NBFR but Kind Of. ? about legal, full custody

Pamelacake · June 2014

Sorry to post this here, I don't know where else to put it and thought you ladies may have some insight. I need help. TIA

I should know this but; When you and your spouse have a child together, neither one has sole custody, can that be changed even without divorce/separation?

freeatlast2014 · June 2014

Are you saying that you and your spouse live in separate homes?

raelynn71109 · June 2014

I'm guessing that you are referring to legal custody, as in the right to make medical, educational, etc decisions?

I don't believe that a court has jurisdiction to award one parent sole legal custody when the parents are still married without separation/divorce pending. Unless maybe DCF was involved or something...

joshsmandy · June 2014

From my experience there needs to be a divorce or seperation at least pending. If you were never married you should be able to petition the court. I would look up your states laws on the matter.

lookame3639 · June 2014

I believe in cases of married couples each parent has equal rights to the child unless one is in jail or has a case of child abuse against them. Even in cases of jail i think the parent still has rights but can't "use" them until s/he is no longer incarcerated.

Mkherren12 · June 2014

I think I see the situation. You have a kid with someone your not married to and I'm guessing want sole custody. Am I right?

In my state sole custody is only awarded if the other parent agrees to it, or is deemed an unfit/neglectful parent. But legal action would be needed in order to get sole custody. Whether married or not both parents have rights here. Look up your states laws.

acbarbour · June 2014

In my experience there is no custody (legal or physical) with a child born to married parents provided they are in the same household unless one parent has a diminished capacity (ie...mental or physical handicap that would interfere with their ability to parent or the spouse is the legal guardian of the other parent).

Pamelacake · July 2014

Thank you all for your advice, I'm sorry I didn't add deets.. I just read my question and was like whoa.

11yo DS was born before my divorce was final. I had no way to contact X and didn't know I was expecting until after we separated. DS has never met BD (in person, phone, Skype.. nothing). BD contacted me on FB when DS was 7yo. I told BD about DS and he immediately wanted to take him for the weekend. I told him that he needed to slow down, I wasn't just going to send my kid with someone he didn't know and we should meet up at a fun place, I suggested that he bring his family too, that plan fell through, we made plans to go to lunch for them to meet.. nothing. I didn't want to put DS in an awkward situation. I didn't hear anything else from him for about 2 more years.

I got a check from the state from BD's taxes, I have never filed for CS from him, I didn't know where X was, I actually thought he was deceased until he contacted me. I would never want to keep DS and BD from knowing each other, but faking a death, .. I have no idea what this man is like now.

I have his fb account blocked but he is now trying to contact me through different people. I would just like to know where I stand legally in this situation. If he were to summons me to court, I want to be prepared.

Ilumine · July 2014

Pamelacake said:

Thank you all for your advice, I'm sorry I didn't add deets.. I just read my question and was like whoa.
11yo DS was born before my divorce was final. I had no way to contact X and didn't know I was expecting until after we separated. DS has never met BD (in person, phone, Skype.. nothing). BD contacted me on FB when DS was 7yo. I told BD about DS and he immediately wanted to take him for the weekend. I told him that he needed to slow down, I wasn't just going to send my kid with someone he didn't know and we should meet up at a fun place, I suggested that he bring his family too, that plan fell through, we made plans to go to lunch for them to meet.. nothing. I didn't want to put DS in an awkward situation. I didn't hear anything else from him for about 2 more years.
I got a check from the state from BD's taxes, I have never filed for CS from him, I didn't know where X was, I actually thought he was deceased until he contacted me. I would never want to keep DS and BD from knowing each other, but faking a death, .. I have no idea what this man is like now.
I have his fb account blocked but he is now trying to contact me through different people. I would just like to know where I stand legally in this situation. If he were to summons me to court, I want to be prepared.

Honey, you need a lawyer. There are states that find that any child CONCIEVED during a marriage is considered the husband's until there is a paternity test done.

And since you do not have a court order, he could (depending on the state) have some claims to your son.

So...talk to a lawyer, not us.

Pamelacake · July 2014

Thanks.. I'm already working on retaining one

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