last few tomorrow.

Madelyn0713 · July 2014

@shellbell3845‌ I understand the resentment completely. I suppose mine is deeper than just the SAH thing - I'd be lying if I said I didn't sometimes feel resentment for having to give up my dream job in a city I loved to move to Utah for his job. I loved my job and I was good at it. It really was perfect and my dream job. Now I spend my days cleaning up after a baby, cleaning house, and being excited about corn growing in my garden. Talk about a change

It's also hard since he gets to travel to fun places and always takes his team on little trips when they have off days - Knotts Berry farm, the beach, etc., and out to fun restaurants. And when he's out recruiting, like right now, he's working hard and long days, but he also gets to see his friends from all over the country (other coaches) and catch up over dinner. I never get to see my friends from NC/AL. I love being a SAHM, I really, really do. But it's hard, yo.

Meghan14 · July 2014

@Shellbell3845 It's nice you H offers to help, let us know how letting him works out. Sorry you are still dealing with a lack of sleep. Working 2 days a week sounds awesome. That would be my "perfect world" scenerio, but can't figure out childcare to make it work. Is the new job education related? Looks like their are lots of teachers in our SAHM group. Getting out of the house is key. It's been my goals since LO was 6 weeks to get out every day, even if its only to take a walk or run to Target. I hear you and @Madelyn0713 on the resentment thing. DH has really gone out of his way to let me know how much he appreciates me giving up a career I love, but some days I find myself wanting to strangle him anyway. And like Madelyn I find when he travels especially hard. "So your going out to a nice dinner and seeing exciting cities?" "Awesome, I'm covered in spit-up with no break in sight."

@paulheath2012 : all that travel sounds stressful, but it sounds like you rocked it! I'm glad family is so helpful. Congrats on LO2! How's the new house working out so far? Was your stepdaughter upset about the move or cool with it. I guess at 18 if she just finished high school it's probably a good time, if she has 1 more year she might be a bit more upset. Does the move out you closer or further to your stepson? I hope you meet some awesome moms in your new city soon.

@JammersC : I can see what this is such an emotional week. ((HUGS)) I am sure you are feeling both relieved and sad as you pack away NB things. I'm glad LOs sleep schedule is getting a bit better. Your dogs sound super cute! I'm glad you are finally getting a chance to be a SAHM. I hope when you are ready to return to work you find something perfect to do "when you grow up"

shellbell3845 · July 2014

@Meghan14‌ I feel like you are awesome at this! Thanks for starting this and your thoughtful questions and responses.

Meghan14 · July 2014

WOW! Thanks!

We may have finally found something on TB I'm good at! I feel like the randoms move to fast for me to have thoughtful responses and I don't have the wit or speed to entertain when we get a troll.

(I just looked for a "special purpose" GIF from The Jerk with no luck. That would have been awesome)

KSSmith · July 2014

What were you successes this week?
Running errands, doing laundry, prepping and packing for our trip to the lake tonight thru Saturday.

What was your biggest challenge or struggle this week?
Trying to get everything done and packed to go out of town for a few days. And the two older kiddos were sick, one one day, the other the next - so trying to sanitize and not let it spread to DS2, DH and I.

What helped save your sanity?
The fact that all three of my kids afternoon naps overlapped in some fashion so I could nap some too, ha ha!

Topic for the week: What made you decided to stay home with LO? Is it going as you expected?
I was a teacher at the time I was pregnant with DD, and I made the decision before she was born that I would not comeback after I had her. We were fortunate enough that at the time (and still now) that I would be able to stay home and we would manage on just DH's salary. When I was first home with DD I think it was made easier by the fact that she was a good sleeper and it was spring so I felt like I could atleast just get out and walk or be outside. There were definitely times where I was bored/lonely but I think that is pretty typical especially when being a teacher you are used to talking (and being talked back to) for most of your day.

GTKY: Introduce yourself. I know most of us have gotten to know each other really well, but I thought some intros might be needed. It can be hard to keep track of all the Feb 14ers
I'm Katie, and my DH and I are both 31. My DH works fairly standard hours at a commercial banking group. I'm originally from outside Boston, came down to college in SW Virginia and met DH. Got a scholarship to grad school and got my masters in education and went into teaching. I taught for 1.5 years before I had DD and have been home since. DH and I have been married for almost eight years (7/22).
I've had three fairly big babies I guess in pretty rapid fashion, DD was 8.9 and born 45 minutes after we got to the hospital, DS1 was 9.12 and 14 minutes after we got there, and DS2 was 9.6 and evicted 4 days late, 3 hrs after being induced. My body is still trying to comprehend what it is supposed to look like ha ha, I struggle with strecth marks, loose skin, a still bruised tailbone, separated abs and an abdominal hernia - all of which I wouldn't trade for anything.
So excited about this check-in. I love reading about everyone!

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