My in-laws are very pushy and do not take no for an answer. They will ignore my "no's", bully, try to get my husband to feel guilty, etc. My favorite is when they agree with me but then go behind my back anyway.
With a child on the way, I am very concerned the boundaries issue will become a huge battle of wills.
What are some things that have been helpful/not helpful for you in keeping god boundaries with the grandparents of your kids? How do you help your spouse understand how important this is and stay on the same page with each other?
Re: Saying "no" to pushy grandaparents: Tips?
You and DH need to be a united front. And start nipping the adult tantrums and guilt trips in the bud. It's hard at first because the fits gets worse as they realize their tactics aren't controlling you anymore. But it's worth it in the long run.
Does he see the issue as well?
We are also trying to explain to her that we don't have the room for all of the toys that she wants to buy for him and that FIL doesn't want more stuff in his house either.
My parents and ILs are not too bad, but there have been a few issues where they pushed their opinions or parenting advice a little too far. I had to have a serious talk about, "I know you've been parents before, and I appreciate your advice. DH and I need to take that, along with other things we've learned, and make our own decisions about what is best for our family. Thanks for understanding."
Then when it comes down to specific discussions, if they're being too pushy, I will either change the subject or shut it down.
As far as when the baby is born and if they ever watch him/her, you need to make sure they understand what is important to you and can respect that. Like PP said, choose your battles, but if something is important to you (like what your infant is being fed), they need to respect it.
MW and I have noticed that carbs don't like us and actually makes at least me hungrier than when I start eating. My MIL tends to have up to four carbs or starches at dinner when we go over. She tries to be better sometimes but not always.
Most days we don't have any issues with LO eating.
You guys have some great advice!!!
My husband is on my side but it is really hard for him to deal with his parents being upset. He is getting to a point where he realizes they ask for too much and everything makes them upset.
The baby isn't even born yet but I am already really surprised by their action and requests. They keep offering to take the new baby for a "just a few weeks" so we can go on vacation. They also seem to keep conveniently forgetting they are not invited to the delivery.
Unfortunately, I suspect they do not understand yet that they do not have a leadership role in our household and do not get to make decisions about our child.
Thank you so much for your advice. It is really helpful to have some objective opinions and quick guidelines to help me through!