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Parenting
dealing with an alarmist parent...
Im feeling kind of frustrated at the moment, so guess I'm just gonna stick this vent here.
My mom was always an easy going, laidback parent with my brother and I growing up, but since my DS was born, she's become a bit of an alarmist. I tend to worry by nature, and she knows this, but sometimes the shit she says, although I know she means well, it really gets to me.
DS is almost 18mo, and has an expressive language delay, which we're working with EI on. He was also a later walker, and is still pretty clumsy on his feet. He's also under the care of an ENT to determine whether or not he'll need tubes (although at our last appt, the fluid was gone, but we are keeping an eye on it) and his adenoids removed.
Well, whenever we're talking/she's visiting, she comments on how much he falls and how it seems like his legs are giving out. She says she worries about his walking. Then she goes into detail, telling me how her neighbor didnt find out until her son was 3 that he had cerebral palsy and is now in a wheelchair.
Now, when DS had his EI eval, the PT that came out said there was nothing concerning with his walking, and that he was just a late walker. Ive also talked to his pedi and he isnt concerned either. But wtf. My mom knows that I'm a worrier by nature, and then her being a god damn alarmist with this shit doesnt help at all.
Idk what my actual point is really. Im sort of just frustrated, and thanks to my mom, feel like the vicious worrying cycle has begun again. Thanks for listening.
My mom was always an easy going, laidback parent with my brother and I growing up, but since my DS was born, she's become a bit of an alarmist. I tend to worry by nature, and she knows this, but sometimes the shit she says, although I know she means well, it really gets to me.
DS is almost 18mo, and has an expressive language delay, which we're working with EI on. He was also a later walker, and is still pretty clumsy on his feet. He's also under the care of an ENT to determine whether or not he'll need tubes (although at our last appt, the fluid was gone, but we are keeping an eye on it) and his adenoids removed.
Well, whenever we're talking/she's visiting, she comments on how much he falls and how it seems like his legs are giving out. She says she worries about his walking. Then she goes into detail, telling me how her neighbor didnt find out until her son was 3 that he had cerebral palsy and is now in a wheelchair.
Now, when DS had his EI eval, the PT that came out said there was nothing concerning with his walking, and that he was just a late walker. Ive also talked to his pedi and he isnt concerned either. But wtf. My mom knows that I'm a worrier by nature, and then her being a god damn alarmist with this shit doesnt help at all.
Idk what my actual point is really. Im sort of just frustrated, and thanks to my mom, feel like the vicious worrying cycle has begun again. Thanks for listening.
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Re: dealing with an alarmist parent...
Aside from that, I finally was feeling like I reached a place of mental quiet without worrying myself and this just sort of fucked that up a little.
bfp#4 3/19/2014 edd 12/1/2014 please let this be the one!
beta @ 5w0d = 12,026! u/s 4/22/14 @ 8w1d it's twins!
It annoys the ever living shit out of me bc it feels like she's questioning my ability to advocate for my child's health.
My 3 yo DD was really small. She actually dropped off the weight charts when she was 12 mo. She had low muscle tone and significant gross motor delays. She didn't start sitting up on her own until she was 13 months and didn't start walking until 18-19 months and was super clumsy.
Now you would never even guess she had any issues. She has no problem walking/running/jumping and keeping up with her 5 yo brother. She's also a climber and climbs on everything. It drives me nuts
You are a good mom and you are advocating for your child be seeking EI/PT. Trust in them and dont listen to the bullshit.
And thats the thing. Yeah, my DS was a later walker (started walking around 15-16 months), and yes he has an expressive language delay (he understands everything we say just fine, he just cant really verbalize too well), but other than that, there a nothing else concerning. That said, hes been evaluated by EI and sees the pedi regularly. None of them are overly concerned. I'm constantly keeping my mom updated with this info, and you'd think that would keep her concerns at bay. I guess not, bc she's still been more of a worry wart than I am.
When she does this, it makes me second guess myself...abd wonder if I should be worrying. Which is an awful feeling to have, bc for the most part, my "mothering instinct" and gut feelings have been prettyspot on.
He is 26 months now & has owtgrown it & runs/walks just like any other kid his age.
DD is almost 13, and I have one on the way and I'm already dreading the next wave of my moms pearl clutching passive aggressive behavior.
Last year she took DD for an X-ray because she kept complaining that her ankle was hurting. It was the only way to get her to STFU about it.
The same year she wouldn't stop harrassing me about some throat disorder that Google showed her that she was convinced DD had.
I finally snapped and blew up at her and she's been much better since. Which I still feel awful about because I made her cry but her behavior was so overbearing she was giving me anxiety attacks.
"Your truth is different from my truth, and we're both right."
TTC since March 2013. BFP 4/13/13, blighted ovum discovered 6/6/13, m/c 6/8/13.
BFP 11/10/13, EDD 7/25/13 - stick little owlet!
My mom just seems to think that there should be a medical answer for everything when it comes to child development, apparently. She's going based off of how my brother and I developed when we were younger, which isn't necessarily going to be the same way my DS develops. She hasn't quite grasped the concept of "every child develops at their own pace"...and its exhausting sometimes. Bc her anxieties create more anxiety for me, which isnt what I need to deal with.
Her frame of mind is "well he's been walking on his own for over a month now, shouldn't he be more steady on his feet?" Wtf mom. Give the kid a break, hes only been walking for a month! Give it some time! Even the PT that came out for his EI eval said that it rakes some time for them to cognitively grasp the concept of coordination...even if mechanically, they are capable. She wasn't concerned.
#1 he actually walked a lot better w/o shoes & #2 he took his own dang shoes off thanks!
I actually was a little concerned about it, & did question it all the time to his dr, but he was my 3rd child & by then I knew how the inlaws opperate & was (still am!) so sick of all their advice of what we should be doing differently, that i totally down played any concerns i had when talking to them. Plus i totally trust my peditricatian to be honest with me when i question something.