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July 2013 Moms
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would you find this weird?

hollandmamahollandmama member
in July 2013 Moms
I went to a wedding in Stockholm during the weekend and the ceremony was very weird to me. The bride and groom are proud atheists so I was expecting a civil marriage and maybe some poem or song. Actually, if I would be an atheist I would have planned a romantic ceremony all by myself with our own style, poems, songs, vows, etc and I would have had our best man marry us or something like that!

However, I found myself listening to a semi-christian ceremony in a backyard, it was not catholic nor protestant. The minister or, I would say, the guy who officiated kept on mentioning God here and there but there were no formal Bible lectures. He mentioned some Bible passages (which I recognized) but without mentioning it was the Bible or mentioning the Book reference, and without any order whatsoever. Also, in the middle of the ceremony someone read a poem and someone else sang a song (none of them where related to God). Then they promised to be with each other with the wording that Catholics use.

Would you find it weird if someone who is very proud of being atheist gets married with a religious ceremony? Why would you promise before a non-existent entity that you will be together? Wouldn't that mean that the promise is void?

I am quite religious and, sincerely, this was very offensive to me because they were using Christianity ad-hoc. It felt like a play or a performance, and when another religious friend asked them why did they decide to have a religious ceremony, they said that the civil marriage was too short. WTF?!

Anyways, I've never seen this before so maybe I am overreacting and it's normal to marry by Church while not believing in God at all. It just seems so fake. It felt like if I would go to synagogue and get married by a Rabbi while being a Catholic... I would not feel 'married' after that for sure. 
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Re: would you find this weird?

  • Stina2012Stina2012 member
    Totally agree with the family thing.

    There was a prayer before dinner at our wedding. A prayer. Every single one of my friends asked about it, but it was for DHs side of the family. His aunt is a minister and his grandfather was a minister. Totally done by my family to appease the ILs.
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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    Dh and I were brought up Catholic. DH and I are pretty much atheists. But we had a full Catholic mass when we were married. DH wanted it since the mass is 'pretty'. I was surprised since he is really opposed to the Church. But people do things for thier own reasons and others do not have to understand them.
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  • coco2787coco2787 member
    If the only reason they did a Christian ceremony was because the civil service was too short, then yes, I think it's weird and possibly offensive to people who take it seriously. There were maybe other reasons though, as PPs suggested.

    However, when it's your wedding you have the luxury of planning whatever kind of ceremony you want (although I think not offending guests is rather important).

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  • KMRR86KMRR86 member
    I agree that it could be due to family. I know that when we got married there were certain things we and the officiant had to say to make it legally binding and though neither of us are religious there was mention of god.
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  • hollandmamahollandmama member
    It was not for family reasons, her family is as atheist as she is... and even though he is Colombian, his family was not there and if they are religious I am sure they would have felt as offended as I was because most Colombians are Catholic and the Catholic Church has pretty strict rules for marriage...
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  • KikiCohenKikiCohen member
    BetsyD2010 said:
    I would find it strange and mildly offensive. I don't really care what people do at their own weddings or why but being a Christian and being invited to an event where the God that I honor, respect and serve is asked to bless a union of two indiviuals that openly renounce his existence I would find it rude and boarding mockery.
    I have to agree with you.  
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  • ashie624ashie624 member
    Well DH and I are Christians but we didnt get married in a church. We had a judge. For many reasons. But DHs grandfather did say a prayer before dinner.

    But I agree with @BetsyD2010
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  • hollandmamahollandmama member
    ashie624 said:

    Well DH and I are Christians but we didnt get married in a church. We had a judge. For many reasons. But DHs grandfather did say a prayer before dinner.

    But I agree with @BetsyD2010

    I think a prayer from a believer is totally normal, his grandpa was authentically asking for a blessing.

    Again, I am not judging not getting married in Church or anything like that, I am just so confused by somebody using a religious ceremony just because is longer and prettier.

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