I'm sorry @bibliothecary - I know that when someone is feeling that way, it can be very hard to see a way out without help. I hope that you can get the support you need IRL. Big hugs to you!
TTC#1 since May 2012. Low AMH, High FSH. Factor II (Prothrombin) Mutation TTGP Award Best PIP 2013 & 2014
FFFC: I am so depressed that it's making me physically ill.
**hugs** I am so sorry you're going through this - I've been there, so I know how hard it can get. Please know that we all think you rock, and are here for you
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
"Heroes get remembered, but legends never die.
Follow your heart, kid, and you'll never go wrong."
FFFC: I am so depressed that it's making me physically ill.
I've been there and it sucks, ((hugs)) and I hope you can get the support you need to help you.
I'm starting to feel like I've gone into a backslide. Part of how my depression/anxiety manifests itself is a lack of self-care. I haven't had a shower since Monday. Or changed clothes. I can smell myself. I also haven't left the house since Monday mid-day. I needed to change the sheets when we got back from out of town and it took me almost 2 weeks to finally do it. And I still have some stuff in suitcases from when we visited family at the start of the month. My dining table is covered in papers, some important, some junk mail. This is when it sucks to be the wife of the son of hoarders, because he really doesn't see dirt and mess like I do. I know it's bad (not hoarders bad, but I'd be embarrassed to have anyone come over) but I just can't get myself to do anything about it. He honestly doesn't see the fact that we're still pulling clothes out of suitcases to wear as a bad or weird thing. He also doesn't see the difference between what is junk and what needs to be kept.
I'm going to take a shower and wash the dishes today. That's my mission. I realize exactly how sad that sounds, which at least means I recognize what's going on.
TTC #1 since 11/2012 Me-31, H-27 **Loss 1-Cycle 7(June 2013) at 5w6d-CP**Loss 2-Cycle 11(October 2013) at 5w4d-CP** **Loss 3-Cycle 14 (January-February 2014)-M/C dx 2/10, EP dx 2/24, MTX 2/25** Beta Hell--hCG finally down to 0 - 6/20/14 SA normal. Genetic testing normal. Hormonal testing normal. HSG 6/30/14 - found blocked left tube and 2 'bubbles' on uterine wall. Hysteroscopy/Lap--8/4/14 - Tubes unblocked. Polyps removed from uterine wall. Septum removed. 9/30/14--Off the bench! Unmedicated TI through December 2014 BFP 12/14/14!!! Beta #1, 12/16: 990 Beta #2, 12/18: Over 2000! Beta #3, 12/22: over 8000! U/S #1, 12/23: gestational sac, possible heartbeat U/S #2, 12/30: HEARTBEAT! 128bpm, measuring right on at 7w EDD: 8/19/2015 U/S #3, 1/9: BPM in the 180s, IT'S HAPPENING!!!
I have another one. I just took one of my dogs to the vet for her vaccines. Does anyone else have a not so irrational fear that your dog will drop a deuce in the middle of the office? Well how about when your kid does it. Yup, my kid had a blowout in the vet office and poop literally landed on the floor. Luckily the vet didn't notice before she left the room with the dog to clip her nails. I changed the skankiest diaper in a long while, cleaned poop off the floor, his shoes and his destroyed pants all during a nail clipping. I walked out of there with a load in the diaper bag and a pantsless child.
I am not loving that this happened to you. I am loving the fact that I both laughed really loud and then kind of wanted to vomit a bit. At least they're pretty used to poop there and sterilize everything?
TTC #1 since 11/2012 Me-31, H-27 **Loss 1-Cycle 7(June 2013) at 5w6d-CP**Loss 2-Cycle 11(October 2013) at 5w4d-CP** **Loss 3-Cycle 14 (January-February 2014)-M/C dx 2/10, EP dx 2/24, MTX 2/25** Beta Hell--hCG finally down to 0 - 6/20/14 SA normal. Genetic testing normal. Hormonal testing normal. HSG 6/30/14 - found blocked left tube and 2 'bubbles' on uterine wall. Hysteroscopy/Lap--8/4/14 - Tubes unblocked. Polyps removed from uterine wall. Septum removed. 9/30/14--Off the bench! Unmedicated TI through December 2014 BFP 12/14/14!!! Beta #1, 12/16: 990 Beta #2, 12/18: Over 2000! Beta #3, 12/22: over 8000! U/S #1, 12/23: gestational sac, possible heartbeat U/S #2, 12/30: HEARTBEAT! 128bpm, measuring right on at 7w EDD: 8/19/2015 U/S #3, 1/9: BPM in the 180s, IT'S HAPPENING!!!
Last night during sex something popped in my back and I felt pain shoot down my leg. I shrieked and DH asked what was wrong. I told him I was fine and bit my lip for the next few minutes until he finished because I wasn't sure if I had O'ed yet and I wanted his sperm. Today I can barely walk... all in the name of TTC.
Last night during sex something popped in my back and I felt pain shoot down my leg. I shrieked and DH asked what was wrong. I told him I was fine and bit my lip for the next few minutes until he finished because I wasn't sure if I had O'ed yet and I wanted his sperm. Today I can barely walk... all in the name of TTC.
Okay, I have a good one this Friday. The show "Orange is the New Black" isn't quite so taboo and amazing when you've lived it. When I was 21, I spent 3 months in a Federal low security faculty for a very similar offense to Pipers. The show is wildly accurate and fun to watch tho!
Edit: I forgot Federal, details seem important somehow LOL.
You were in the slammer?? Nice street cred! hehe
***
Yup, its pretty much hard to be this awesome. Seriously though, minus the not being able to go home part, it's not so bad. And yes, its shit how good inmates have it. The food rocked.
TTC #1 since May 2014 3 failed IUI cycles Oct '15 - IVF 1 - 10R, 3M, 0F Sept '16 - IVF - 12R, 11M, 5F and 3 perfect day 5 blasts - MMC 7w5d Jan '17 - FET 1 - BFP, EDD 10/14
FFFC: I am so depressed that it's making me physically ill.
I've been there and it sucks, ((hugs)) and I hope you can get the support you need to help you.
I'm starting to feel like I've gone into a backslide. Part of how my depression/anxiety manifests itself is a lack of self-care. I haven't had a shower since Monday. Or changed clothes. I can smell myself. I also haven't left the house since Monday mid-day. I needed to change the sheets when we got back from out of town and it took me almost 2 weeks to finally do it. And I still have some stuff in suitcases from when we visited family at the start of the month. My dining table is covered in papers, some important, some junk mail. This is when it sucks to be the wife of the son of hoarders, because he really doesn't see dirt and mess like I do. I know it's bad (not hoarders bad, but I'd be embarrassed to have anyone come over) but I just can't get myself to do anything about it. He honestly doesn't see the fact that we're still pulling clothes out of suitcases to wear as a bad or weird thing. He also doesn't see the difference between what is junk and what needs to be kept.
I'm going to take a shower and wash the dishes today. That's my mission. I realize exactly how sad that sounds, which at least means I recognize what's going on.
I've set the bar high at "take a shower and apply deodorant" and "don't cry at work." So, yeah, that's going swimmingly.
I've had plenty of days where I failed at both those things. And then when my coworkers ask why I am sitting at my desk crying, I have lied and told them a friend died. They must think I have really accident-prone or high-risk-behavior friends at this point.
I do usually feel better after a shower, though. And sometimes I can make myself do one small thing, like make the bed or put away dog toys, and then I feel slightly less shitty about myself.
Also medicine. Strong medicine makes me feel better.
Huge hugs to @Bibliothecary and @divinemsbee. I was there last weekend and we stayed home the whole time since it was just overwhelming.
Take a shower and take care of you. You deserve to feel better and I hope you do really soon.
And now some gifs.
And if there was a gif of a baby sloth eating cheese or avocado, I'd put that here too. So just shut your eyes and imagine a sweet baby sloth, eating cheese from his ridiculously long claws.
Married 9-1-12 (On Depo until 4-12) Me- 33, DH- 36
NTNP starting 9-12, Actively TTC since 9-13
My DX- Hypothyroidism. Prescribed Synthroid
DH's DX- Severe MFI- first SA results: 1.3 mill (1.2 mill motile), 21.6% motility, 2% morphology
Blood test revealed low testosterone so DH was prescribed Clomid. Repeat blood test and SA in November.
FFFC: I am so depressed that it's making me physically ill.
I've been there and it sucks, ((hugs)) and I hope you can get the support you need to help you.
I'm starting to feel like I've gone into a backslide. Part of how my depression/anxiety manifests itself is a lack of self-care. I haven't had a shower since Monday. Or changed clothes. I can smell myself. I also haven't left the house since Monday mid-day. I needed to change the sheets when we got back from out of town and it took me almost 2 weeks to finally do it. And I still have some stuff in suitcases from when we visited family at the start of the month. My dining table is covered in papers, some important, some junk mail. This is when it sucks to be the wife of the son of hoarders, because he really doesn't see dirt and mess like I do. I know it's bad (not hoarders bad, but I'd be embarrassed to have anyone come over) but I just can't get myself to do anything about it. He honestly doesn't see the fact that we're still pulling clothes out of suitcases to wear as a bad or weird thing. He also doesn't see the difference between what is junk and what needs to be kept.
I'm going to take a shower and wash the dishes today. That's my mission. I realize exactly how sad that sounds, which at least means I recognize what's going on.
I've set the bar high at "take a shower and apply deodorant" and "don't cry at work." So, yeah, that's going swimmingly.
@bibliothecary - I'm so sorry. I've absolutely been there, and feel so awful that's where you are right now. I typically set my bar at showering and picking out clothing for work that aren't sweatpants, so I know how that goes ((hugs))
@bibliothecary Sorry, I read back and felt like I totally highjacked you and I feel really badly about that. I was kind of triggered by the depression stuff, but still, totally not cool of me.
Do you have access to any sort of counseling or a PCP that you can talk to? I know not everyone wants to be on drugs, even for a transitory phase, but when I get to the point of physical illness that's what helps me. But I've also had good luck having a licensed someone help me figure out my best coping strategies. It's cliche, but the hardest part for me is calling up and seeking help, the second hardest is implementing change.
TTC #1 since 11/2012 Me-31, H-27 **Loss 1-Cycle 7(June 2013) at 5w6d-CP**Loss 2-Cycle 11(October 2013) at 5w4d-CP** **Loss 3-Cycle 14 (January-February 2014)-M/C dx 2/10, EP dx 2/24, MTX 2/25** Beta Hell--hCG finally down to 0 - 6/20/14 SA normal. Genetic testing normal. Hormonal testing normal. HSG 6/30/14 - found blocked left tube and 2 'bubbles' on uterine wall. Hysteroscopy/Lap--8/4/14 - Tubes unblocked. Polyps removed from uterine wall. Septum removed. 9/30/14--Off the bench! Unmedicated TI through December 2014 BFP 12/14/14!!! Beta #1, 12/16: 990 Beta #2, 12/18: Over 2000! Beta #3, 12/22: over 8000! U/S #1, 12/23: gestational sac, possible heartbeat U/S #2, 12/30: HEARTBEAT! 128bpm, measuring right on at 7w EDD: 8/19/2015 U/S #3, 1/9: BPM in the 180s, IT'S HAPPENING!!!
We're having dinner with friends tonight and I'm irrationally worried that they will take my lack of drinking and excuse of "bad headache" to really mean "I'm pregnant but not telling." BLAH.
I have a friend like that and it sucks. I feel like I have to constantly defend myself against "being pregnant."
@divinemsbee@bibliothecary and any others, wow what timing, I'm so sorry you are down. I had to come to grips with my depression and anxiety issues years ago. I couldn't express myself well, all I would say is I'm just sad. I had, at the time, nothing to be sad about. Depression blows majorly. I got a vey good therapist, good medication and getting the right meds/dosage takes a while. I wish you and anyone else in a bad place well, you aren't alone in your situation as you've heard from various posters having experienced a similar place. Find, if you can, one small thing to be grateful for and yes one small goal to accomplish. Taking a shower and wearing clean clothes is a huge step, eating a small meal, going for a ten minute walk- all very attainable, small steps.
I often feel like because I'm overweight and therefore not "conventionally pretty" I have to be nicer to people. Like people who are pretty, but mean, bitchy, or snobby almost get a free pass, but if you don't fit the mold, then you're written off if your personality is anything less than glowing.
my fffc: I bought a bathing suit from the VS catalog. I did this all the time in my twenties and it was never a problem. I apparently haven't learned that I can not do this anymore in my thirties. bathing suit MAJOR fail. ugh. I hate & despise bathing suit shopping.
I have an excellent FFFC. But I can't share because I know for a fact that people IRL bump stalk me and I'm always paranoid they'll tell my job about my shenanigans and I'll get fired.
On my wedding anniversary a few days ago I aked my MIL to watch my son so my hubby and I could go to dinner. Truth was, we were not planning on gonig to dinner, I was ovulating and wanted to have dirty hot sex. When I told them we were going to dinner, my FIL gave me a $50 gift card to the Outback. So not only did I have hot, dirty sex, I got a free dinner out of it too. BOOM!
TTC 7-2011 *BFP 11-17-2011 *Emergency C-Section due to placenta abruption at 35 weeks *TTC #2 6-17-14
My FFFC: This is probably more of a bitch/vent than a confession.
Tuesday and half of Wednesday were literally two of the worst days I can remember. Long story short, my dog had major health problems and there was a huge miscommunication with the house we're buying, and things were suddenly very much up in the air.
Things are fine now, except the closing date (that was supposed to be Monday) is now delayed due to ONE PEICE OF PAPERWORK not being processed yet by my flood insurance company. Mother. Fucking. Fucker.
@nettje my girls were VERY different when it came to talking and I can assure you there is nothing that I did with one that I didn't do with the other. Some kids just like to take their time.
As it is now, my early talker races through life and tries to be the first one done at everything. My late bloomer is slow paced and makes sure she has everything done RIGHT instead of done FAST. No worries, I'm sure your LO will make up for lost time.
I bought and have been using a Squatty Potty. Honestly.... it's awesome. I know there was a thread about it awhile ago, but with my maybe IBS/maybe Crohns issues it has been more helpful than I realized.
My hubby mentioned it to me once after hearing about it on Howard Stern, I'm not the biggest fan of Howard Stern so when he told me I wasn't interested. Then the day I saw it on here a few weeks ago I ordered it on Amazon that same day and we love it!
I bought and have been using a Squatty Potty. Honestly.... it's awesome. I know there was a thread about it awhile ago, but with my maybe IBS/maybe Crohns issues it has been more helpful than I realized.
My hubby mentioned it to me once after hearing about it on Howard Stern, I'm not the biggest fan of Howard Stern so when he told me I wasn't interested. Then the day I saw it on here a few weeks ago I ordered it on Amazon that same day and we love it!
Thanks to this link, I totally just bought this. I've been thinking about it for a while, and even talked to DH about it the last time he was constipated. Amazon recommended I buy two, plus a small thing of Poo Pouri. SOLD.
I just filled out 8 pages of paperwork for the apartment we're moving in to and the three times it asked for my age and not just DOB, I put the wrong number.
Apparently I have no idea how old I am.
Son: Jackson, 11/02/06, stillborn due to PPROM and IUGR. Over the next ten years we had 9 miscarriages from 8-14 weeks. On May 18, 2016 my daughter, Ridley, was born. We're OADNBC.
While in the shower (and, yes, it actually did make me feel a little better) I totally planned exactly what I'm going to get myself for lunch after my HSG on Monday. I'm going by myself (a question: I'll be okay to drive, right? I'll ask the doc when I talk to her Sunday, but I'm under the impression that I'm not given any weird pain meds and it's just uncomfortable), like I do for a lot of medical things, so that means I get to buy myself lunch out since I'll have the car.
TTC #1 since 11/2012 Me-31, H-27 **Loss 1-Cycle 7(June 2013) at 5w6d-CP**Loss 2-Cycle 11(October 2013) at 5w4d-CP** **Loss 3-Cycle 14 (January-February 2014)-M/C dx 2/10, EP dx 2/24, MTX 2/25** Beta Hell--hCG finally down to 0 - 6/20/14 SA normal. Genetic testing normal. Hormonal testing normal. HSG 6/30/14 - found blocked left tube and 2 'bubbles' on uterine wall. Hysteroscopy/Lap--8/4/14 - Tubes unblocked. Polyps removed from uterine wall. Septum removed. 9/30/14--Off the bench! Unmedicated TI through December 2014 BFP 12/14/14!!! Beta #1, 12/16: 990 Beta #2, 12/18: Over 2000! Beta #3, 12/22: over 8000! U/S #1, 12/23: gestational sac, possible heartbeat U/S #2, 12/30: HEARTBEAT! 128bpm, measuring right on at 7w EDD: 8/19/2015 U/S #3, 1/9: BPM in the 180s, IT'S HAPPENING!!!
I have been trying to drink more water- at least 10 cups a day. Confession: I kind of hate it. It makes me have to pee several times an hour. Sometimes by the time I get back to my desk from the restroom and sit for a few minutes, I have to go AGAIN. I have a squirrel bladder or something.
FFFC: I am so depressed that it's making me physically ill.
I've been there and it sucks, ((hugs)) and I hope you can get the support you need to help you.
I'm starting to feel like I've gone into a backslide. Part of how my depression/anxiety manifests itself is a lack of self-care. I haven't had a shower since Monday. Or changed clothes. I can smell myself. I also haven't left the house since Monday mid-day. I needed to change the sheets when we got back from out of town and it took me almost 2 weeks to finally do it. And I still have some stuff in suitcases from when we visited family at the start of the month. My dining table is covered in papers, some important, some junk mail. This is when it sucks to be the wife of the son of hoarders, because he really doesn't see dirt and mess like I do. I know it's bad (not hoarders bad, but I'd be embarrassed to have anyone come over) but I just can't get myself to do anything about it. He honestly doesn't see the fact that we're still pulling clothes out of suitcases to wear as a bad or weird thing. He also doesn't see the difference between what is junk and what needs to be kept.
I'm going to take a shower and wash the dishes today. That's my mission. I realize exactly how sad that sounds, which at least means I recognize what's going on.
Ugh. I know exactly how this feels. My anxiety makes me feel like I'm having a 24 hour heart attack. I hadn't had depression until after my miscarriage. I was in a really dark place about a month ago. You guys didn't know it, but everyone here really helped me keep my sanity. I was scared that I would never feel happy again. My doctor upped my anxiety meds and it totally turned my depression around. But when I was in it, I didn't eat, shower, clean or even really leave my bed. Even getting up to change DS diapers was dreadful to me. The weird thing is, these are the last things you want to do but when you do them, you feel better. I'm sorry you guys are going through this but your not alone and it won't last forever. I hope you are both getting the help you need. ((Big hugs))
I bought and have been using a Squatty Potty. Honestly.... it's awesome. I know there was a thread about it awhile ago, but with my maybe IBS/maybe Crohns issues it has been more helpful than I realized.
My hubby mentioned it to me once after hearing about it on Howard Stern, I'm not the biggest fan of Howard Stern so when he told me I wasn't interested. Then the day I saw it on here a few weeks ago I ordered it on Amazon that same day and we love it!
Thanks to this link, I totally just bought this. I've been thinking about it for a while, and even talked to DH about it the last time he was constipated. Amazon recommended I buy two, plus a small thing of Poo Pouri. SOLD.
FFFC: H and I used to have a giant marijuana garden in our basement. We live on a quiet little suburban street and no one ever new.
Is it hard to grow? I've always heard it's a bitch.
My husband was a whiz at it. It's a very stingy little plant. You have to get the moisture and ph just right. Plus, when you get to the level we were, it involves a lot of equipment.
FFFC: H and I used to have a giant marijuana garden in our basement. We live on a quiet little suburban street and no one ever new.
Is it hard to grow? I've always heard it's a bitch.
My husband was a whiz at it. It's a very stingy little plant. You have to get the moisture and ph just right. Plus, when you get to the level we were, it involves a lot of equipment.
psht thanks Katz! My FFFC was going to be "I smoke an insane amount of pot on my period" Its the one week of the month I let myself smoke, I figure its my little treat to dull the pain of another month with no BFP. But pot makes me horny. And I'm always horny on my period, so I spank it a lot in the shower CD 1-7.
FFFC: H and I used to have a giant marijuana garden in our basement. We live on a quiet little suburban street and no one ever new.
Is it hard to grow? I've always heard it's a bitch.
My husband was a whiz at it. It's a very stingy little plant. You have to get the moisture and ph just right. Plus, when you get to the level we were, it involves a lot of equipment.
psht thanks Katz! My FFFC was going to be "I smoke an insane amount of pot on my period" Its the one week of the month I let myself smoke, I figure its my little treat to dull the pain of another month with no BFP. But pot makes me horny. And I'm always horny on my period, so I spank it a lot in the shower CD 1-7.
Lol. My husband used to always tell me to smoke for cramps but pot has the opposite effect on me. I freak out.
Re: FFFC
TTC#1 since May 2012. Low AMH, High FSH.
Factor II (Prothrombin) Mutation
TTGP Award Best PIP 2013 & 2014
My Chart
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
I've been there and it sucks, ((hugs)) and I hope you can get the support you need to help you.
I'm starting to feel like I've gone into a backslide. Part of how my depression/anxiety manifests itself is a lack of self-care. I haven't had a shower since Monday. Or changed clothes. I can smell myself. I also haven't left the house since Monday mid-day. I needed to change the sheets when we got back from out of town and it took me almost 2 weeks to finally do it. And I still have some stuff in suitcases from when we visited family at the start of the month. My dining table is covered in papers, some important, some junk mail. This is when it sucks to be the wife of the son of hoarders, because he really doesn't see dirt and mess like I do. I know it's bad (not hoarders bad, but I'd be embarrassed to have anyone come over) but I just can't get myself to do anything about it. He honestly doesn't see the fact that we're still pulling clothes out of suitcases to wear as a bad or weird thing. He also doesn't see the difference between what is junk and what needs to be kept.
I'm going to take a shower and wash the dishes today. That's my mission. I realize exactly how sad that sounds, which at least means I recognize what's going on.
Me-31, H-27
**Loss 1-Cycle 7(June 2013) at 5w6d-CP**Loss 2-Cycle 11(October 2013) at 5w4d-CP**
**Loss 3-Cycle 14 (January-February 2014)-M/C dx 2/10, EP dx 2/24, MTX 2/25**
Beta Hell--hCG finally down to 0 - 6/20/14
SA normal. Genetic testing normal. Hormonal testing normal.
HSG 6/30/14 - found blocked left tube and 2 'bubbles' on uterine wall.
Hysteroscopy/Lap--8/4/14 - Tubes unblocked. Polyps removed from uterine wall. Septum removed.
9/30/14--Off the bench! Unmedicated TI through December 2014
BFP 12/14/14!!! Beta #1, 12/16: 990 Beta #2, 12/18: Over 2000! Beta #3, 12/22: over 8000!
U/S #1, 12/23: gestational sac, possible heartbeat
U/S #2, 12/30: HEARTBEAT! 128bpm, measuring right on at 7w EDD: 8/19/2015
U/S #3, 1/9: BPM in the 180s, IT'S HAPPENING!!!
Me-31, H-27
**Loss 1-Cycle 7(June 2013) at 5w6d-CP**Loss 2-Cycle 11(October 2013) at 5w4d-CP**
**Loss 3-Cycle 14 (January-February 2014)-M/C dx 2/10, EP dx 2/24, MTX 2/25**
Beta Hell--hCG finally down to 0 - 6/20/14
SA normal. Genetic testing normal. Hormonal testing normal.
HSG 6/30/14 - found blocked left tube and 2 'bubbles' on uterine wall.
Hysteroscopy/Lap--8/4/14 - Tubes unblocked. Polyps removed from uterine wall. Septum removed.
9/30/14--Off the bench! Unmedicated TI through December 2014
BFP 12/14/14!!! Beta #1, 12/16: 990 Beta #2, 12/18: Over 2000! Beta #3, 12/22: over 8000!
U/S #1, 12/23: gestational sac, possible heartbeat
U/S #2, 12/30: HEARTBEAT! 128bpm, measuring right on at 7w EDD: 8/19/2015
U/S #3, 1/9: BPM in the 180s, IT'S HAPPENING!!!
TTC #1 May 2014
BFP 7/4/14 ~ EDD 3/17/15
My Chart
***
Yup, its pretty much hard to be this awesome. Seriously though, minus the not being able to go home part, it's not so bad. And yes, its shit how good inmates have it. The food rocked.
3 failed IUI cycles
Oct '15 - IVF 1 - 10R, 3M, 0F
Sept '16 - IVF - 12R, 11M, 5F and 3 perfect day 5 blasts - MMC 7w5d
Jan '17 - FET 1 - BFP, EDD 10/14
I do usually feel better after a shower, though. And sometimes I can make myself do one small thing, like make the bed or put away dog toys, and then I feel slightly less shitty about myself.
Also medicine. Strong medicine makes me feel better.
TTC #1 May 2014
BFP 7/4/14 ~ EDD 3/17/15
My Chart
Do you have access to any sort of counseling or a PCP that you can talk to? I know not everyone wants to be on drugs, even for a transitory phase, but when I get to the point of physical illness that's what helps me. But I've also had good luck having a licensed someone help me figure out my best coping strategies. It's cliche, but the hardest part for me is calling up and seeking help, the second hardest is implementing change.
Me-31, H-27
**Loss 1-Cycle 7(June 2013) at 5w6d-CP**Loss 2-Cycle 11(October 2013) at 5w4d-CP**
**Loss 3-Cycle 14 (January-February 2014)-M/C dx 2/10, EP dx 2/24, MTX 2/25**
Beta Hell--hCG finally down to 0 - 6/20/14
SA normal. Genetic testing normal. Hormonal testing normal.
HSG 6/30/14 - found blocked left tube and 2 'bubbles' on uterine wall.
Hysteroscopy/Lap--8/4/14 - Tubes unblocked. Polyps removed from uterine wall. Septum removed.
9/30/14--Off the bench! Unmedicated TI through December 2014
BFP 12/14/14!!! Beta #1, 12/16: 990 Beta #2, 12/18: Over 2000! Beta #3, 12/22: over 8000!
U/S #1, 12/23: gestational sac, possible heartbeat
U/S #2, 12/30: HEARTBEAT! 128bpm, measuring right on at 7w EDD: 8/19/2015
U/S #3, 1/9: BPM in the 180s, IT'S HAPPENING!!!
I have a friend like that and it sucks. I feel like I have to constantly defend myself against "being pregnant."
@divinemsbee @bibliothecary and any others, wow what timing, I'm so sorry you are down. I had to come to grips with my depression and anxiety issues years ago. I couldn't express myself well, all I would say is I'm just sad. I had, at the time, nothing to be sad about. Depression blows majorly. I got a vey good therapist, good medication and getting the right meds/dosage takes a while. I wish you and anyone else in a bad place well, you aren't alone in your situation as you've heard from various posters having experienced a similar place. Find, if you can, one small thing to be grateful for and yes one small goal to accomplish. Taking a shower and wearing clean clothes is a huge step, eating a small meal, going for a ten minute walk- all very attainable, small steps.
Me: 28 H: 28 DS: 4
Trinitrotoluene: "My ears have been deflowered ....my mouth just hasn't been!"
My Ovulation Chart
Me: 28 H: 28 DS: 4
Trinitrotoluene: "My ears have been deflowered ....my mouth just hasn't been!"
"Meet me in St. Louis"
TTC 7-2011 *BFP 11-17-2011 *Emergency C-Section due to placenta abruption at 35 weeks *TTC #2 6-17-14
Me-31, H-27
**Loss 1-Cycle 7(June 2013) at 5w6d-CP**Loss 2-Cycle 11(October 2013) at 5w4d-CP**
**Loss 3-Cycle 14 (January-February 2014)-M/C dx 2/10, EP dx 2/24, MTX 2/25**
Beta Hell--hCG finally down to 0 - 6/20/14
SA normal. Genetic testing normal. Hormonal testing normal.
HSG 6/30/14 - found blocked left tube and 2 'bubbles' on uterine wall.
Hysteroscopy/Lap--8/4/14 - Tubes unblocked. Polyps removed from uterine wall. Septum removed.
9/30/14--Off the bench! Unmedicated TI through December 2014
BFP 12/14/14!!! Beta #1, 12/16: 990 Beta #2, 12/18: Over 2000! Beta #3, 12/22: over 8000!
U/S #1, 12/23: gestational sac, possible heartbeat
U/S #2, 12/30: HEARTBEAT! 128bpm, measuring right on at 7w EDD: 8/19/2015
U/S #3, 1/9: BPM in the 180s, IT'S HAPPENING!!!
Ugh. I know exactly how this feels. My anxiety makes me feel like I'm having a 24 hour heart attack. I hadn't had depression until after my miscarriage. I was in a really dark place about a month ago. You guys didn't know it, but everyone here really helped me keep my sanity. I was scared that I would never feel happy again. My doctor upped my anxiety meds and it totally turned my depression around. But when I was in it, I didn't eat, shower, clean or even really leave my bed. Even getting up to change DS diapers was dreadful to me. The weird thing is, these are the last things you want to do but when you do them, you feel better. I'm sorry you guys are going through this but your not alone and it won't last forever. I hope you are both getting the help you need. ((Big hugs))
3 failed IUI cycles
Oct '15 - IVF 1 - 10R, 3M, 0F
Sept '16 - IVF - 12R, 11M, 5F and 3 perfect day 5 blasts - MMC 7w5d
Jan '17 - FET 1 - BFP, EDD 10/14
My husband was a whiz at it. It's a very stingy little plant. You have to get the moisture and ph just right. Plus, when you get to the level we were, it involves a lot of equipment.
Was the garden on purpose? If so, yes.
Lol. My husband used to always tell me to smoke for cramps but pot has the opposite effect on me. I freak out.