Depersonalisation

mflowers929 · July 2014

Depersonalization (or depersonalisation) is an anomaly of self-awareness. It consists of a feeling of watching oneself act, while having no control over a situation.[1] Subjects feel they have changed, and the world has become vague, dreamlike, less real, or lacking in significance. It can be a disturbing experience, since many feel that, indeed, they are living in a "dream"

I was wondering if anyone else is feeling or has felt like this? I keep reading how some of you ladies are emotional when seeing baby stuff, but I just really can't relate.
I had my big breakdown the day of my last ultrasound, but since then I've felt very detached. Even when going through the miscarriage, it felt very almost clinical to me, and I'm worried that maybe I shut down instead of processing.
Recently, I've begun to feel more like I'm wandering in a dream. I commented to H the other day that I don't feel fully in control of me.
There is a program available to me to see s counsellor, and I'm very strongly considering pursuing that, but I feel a little dumb for feeling like this.

Unknown · July 2014

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Buttercup509 · July 2014

Lots of (((hugs)))

goldengirl84 · July 2014

(((Huuuuugs))) I'm so glad you said this. I'm sorry you're feeling this way - I totally get it. I guess we all process emotions differently. I tend to bottle them up because I feel stupid crying in front of anyone. Crying makes me feel so vulnerable. Then, when I'm alone and I want to cry, I can't. I try so hard to cry and nothing comes out. Once in a while I break down and it feels so good to let it out. Don't ever feel dumb. The situation we are all in is dumb, not us or the way we feel. More hugs.

mflowers929 · July 2014

I think the fact that I can't seem to cry over this is bothering me. I'm definitely a person who cries - I think about my dog that died 6 years ago and I cry. I watch a sad show or movie, I cry. I cried myself to sleep for months after I left my ex. But the only time I've cried about the miscarriage at all after my ultrasound was because of the pain I was in.
I found the card from my husband's boss. It's for an EFAP (employee and family assistance program). It's not exactly the same as seeing someone face to face, but I think it's a place to start talking with someone.

jjbmstinco · July 2014

I just want to say that if you start talking to someone and you start to feel like they aren't "getting you". Please don't give up. Some counselors and client's personalities don't mesh well together. Also some counselors have specialities. It couldn't hurt to ask if there is a counselor that you could talk to that has delt with this before.

((hugs))

meredithcarole · July 2014

I would absolutely see a therapist, but not because it is wrong in any way to process emotion differently than others. You are concerned about it and that is the only reason you need. There have been a couple of threads where I just couldn't relate and it seemed everyone else had experienced emotion that I had not. Specifically I recall when someone asked about getting intimate again after a loss, they were feeling reluctant and very emotional about it and many people said they too had been very emotional about it. I never felt that way and I wondered for a while if it was something wrong with me, but in reality we all process things differently, have different triggers, and different emotions. If you feel like you are in a fog then it is probably a good idea to speak with someone so you can sort through everything. I have found therapy to be very helpful in the past, though I haven't sought it out for my loss (I was thinking I may need to if I get PG again). I hope the EAS system helps, but as PP said, if you don't mesh don't give up. You have to "click" with the therapist for it to be affective in my experience.

BackstreetPixie · July 2014

::Hugs:: No don't feel dumb. I think it is a very normal emotion. For me I go through different stages... I feel this Depersonalization sometimes, and sometimes I just feel depressed. Sometimes I just feel angry. Sometimes I feel lost and scared and/or anxious. Then I can cycle through them all again. I think after the initial shock, sadness, and horror I felt that first week or two I went through about 3 weeks of the depersonalization. That was one reason I got my memorial necklace. Because it started to feel unreal, and dream like. Everything felt fake and like I was in a daze. I was afraid I was forgetting my LO and like it was never real. I hated feeling that way. I felt guilty when I didn't feel sad or even angry. Like I should be crying, why am I not crying... Even now 6 months after my loss I go through all of these emotions. I have breakdowns or get super angry, or just feel lost... or like I'm in a dream and can't wake up. Experience your emotions as they come to you. Everyone grieves in their own way. If you feel talking to someone would help absolutely do it. There is no shame in that and if it will help you then please do. I know it helps me to talk about it. It is one reason I'm on this board, and also I talk with people I know outside here who have experienced loss. I've talked to a counselor over the phone through a grief program through hubbys job. (It is free if I do it over the phone) ::LOTS OF HUGS:: This is a very difficult thing to process and we all do it differently. Just because what you feel/experience isn't the same as someone else that does not make it wrong. There is no right or wrong way to feel about this. I hope this makes sense and is at least a little helpful.

rslh10 · July 2014

Oh I am so sorry you're feeling this way, @mflowers929‌

hugs to you first off, and secondly I agree about seeing a therapist. I saw one last year for issues not related to my loss, but I liked her a lot and she really got me. When I had my mc I mentally had to tell myself to not get depressed. The old me would have curled up and gotten super depressed. Not saying I'm not super sad but time is passing and I'm feeling "better". I'm like you in that I cry a lot. I'm very emotional. My DH can't handle that. He thinks he did something wrong to make me upset. So I found during all of this I haven't been crying a lot to him, but to myself. In the shower or when something triggers me and I'm alone. Also, it would be ok if you didn't cry over this more than your time in the hospital and from the pain. Maybe you're handling this different than other issues that make you cry/upset. Does that make sense? This is different than a sad movie (although sometimes life feels that way, huh!!) so maybe your body is handling it different. I don't know if that made any sense, but I just wanted you to know that I'm thinking of you and I'm so sorry you're going through this. (((Biggest hugs)))

LilNugget19 · July 2014

((Hugs)) hun, I'm sorry you are struggling. As other's have said please don't feel dumb. When I was reading what you wrote it sounded like you were writting about me. I cried after my u/s with my first loss and then after that every thing seemed clinical/robotic. I didn't cry and felt like it was a dream not reality. When I joined this group after that loss I felt so bad about myself because I wasn't feeling sad or upset like the other women on here would write about. I talked to MH about it and said I was a bad mother because I thought I should have been more upset/crying all the time. I would read some of the postings and try to force myself to feel the way they did beacuse I thought I needed to, but I eventually just came to the realization that we all grieve differently. I felt almost cold hearted if that makes sense. After my second loss I just felt angry and jealous. I really think we experience emotions in waves and your feelings are exactly as mine were after my D&C.

I think it would be nice for you to talk to someone since it's already available to you.

MrsZko · July 2014

Firstly, sending you a big hug...secondly, I don't think this is crazy at all. I truly think sometimes, this detached feeling is our heart, mind and soul protecting itself from all the hurt, until it's ready to start letting emotions flow a bit more, and to be able to let go and move on. I had moments like that, mixed with very emotional moments, usually I kept them very private, with only H or my mom seeing them. Often I was alone. Also, I did see a therapist and she helped me tremendously, especially in understanding how my emotions, regardless of what they were, were completely normal. I strongly encourage you to go, because you aren't losing anything by going. Many people I know who've had losses (not only pregnancy related) put it off and look back thinking it could have helped, in hindsight....

Km380 · July 2014

Not much to add to what pp have said. But I get what you are saying. After my second loss I felt disconnected to everything. I felt like I couldn't run errands alone bc I would feel scared and lost. If MH and I went to the store and he moved behind something or to a different aisle, anywhere I couldn't see him I would start to panic. I had to constantly hold his hand so I wouldn't feel lost in the world. Now I'm not sure I'm making sense. That lasted a few weeks. I've also talked to a therapist and it really helped. But whatever you are feeling please don't feel dumb for it, everyone handles things differently. Big hugs.

yellowcat10 · July 2014

I am so sorry, but as everyone else has said this is completely normal. For a few months after my loss I felt like this. But this is also my sort of go-to state. When my brother died I cried as soon as I found out but then it was nothing for 3 years. I could talk about it with people, even help them get through it, but I never really got hit by it for a long time. My mom asked me to go to a therapist because my reaction was so different from everyone else's and I did. For me, just having them say this was normal was enough (I was a teenager and only went once I should add). But with every other big loss in my family this is how I always react at first. I am okay with it now because I know this is me and eventually I will breakdown like everyone eventually does. Everyone is different and you should not feel bad about how you feel.

ngolimento · July 2014

I do this every time something bad happens. It's just how I process. Don't feel silly, or hesitate to reach out for help.

You can actually disassociate for years if you try to muster through on your own. I didn't start crying about my loss 8 years ago until February of this year. It kept me sane and let me get on with my life.

MSU_Girl1202 · July 2014

I think a lot of pp said it beautifully, but to add in my two cents, there is never a 'wrong' of 'dumb' way to grieve. I think grief us such a personal emotion that you can't just say there are one or two ways to do it. If internalizing it and not letting yourself feel it is your way of sort of protecting yourself from the pain, then that's your way of grieving and it's not wrong. I think talking it out with someone, when you're ready, could help you deal with some of the feelings. Sending huge ((hugs)). We're here for you lady!!

O2girl · July 2014

Huge (((hugs))). I too have moments like what you described. Those moments come in waves for me and I feel that the detachment is a form of self-preservation. It isn't a conscious choice to detach, it is just an unconscious thing that happens when I become too emotional. I started seeing a psychologist who specializes in infertility and pregnancy loss after my first loss and it has helped tremendously because I began to understand why I detach. Huge (((hugs))) to you and no, you aren't dumb

mflowers929 · July 2014

Thank you ladies. Your validation that my feelings aren't all abnormal is hugely helpful, you have no idea how much. I will be working on gathering up the courage to call a counsellor tomorrow to discuss how I'm feeling.

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