Asking family members to get flu shot and TDAP?

missnacholover · June 2014

This is something DH and I plan to do and my OB mentioned at my appointment today that it may be a good time to talk about it with "anyone who will be around the baby". We plan on asking our parents and siblings to get the flu shot and TDAP.

We had mentioned this verbally to DH's family the last time we saw them and I think we may get a little resistance from SIL. She said she never gets a flu shot because they "make her sick" so I'm not sure if she is intending to. I'm going to craft a nice email to everyone mentioned above and say that the doctor really encourages it.

Anyone else planning on doing this?

**Please, not looking for a debate on flu vaccines and all that shit**

missnacholover · June 2014

Emnob28 said:

I hadn't really thought about it, but I might just mention the TDAP thing to my siblings. In CO they require grandparents who visit in the hospital to get a booster so I'm not worried about them. But I know I didn't realize I needed a TDAP booster again until I went in for a routine doctors visit and she asked. As it turns out, I hadn't had one since I went to college many moons ago. Probably just good for everyone to know as a reminder anyway.

DH already got his and I get mine at 28 weeks. I just really worry, especially since we're due during flu season.

lizzielu82 · June 2014

I've been thinking about this one too - it seems especially relevant since we will be having our kids during flu/cold season.

I'm not sure if we can ask everyone to, but definitely plan on asking the family members who plan to be around a lot more than just visiting at the hospital to do so.

mamatohne · June 2014

No flu shot but definitely the tdap. I think it last 5 years and everyone got it with ds so I think they are good this time around.

silverwings72 · June 2014

Hmmmmm. I don't know how I feel about this. I certainly won't be getting into a fight about it but it does make sense. I refused my shot last year because i never really noticed a difference. Now that I will be a Mama I will have to be more mindful...

emoxymoose · June 2014

Some people say that it's no big deal, and that only primary caregivers really need a TDAP shot but that being said. DH and I both have had it, and will get the boosters this time around.

We live 12-14 hours away from all family members so we asked that those that were coming and staying in the house with us for a few days or more get the shot- we even offered to pay for it. I think it's good for their health anyways because it protects against more than just whooping cough.

In my case I thought better safe than sorry and no one gave us a hard time about it.

Lilwatz · June 2014

So, my husband and I haven't discussed this, but I doubt we will. My husband's brother had a baby boy last year and required (reads: did not ask, demanded) that his parents get flu shots. They live 7 hours away and weren't going to be around their baby all that often. We found it really odd and kind of out of line. A shot of any kind is a personal decision. You cannot control everyone who comes in contact with your baby. Sure, you can say you'd like people to get them, but to me that is where your control over the situation ends. Maybe this is a UO...

Kehlepop · June 2014

My MIL works at a hospital so she has no issue getting the booster, which is a welcome relief as she has been difficult this whole time.

My dad had to get one because he injured himself at work, my brother is fine with getting one.

It's my mother. She has quite a few ailments (mostly psychosomatic) and is a hypochondriac. She is in the vaccines are deadly/give you autism/make you more likely to get abducted by aliens/whatever camp. When I told (not asked) her to get one, we got in a huge argument. She refused and I told her there was no way she would see the baby until his TDAP series ended. Thankfully, she asked her doctor and he told her we have a whooping cough outbreak in our area so she's planning on going. I'm still going to make sure my dad accompanies her and confirms she got it.

Edit: this was going to cause serious issues as my mother will be taking care of LO when I go back to work at 6 weeks.

mexinugget · June 2014

I had my mom sisters and the grandparents get the flu and tdap when ds was born March 2013 husband and i did too of course. There was an outbreak of both in our area at the time and the hospital was reinforcing very strict guidelines. We felt it was necessary also in that it seems our family is always sick. I swear someone always has a cold, bronchitis, flu whatever.

absolutelymaybe · June 2014

Lilwatz said:

So, my husband and I haven't discussed this, but I doubt we will. My husband's brother had a baby boy last year and required (reads: did not ask, demanded) that his parents get flu shots. They live 7 hours away and weren't going to be around their baby all that often. We found it really odd and kind of out of line. A shot of any kind is a personal decision. You cannot control everyone who comes in contact with your baby. Sure, you can say you'd like people to get them, but to me that is where your control over the situation ends. Maybe this is a UO...

This is where I'm at. I'm not even going to ask because, honestly, it's their body and up to them to do what they feel is right for it. I haven't known anyone (IRL) who has asked this of people visiting their babies and their babies managed are fine.

runningmama14 · June 2014

Lilwatz said:

So, my husband and I haven't discussed this, but I doubt we will. My husband's brother had a baby boy last year and required (reads: did not ask, demanded) that his parents get flu shots. They live 7 hours away and weren't going to be around their baby all that often. We found it really odd and kind of out of line. A shot of any kind is a personal decision. You cannot control everyone who comes in contact with your baby. Sure, you can say you'd like people to get them, but to me that is where your control over the situation ends. Maybe this is a UO...

Who spends a lot of time with your baby is your personal decision too. I agree that you can't tell someone that they have to get the shot, but you can tell them that LO won't be spending lots of time with someone who refuses to get it, if its that important to you.

We were asked by good friends a few years ago, so we got both flu and tdap before their LO was born. These were friends that we spent time at their home 4-5 nights a week, so we had no problem getting vaccinated.

We will mention to family, especially ILs that will be providing child care and my family that will be staying in our home to visit shortly after LO gets here. I don't think anyone in either family will refuse. I can think of a few that will roll their eyes behind my back about it, but I'm guessing that will be a trend throughout all of LOs childhood, so I'm not too worried about it. My kid, I get the say so.

Lilwatz · June 2014

@runningmama14 completely agree. You can choose who you let come in contact. I am big on controlling only what you can control.

runningmama14 · June 2014

Lilwatz said:

@runningmama14 completely agree. You can choose who you let come in contact. I am big on controlling only what you can control.

Absolutely! Honestly, if I had a family member that was refusing the vaccine for a stupid reason, I would probably make that decision more out of spite than medical concern! Probably not the most mature thing to admit...

Lilwatz · June 2014

runningmama14 said:

Lilwatz said:

@runningmama14 completely agree. You can choose who you let come in contact. I am big on controlling only what you can control.

Absolutely! Honestly, if I had a family member that was refusing the vaccine for a stupid reason, I would probably make that decision more out of spite than medical concern! Probably not the most mature thing to admit...

See, I think I am the opposite. (Don't get me wrong I LOOOOVE a good spiting...) I can tell family I'd prefer them to be vaccinated, but when push comes to shove I think I'd prioritize my child having time with her family. Life is about experiences and relationships to me.

ssstephanie214 · June 2014

I think you'll need to get ready for lots of talking behind your back if you refuse people who haven't been immunized from seeing the baby. Personally I wouldn't ask anyone to do anything more than wash their hands or gtfo if they are sick.

missnacholover · June 2014

Exactly @runningmama14 - We aren't going to force anyone. However we, as parents, can decide to not have people in our home holding and kissing and loving on the baby if they aren't vaccinated. Obviously I'm not going to be a hermit until baby is vaccinated but, like it was said, it's not like the clerk at the grocery store is going to be cuddling the baby.

Basically I'm going to say "we would like you to get a flu and TDAP and if you choose not to we will severely limit contact you have with the baby until he/she is vaccinated."

I'm not going to force someone to do something they don't want to do but at the same time, they can't be pissed if I decide to keep my child safe in a manner I see fit.

missnacholover · June 2014

ssstephanie214 said:

I think you'll need to get ready for lots of talking behind your back if you refuse people who haven't been immunized from seeing the baby. Personally I wouldn't ask anyone to do anything more than wash their hands or gtfo if they are sick.

Well, that's you. I really don't care what people think of me and my priority is protecting my child. *shrug*

wallygirl · June 2014

DD will just barely be over 2 when this one is born and my mom, grandmother and MIL all got the TDAP. So I think they are fine. We will probably mention the flu vaccine to those three but I'm not asking anyone that isn't spending extended periods of time with us.

ejpetey · June 2014

Wow, this never even occurred to me. It's like every time I turn around there's something new to think about or make a decision on! I think my close family that will be around probably already gets these shots anyway? On a related note, my SIL mentioned in passing that she won't be offended at all if I don't want their DD (who will be 1.5 and constantly has a runny nose- they blame day care) around my newborn for a certain amount of months (to prevent passing along the cold or whatever). This never occurred to me either. Come to think of it.. do day cares require that kids be vaccinated? Off to google this...

missnacholover · June 2014

And, FWIW, I'm only going to request the grandparents and aunts do this. I'm not going to have a friend who may stop by ONCE after baby is born have to be vaccinated. But grandparents and aunts who will be around the baby a lot during the first few months - I will discuss it with them.

carmelissa · June 2014

I've asked my inlaws (including brother) and my parents to have the TDAP done - these are the people who will be visiting in the hospital and at our home the first few weeks. I haven't had any issues or push back. I didn't even think about the flu shot, but doubt anyone will care.

MrsDL · June 2014

With DS, DH and I got a TDAP booster and flu shots - we get flu shots every year anyway. We didn't ask family or friends and don't plan to. We used common sense - I thought that was sufficient - hand washing and don't come around the baby if you're sick. Your baby, your prerogative I guess.

Unless you don't plan on taking your LO anywhere for the first year, he/she is going to be exposed - "lots of contact" isn't necessary to get an infant sick. It's not grandma who washes her hands and doesn't come over when she's hacking up a lung with the flu who will give your baby the flu - it's the idiots out and about (even in your pedis waiting room) who don't have the respect/common sense to stay home when they are sick that get LO sick.

Curious - do you ask for proof of vaccination? I think a nicely worded e-mail is sufficient - words like "kill" and "banned" are not necessary. Drama and hysterics just make the request seem more unreasonable than it is, and this is coming from a mom who was and is super paranoid about her child.

jaminjeff · June 2014

Anybody who wanted to spend a large amount of time around my infant had to have it. That was DH and myself, stepson and my parents (who babysit him still).

runningmama14 · June 2014

MrsDL said:
With DS, DH and I got a TDAP booster and flu shots - we get flu shots every year anyway. We didn't ask family or friends and don't plan to. We used common sense - I thought that was sufficient - hand washing and don't come around the baby if you're sick. Your baby, your prerogative I guess.
Unless you don't plan on taking your LO anywhere for the first year, he/she is going to be exposed - "lots of contact" isn't necessary to get an infant sick. It's not grandma who washes her hands and doesn't come over when she's hacking up a lung with the flu who will give your baby the flu - it's the idiots out and about (even in your pedis waiting room) who don't have the respect/common sense to stay home when they are sick that get LO sick.
Curious - do you ask for proof of vaccination? I think a nicely worded e-mail is sufficient - words like "kill" and "banned" are not necessary. Drama and hysterics just make the request seem more unreasonable than it is, and this is coming from a mom who was and is super paranoid about her child.

I totally get that you can't eliminate risk, but pertussis specifically is almost always transmitted to a baby by a close family member or care giver.

KMW08 · June 2014

This is a no brainer for me--especially since I work in healthcare and am continuously exposed to flu and all the other sicknesses.

Dh & I will be getting the flu & tdap. Both of my parents always get the flu shot and I will bring up the tdap with them (my mom works on peds so it'd be good for her anyways). If my mom does it my dad will follow suit.

I need to talk with my IL's, mil has cancer so I'm pretty sure her docs "force" her to do the flu shot. I'm not sure if they did the tdap, as my nephew is 1.5yrs now.

I do know mil was upset with me a month ago because I told her thanksgiving and Christmas are no-go's. LO will not be at any parties this season. Dh & I have huge immediate families and I'm not risking all that germ exposure.

Dana633 · June 2014

I have a question...I've never had the flu shot, it's always offered to us at work but I've never done it. I'm sure it would be a good idea to get it this year, here's the question...Can I get it while pregnant?

kayd8 · June 2014

Our OB mentioned it at our first appointment, so when we told family we were pregnant, it was a little like, "We're having a baby! And oh hey, you need to get a TDAP shot!" I figured it we told people early 1) we couldn't forget and 2) they would have time to get used to the idea before they needed to get it. I don't think it should be too big of an issue, especially since it's easy to get. From what I understand, you can get it at Walgreens or CVS, you don't need to go to your doctor for it.

I probably won't follow up with anyone other than grandparents on whether they actually get it. We're planning on going to Christmases like usual, so hopefully that works out.

Dana633 · June 2014

@ClrkKntismyAE Thanks for the information!

Lilwatz · June 2014

For everyone strictly requiring these vaccinations, do you require proof, like a doctor's note?

JamieK1882 · June 2014

Speaking from a pharmacist's point of view, it is a newer recommendation that any adult around a newborn receive the Tdap booster. I will be getting mine, DH got his script today, and I've told the 4 grandparents to get theirs as well. We will also all have the flu shot.

My concern is that DH and I host Christmas at our house, and it is generally a large group of people. I probably wont' ask everyone that comes to Christmas to have the vaccines because it is a few hours thing and not recurrent.

PandaCon · June 2014

JMPrice said:

You can get the flu shot while pregnant and it's highly recommended. TDAP too.
My husband is an NP and we don't pull punches when it comes to vaccines. Either get the vaccine or wait until our baby is a year to see it. Sorry, rules are rules.
In MN all kids in licensed day cares have to be vaccinated. I would not send my kid to day care otherwise.

Actually in most centers in MN you can opt-out, at least until the fall (I think a new law start in September). My DS has not caught back up with his vaccines and he starts daycare in a licensed center next week. Your center could require it though.

Long story shot DS needed to be on an alternate schedule for vaccines and since he was at home with me for the first 18 months I was okay with that approach.

My mom, dad and MIL all got the TDAP with DS 2 years ago. I should check to see if a booster would be required or not.

Edited to add: I didn't require the flu shot but my parents and IL's already get them. My DH did not get the flu shot with DS and we don't regularly get them. I am still up in the air on if I will get one this time around.

runningmama14 · June 2014

bethas said:

ejpetey said:

Come to think of it.. do day cares require that kids be vaccinated? Off to google this...

It depends on the daycare and the state. Ohio has an opt-out law for religious/personal reasons. But because we're sending LO to a daycare on a military base, every child HAS to be vaxxed. (Could you imagine an outbreak on a military installation??) I would reference your state laws, and then double check with the facilities you're interested in. Hope it turns out in your favor (which ever way that is)!

A friend of mine here (Kansas) recently opened an in home daycare. She used to be a nurse at a peds office and she made a very strict, clear vaccine policy for her daycare. When the department of health and environment came out to do her licensing inspection, the inspector told her that she couldn't enforce the policy if someone sited religious reasons for not following it. Her response to the inspector was basically "F that, this is my home and my kids and I don't give a crap who they pray to. If they are in my home, they will be vaccinated." The inspector was just like, "well then, that's not really legal" and left it at that.

Edited to fix spelling

turtles7 · June 2014

Yes I will be requiring my parents and in laws to get their shots updated. My parents will be watching baby when I go to work after maternity leave about twice a week and my in laws maybe once a week.

ProcessofBecoming · June 2014

I had the TDAP booster when my son was around 6 months old, and we both got flu shots that year. I did not do flu shots for my son or myself this year, nor do I plan to in the future (I never got them before he was born, not even during pregnancy). My son is on the spectrum, and this is a personal decision for our family, although my husband will get a flu shot (it's a habit for him). My in-laws, who are the only people who really will be around the new baby a lot, also had the TDAP boosters and they get yearly flu and pneumonia shots as well, I think. My stepdaughter is my big worry, as it seems she's always picking up something (she's 9), but she's vaccinated and I know she gets the flu mist every year, so that should be enough. Above and beyond that, I don't think it's my place to insist all visitors get these shots, just to meet my kid. I know some people do get flu shots, and some (like my son's godmother) are against them, but I've never restricted who could visit. All I ask is that if you feel like you're a little under the weather (or a lot under the weather) stay the hell home. I think that's fair enough.

wallygirl · June 2014

@Emnob28‌ it does include tetanus. However, there is just a TD (tetanus diphtheria) booster that does not include pertussis (whooping cough). The pertussis protection is the portion that is important when discussing infants/children. If someone is getting the vaccine at their pcp office instead of an ob they need to specify the TDaP vaccine. We did not routinely stock TDaP and had to special order it if a patient requested it.

Edit: sometimes words are hard

MmmPopcorn · June 2014

H got his TDaP already. I already talked to my parents and in-laws about the importance of getting one as an adult without outright asking them to go get one. When I go in after 28 weeks to get my own, I'll probably mention it to them again. I don't think I can convince people around me to get the flu shot, but I DO think I can encourage people to get a Tdap booster since most people don't realize that your immunity eventually wears off. I think my parents and ILs will be open to it.

phdprocrastinator · June 2014

We're in an outbreak area for almost every vaccine-preventable illness that's making a comeback, so it's a touchy subject for us.

With DD, we sent an email to our family members asking them to be vaccinated if they were planning on spending lots of time with us in the first months highlighting the whooping cough outbreak in our area at the time. My mom in particular has no immune system - she picks up everything - and I honestly didn't want her to come to our area and risk her own health if she wasn't vaccinated.

Obviously you can't control what people in the wide-world are doing, but I would like to control what the people who are staying at our house do. If they don't want the shots, then they just don't have to come. We don't ask for documented proof because we trust our family.

I wouldn't have thought about it if I weren't the one gestating a baby, so an email explaining the situation made sense to me. I wouldn't have been offended to receive such an email either. We will remind family to get their flu shots this year.

missnacholover · June 2014

No, I don't plan to ask for proof that they got it. I would hope that no one would lie about something that could harm (or kill) my child. And it's not going to be "required". I'm going to request it. If people choose not to get it, that's on them. And it's on me and DH how we handle that as parents. If that means that you can't visit, that's our decision. Too bad, so sad.

pennyandandy · June 2014

I will probably ask them to (the grandparents and aunts and uncles, at least), especially since we will be going home for Thanksgiving and Christmas, and there will be a lot of people in contact with the baby.

phdprocrastinator · June 2014

Dana633 said:

I have a question...I've never had the flu shot, it's always offered to us at work but I've never done it. I'm sure it would be a good idea to get it this year, here's the question...Can I get it while pregnant?

I got mine at one of my regular OB appointments last time. They had a flu-shot clinic in our doctor's office, but pregnant women were supposed to get theirs through their OB. There was something different about the formula. Of course, what's in the flu shot changes each year, so the recommendation may be different this time around.

Kitty Elvis · June 2014

We are definitely doing this. We had a policy with our first one that if you want to see her, you HAVE to have had a TDAP. She was a summer baby, so flu wasn't on our minds, but with this one, we will insist on both. It's not worth the risk.

Asking family members to get flu shot and TDAP?

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