Dang it. I even had a selfie saved up to post the next time. I always see these threads at 5:30am when I'm getting ready to go to work, and there's no way I'm posting a 5:30 am selfie Maybe next time I'll catch it before I go to bed.
BFP1: DD1 born April 2011 at 34w1d via unplanned c/s due to HELLP, DVT 1 week PP
BFP2: 3/18/12, blighted ovum, natural m/c @ 7w4d BFP3: DD2 born Feb 2013 at 38w4d via unplanned RCS due to uterine dehiscence
I can't get on board with any thread where it was ok to say, "Hey, you're a bully and it's not ok to tell someone matter of factly that they might want to take control of their situation if they can. And also, you don't know jack about how hard life is."
But it was, ok, however, to imply some people abuse alcohol as a means of escape from the hard life they apparently didn't have two replies before that. Well, not imply. Say it right out.
I also stand by my response. If you only want hugs and kisses, perhaps be more judicious of what you decide to post. If you decide to leave because you're not liking the vibe of the place anymore or how you perceive yourself being treated, that choice is yours to make and own. It shouldn't be something you do to see how many people go looking for you in a few days. Because, like some have said, people are kind and do worry.
I can't get on board with any thread where it was ok to say, "Hey, you're a bully and it's not ok to tell someone matter of factly that they might want to take control of their situation if they can. And also, you don't know jack about how hard life is."
But it was, ok, however, to imply some people abuse alcohol as a means of escape from the hard life they apparently didn't have two replies before that. Well, not imply. Say it right out.
I also stand by my response. If you only want hugs and kisses, perhaps be more judicious of what you decide to post. If you decide to leave because you're not liking the vibe of the place anymore or how you perceive yourself being treated, that choice is yours to make and own. It shouldn't be something you do to see how many people go looking for you in a few days. Because, like some have said, people are kind and do worry.
I think in vero's case though, she took offense to the "take control of your situation if you can" part. Because it did seem like she was trying to take control of her situation and she kept running into walls everywhere she went. And she has a lot of crap going on, not just one thing. The impression I got from her posts was that she IS trying and not getting anywhere, plus she has depression and anxiety to deal with on top of it. In that sense, I think people were a little harsh towards her. Obviously most of her posts have been negative, vent-type threads, which I agree that maybe she should have been a bit more judicious at times.
Teach has had an absolutely devastating last few months too, but I had noticed that multiple times she seemed to be implying that she was not getting support or the words she wanted to hear from us. I really have no idea where that came from because I thought we were nothing but supportive to her and angry/sad/upset on her behalf. That one I'm a little more confused about.
PCOS with long, irregular cycles First round of Clomid in May 2012= BFP #1, DD born January 2013 BFP #2 in January 2014, DS born September 2014
I think that's my other piece. It's an internet forum. Exactly what kind of "support" can be expected? Most of us can only offer our words, being that we live helter skelter across the country. And so many of us did offer our words. A lot of words, that were in the earlier days, so very supportive. That's the thing for me, you can't demand support from people. You either are getting it from them in whatever medium is available, or you're not. No one is obligated to support you.
I remember a few times people saying they wished they could do other things to help, like babysit and cook. Which I'm sure would get done if circumstances allowed bc the women on here are a very warm, caring group of women. It can't be denied that support at one point was flowing, to me.
Teach has had an absolutely devastating last few months too, but I had noticed that multiple times she seemed to be implying that she was not getting support or the words she wanted to hear from us. I really have no idea where that came from because I thought we were nothing but supportive to her and angry/sad/upset on her behalf. That one I'm a little more confused about.
This is where I am.
I know that for me, it would be hard to come to board full of women who are talking about their husbands and their wonderful lives if mine was falling apart. Maybe that's where she is?
I missed all of this drama and I'm glad I did. I will say that I enjoy a glass of wine (or three) as much as the next person. But I've never felt like I'm escaping anything (unless it's a day my toddler painted her room with poop). I just like wine because it tastes good. And I always assumed the other ladies on this board are the same way. I don't feel like any of you are like functioning alcoholics or anything. We just all know we love wine and have bonded over that, so we discuss our love of wine freely.
How many of us mommas suffer from depression and anxiety? It's just something that you have to become aware of and treat it with the method that works best for you. If you use it has this handicap and excuse, you are only compounding the issues in your life.
Yep. Unbeknownst to pretty much all of you, I spent NYE 2014 in the psych ward of the hospital because my PPD and PPA were so bad that I "wanted the earth to swallow me." (My exact words at the time). Nothing rings in the New Year like hospital gowns, am I right?
I'm not saying any of that to garner sympathy. It's the last thing I want. I say it to show that a lot of people have things they're struggling with, and the tone of that thread wasn't okay because it insinuated that those of us who don't use TB as a place to get counseling are living on easy street. I didn't appreciate that. I save my issues for my counselor.
And I'm much better by the way.
Buuuuut I also didn't appreciate the not-so-nice PMs I received from a certain deleted user after that thread. Which was also odd. Lots of people participated in that thread, but yet, I was targeted?
How many of us mommas suffer from depression and anxiety? It's just something that you have to become aware of and treat it with the method that works best for you. If you use it has this handicap and excuse, you are only compounding the issues in your life.
I don't really think that's fair. Treating mental illness is not always easy. Not all treatment methods work, and sometimes medications that once worked become less effective. If someone is purposely using it as an excuse, like "oh poor me, I have anxiety so my life just sucks" then that's different. But I don't really think that's what vero was doing.... she said multiple times that she suffered from pretty severe PPD, that her meds had to be changed and were not as effective as they once had been, and that there was a lack of therapists in her area.
PCOS with long, irregular cycles First round of Clomid in May 2012= BFP #1, DD born January 2013 BFP #2 in January 2014, DS born September 2014
Teach has had an absolutely devastating last few months too, but I had noticed that multiple times she seemed to be implying that she was not getting support or the words she wanted to hear from us. I really have no idea where that came from because I thought we were nothing but supportive to her and angry/sad/upset on her behalf. That one I'm a little more confused about.
This is where I am.
I know that for me, it would be hard to come to board full of women who are talking about their husbands and their wonderful lives if mine was falling apart. Maybe that's where she is?
I missed all of this drama and I'm glad I did. I will say that I enjoy a glass of wine (or three) as much as the next person. But I've never felt like I'm escaping anything (unless it's a day my toddler painted her room with poop). I just like wine because it tastes good. And I always assumed the other ladies on this board are the same way. I don't feel like any of you are like functioning alcoholics or anything. We just all know we love wine and have bonded over that, so we discuss our love of wine freely.
I leave with a post about my husband texting me a picture of his weenie and come back to this? 180, much?
I'm so sorry to hear about your NYE, @tarheelmama202. I think you said what needed to be said on that thread, and I'm sorry that you were the one who got attacked for it afterward.
I would like to get back to the gettin' some and weenie talk, personally.
I just read the whole thing last night...I think a lot of things were said at the height of emotion. That doesn't make them right, but it allows me to look at those things and kind of dismiss them. Hurt people hurt people, and all that.
Much in the sense that not all therapy and treatment options work for everyone, not all advice styles work for everyone. I saw one advice post and was like..."oof...I'm out." Because to me, it was harsh. But that's how I interpreted it. Someone else might say, "Wow...that was exactly the kick in the pants I needed!" But we don't know how it's going to be received. And...I'll go out on a limb and say Vero wasn't really asking for advice. I know it was given with the best of intentions, that everyone here wants to see her have a happy ending and was trying to get her to go in that direction, but the combination of "I just needed to vent and now all these people are telling me what to do" might have been too much for her to handle.
Internet forums are hard because you can't read intent or tone in typed words, so you are left to interpret. I don't think they are the best places for serious conversations. But I guess sometimes that is all people have and they need something to get them through. I know we were all supportive of Teach but I don't think it was enough. I'm not sure it would have ever been enough. She is still very much alone in a very real sense, as is Vero. Is it fair to expect a forum as this to fill the void? Probably not. Was it all they had? Maybe. Like I said, I can't fault them too much, because I think their pain was talking for them. It doesn't make it right or okay, and maybe it's because I wasn't accused of mean things, but I can look past it. I do hope they both come back.
Bottom line is that, at some point, we have to be responsible for our own actions, including how we react to our emotions - and sometimes that does mean walking away for a while until things improve. Hair-flip posts are generally obnoxious, but I don't get the impression that's what happened here - just a jumbled mess of heated emotions and a responsible choice to take a step back. We cannot always control how others will speak to us or how they will act around us, but we can take action to cope - and coping doesn't always mean just sitting around listening to the advice of twenty internet acquaintances.
*Spontaneous* OHSS diagnosed 08.06.2012 Right ovary removed 09.04.2012 via vertical laparotomy Essure implant placed on remaining tube 06.13.2013; successful followup scan 09.30.2013
Re: BUMP PARTAYYY
Right ovary removed 09.04.2012 via vertical laparotomy
Essure implant placed on remaining tube 06.13.2013; successful followup scan 09.30.2013
I thought so too! Ugh...I'm going to have to read it. I'm so curious.
@Sagen, there is a chance you all are moving soon, right? Possibly to the West Coast?
BFP1: DD1 born April 2011 at 34w1d via unplanned c/s due to HELLP, DVT 1 week PP
BFP3: DD2 born Feb 2013 at 38w4d via unplanned RCS due to uterine dehiscence
Teach has had an absolutely devastating last few months too, but I had noticed that multiple times she seemed to be implying that she was not getting support or the words she wanted to hear from us. I really have no idea where that came from because I thought we were nothing but supportive to her and angry/sad/upset on her behalf. That one I'm a little more confused about.
First round of Clomid in May 2012= BFP #1, DD born January 2013
BFP #2 in January 2014, DS born September 2014
I know that for me, it would be hard to come to board full of women who are talking about their husbands and their wonderful lives if mine was falling apart. Maybe that's where she is?
I missed all of this drama and I'm glad I did. I will say that I enjoy a glass of wine (or three) as much as the next person. But I've never felt like I'm escaping anything (unless it's a day my toddler painted her room with poop). I just like wine because it tastes good. And I always assumed the other ladies on this board are the same way. I don't feel like any of you are like functioning alcoholics or anything. We just all know we love wine and have bonded over that, so we discuss our love of wine freely.
I'm not saying any of that to garner sympathy. It's the last thing I want. I say it to show that a lot of people have things they're struggling with, and the tone of that thread wasn't okay because it insinuated that those of us who don't use TB as a place to get counseling are living on easy street. I didn't appreciate that. I save my issues for my counselor.
And I'm much better by the way.
Buuuuut I also didn't appreciate the not-so-nice PMs I received from a certain deleted user after that thread. Which was also odd. Lots of people participated in that thread, but yet, I was targeted?
First round of Clomid in May 2012= BFP #1, DD born January 2013
BFP #2 in January 2014, DS born September 2014
@Sagen was like the Mama Theresa on that thread.
I just read the whole thing last night...I think a lot of things were said at the height of emotion. That doesn't make them right, but it allows me to look at those things and kind of dismiss them. Hurt people hurt people, and all that.
Much in the sense that not all therapy and treatment options work for everyone, not all advice styles work for everyone. I saw one advice post and was like..."oof...I'm out." Because to me, it was harsh. But that's how I interpreted it. Someone else might say, "Wow...that was exactly the kick in the pants I needed!" But we don't know how it's going to be received. And...I'll go out on a limb and say Vero wasn't really asking for advice. I know it was given with the best of intentions, that everyone here wants to see her have a happy ending and was trying to get her to go in that direction, but the combination of "I just needed to vent and now all these people are telling me what to do" might have been too much for her to handle.
Internet forums are hard because you can't read intent or tone in typed words, so you are left to interpret. I don't think they are the best places for serious conversations. But I guess sometimes that is all people have and they need something to get them through. I know we were all supportive of Teach but I don't think it was enough. I'm not sure it would have ever been enough. She is still very much alone in a very real sense, as is Vero. Is it fair to expect a forum as this to fill the void? Probably not. Was it all they had? Maybe. Like I said, I can't fault them too much, because I think their pain was talking for them. It doesn't make it right or okay, and maybe it's because I wasn't accused of mean things, but I can look past it. I do hope they both come back.
Right ovary removed 09.04.2012 via vertical laparotomy
Essure implant placed on remaining tube 06.13.2013; successful followup scan 09.30.2013
Right ovary removed 09.04.2012 via vertical laparotomy
Essure implant placed on remaining tube 06.13.2013; successful followup scan 09.30.2013