Frustration/bitterness/jealousy (loss mentioned)

anfranklin2 · June 2014

Before I start this rant, I want to make something extremely clear: I would never, EVER wish anything negative on anyone's pregnancy or child or overall well being. Ok? Ok.

Well, last cycle, our first ttc, we ended up with a bfp. It ended a week later in a cp. it was awful, and so miserable. What makes it worse is when I see people posting on Facebook about accidentally getting pregnant. I saw one post in particular that was a picture of a sonogram with the caption "wasn't too happy about this but it is what it is" And I just couldn't understand that! And it's her second child! Why do people like that get happy, healthy pregnancies but my fiancé and I truly want a baby have to suffer a loss? I want everyone to have healthy pregnancies when they want to have a baby, but it just seems so unfair when I see people just a happening to fall pregnant and there are so many actively trying to get pregnant and can't or suffer losses. I'm just so bitter, and so jealous. I'm sure I'm not the only one that feels that way but I just needed to express myself. When I saw that one sonogram it just sent me into a rage!
Ok, rant over. Thanks for listening TTGP

evalyn24 · June 2014

I'm sorry for your loss

tlc35 · June 2014

Losses are really hard and facebook definitely makes it harder. I would consider unfollowing people whose talk too much about their pregnancies on there.

Bee1112 · June 2014

I'm sorry for your loss. I can't imagine what going through that and having to see things like that does. Big Hugs.

Just remember other peoples fertility has nothing to do with your own.

hullabalou · June 2014

It is hard. There really isn't much anyone can say to make you feel better. Jealousy is a hard emotion to deal with, but it is normal to feel that way. I get pangs of jealousy about my friends who are pregnant, and then I end up feeling guilty for my jealousy. It is just a lousy, dysfunctional emotional cycle and it sucks. But it IS normal to feel that way. Just remind yourself that their fertility does not impact yours. I hope you get your take home baby soon.

eskimozie · June 2014

I understand. I really do. My DH and I have been TTC for 14 months. We finally got a BFP around the first of June. We found out yesterday that it's a NVP. My bro and SIL have an 18 month old and today told us she us prego again. My co-worker has a two year old and a nine month old... Both woopsies!

F***! Realy! What do I have to do here!

divinemsbee · June 2014

I'm so sorry for your loss. If this person or their status updates are bothering you, then hide/unfollowing them is probably the best thing to do for your own mental health.

I get more frustrated with myself than jealous, but everyone processes loss in their own way. It's hard and there are bad days. For me, even thought it's rough, the mantra that life isn't fair helps me deal.

cdubs85 · June 2014

I'm so sorry for your loss. It's completely normal to feel an array of emotions after experiencing a loss, but do understand that not everyone is so willing to share the difficulties in their TTC journeys on facebook. While you might see/read "it was an accident" or "we were only trying one month", this is not always the truth. Allow yourself to feel those emotions, but do not hesitate to talk to someone if they become all consuming. I wish you the best of luck.

Msbender129 · June 2014

I totally understand! I'm dealing with the same feelings! My husband and I lost our little boy at 21 weeks due to major brain development issues... It was the hardest thing we both ever had to go through! Like 3 weeks later our friends announced they where pregnant "total accident" they aren't married, weren't trying, haven't been together that long... And now that's ALL I have to hear about! Mind you, she's like 7-8 weeks pregnant.. And that's ALL I hear about!!! It makes me so mad and sad I can hardly be around her. So I totally understand! WORST. FEELING.EVER.
Only advice I have or that I have found that works is stay away from people like that- and try to detach from Facebook- I did... And I think that's the only thing you can do... Good luck and hope it gets better!

anfranklin2 · June 2014

Thank you all for kind words and advice, you all are truly wonderful people and I'm so thankful to have found this community of women! I do understand that my fertility is my own and not impacted by others, but no matter how much I tell myself that it doesn't make me feel any better. I truly think I need to take some of your alls advice and take a break from fb for a while. I don't think about any of this stuff (cp, others pregnancies) too often, but once I see it on there it just brings me down. Maybe a month or so will give me my sanity back.

@eskimozie‌ I'm so sorry your ttc journey has been this long, and so so sorry for your nvp

it just really isn't fair! And it's so much harder when it's thrown in your face like that

@Msbender129‌ that breaks my heart for you, I'm so sorry for your loss!!!

@Encchanted‌ thank you so much for your advice, and honesty about your emotions after your loss! I just feel like I'm going crazy feeling this way, of course fiancé doesn't feel the same kind of emotions as me, so he doesn't understand. I truly think a fb break is what I need.

beckynsean11 · June 2014

I'm so sorry for your loss. It's hard not to feel these things when you see others who have what you want so badly. Even more so when they don't seem to appreciate it. I'm truly sorry for that particular announcement, there are just no words for some people.
After my first loss, I took about a month away from Facebook because I just needed the space from that kind of stuff. After this last one, I didn't feel the need for a break because there was so much support from friends & family on there.

Take good care of yourself.

lizzyp9112 · June 2014

I know the feeling. I was a week late last fall and got my period the same day my brother and sister in law told me they were expecting. They were not trying and it was a HUGE shock (they were not ready for a baby and at this time are staying with friends while they wait to close on their new house... and baby is due in 2 weeks).

It's hard to separate my happiness at having a new nephew with the pain and frustration of TTC. Everyone here is so supportive, though, so stick around and you will have a place to talk and relate to others who get where you are coming from.

I am so sorry for your loss, but welcome and good luck to you (since I think I didn't welcome you in your intro... I skip those a lot!)

ImJessesGirl · June 2014

I totally get where you are coming from as I am going through my first miscarriage right now. I can't stand the term "accident." I am 33 years old and I've had a lot of sex in my life and never have I gotten pregnant accidentally because we know what causes babies. It's called prevention. Anyway, that's another topic.

I get where you are coming from and it's very frustrating. I think as time goes on, it'll get a little easier to manage, and maybe for now either unfollow people or put them on silent on your facebook. Or maybe avoid facebook for a while.

This really sucks. Hugs, friend!

Catcherryesux · June 2014

Jealousy is unavoidable sometimes. The ability to get pregnant and deliver a healthy baby is just like anything else in life- mostly luck of the draw, and there's nothing fair about it. I remember once feeling really jealous of a woman who had just announced her pregnancy on a message board (not this one). The thing that really made me ashamed is that I had just started TTC and had no reason to be impatient, while this woman had been through 6 months of fertility help (after waiting the required 12 months). Yet I was privately jealous of her even as I congratulated her. You just can't help how you feel sometimes. Your friend's post was pretty tasteless, and it might not be a bad idea to use the facebook function of hiding her posts from your newsfeed. I will never understand some of the oversharing people like to do via Facebook.

pinkglitterfly · July 2014

I'm kind of in the same situation. I found out our baby was gone at my 9 week appointment. I had a D&C on 6/27. I too feel your frustration with seeing announcements and people complaining about being pregnant. I have actually stopped looking at my Facebook multiple times a day like I used too. There have been days that I wish I could punch people in the face. Maybe it's my anger from my loss but it still annoys the crap out of me.
Hugs for your loss too.

URMySunshine77 · July 2014

I am very sorry to hear about your loss. I agree with the PPs about avoiding Facebook.

Hugs to you.

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