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Intro and a bit sad (child mentioned)

LouiseB2001LouiseB2001 member
in TTC after 35
I just want to introduce myself and express my frustration over this TTC journey. I was at the bump a lot with my DD who is 4 now and it really helped to talk to likeminded people, especially when you don't have many in RL to talk to about this.

I spit up from ex about 2 years ago when DD was 2, it was really tough and I'm still not entirely over it. The whole family illusion broke me down and I still hope to have a 'family' one day. But I also want a second child and a sibling for DD so I started IUI about a year ago. I did 5 tries until I went to IVF and I wish I had done that from the beginning due to my AMA (I have reached the magic 40 now). I did one fresh ET the first month which was *hell*, I was extremely depressed. I then did a second frozen ET and because it was a blastocyst, had to wait until today to POS. I got a BFN :-( Here is the killer: I was completely convinced that I was pregnant. From morning sickness to no AF, from dizziness and implantation cramps, even sore breasts. With the BFN I completely lost my confidence in my body. How can I be so convinced and then nothing? I'm traveling for work right now so I'm all alone and all I can do is write my few friends a text "no baby this time either".

I know that trying for a year is not much compared to many others but this is just so frustrating. The emotional ups and downs are bound to affect my ability to get pregnant. Also, what do you guys do? Do you refrain from drinking *all the time* or just when you are trying? I could really need a glass of wine tonight. I'm considering acupuncture. Any advice is welcome :-)
Single mom of DD (2010), TTC #2 since June 2013.
Occasionally I'm blogging about my life with flybaby.
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Re: Intro and a bit sad (child mentioned)

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    LouiseB2001LouiseB2001 member
    edited June 2014
    I really really apologize for having my *old* signature here, I have tried to change it! 

    Got it chanced :-)
    Single mom of DD (2010), TTC #2 since June 2013.
    Occasionally I'm blogging about my life with flybaby.
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    AustrogermokeeAustrogermokee member
    edited June 2014
    Welcome! I think you'll like it around here - I'm a newbie myself, but the ladies here are very welcoming.

    And I'm so sorry. It sucks feeling like your body is playing tricks on you, and like that BFP will never happen. 

    I think there are three schools on drinking while TTC - don't drink at all, don't drink after you ovulate, and drink until it's pink (drink until you get a BFP). I fall halfway between schools two and three - I drink socially until I O, and only drink very moderately during my luteal phase (as in, a glass of wine with dinner, not the whole bottle). Both my gyno and RE are in the third school and neither has told me to curb or eliminate drinking.

    I've definitely made some lifestyle changes while TTC - I drink more water, get more exercise, and try to eat more healthfully. (I have chronic migraine, so a lot of these changes were started before TTC to help control my condition.) If something seems iffy, like raw oysters or booze, I just have a small taste instead of a big helping.

    I did try going booze-free, but I had so many friends asking if I was pregnant, making jokes about me having "something to announce" and so forth when I was scheduling fertility testing. It made me want to cry. So I switched to small amounts of booze to push away the busybodies and make me feel a little less like a monk.
    Me: 38 DH: 40 TTC#1 (and likely only) since 9/13. Saw RE 5/14, SA good, AMH 2.36, FSH 7.2, estradiol 69.6 indicating good egg reserve. Using OPKs. First Letrozole cycle 6/14, a burst cyst and a BFN. Second Letrozole cycle 7/14, BFN. 

    Update 11/14 - had laparoscopy 10/28, good news is that my uterus and left tube look good, and they were able to drain the cyst on my left ovary. Bad news is that right tube and ovary have endo and scar tissue, so they're pretty useless.. Best news is that we finally have some answers and a path forward. Taking 7.5 mg letrozole CD 2-6 to put that good left ovary through its paces. 

    UPDATE 2/2015 - We switched to another fertility clinic, but fortunately we don't have to start all over. We're doing two cycles of Clomid plus IUI, if neither of those take, we'll do IVF in April, potentially with ICSI. (DH's SA has gone downhill, likely due to excessive exercise.) IUI#1 2/25/15....
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    lgsdesignerlgsdesigner member

    First of all-- I am sorry to hear all the things you are going through. Sounds like you have been on a hard, long journey, but I hope it gets better soon and you get your BFP.

    Secondly-- Yes! Have your wine! The fetus doesn't absorb alcohol until you are 6 weeks pg, so go for it. :)

     

    Welcome to the board!

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    danieleandwaynedanieleandwayne member
    I'm so sorry-- it totally sucks that the same symptoms for pregnancy are also those experienced prior to AF. Then you add in the hormones needed for IVF and you have a body full of crazy emotions. 

    As for lifestyle changes, the biggest one I made was no NSAIDs for my Fibromyalgia. Other than that, I limited my drinking (not hard, I haven't been much of a drinker in years), I already drink very little caffeine, and I just try to get good sleep. But people need to do what they need to do to stay sane. I try not to sweat it too much, but sometimes the changes make me feel like I am at least DOING something to help get my BFP since so much of it is beyond my control. 
    *********************************************************************************************

    "You have to do your own growing no matter how tall your grandfather was." 
            -- Abraham Lincoln
     

                               Me:39  MH:39 
    DD born 6/1/2013 after 15 months of TTC with one loss.    
    TTC #2: BFP 4/22 but stalled growth and no HB at 9w3d on 5/30        

    <a href="http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/3a2798" style="font-size:smaller;" >
    <br /> My Ovulation Chart</a>
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    Lesliem0901Lesliem0901 member
    Welcome to the board. I'm sorry you're in that lonely mental place that comes with TTC for a length of time. I've been there myself many times.
    I can relate to having the early pg feelings and signs and end up with the BFN. It sucks...
    I just added in acupuncture to my regimen and it makes me feel a lot better both emotionally and physically. I personally recommend it.
    Please know we're here to support you. Big hugs.
    Siggy Warning


    TTC#1 since June 2012

    Dx: Unexplained Infertility / AMA

    BFP after 4th IUI cycle with Gonal F + Ovidrel on March 2014 | EDD 12/7/14 | MMC on 4/14/14 

    IUI#5 with Gonal F and Ovidrel trigger on 6/6 - BFN

    On to IVF #1 with a new RE. Started Gonal F and Menopur on 8/15.  Added Ganirelix on 8/24. Trigger on 8/26 for ER on 8/28. 8R 7M 3F.  Transferred all 3 on 8/31. BFP on 9/11 | EDD 5/20/15 - Beta #1: 56.7. Beta #2: 97. Beta #3: 1148. Beta #4: 3559. Beta #4: 7678. MMC confirmed on 10/13. D&C on 10/14 at 9w. Confirmed male with Trisomy 14.

    On to IVF #2 in March. CCS Testing on 2 embies. No go. Waiting to start IVF #3 in July. Surprise BFP on 6/14! EDD - 2/20/16 - Beta #1: 121.4. Beta #2: 236.4. Beta #3: 2014.

    December 4image

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    Davie813Davie813 member
    edited June 2014
    Welcome!  I'm so sorry you're struggling right now. 

    I think everyone has given you good advice.

    I'm doing acupuncture as well, but I'm not doing anything special in regard to drinking, etc.  I tried cutting back dramatically (and doing a whole bunch of other stuff like taking a zillion supplements) for a couple of months, and honestly I think it just made the BFNs feel worse.  I'm trying to just get on with my life while I TTC and hope that reduces my stress.

    Good luck to you!

    ETA: enjoy your wine!
    *****Signature/Ticker Warning******

    Me: 41, DH: 45
    DD, 6/15/2013
    TTC #2 beginning January 2014
    AMH 1.05; FSH range 7-11

    July 2014: IUI #1.  Follistim + Pregnyl.  2 follicles--BFN
    September 2014: IUI #2.  Follistim + Pregnyl + Ganirelix + Crinone.  4(?) follicles--BFN
    October 2014: IUI #3.  More Follistim + More Ganirelix + Pregnyl + Crinone.  4 follicles--BFP!  Beta #1=10 Beta #2=33 Beta #3=97 Beta #4=158.  M/C 11/1/14
    December 2014: IVF #1.  Microdose Lupron protocol.  9R, 9M, 9F.  3 5-day blasts transferred 12/15. BFFN.
    April 2015: IVF #2.  Microdose Lupron protocol.  16R, 15M, 12F. Transferred 2 5-day blasts 4/12 and froze 4--BFP!  M/C 5/25/15
    August 2015: IVF #3.  14R, 13M, 11F.  Froze 5 blasts for CCS testing.  3 normals.  FET planned for 10/2015.



    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

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    My Ovulation Chart

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    chucktgirlchucktgirl member
    Welcome! Please pour yourself a glass of wine!

    imageimageimageimageimageimageimageimage
    My BLOG: www.ivfbabyquest.wordpress.com -Update - old blog.

    PAIF/SAIF Welcome!
    Me: 42, Hubby: 35, TTC since Jan 2010. Dx: DOR due to advanced maternal age. Also: Hypothyroidism (100mcg Levothyroxin). Positive for MTHFR (hetero-C677T), Factor V Leiden, and Fragile X (on DH side). Taking pre-natal vitamins    .
    First natural PG 9/27/11; mc: 1/20/12
    First RE visit: 8/8/12, Saline Sonogram: 8/28/12, IVF injection class: 10/11/12, add FaBB Tab for FVL, +Vitamin D.
    IVF #1: 10/17/12 Baseline: FSH- 9.4, E2- 24, LH- 3.7, Prog- 0.3 The u/s showed 6 follicles in my right  & 9 in my left. Rx: 150 Bravelle & 150 Menopur SQ nightly. 10/21/12: Add Ganirelix SQ every morning.
    ER 10/28/12: 13 Retreived. 7 Mature. 6 Fertilized. 5 Made it to PGS. ET 11/2/12: CANCELED. All 5 came back from PGS as having "severe abnormalities."
    IVF #2: 1/7/13 Baseline: FSH- 8.8, 4 follicles in my right & 6 in my left. Rx: 150 Bravelle & 150 Menopur SQ nightly. 1/11/13: Add Ganirelix SQ every morning. hCG Trigger 1/16/13
    ER 1/18/13: 9 Retrieved. 5 Mature. 5 Fertilized. 2 Made it to PGS. ET 1/23/13: CANCELED. All embryos (he even sent the ones not growing) came back from PGS as having "multiple severe abnormalities."
    IVF #3:     NEW RE! 3/1/13 Baseline: FSH- 9.6, E2- 61, Prog- 0.94, 3 follicles in my right & 4 in my left. Rx: 150 Bravelle& 150 Menopur SQ in PM. 3/7/13: Add Ganirelix SQ in AM. hCG Trigger 3/9/13 SQ.
    ER 3/11/13: 6R, 2M, 2F. Day 3: one 8 cell, grade 0.  Five day ET 3/16/13: one early blast, grade Fair. 3/24/13 AF came a day before beta. BFN
    IVF #4:     (Added acupuncture to this cycle.) 3/25/13 WTF & Baseline: FSH-11.8, E2- 56, Prog- 0.84 3/26/13 Start stims. 3/30/13 u/s: 5 follicles in my right & 4 in my left. Rx: 225 Bravelle& 225 Menopur SQ in PM. 3/31/13 Add Ganirelix SQ in AM.hCG Trigger 4/3/13 SQ.
    ER 4/5/13: 5R, 3M, 3F naturally. Day 3: two 8 cell, grade 0, one 8 cell, grade 2 (Scale 0-best to 3-worst). Five day ET 4/10/13: two blastocysts (the 3rd stopped growing.) Beta 4/18/13: 2.5 BFFN. RE recommends we stop trying and focus on living childless, due to the extremely poor quality of my eggs.
    ***Decided to stop trying and live CFNBC. I couldn't adjust. So, six months later...
    IVF #5: Changed RE. Going to one of the big name clinics now. OWDU: 10/29/13. Update: HORRIBLE experience. Disgusted and distraught at their complete unprofessionalism and how much money and precious time they cost us. Sickening. Have now changed RE again. New Patient appt. 1/30/14.
    BFP! Out of nowhere, I got KU the old fashioned way! POAS 1/26/14 - Positive! FDLM 12/30/13. Beta #1 16dpo= 373. Beta #2 18dpo= 801. EDD 10/6/14
    2/4/14 1st U/S revealed a 5wk2day sac but no fetal pole. Started 200mgs of progesterone suppositories daily
    2/11/14 2nd U/S revealed a perfect 6wk1day "diamond ring" embryo with a beating heart! 138bpm! Add 1mg folic acid and 40mg Lovenox
    2/25/14 3rd U/S: perfect 8w1d embryo, 178bpm. 3/6 start spotting. 3/11 10w1d U/S shows no heartbeat. Scheduling D&C. The Stork has forsaken me again.
    IVF #5.2: New in-state RE. Supplement priming for 1.5 cycles prior to start of cycle, including DHEA 50mg (stopped 5/15), CoQ10 200mg 2x/day, L-Arginine- 1000mg 2x/day (stopped 6/5 due to cold sore!), myo-inositol- 2g 2x/day, melatonin- 3mg, and Neevo (prenatal for MTHFR).
    5/16/14 Day 2 bw cycle prior: FSH- 12.22, E2- 38.37, Prog- 1.35, LH- 9.46. 6/2/14 Day 19 bw: Prog- 23
    6/12/14 Baseline: E2- 122.7, Prog- 0.4. 5 follicles in left, 4 follicles in right. Start stims: 375IU Follistim & 150IU Menopur. 6/19 Increase Follistim to 425IU, Menopur still 150IU. 6/18 add Ganirelix. 6/23 Ovidrel trigger SQ. 6/25 ER: 8R, 8M, 5F naturally. Start Medrol & Doxy. 6/26 Start Endometrin. 7/2 Start Lovenox.
    7/8/14 Beta= 137.4 BFP!!! (My first from IVF!) E2- 1109, Prog- >60. Stop CoQ10, myo-inositol, and melatonin. 7/9 2nd Beta= 281.4. TSH- 2.70. Increasing Synthroid to 100mcg daily. 7/24 6w3d u/s measured 6w3d, hb: 121bmp! 8/5 8w1d u/s measured 8w3d, hb: 164bpm! Graduated from RE to OB. Now I just need to find an OB!
    EDD 3/18/15!

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    meredithcarolemeredithcarole member
    So sorry you are having a hard time with it. ((Hugs)). Welcome to the board.
    TTCAL January Siggy Challenge: Animals in the Snow

    image

      
    About Me: 

    AMA 35 :  DH 33
    BFP#1 1/26/14 (EDD: 10/7/14).  MMC 3/10/14 D&C 3/14/14
    RE Consult 11/3/14 - AMH 2.25 "great" . FSH 7.10 . Low Vitamin D
    Myomectomy 12/17/14.  Benched until March.

    image

    My Ovulation Chart
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    kindershlitzkindershlitz member
    Sorry for the difficulty you are facing. This is a good place, welcome.
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    tlc35tlc35 member
    Welcome to the board.  I'm sorry you are struggling, and yes I would drink the wine.
    Me: 37                                               
    DH: 45
    BFP #1 3/19/14  EDD 11/29/14 MMC D&C 4/24/14
    BFP #2  12/4/14 Beta #1 218 at 12dpo Beta #2 1055 at 16dpo
    Saw heartbeat 12/29.  Please be a rainbow.
    imagerainbows
              
    All welcome                                   
                              
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    LouiseB2001LouiseB2001 member
    Thanks everyone for support and advice. I'll have my wine tonight and get on with things. I agree with Austrogermokee, when going off alcohol people start asking questions and that makes it worse. I just can't decide on what makes most sense for TTC: Living super-healthy or being non-stressed about things. I was never a big drinker but a glass of wine here and there is nice.
    Single mom of DD (2010), TTC #2 since June 2013.
    Occasionally I'm blogging about my life with flybaby.
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    kelley72kelley72 member
    Just wanted to say welcome, so sorry for your negative this round.  I don't make lifestyle changes until I'm pg... best wishes for a happy journey!
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    NeonNoonNeonNoon member
    Welcome! Sorry to hear of your difficulties. I hope having more support will make things better. I've been through at least 2 cycles (1 while on BC) where I convinced myself I was pregnant and sucked DH into the hysteria. It is very exhausting emotionally. So I'm trying to train myself to follow an "innocent until proven guilty" system, and no testing before 18 DPO. It is still very challenging!
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    TAT2MAMITAT2MAMI member
    A warm welcome to you! I'm sorry for what you are going through! You'll find this to be a very supportive place.
    Me: 38 ~  DH: 38 ~   DD: 8
    TTC #2 since March/April 2014.
     
     
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    hooligans4hooligans4 member
    Welcome and good luck.

      Me:39, DH:40

    DD born 8/96, DS born 8/04

    TTC#3

    NTNP since 2006, active trying 1/13

    Natural M/C 3/13 at 7 weeks

    CP 2/14

    Daisypath Anniversary tickers

             imageimage

    All welcome

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    thirtyninetofortythirtyninetoforty member
    welcome!
    41 & single; DX:  PCOS
    TTC #1 with IUI and donor sperm
    First IUI May, 2014, Clomid + Trigger = BFN
    Second IUI July, 2014, Clomid + Trigger = BFN
    Third IUI Dec, 2014, Femara + Follistim + Trigger = BFN
    Fourth IUI Feb 2015, Femara + Follistim + Trigger = C/P :(

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    C_GirlieC_Girlie member
    Welcome, good luck in ur TTC journey
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    URMySunshine77URMySunshine77 member
    I'm so sorry to hear of your sadness. TTC can be so isolating. Please join our group. You'll find a lot of lovely and supportive women here.

    I would highly recommend acupuncture, if only for relaxation. 

    image

                 Visit The Nest!image Visit The Nest!

      "It is better to light a candle than curse the darkness." - Eleanor Roosevelt


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    KateLouiseKateLouise member
    Welcome to you. I'm sorry you're having a hard time. the ladies here are great. Best wishes to you!
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    Elizabeth 5yrs old Jane 3yrs old
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    MelissaMisoMelissaMiso member
    Greetings and salutations. I'm sorry you feel alone but you've certainly come to the right place. This group is amazing, supportive, and fun...plus we like wine. Lots of therapeutic glasses of wine.

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
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