Husband issues!

Csltdk · June 2014

I too went to college and worked hard. I have a dream of helping people and working in the corrections field. I've worked at the job I have now for 6 years. I haven't loved every minute but I know I have helped people. I work hard every time I am at work. I decided to not go for a promotion in my job bbecause I know I want to stay home with my children. I take pride in what i do when I'm there. I'm far far from the definition of lazy. I don't sit on my ass when I'm home. I cook, I clean, play with my son, play with our pets. I work out in the flowers when I can. I take my son outside to play in the water or go for a walk when I can. I do a lot for my family and I am by far from the free loading lazy worthless mother/wife many people here are judging me to be.

[Deleted User] · June 2014

The user and all related content has been deleted.

January Bride · June 2014

morganrochel said:

I admit, I judged you. I am still judging you. From my perspective, I have spend my ENTIRE life (and tons of money) becoming an educated woman who can contribute to society, use my brain to make meaningful change in this world, as well as support myself and my family if needed. I completely resent the fact that, due to minimal support for young families and the outrageous cost of childcare in this country, I feel as though I can be either a great Mom or a great professional, but not both. I also resent the fact that men (DH included) generally do not feel this same pressure. I personally have a low threshold for women who are so quick to give up work. Emphasis on the SO QUICK. I can not relate. Maybe it is because I think they are lazy, maybe because it is because I think they lack substance. Whatever it is, I admit that it is a judgement, and I take ownership of that.

I too went to college and worked hard. I have a dream of helping people and working in the corrections field. I've worked at the job I have now for 6 years. I haven't loved every minute but I know I have helped people. I work hard every time I am at work. I decided to not go for a promotion in my job bbecause I know I want to stay home with my children. I take pride in what i do when I'm there. I'm far far from the definition of lazy. I don't sit on my ass when I'm home. I cook, I clean, play with my son, play with our pets. I work out in the flowers when I can. I take my son outside to play in the water or go for a walk when I can. I do a lot for my family and I am by far from the free loading lazy worthless mother/wife many people here are judging me to be.

***************

If you don't feel like you can do your job much longer because of the long hours, standing on your feet all day, etc., why do you think it will be easier to be home chasing after your three year old all day? If you WANT to stay home (as you have mentioned), that is one thing, but I personally don't see how it will be any easier from a physical standpoint.

LaxMOM44 · June 2014

I wish I didn't need the money and could stay home with my daughter. But if I asked my husband if he would be cool with that he likely would pull out our near empty bank account balance and remind me that Diapers don't buy themselves.

So I don't think this is a husband issue as much as a have you done the math and really thought about living on one income. I suggest spending the next month saving your income and trying to live on only your H's. I think you'll find a new reason for sleepless nights.

Or maybe not. maybe you are loaded, but maybe also your H is worried about the finances in which case he's not a problem at all and you should change the title of this thread.

Meether · June 2014

MrsAngelaMarie said:

morganrochel said:

Thanks everyone. We talked last night and he would like me to stick it out for at least another month. I told him I would try to make until August but told him he couldn't get upset if half way through July I had to stop working. The heat and my hips are going to be a huge factor on how long I stay at work! I also have to go to a perinatologist for a special sonogram in July and my doctor told me this will determine when my bed rest will start.
You've already given up so why continue to go? I hope we don't see a bunch of whiney posts about how bored you are! Being bin pregnant is hard, it sucks, but in most cases it is not cause for stopping your life. I realize there are exceptions, and maybe your case is one, but it seems like you just don't feel like doing anything. Good luck. What are you going to use as an excuse after you give birth? Trust me, nobody cares as much about mom after the baby comes.
I posted on here to have some advice - positive advise. I'm not stopping my life because when I quite my job I get to stay home with my 3 year old which I've wanted to do since he was born. There is no need for your comments if they are not constructive.

Oh honey, you can't dictate how people respond to you on the internet.
I know I can't control it. I just don't understand why people have to be this way. I just wanted advice from other pregnant women on how to approach the subject. And for people to judge me from one post is pathetic.
I admit, I judged you. I am still judging you. From my perspective, I have spend my ENTIRE life (and tons of money) becoming an educated woman who can contribute to society, use my brain to make meaningful change in this world, as well as support myself and my family if needed. I completely resent the fact that, due to minimal support for young families and the outrageous cost of childcare in this country, I feel as though I can be either a great Mom or a great professional, but not both. I also resent the fact that men (DH included) generally do not feel this same pressure. I personally have a low threshold for women who are so quick to give up work. Emphasis on the SO QUICK. I can not relate. Maybe it is because I think they are lazy, maybe because it is because I think they lack substance. Whatever it is, I admit that it is a judgement, and I take ownership of that.

Wow this is very judgmental of you. You don't know how she feels and what it's like to have a 3 year old son at home when you get out of work. It's a hell of a lot of work. My first pregnancy was a piece of cake compared to my second. Both times I had similar symptoms (hyperemesis), but this time around the pregnancy is just way worse... Because I have my daughter to take care of, a little person I cannot say no to and someone I just want to spend more time with because she's at school all day. So you can continue to be judgmental but you have no idea what OP is going through and what her personal threshold is. And shame on you for your comment on stay at home moms. I have my PhD and one day I hope to be at home full time with my kids. It's what makes me happiest, no amount of money/ education/ career could compare.

Nichole8787 · June 2014

Suck it up buttercup.

amr196 · June 2014

Just saying... I would LOVE to be working right now but the area I live in has very very limited jobs and I cannot find one.
I don't want to say suck it up but be thankful you have a job

Unknown · June 2014

This content has been removed.

BrideLinds · June 2014

Meether said:

MrsAngelaMarie said:

morganrochel said:

bunny0711 said:

morganrochel said:

morganrochel said:
Thanks everyone. We talked last night and he would like me to stick it out for at least another month. I told him I would try to make until August but told him he couldn't get upset if half way through July I had to stop working. The heat and my hips are going to be a huge factor on how long I stay at work! I also have to go to a perinatologist for a special sonogram in July and my doctor told me this will determine when my bed rest will start.
You've already given up so why continue to go? I hope we don't see a bunch of whiney posts about how bored you are! Being bin pregnant is hard, it sucks, but in most cases it is not cause for stopping your life. I realize there are exceptions, and maybe your case is one, but it seems like you just don't feel like doing anything. Good luck. What are you going to use as an excuse after you give birth? Trust me, nobody cares as much about mom after the baby comes.

I posted on here to have some advice - positive advise. I'm not stopping my life because when I quite my job I get to stay home with my 3 year old which I've wanted to do since he was born. There is no need for your comments if they are not constructive.

Oh honey, you can't dictate how people respond to you on the internet.
I know I can't control it. I just don't understand why people have to be this way. I just wanted advice from other pregnant women on how to approach the subject. And for people to judge me from one post is pathetic.

I admit, I judged you. I am still judging you. From my perspective, I have spend my ENTIRE life (and tons of money) becoming an educated woman who can contribute to society, use my brain to make meaningful change in this world, as well as support myself and my family if needed. I completely resent the fact that, due to minimal support for young families and the outrageous cost of childcare in this country, I feel as though I can be either a great Mom or a great professional, but not both. I also resent the fact that men (DH included) generally do not feel this same pressure. I personally have a low threshold for women who are so quick to give up work. Emphasis on the SO QUICK. I can not relate. Maybe it is because I think they are lazy, maybe because it is because I think they lack substance. Whatever it is, I admit that it is a judgement, and I take ownership of that.

Wow this is very judgmental of you. You don't know how she feels and what it's like to have a 3 year old son at home when you get out of work. It's a hell of a lot of work. My first pregnancy was a piece of cake compared to my second. Both times I had similar symptoms (hyperemesis), but this time around the pregnancy is just way worse... Because I have my daughter to take care of, a little person I cannot say no to and someone I just want to spend more time with because she's at school all day. So you can continue to be judgmental but you have no idea what OP is going through and what her personal threshold is. And shame on you for your comment on stay at home moms. I have my PhD and one day I hope to be at home full time with my kids. It's what makes me happiest, no amount of money/ education/ career could compare.

I have to agree. I love what I do but I would give it up in a heartbeat to be able to spend more time with my daughter and this new baby. I get that you think women can only do one or the other but I don't think choosing to stay home makes a mother lazy.

FoxiePM · June 2014

The responses on this post made me so happy! I'm glad some of you a stepping up and the puppies and the glittery unicorn farts have went out the window! Go D14!

OP this isn't your husbands problem, it's your problem. Pregnancy is hard, but unless you are truly disabled I personally think you should suck it up until your Dr thinks it is unsafe for you to work!

lionyloo32 · June 2014

ScoutNumbers05 said:

MrsAngelaMarie said:

I personally have a low threshold for women who are so quick to give up work. Emphasis on the SO QUICK. I can not relate. Maybe it is because I think they are lazy, maybe because it is because I think they lack substance. Whatever it is, I admit that it is a judgement, and I take ownership of that.

Women who want to be stay at home moms are lazy and lack substance? Huh. Yeah, that's quite a judgement to take ownership of.

Award for inability to read goes to .......

She said she considered women who are SO QUICK to give up lazy/lacking substance.

Edited to add I saw this was already addressed and answered. I missed a whole page of responses. Whoops. I guess I can't read either.

netsirk2013 · June 2014

You are complaining now at 16 weeks? Bitch please!

amr196 · June 2014

bluebird00 said:

amr196 said:

Just saying... I would LOVE to be working right now but the area I live in has very very limited jobs and I cannot find one.
I don't want to say suck it up but be thankful you have a job

I'd love to be working, too, but I have a genuine medical reason for not being able to do the work in which I'm trained right now. I'm looking for other office-type work until I (hopefully) regain my health enough to get back to my regularly scheduled programming. The loss of income in addition to medical bills is a huge strain on my family and I know it stresses my husband more than he likes to let me see. If only I had the luxury of health and were *only* exhausted and nauseated. I confess OP's mentality irritates me.

--------

Beautifully written

ColeyCannoli · June 2014

MrsAngelaMarie said:

morganrochel said:

Thanks everyone. We talked last night and he would like me to stick it out for at least another month. I told him I would try to make until August but told him he couldn't get upset if half way through July I had to stop working. The heat and my hips are going to be a huge factor on how long I stay at work! I also have to go to a perinatologist for a special sonogram in July and my doctor told me this will determine when my bed rest will start.
You've already given up so why continue to go? I hope we don't see a bunch of whiney posts about how bored you are! Being bin pregnant is hard, it sucks, but in most cases it is not cause for stopping your life. I realize there are exceptions, and maybe your case is one, but it seems like you just don't feel like doing anything. Good luck. What are you going to use as an excuse after you give birth? Trust me, nobody cares as much about mom after the baby comes.
I posted on here to have some advice - positive advise. I'm not stopping my life because when I quite my job I get to stay home with my 3 year old which I've wanted to do since he was born. There is no need for your comments if they are not constructive.

Oh honey, you can't dictate how people respond to you on the internet.
I know I can't control it. I just don't understand why people have to be this way. I just wanted advice from other pregnant women on how to approach the subject. And for people to judge me from one post is pathetic.
I admit, I judged you. I am still judging you. From my perspective, I have spend my ENTIRE life (and tons of money) becoming an educated woman who can contribute to society, use my brain to make meaningful change in this world, as well as support myself and my family if needed. I completely resent the fact that, due to minimal support for young families and the outrageous cost of childcare in this country, I feel as though I can be either a great Mom or a great professional, but not both. I also resent the fact that men (DH included) generally do not feel this same pressure. I personally have a low threshold for women who are so quick to give up work. Emphasis on the SO QUICK. I can not relate. Maybe it is because I think they are lazy, maybe because it is because I think they lack substance. Whatever it i is, I admit that it is a judgement, and I take ownership of that.

******** My DH can't wait to quit and stay home with the kids. He is gonna put in his two weeks SO QUICK. But really, I've heard the reverse of this so many times. "I judge women who are SO QUICK to go back to work. Work can replace you but your baby can't. I see them as selfish and greedy and blah blah blah." It's the same basic problem, as you said, of society sucking. But don't start playing their game of resentment and judgements. What other people do is not a reflection of you. Edit: phone eats posts

Unknown · June 2014

This content has been removed.

ghostof5letters · June 2014

Bliss+Berry said:

morganrochel said:

Thanks everyone. We talked last night and he would like me to stick it out for at least another month. I told him I would try to make until August but told him he couldn't get upset if half way through July I had to stop working. The heat and my hips are going to be a huge factor on how long I stay at work! I also have to go to a perinatologist for a special sonogram in July and my doctor told me this will determine when my bed rest will start.

He may not tell you he's upset, but chances are he will resent you greatly for railroading him into letting you stay home when he feels your income is needed. A resentful husband does not a happy marriage make. You are adding two more mouths to feed and diaper. Your decision to quit your job should be a decision the two of you make together when both of you are comfortable with losing your income and possibly your medical insurance coverage.

It sounds like you have wanted to quit your job for some time and you are grasping at straws to accomplish it. Being tired and nauseated are not legitimate reasons to quit your job.

THIS

esr9435 · June 2014

For what it's worth, I was laid off and lost my job 3 weeks ago. I'm stuck in a catch 22 of trying to find work before or after the baby comes because I'm almost 4 months and it stresses my husband and I out everyday!!

I have a pretty horrible pregnancy (symptom wise) so far, and even with my all day morning sickness, I'd give anything to be going to work everyday! At this early, you feel pretty worthless at home everyday. Be thankful you have a job.

megbmeg · June 2014

@mrsangelamarie I'm with you on the really frustrating and unfair way the pressure of raising families and balancing careers/kids falls so much more heavily on women. And how few options there are for childcare is ridiculous. It's maddening! But like a PP, I was bothered by the final lines in your post about judging mothers who are "too quick" to give up work and assuming they are lazy. Here's what I'm thinking - in OP's case, it may be that she made this decision lightly and lazily - but what's more likely and more in line with the frustrations you laid out earlier in your post is that this is a decision that has been weighing on her for years and that took some agonizing over. I know I've worried about how to balance work & family since I got out of high school (and all through college & grad school) and I still don't have an answer I'm happy with. And it drives me nuts that DH didn't start worrying about this til we were married bc the pressure to solve it just isn't the same on him.

So by all means, let's get frustrated with the system and our shitty options, but take a step back before assuming any choice was "too quick"

maple1422 · June 2014

I wish I could get the okay to quit at 20 weeks! I'll be toughing it out until the last day possible I fear.

JCM285 · June 2014

I don't have any other kids so I can't relate to how hard it must be to work, take care of your kids, and also suffer from m/s, fatigue, etc. The only thing I can comment on is your job choice. Why not consider taking on a new job that is more flexible and gives you the time you so desperately want with your family? You could work part time if that is better for you. I knows tons of women who have changed careers or changed to part-time work when house and job responsibilities were too much for them. I'm a teacher and one of the reasons why I considered my job when I was still in college was because I knew I wanted kids and this gives me plenty of quality time with them. Plus it helps that I'm also 16w pregnant and I'm off for 2 months now. But I worked to be off and would have felt guilty about having off if I hadn't already worked for it. DH and I have agreed that I don't have to work during the summer as long as I take summer classes that will help me advance my pay scale, thereby helping our income in the long run. Sounds like you two need to compromise a little more so that both of you are happier. Maybe a career change is in order, not a total break from work. Good luck in whatever you decide to do!

jessinaround · June 2014

I have husband problems too. He just can't make enough money for me be a SAHM!
All jokes aside, OP I get when you've reached that "I'm done." point. The end is in sight and you're over it. Having an adorable kid at home and being exhausted every damn day makes me want to quit all the time. But if you're husband is okay with you quitting in August, then I suggest doing you're very best to meet him on this. It's a big change going from a two income household to just one. I'm sure it's really stressful for both of you and I'm guessing the transition will go smoother if your husband doesn't feel like you punked out on him. And if you really feel like you can't, then talk to your doctor and get him on board.
Good luck!

jessinaround · June 2014

And I forgot to add:
My husband has a lot of guilt over the fact that I can't stay home with our son. Your husband may be feeling a lot pressure and pushing him probably doesn't help. Try to take it easy on him. I'm sure he's doing his best to take care of your family.

Mrw218 · June 2014

OP you do not have husband issues but to say it is just your issue is incorrect. You need to realistically understand your finances and your husbands disposition. My dad became a nervous wreck being the sole source of income so my mom went back ASAP even though he made enough money to support our family. My husband doesn't get nervous about anything, has a good job, and can support me so I will be taking at least 6 months. I hate my job so I'm waiting til I go out, taking a severance package, and then finding a new job while I'm out with the understanding it could be longer than 6 months. I will not be sahm bc the income I can make outweighs the cost of daycare. It is a joint decision between the two individuals and he does need to consider how you feel but it isn't an issue with him. I also hate the sentiment be happy you have a job. Someone always has it better and worse than you so where do you draw the line. To those posters I would say you shouldn't bitch bc you aren't eating food out of the trash or starving like kids in Africa. You just need to do what's best for your family first and then what you two can agree on and handle together. Probably if I had a kid at home and was pregnant I may still take 6 months leave but would not take a severance bc I would consider it too risky for my family.

effaniw1 · June 2014

I feel your pain. With my middle son who is now 3, I was working at a hair salon, and constantly on my feet, using my arms, working on tons of people Friday,Saturday,Sunday,Monday. Until I was 5 1/2 months. I was drained. But I was the bread winner, so it hurt us a LOT when I stopped.

Csltdk · June 2014

effaniw1 said:
I feel your pain. With my middle son who is now 3, I was working at a hair salon, and constantly on my feet, using my arms, working on tons of people Friday,Saturday,Sunday,Monday. Until I was 5 1/2 months. I was drained. But I was the bread winner, so it hurt us a LOT when I stopped.

I also work at a salon 6 days a week from 10-6. I lasted 38 weeks till I went out on maternity leave. Seriously, being pregnant is not a free pass, you ladies need to suck it up and pop a Tylenol

desireeariel · June 2014

I don't think this makes you lazy or not give a shit. None of us know the mental or physical stresses of your job or life and like you said you are having trouble with your hip. My cousin just had twins and she was put on bed rest starting at 20 weeks. All of us being individual women with completely different daily demands it's not really fair to say one of us is lazy because we do possibly less then the other in the work environment. We all have different strengths and this isn't a time to shoot you down. If you honestly feel like you cannot go on then all you can do is talk to your husband and find some middle ground. Maybe there are easier positions at your work that you can transfer to. Or hell find an easy job somewhere else. That's what I did. Idk where you live but in Houston craigslist is booming with easy task receptionist jobs.

weezy29 · June 2014

Working when you want to stay home with your child sucks. It really sucks. I hated dropping my kids off to daycare when I knew they wanted to be home with me. I despised going back to work 6 weeks after a C-Section with complications but because of finances at the time, I had to do it.
I resented my DH for not making enough so that I could be a full time mom and I'm sure he resented me for making him feel like he wasn't a good enough provider. What I do know is that finances are one of the biggest issues in a marriage. Add to that, two new babies and all their expenses and you are going to be looking at some stressful times.
I absolutely understand your desire to stay home(I've been a SAHM for 5 years now) but if you can hang in there and work for another couple months, that may be a huge relief to your husband. I had to hang in there for three years and hated every day of it but I did what I had to do.
I wish you luck and I hope everything works itself out, without it causing issues in your finances and marriage.

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