When does the crying end at bedtime?

Bizzy80 · June 2014

Every single night DD screams and cries after we do bedtime routine and put her into her crib. Most nights it is only for a few minutes but It kills me. I was hoping this was just a phase but this has been going on since we did sleep training at 7 months and she is almost 14 months old now. Does it ever end?!!

Justabean3 · June 2014

Nope.. And anytime they want to test you they will do it longer

Sorry not what you wanted but I have a 20. Month old and a4 year old.. They both fight bedtime most nights

isisaavedra · June 2014

This is heartbreaking. Your baby doesn't want to be alone. It's completly normal that she try to call for your attention, but she's not getting it, so she cries. And this makes her produce more cortisone, wich is the stress hormone, and normally, its higher in the morning, and decreases at night for a bettter sleep, but your baby is getting exactly the opposite, making her brain developing badly, and finallyfalls asleep after been too tired of crying.

Hold her until she is sleepy before put her in the crib. I know, it may take longer, but she will sleep better, without the cortisone peak and tear-free. My 13 month old boy always falls asleep in my arms, then I put him in his crib. Sometimes it takes 10 minutes, sometimes a little bit longer than that.

Try reading Laura Gutman

NDarya · June 2014

Does your DD STTN? Is it a real cry or more like whining? My LO is almost 14 mo and just started to go to bed without a fuss (has been trained at 7,5 mo). Although we do a lot of overseas traveling (work related) so his sleep is always messed up. We still have some good and bad nights. Sometimes DS wakes up at night and cries for a couple of minutes but I let him and he goes back to sleep. I know how hard it is but they have to learn how to sleep for everybody's sake. So, don't give up! She will learn. Maybe pat her on the back till she gets comfy in the crib and/or use noise machine (our humidifier and air purifier serve this purpose well). And no, crying doesn't cause poor brain development, it's nonsense. Otherwise we would all be messed up. Good luck!

Bizzy80 · June 2014

isisaavedra said:

This is heartbreaking. Your baby doesn't want to be alone. It's completly normal that she try to call for your attention, but she's not getting it, so she cries. And this makes her produce more cortisone, wich is the stress hormone, and normally, its higher in the morning, and decreases at night for a bettter sleep, but your baby is getting exactly the opposite, making her brain developing badly, and finallyfalls asleep after been too tired of crying.
Hold her until she is sleepy before put her in the crib. I know, it may take longer, but she will sleep better, without the cortisone peak and tear-free. My 13 month old boy always falls asleep in my arms, then I put him in his crib. Sometimes it takes 10 minutes, sometimes a little bit longer than that.
Try reading Laura Gutman

What's heartbreaking is you thinking my child's brain is not developing properly because I let her cry every night at bedtime. Her crying is because she doesn't want to go to bed and would rather play even though she is clearly tired. Also, that's great that your son allows you to hold him until he falls asleep. That just doesn't work with my daughter- trust me I've tried! It got to a point that no matter what we did nothing was working and she needed to learn to fall asleep on her own which she does now no problem. It's just the protest crying when she first goes in the crib.

Bizzy80 · June 2014

NDarya said:

Does your DD STTN? Is it a real cry or more like whining? My LO is almost 14 mo and just started to go to bed without a fuss (has been trained at 7,5 mo). Although we do a lot of overseas traveling (work related) so his sleep is always messed up. We still have some good and bad nights. Sometimes DS wakes up at night and cries for a couple of minutes but I let him and he goes back to sleep. I know how hard it is but they have to learn how to sleep for everybody's sake. So, don't give up! She will learn. Maybe pat her on the back till she gets comfy in the crib and/or use noise machine (our humidifier and air purifier serve this purpose well). And no, crying doesn't cause poor brain development, it's nonsense. Otherwise we would all be messed up. Good luck!

Thank you. Yes she does STTN now. We did Ferber when she was 7 months old and when she was 10 months she started STTN on her own. It's more like a protest cry because she doesn't want to go to sleep and would rather stay up and play. I was just hoping the protesting at bedtime would go away soon.

Bizzy80 · June 2014

Pinkie78 said:

We had the toughest time with bed until about a month ago. It was getting ridiculous and we tried Ferber for the 4th time. Finally it seems like he was ready. He cried maybe 10 min the first night,then 5 the second and now cries for 1 or 2 minutes. By crying, I mean more like whining than screaming. He has been sleeping really well (knock on wood). I think they reach a point where they can handle this. For some it may be 6 months and for others it's a lot later. Not sure if this answers your question but at this point I don't even consider it crying at bed since it's over so fast. Of course this may all change for us as he likes to keep us on our toes .

I agree, I think it just depends on when they are ready and can handle it. I hope the sleeping well continues for you!

Justabean3 · June 2014

The protesting is what I'm talking about too that both my boys do. It's maybe 2-5 mins

Bizzy80 · June 2014

Justabean3 said:

The protesting is what I'm talking about too that both my boys do. It's maybe 2-5 mins

So your 4 year old does it too still? Ugh, I was hoping it would go away. I think it is going to be even harder when she's big enough for a toddler bed because she won't want to lay down.

opheliainwaders · June 2014

What time is LO's bedtime? We tried putting DD to bed at 7/7:30, but she never would settle (we didn't sleep train). Then we tried putting her to bed at 8:30, and she babbles for a few minutes, and then is out. Maybe experiment with bedtime?

pb_bride · June 2014

How long is the bedtime routine, and what is invovled in the routine? Perhaps your DD needs a bit more of a "down" time before bring put in the crib? (Since you mentioned her issue is not wanting to give up playing.)

For us, at bedtime, we first have DS help clean up his toys and out them away. Then upstairs to his room for diaper change, pj, brush teeth, wash face. We then sit on the couch in his room and read for 5-10minutes as wind-down time. After that he goes into the crib. DH sings to DS (the same 2 songs every.single.night). DS usually rolls around in bed and bangs around until he falls asleep. It has been many months since he cried at bedtime.

taraleanne · June 2014

gulickr said:

What time is LO's bedtime? We tried putting DD to bed at 7/7:30, but she never would settle (we didn't sleep train). Then we tried putting her to bed at 8:30, and she babbles for a few minutes, and then is out. Maybe experiment with bedtime?

I was going to ask the same question, what time is bedtime? How long after her second nap? I have read that this age can be hard because they are slowly transition to one nap (if they haven't already) and that bedtime should be 4 ish hours after a good long afternoon nap and watching for cues. For us, this sometimes means bedtime is at 630 and never any later than 7. My baby can't handle any longer. I often find that the protesting is when he is already overtired, not under tired. Of course he goes through phases but I find there is a lot less crying involved when I push up bedtime when there's been a crappy afternoon nap and be careful to watch his signs. Some days there is still a lot of crying and I'm in and out of his room a lot. I get what you mean, it's a protest cry and not what others may be thinking that you are letting her bawl herself to sleep. there is no way in hell my one year old would let me hold him to sleep - that doesn't' work for us either!! (maybe if he was sick yes but not on an otherwise normal day). Anyway, I was just going to suggest being careful with the bedtime and not let it be too late as I find that's when there is crying. And some days, that' just how it is and we deal with it one day at a time. GL!

Bizzy80 · June 2014

We usually start bedtime routine around 6:30 and it is usually about 45 min. long. She nurses then we do bath, pajamas, brush teeth and comb hair, read books, and then bed. She takes 1 nap at daycare and it is usually between 30 min. -1.5 hours long so she is usually pretty tired by 6:30. She is typically asleep by 7:30 or 7:45 after rolling around in her crib for a bit. She gets about 11 hours of sleep at night which I have read is pretty typical.

opheliainwaders · June 2014

Nicb13 said:

Bizzy80 said:

We usually start bedtime routine around 6:30 and it is usually about 45 min. long. She nurses then we do bath, pajamas, brush teeth and comb hair, read books, and then bed. She takes 1 nap at daycare and it is usually between 30 min. -1.5 hours long so she is usually pretty tired by 6:30. She is typically asleep by 7:30 or 7:45 after rolling around in her crib for a bit. She gets about 11 hours of sleep at night which I have read is pretty typical.

I would think she still needs 2 naps at that age and she sounds exhausted and that's why she is fighting bed time. Sounds like that might not be possible at her daycare?

I don't agree that it will always be this way like others have said. I really think that if she's getting the sleep she needs, she won't fight bed time so much. Also, you could do "checks" (is that Ferber?). Put her in bed, say good night then leave the room for 5 minutes. If she hasn't settled down, go back in and say goodnight, rub her head then leave again.

I don't like to leave DS to cry when he would go through these phases so that's what I did. Don't give up hope, she might stop the protesting and not always be hard to put to bed, just stay consistent!

Agreed with this re: naps. DD sleeps 11 hours at night, but also sleeps for a total of about 3 hours of naps during the day. Can you tell your DCP to put her down for 2 naps instead of 1? I know some places transition kids at a year, but some really aren't ready until 18m. Days when DD doesn't nap are nights when we all don't sleep!

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