Frustration/bitterness/jealousy (loss mentioned) — The Bump
Trying to Get Pregnant

Frustration/bitterness/jealousy (loss mentioned)

Before I start this rant, I want to make something extremely clear: I would never, EVER wish anything negative on anyone's pregnancy or child or overall well being. Ok? Ok. :)
Well, last cycle, our first ttc, we ended up with a bfp. It ended a week later in a cp. it was awful, and so miserable. What makes it worse is when I see people posting on Facebook about accidentally getting pregnant. I saw one post in particular that was a picture of a sonogram with the caption "wasn't too happy about this but it is what it is" And I just couldn't understand that! And it's her second child! Why do people like that get happy, healthy pregnancies but my fiancé and I truly want a baby have to suffer a loss? I want everyone to have healthy pregnancies when they want to have a baby, but it just seems so unfair when I see people just a happening to fall pregnant and there are so many actively trying to get pregnant and can't or suffer losses. I'm just so bitter, and so jealous. I'm sure I'm not the only one that feels that way but I just needed to express myself. When I saw that one sonogram it just sent me into a rage!
Ok, rant over. Thanks for listening TTGP :)
Married July 19, 2014.
Inherited one stepson, so excited to continue our family!
BFP#1: June 15, 2014. MC June 20, 2014.
BFP#2: July 11, 2014. MMC July 27, 2014. Naturally passed tissue August 5, 2014.
BFP#3: October 29, 2014.
EDD: July 8, 2015 *Stick baby stick!*
BabyFruit Ticker

Re: Frustration/bitterness/jealousy (loss mentioned)

  • I'm sorry for your loss :(
    TTC#1 January 2013, BFP 7/4/13 MC 8/7/13 D&C 8/22/13
    BFP 5/20/14 CP 5/26/14

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  • I'm sorry for your loss. I can't imagine what going through that and having to see things like that does. Big Hugs.

    Just remember other peoples fertility has nothing to do with your own.

    Me: 25 DH: 26
    Married 11/12/11
    BFP 12/17/11
    DS 8/29/12 via C-section
    TFAS 3/2014
    BFP #2 5/25/15 EDD 2/4/2016
    It's a BOY!
  • It is hard. There really isn't much anyone can say to make you feel better. Jealousy is a hard emotion to deal with, but it is normal to feel that way. I get pangs of jealousy about my friends who are pregnant, and then I end up feeling guilty for my jealousy. It is just a lousy, dysfunctional emotional cycle and it sucks. But it IS normal to feel that way. Just remind yourself that their fertility does not impact yours. I hope you get your take home baby soon.
    Married 6/2013, TTC 9/2013.
    MC 12/2013, Blighted Ovum 04/2014, CP 06/2014
    Began RPL testing 07/2014
    BFP #4 10/26/2014; Theo born 07/2015
    BFP #5 06/17/2017, EDD 02/28/18

    BabyFruit Ticker
  • I understand. I really do. My DH and I have been TTC for 14 months. We finally got a BFP around the first of June. We found out yesterday that it's a NVP. My bro and SIL have an 18 month old and today told us she us prego again. My co-worker has a two year old and a nine month old... Both woopsies!

    F***! Realy! What do I have to do here!


  • I'm so sorry for your loss. If this person or their status updates are bothering you, then hide/unfollowing them is probably the best thing to do for your own mental health.

    I get more frustrated with myself than jealous, but everyone processes loss in their own way. It's hard and there are bad days. For me, even thought it's rough, the mantra that life isn't fair helps me deal.

    TTC #1 since 11/2012
    Me-31, H-27
    **Loss 1-Cycle 7(June 2013) at 5w6d-CP**Loss 2-Cycle 11(October 2013) at 5w4d-CP**
    **Loss 3-Cycle 14 (January-February 2014)-M/C dx 2/10, EP dx 2/24, MTX 2/25**
    Beta Hell--hCG finally down to 0 - 6/20/14
    SA normal. Genetic testing normal. Hormonal testing normal.
    HSG 6/30/14 - found blocked left tube and 2 'bubbles' on uterine wall.
    Hysteroscopy/Lap--8/4/14 - Tubes unblocked. Polyps removed from uterine wall. Septum removed.
     9/30/14--Off the bench! Unmedicated TI through December 2014
    BFP 12/14/14!!! Beta #1, 12/16: 990 Beta #2, 12/18: Over 2000! Beta #3, 12/22: over 8000!
     U/S #1, 12/23: gestational sac, possible heartbeat
    U/S #2, 12/30: HEARTBEAT! 128bpm, measuring right on at 7w EDD: 8/19/2015
    U/S #3, 1/9: BPM in the 180s, IT'S HAPPENING!!!
    BabyFruit Ticker
    [Deleted User]anfranklin2
  • I'm so sorry for your loss.  It's completely normal to feel an array of emotions after experiencing a loss, but do understand that not everyone is so willing to share the difficulties in their TTC journeys on facebook.  While you might see/read "it was an accident" or "we were only trying one month", this is not always the truth.  Allow yourself to feel those emotions, but do not hesitate to talk to someone if they become all consuming.  I wish you the best of luck.
    RPL Panel, CD 3 BW, Karyotype, SIS all normal, We have a PLAN!
    Romans 8:18-For I consider the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us.

  • Msbender129Msbender129 member
    edited June 2014
    I totally understand! I'm dealing with the same feelings! My husband and I lost our little boy at 21 weeks due to major brain development issues... It was the hardest thing we both ever had to go through! Like 3 weeks later our friends announced they where pregnant "total accident" they aren't married, weren't trying, haven't been together that long... And now that's ALL I have to hear about! Mind you, she's like 7-8 weeks pregnant.. And that's ALL I hear about!!! It makes me so mad and sad I can hardly be around her. So I totally understand! WORST. FEELING.EVER.
    Only advice I have or that I have found that works is stay away from people like that- and try to detach from Facebook- I did... And I think that's the only thing you can do... Good luck and hope it gets better! =)
  • Thank you all for kind words and advice, you all are truly wonderful people and I'm so thankful to have found this community of women! I do understand that my fertility is my own and not impacted by others, but no matter how much I tell myself that it doesn't make me feel any better. I truly think I need to take some of your alls advice and take a break from fb for a while. I don't think about any of this stuff (cp, others pregnancies) too often, but once I see it on there it just brings me down. Maybe a month or so will give me my sanity back.

    @eskimozie‌ I'm so sorry your ttc journey has been this long, and so so sorry for your nvp :( it just really isn't fair! And it's so much harder when it's thrown in your face like that :(

    @Msbender129‌ that breaks my heart for you, I'm so sorry for your loss!!!

    @Encchanted‌ thank you so much for your advice, and honesty about your emotions after your loss! I just feel like I'm going crazy feeling this way, of course fiancé doesn't feel the same kind of emotions as me, so he doesn't understand. I truly think a fb break is what I need.
    Married July 19, 2014.
    Inherited one stepson, so excited to continue our family!
    BFP#1: June 15, 2014. MC June 20, 2014.
    BFP#2: July 11, 2014. MMC July 27, 2014. Naturally passed tissue August 5, 2014.
    BFP#3: October 29, 2014.
    EDD: July 8, 2015 *Stick baby stick!*
    BabyFruit Ticker

    Bee1112[Deleted User]lizzyp9112[Deleted User]
  • I'm so sorry for your loss. It's hard not to feel these things when you see others who have what you want so badly. Even more so when they don't seem to appreciate it. I'm truly sorry for that particular announcement, there are just no words for some people.
    After my first loss, I took about a month away from Facebook because I just needed the space from that kind of stuff. After this last one, I didn't feel the need for a break because there was so much support from friends & family on there.

    Take good care of yourself.

       Me: IR-PCOS, elevated DHEAs, low progesterone, weak ovulation  DH: low volume, low T
    SHG 5/10/13: both tubes blocked; HSG 6/28 = Left tube cleared! Right blocked.
    BFP#1 7/20/13 EDD 3/30/14, m/c 8/19/13, D&E 8/21/13, Chromosomal results = normal, female
    Lap & hysteroscopy scheduled for 10/31, right tube cleared, no endo found! ...Happy Halloween!
    Cycle 14: Clomid (50)+ IUI = BFP! EDD 9/16/14~ Rowan Elizabeth born sleeping at 17w4d on 4/12/14 due to IC.
    ~There is no foot too small that it cannot leave an imprint on this world~
    New RE June 2014. RPL b/w - negative. SIS looking for uterine/cervical abnormalities & Asherman's 6/10/14 - ALL CLEAR!  
    Cycle 16: Natural IUI = CP, Cycle 17: Femara (2.5) + IUI = BFN, Cycle 18 Femara (5) + IUI = BFFN, Cycle 19: Break
    Cycle 20: Clomid (50)+ IUI = BFP EDD 6/20, transvaginal cerclage 12/19, Carson Quinn born sleeping at 16w3d on 1/6/15 due to IC
    Phone consult with Dr. Haney (Univ of Chicago) for transabdominal cercalge scheduled for 2/9/15.
    "We are the music makers, and we are the dreamers of dreams."
    image image imageimage 
  • I know the feeling.  I was a week late last fall and got my period the same day my brother and sister in law told me they were expecting.  They were not trying and it was a HUGE shock (they were not ready for a baby and at this time are staying with friends while they wait to close on their new house... and baby is due in 2 weeks).

    It's hard to separate my happiness at having a new nephew with the pain and frustration of TTC.  Everyone here is so supportive, though, so stick around and you will have a place to talk and relate to others who get where you are coming from.

    I am so sorry for your loss, but welcome and good luck to you (since I think I didn't welcome you in your intro... I skip those a lot!)

    Married 9-1-12 (On Depo until 4-12)        Me- 33, DH- 36
    NTNP starting 9-12, Actively TTC since 9-13
    My DX- Hypothyroidism.  Prescribed Synthroid
    DH's DX- Severe MFI- first SA results: 1.3 mill (1.2 mill motile), 21.6% motility, 2% morphology
    Blood test revealed low testosterone so DH was prescribed Clomid.  Repeat blood test and SA in November.

    [Deleted User]anfranklin2
  • I totally get where you are coming from as I am going through my first miscarriage right now. I can't stand the term "accident." I am 33 years old and I've had a lot of sex in my life and never have I gotten pregnant accidentally because we know what causes babies. It's called prevention. Anyway, that's another topic.

    I get where you are coming from and it's very frustrating. I think as time goes on, it'll get a little easier to manage, and maybe for now either unfollow people or put them on silent on your facebook. Or maybe avoid facebook for a while.

    This really sucks. Hugs, friend!
    Me: 33 DH: 31
    DD: 10 (born August 2004)
    Married 03/01/14
    BFP: 05/17/2014 EDD: 1/25/15 MMC: 06/30/2014
    BFP: 01/31/15 MMC: 02/25/15 

    [Deleted User]lizzyp9112
  • Jealousy is unavoidable sometimes. The ability to get pregnant and deliver a healthy baby is just like anything else in life- mostly luck of the draw, and there's nothing fair about it. I remember once feeling really jealous of a woman who had just announced her pregnancy on a message board (not this one). The thing that really made me ashamed is that I had just started TTC and had no reason to be impatient, while this woman had been through 6 months of fertility help (after waiting the required 12 months). Yet I was privately jealous of her even as I congratulated her. You just can't help how you feel sometimes. Your friend's post was pretty tasteless, and it might not be a bad idea to use the facebook function of hiding her posts from your newsfeed. I will never understand some of the oversharing people like to do via Facebook.
  • I'm kind of in the same situation. I found out our baby was gone at my 9 week appointment. I had a D&C on 6/27. I too feel your frustration with seeing announcements and people complaining about being pregnant. I have actually stopped looking at my Facebook multiple times a day like I used too. There have been days that I wish I could punch people in the face. Maybe it's my anger from my loss but it still annoys the crap out of me.
    Hugs for your loss too.
  • I am very sorry to hear about your loss. I agree with the PPs about avoiding Facebook. 

    Hugs to you.


                 Visit The Nest!image Visit The Nest!

      "It is better to light a candle than curse the darkness." - Eleanor Roosevelt


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