This is hard.

MrsBigTime · July 2014

I want to apologize in advance for this...I try to be positive and I hate that I am struggling so much, but in this moment, I have to get my feelings out.

18 months is hard. Having a toddler is hard. Toddlers are hard!

We have so many tantrums, so many opinions, so much whining and so many tears over nothing! I know this is totally normal toddler behavior. And, in between moments that are so hard, they are countless wonderful, sweet, funny, incredible moments. I LOVE this little girl with every fiber of my being, and maybe I'm having such a hard time because I am not really ready emotionally to actually be in this stage (as opposed to the baby stage). I don't know. I truly didn't expect to have a hard time like this, I knew there would be hard things, for sure, but not like this.

I think the cusp of my frustrations are around bedtimes. We used to have a great routine and I looked forward to rocking, cuddling and then putting DD down. It was easy and I loved it. In the last month, DD has taken to screaming every time I put her down. Naps and bedtime are absolutely horrible and I am at my wits end! Tonight, she fell asleep in the ergo on our walk, so I took her to her room, held her for a while, then put her in her bed. Two minutes later, she was awake and screaming. I thought she was probably scared since that isn't our normal, so I went upstairs and nursed her, and tried to rock her to sleep more, but she was kicking and flailing, so I put her back into her crib and she screamed for a good 20 minutes. This is just one example. Every bedtime for the past few weeks has been like this. As she's screaming, I feel myself becoming so frustrated and I feel like I'm failing my daughter. It's just wearing at heart and I am exhausted.

I feel so badly even expressing these feelings, and I hate that I may come across as negative about motherhood for even a second. I love being a mom, but this is really kicking my butt and I just want to know I'm not alone.

jac409 · July 2014

I'm sorry you are having such a hard time. You aren't alone. We aren't having bedtime problems, but I have had to put DD in the car and drive her around till she falls asleep for her nap more times than I can count lately. Otherwise, she will just scream and scream. It is awful. The whining and temper tantrums are getting hard to deal with too. For me, it is also the food throwing and constant destruction of pretty much anything in her path. I try not to react and raise my voice, but it happens. By the end of the day I am worn out. Yesterday, she wanted something in the fridge, but rejected everything I tried to give her. She threw a fit and started screaming, so I set her down and walked away and let DH deal with it. She used to be really easy to take out, whether it was Target, the grocery store or a restaurant. In the past month, she has turned into a complete nightmare. I don't even want to leave the house anymore. We are flying to see family for the 4th tomorrow and I am terrified of how she will act on the plane. Anyway, all that to say, you are definitely not alone. I am suddenly finding this age very challenging and not really knowing the right way to handle it. On the other hand, she Is super affectionate and loves to give me kisses and hugs, so that helps a lot. I just keep telling myself it won't last forever. She will turn into a rational human being at some point : )

Jackiemxoxo · July 2014

You are not alone! For us, it is taking dd out anywhere. She refuses to ride in a cart or stroller so we have to let her walk and any chance she gets she runs away from us. She refuses to hold hands for more than 2 seconds and it makes running errands really hard. I honestly wait til dh gets home most of the time because it is just too frustrating to go alone. Her tantrums have also picked up lately and the pedi told us to ignore them for a min and a half because that is how old she is but I dont think this method is really working. I don't think time out is working much either but she is starting to get it.. She still thinks its a game though.

However, I thought the newborn stage was really tough so I don't know if anything can top that. I totally get what you are saying about the fighting sleep thing. DD had that regression around 13 months and it was awful. When dd used to fight sleep, dh and I would take turns going in and rocking then giving her 5 minutes in between. You just gotta hang in there and tell them that they better be that hard to get into bed when they grow up.

myskyegirl · July 2014

I'm sorry you are having such a hard time at sleep times, that's really frustrating. I can't say lo has an issue w/sleep, she loves to sleep, but I can sympathize about tantrums. S will throw down over everything. She stomps her feet, screams and cries like we are trying to murder her and changing her diaper is a horror show. It's never been easy to change it, but as she's getting bigger there's more wrestling involved to get it on. I don't want to potty train her right now, I just fee she's too young, but I'm thinking once her reg diapers run out I'm going to start using the pull-ups.

SingleMom31 · July 2014

I agree that I was more mentally prepared for a baby and sleepless nights, crying, etc. It wasn't easy, but I had in my mind that it would get easier after the newborn stage. It did briefly, but this stage is hard in a way that I hadn't expected.

We're facing it in a couple ways. First, she's now become one of the biters at daycare. While I know it's part of this stage and is because she doesn't know how to deal with her frustration, I still feel bad when I pick her up and get told that she bit another child. Our pedi agreed that it's a phase and consistently saying no if she bites us is best, but it doesn't make it easier.

Second, bedtime has gotten to be tough. She wants to be carried around until she falls asleep, but I don't have the energy by the end of the night to carry her for a half hour plus (plus, the baby bump is increasingly getting in the way). Sometimes she'll let me rock her to sleep, but she more often wants to play, etc. Sometimes I give in bc (this sounds horrible) it's easier than fighting with her. I normally regret it though bc she ends up an over tired mess.

I'm hoping that she grows out of this stage quickly. Anyone have any guesses on when they turn into more rational little humans?

minervacullen · July 2014

I'm so sorry. It's perfectly normal to feel overwhelmed, stressed, like you're doing something wrong.. I'd like to say it gets better with age, but each new chapter has new stressors.

Our bed time has been a minimum of 1-2 hours lately. Nap time too. I'm so over it. Wine helps.

I've been avoiding outside time, I know I know, because runs or flips out when I won't let her steal toys from neighbors yards or run in the road. But then if we get enough outdoor play, she goes to sleep easier, it's a catch 22.

Hang in there.

Addy1227 · July 2014

I dread nap time!! I don't know whether to just deal with a sleepy baby (which is usually not that bad) or to let him scream til he falls asleep, it's horrible and then I get very over whelmed because I can't get him to sleep so I get really down on myself and tend to stress eat.

Having a toddler is hard so don't feel bad about expressing yourself, sometimes it helps to let it out and your definitely not alone! LO just had his check up and they give you somewhat of a guideline of what to expect during this age and one of the things it says is "Over the next few months your child will continue to be selfish, stubborn, and assertive", not so promising. But it also says they will have fewer frustrations since they will be able to communicate better so hopefully that means less tantrums about nothing in the near future.

Hang in there! We're here for you!! Keep in mind this won't last forever, even though it may feel like that.

kescalera · July 2014

You are definitely not alone. Ever seen "The Backup Plan" with Jennifer Lopez & Alex O'Loughlin? There's a line in there about parenting that is so completely 100% true...

"Being a parent is awful, awful, awful, awful, awful and then there's this one moment, this one amazing moment, then awful, awful, awful, awful, but then again, one amazing moment...."

I get so frustrated with Killian's perfectly normal toddler behavior and even behavior I'm so proud he's even figured out already that I have to some times just walk away for a minute. I cry, I get my feelings hurt because he doesn't want to snuggle before bed time or he practically jumps out of my arms for Daddy. Then he'll turn around one morning and I'll wake up a drooly, HUGE smile and a "kiss" and he'll just want to lay in my arms and cuddle for hours.

It is hard.

It is so ridiculously hard that if we knew what we were really getting into ahead of time, most probably wouldn't have had children.

Remind yourself there will be good moments sprinkled in there. Usually just enough and just in timed to remind you why this little bundle of pissed-off, snotty, drool has taken over your heart so completely.

>:D<

[Deleted User] · July 2014

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jac409 · July 2014

I want to add one thing...success at the grocery store today! Lately, she has been refusing to sit in the cart. She will literally stand up (even though she is strapped in) and launch herself at me so I will hold her, with the cart moving. If I put her in the big basket, she either throws things out of the cart or tries to open the boxes and packages. At our stores they have carts with a kid seat that has a steering wheel, facing forward. I decided to give it a whirl today figuring it couldn't get much worse anyway. Success! She had a blast and stayed in her seat and didn't throw or destroy anything the whole time! With all of the drama we've had lately, it truly is the little things like a smooth store run that get me through the day.

minervacullen · July 2014

@jac409‌ Milla turns in the cart, strapped in, sits on her knees, faces forward, and says hi to everyone while throwing/opening the groceries. She does it with an adorable cheesy smile too. I've learned to shop quickly.

Litgirl77 · July 2014

We are right there with you. It's SO hard right now. I used to joke that as an inner city public school teacher just dealing with one kid would be a breeze. Ha. Not so much.

It's like all of a sudden, someone flipped a switch and my smiley little baby is gone, replaced by an opinionated toddler. He won't eat what used to be his favorite foods, won't go down for a nap or bedtime without a major battle. Tantrums all the time.

It just helps reading that everyone else is experiencing similar issues. We're all in this together! And just like everything else, this is just another stage that will pass quickly…even if it feels like it's taking forever!

perfectlove09 · July 2014

It can be hard. Dd is so clingy I can't move a inch without her at my feet. We are getting into tantrums here and there as well. I know it's hard but my best advice is to be EXTRA EXTRA patient. They are learning to talk and be independent but they don't have all the words or brain power yet to really express themselves and it's incredibly frustrating for them. I try to put myself in her place sometimes and think of how annoying it would be to have all these towering adults over you, telling you "no" "stop" etc and not having anyway of really sharing my feelings/wants/needs. It has to be hard.

We will all get through it. And I'm glad to see someone else has 1-2 hours of getting LO to sleep. I just sit in her room next other crib foreeeeeever in the dark waiting for her to fall asleep and it drives me nuts.

JessAnnJ · July 2014

We were having a terrible time getting DD to sleep at night. It happened out of nowhere. Then we bought her a stuffed puppy from IKEA and decided to let her bring it in the crib and now she cuddles it and goes to sleep. Up until that point we only had a blanket in her crib.

The tantrums are tough but talking to other moms with slightly older LOs I think it will get easier in some ways as the communication skills increase. DD will sometimes ask for milk when I pick her up from daycare. When I try to tell her that I don't have any but I will get her some when we get home I think she just interprets that as me not understanding what she wants. Soon I think she will better understand that I just can't do it right now but will soon and it won't feel so end of the world to her.

I do love all of the hugs and kisses I'm getting.

MrsBigTime · July 2014

Thank you, thank you, thank you! I wanted to cry last night after a horrid hour of battling bedtime and when I wrote that post, I was just feeling so disheartened! However, all your encouraging words, and similar experiences have helped me feel so much better! It really is nice knowing that I'm not alone and that we're all navigating these waters together!

I tried totally ignoring DD with her tantrum tonight. It was very difficult, and she threw herself around her room (with me sitting in the chair waiting for her to be done) for way longer than I thought she would, but, as soon as she was done, I took her onto my lap and we snuggled and I was able to rock my baby to sleep again.

One day, one moment at a time!

Thank you so much for your words of encouragement and camaraderie!

This is hard.

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