How do I confront a thief?

MrsSinner402 · June 2014

So, last week I had some string cheese stolen out of our break room fridge. Not just one stick, but 4 or 5 that were still in the bag and also wrapped up in a grocery bag in the fridge. When I found out I was pissed, and I hung this sign on our fridge:

Anyway, today I was told that someone witnessed the lady (that I thought it was in the first place) going into the break room and reading the sign, then saying to herself "oops..." Therefore, she basically confirmed what EVERYONE in the office thought. She's known to steal a bunch of office supplies for her kids when school starts, and she's taken things in the past. My issue is this: I understand it's just string cheese, but that's not the point. I feel violated, and extremely pissed off. Of course, she hasn't apologized or replaced my string cheese, and she's off for knee surgery (that she claims is work related because she "fell in the field during an inspection" and I call bullshit 8-|) for 6 weeks. I don't want to cause a huge scene, but I also don't want to let it go unacknowledged. She knows it was me who posted the note, as she was a Facebook friend of mine and I posted on there about it. I've since blocked her. How would you approach the situation? Her boss won't do anything about it. He's not much of a "supervisor" when it comes to any type of reprimand or discipline.

~X(

jcsumm0 · June 2014

Honestly, I think you just need to let this go. Yes, it sucks, but it's a $3 package of string cheese.

Justabean3 · June 2014

Seeing her say "oops" doesn't mean she did it

And ya I think I'd just suck it up.

MrsSinner402 · June 2014

jcsumm0 said:

Honestly, I think you just need to let this go. Yes, it sucks, but it's a $3 package of string cheese.

It was more like $6.00. And it's not the amount of money, it's the principle behind it. Who takes something that isn't theirs? It makes me so angry, because I can't fathom taking something knowing it's not mine. And she's notorious for this in the office, so to keep letting it go isn't going to change anything.

MrsSinner402 · June 2014

Justabean3 said:

Seeing her say "oops" doesn't mean she did it And ya I think I'd just suck it up.

You'd have to know this woman. She may as well have sent out an email saying it was her.

Justabean3 · June 2014

I dispatch for a police department and people eat others people food all the time, ironic

But anyway we don't like it and we get irritated but it's still an office and stuff gets eaten. You could leave a 100.00 laying right next to the fridge and not a soul would touch it, you leave a cookie and I give it 5 mins.

MrsSinner402 · June 2014

Justabean3 said:

I dispatch for a police department and people eat others people food all the time, ironic But anyway we don't like it and we get irritated but it's still an office and stuff gets eaten. You could leave a 100.00 laying right next to the fridge and not a soul would touch it, you leave a cookie and I give it 5 mins.

I just hate that she has a history of theft and nothing has ever been done about it! And now that it's happened to me, I feel violated! I don't care WHAT is stolen from me, it's the fact that it even happened. And she acknowledged it to my coworker, and isn't attempting to make it right. Some people just make me sick.

pnwlover12 · June 2014

I'm all about calling people out on their bullshit. Just say something to her. Ask her flat out. You could do it in an email too, if you'd rather avoid a face to face confrontation. If she lies when you ask, there
isn't much you can do, but it might make her wary of taking in the future.

MuffinMom14 · June 2014

I get it. I REALLY do. Shit BOTHERS me like this. I'm BAD at letting it go. But I also hate confrontation, so really, I wouldn't do anything about it. And I don't think you can either. No one's gonna care, and unless you have the balls I do not have, you probably won't tell her to her face, so you have to let it go or just quietly seethe (which is what I would do).

The office supplies bother me more. Does her/your boss know this? THAT is what I might consider telling someone important about. Not the cheese.

k8tie887 · June 2014

Totally get it. I work 12 hour shifts in an emergency room. I put food in our community fridge with my name on it, expecting to have food when I'm hungry. Except when I go to get it, it is gone! Okay well on nights the only thing open is the gas station. We don't have 24 hour grocery stores or whatever. So, no food in fridge means no food in belly. As an almost 23 weeker, this irritates the sh!!!!!t out of me. $3, $6... $100. Point is, have some respect and replace it or at least say "I was suuuuper hungry and I ate it". Sigh.

jesslinnn · June 2014

I probably wouldn't do anything.

If ANYTHING, I'd just want her to know I knew it was her. Like when she gets back into the office say something out loud to someone when she's near like "I better start watching my string cheese again"... something really dumb like that. I still probably wouldn't even do that, but I'd think about it.

Emerald27 · June 2014

@MrsSinner402‌ I know how frustrating injustices are. I once shared an apartment with a roommate and all the bills would come to me, and she would pay me the half that was owed each month. I moved out a month early due to a job change, and she told me to just let her know what the bills were and that she would mail me a check. The bills came (for the month I lived there AND the following, final month of our lease) and I sent her an email with the total. Next thing I knew she had blocked my number, unfriended me from Facebook, and taken every measure to prevent my contacting her...and we were friends! She was a very intelligent and competent engineer. But I was out over $200 and barely was able to afford her bills and still eat! It has taken me years to get over this one thing, and I can still get kind of upset about it if I think about it too much.

Point is, it SUCKS when people do things that are unjust, especially when it's toward you or someone you love, and most especially when there's nothing you can really do about it.

If you want to confront her, I would approach her with something like "I had brought in some string cheese to keep for myself in the office fridge, and someone took it. I am trying to figure out who it was so that I can tell them that this was not appreciated or acceptable. I want to trust that the food I buy and put in the fridge will be available for me to eat. Did you by any chance see who took it, because I would like to discuss it with them."

She'll either confess and offer an excuse or apology, or she'll deny her involvement. If she admits it and apologizes, I would thank her for her apology and let it go. If she offers an excuse, I would thank her for her honesty and ask that it not happen again. If she denies it, I would ask her that if she sees someone taking something from the fridge that doesn't belong to them, to please remind them that the person paid for it and brought it to eat, not to share. And I'd let it go.

I all honesty, though, as infuriating as this is, it really is probably better to just let it go and not confront her.

MrsL2B · June 2014

I'd probably just resort to making catty remarks in her presence like, "Wow, did you hear about that jerk who stole all that money from the old childless widow who won the lottery and was going to leave the money to her dog but he killed the dog too and now she has to go live all alone in the nursing home that they showed on 60 Minutes? The only thing that's worse than that is stealing string cheese from a pregnant lady."

BreandMikewedding · June 2014

I can understand how annoying this is, but every office I have ever worked at has had this same problem. I used to bring in coffee creamer to one office and I would open it and use it one time and by my next cup of coffee that day or the next day, the rest of my creamer would be gone. I did put laxative in the creamer a couple times to get my revenge. My last office it was so bad that we kept our food locked up in our desk. I would let it go and find a different way to store my food if it bothers you that much. Maybe a small locking safe you can keep in the fridge to put your food in?

Unknown · June 2014

This content has been removed.

vrj0522 · June 2014

I don't know that I would confront her about it, but what I would do is ask her if she knows who took it. And then tell her that you are talking to everyone and asking them to report when they see people taking something that isn't theirs or just to keep an eye out to figure out who the fridge thief is. I think this might scare her from taking anything else... as she'll think people are really paying attention.

BTW, one of my brothers did the laxative in the food thing and the person totally fell for it.

BreandMikewedding · June 2014

Another thought, could she be having money issues and not be able to afford school supplies and food?

persephonerose · June 2014

I would put a sticky on her desk that said something like "I know what you did" and just leave it at that.

pnwlover12 · June 2014

persephonerose said:
I would put a sticky on her desk that said something like "I know what you did" and just leave it at that.

Last summer!
:-O

jcsumm0 · June 2014

BreandMikewedding said:

I can understand how annoying this is, but every office I have ever worked at has had this same problem. I used to bring in coffee creamer to one office and I would open it and use it one time and by my next cup of coffee that day or the next day, the rest of my creamer would be gone. I did put laxative in the creamer a couple times to get my revenge. My last office it was so bad that we kept our food locked up in our desk. I would let it go and find a different way to store my food if it bothers you that much. Maybe a small locking safe you can keep in the fridge to put your food in?

Giving someone a medication without their knowledge is way worse than using someone else's creamer, IMHO.

MrsSinner402 · June 2014

Well I definitely won't stew on it for 6 weeks, but I will feel awkward around her from now on and that sucks. She knows that I know. She's just a bad person. And to answer your question about if she can't afford supplies, etc, she absolutely can. Both she and her husband work for State government and bring home a lot of money. But she blows it on stupid stuff. Then steals from others. Real winner! Thanks for the advice all. I probably won't confront her directly, but I will find some way to let her know it was NOT ok.

CheesyPeas · June 2014

I work for a very large company, so we aren't able to have a communal fridge but holy shit that would piss me off. I totally agree that it's not about the food but rather the principle of the matter. I would feel violated for sure, and I would be irrate at her arrogance that she thinks she's somehow entitled to your belongings, the company's belongings, and who knows how many other people's belongings. With that said, I would still be too chicken to say anything because while confrontational by nature, I believe in a peaceful work environment, so I wouldn't bother to do anything beyond what you already did. That really sucks that your supervisor wouldn't be willing to do something though, and I'm really sorry that you have to work with that thief.

slsl509 · June 2014

Open bag of string cheese. Tear them up and put back in bag. Put note on bag that says "Some of these string cheeses have been left out for a week. Some of them haven't. Do you want to figure out which ones are which"?

Maggie6424 · June 2014

This is so angering!!! it happened t o me just a few months ago. I brought in a pack of babybel cheese. I had opened it, but there were 2 left. I went back the next day or so to get another one. Empty bag. Oh man I was SOOOO pissed. No food in that fridge is a free for all unless it says so on it. I put a note similar to yours up on the fridge. Never found out who ate them, nor did I have any clue.. People piss me off when they lack respect.

atraveller · June 2014

MrsL2B said:

I'd probably just resort to making catty remarks in her presence like, "Wow, did you hear about that jerk who stole all that money from the old childless widow who won the lottery and was going to leave the money to her dog but he killed the dog too and now she has to go live all alone in the nursing home that they showed on 60 Minutes? The only thing that's worse than that is stealing string cheese from a pregnant lady."

I'd probably go this route too. Direct confrontation will probably just get you a denial or worse a defensive reaction that will try to turn the tables on you. When I worked in a big office, food went missing all the time from the fridge - some people have no respect. Best to not let it work you up into a ball of stress - injustice sucks, but she is not worth your angst - not at all! But to make her uncomfortable through innuendo type remarks is not a bad idea... let her stew in her juices. I also like @jalara48's idea of putting a laxative in a treat you know she might take.

Or if you really want to be mean - you could comment to a friend (in her presence) that you hear there was recall on that brand/date of string cheese and boy the person who stole it from you in the fridge sure did you a favor.

fireflyrebirth · June 2014

I agree I wouldn't bring it up after six weeks if you don't want to look like a crazy person. If, after she returns, something similar happens and you have definitive proof it was her, I would confront her calmly and directly about it. No tricks or passive aggressive stuff, just, "Hey, I heard you might be the one who took my food, which I clearly labeled with my name. It might not seem like a big deal but that's food I paid for and planned to eat and it's not okay for anyone else to take it."

Either that or get a lunch box and a padlock....

Sorry you're dealing with this and that the boss is no help.

ss265 · June 2014

vrj0522 said:

I don't know that I would confront her about it, but what I would do is ask her if she knows who took it. And then tell her that you are talking to everyone and asking them to report when they see people taking something that isn't theirs or just to keep an eye out to figure out who the fridge thief is. I think this might scare her from taking anything else... as she'll think people are really paying attention.

BTW, one of my brothers did the laxative in the food thing and the person totally fell for it.

I like this idea the best - that way she might become paranoid that people are watching her and she would be less likely to steal things.

Rather than buy a safe to padlock your food, can you just get a lunch bag with a cooler pack for you to store anything that needs to be kept cold, in your cubicle? If it works for pumped breast milk, it should work for regular things right?

toomanycats1 · June 2014

This post made me think of Ross and his sandwich on Friends.

Honestly OP, sometimes in life you have to let things go... I think 4 or 5 pieces of cheese is one of those instances.

Also, do you really want to be a person that "confronts" someone about a few pieces of cheese when they are recovering from surgery? That in it's own right isn't very gracious or professional.

You've already unfriended her on FB, you say she knows that you know. It's done. If she's as bad as you say, and everyone knows what she's like, then talking to her won't change a thing. Best to just let it go....

There are far worse things happening in the world... what happened to you is annoying sure, but is it really that big of a deal?

atraveller · June 2014

slsl509 said:

Open bag of string cheese. Tear them up and put back in bag. Put note on bag that says "Some of these string cheeses have been left out for a week. Some of them haven't. Do you want to figure out which ones are which"?

Hahaha! That made me laugh out loud!

persephonerose · June 2014

Now all I can think about is that Meme of Bernadette from Big Bang Theory when she signed the retirement/get well card for her coworker. I wish I could find it but my Googling sucks today.

Justabean3 · June 2014

So While the laxative idea is funny it could hurt someone in all honesty if you don't know their health issues

Just flat out freakin ask her if she ate them and tell her a co-worker saw her do it. If she lies well she lies but sorting to bad mouthing in her presence is dumb IMO.. You don't know 100% she did it even if
It her character

[Deleted User] · June 2014

Okay, I've debated putting this out there, but it's a possible alternative.

When I was in college I had a random roommate that was off the wall crazy. She would constantly talk about abortions, while singing to Jesus, as she cooked horribly smelling foods. She was messy, late to pay bills, used our food, laundry detergent, etc. I can't even describe how much she bugged me. I was nearing graduation and trying to quit going to the bars all the time, so I started making candles as a hobby. Around this time, I also decided to move out early because of this girl. Sooooo, as a parting gift, I made her a poo candle.

I put coffee beans in the bottom of the jar, sprinkled in some dog poop chunks, and then poured the white wax over all of it. You could only see wax and coffee beans from the outside. I gave it to her as a gift the day I moved.

Only my super close friends know this. I'm not necessarily proud of it, but whatever, I was young. Now whenever I joke about someone making me irrationally annoyed or mad, my friends always tell me it's time to send a candle.

TL:DR- This one roommate annoyed me so much I moved out early, I made her a poo candle disguised as a coffee candle. OP, you always have that option haha.

[Deleted User] · June 2014

I think old me would have let this go, but pregnant me has a really low tolerance threshold for disrespectful and/or ignorant people. However, I'm not a super directly confrontational person; I'm more passive aggressive.

For example, every day this douche at work would park his BIG, ENORMOUS pick-up truck near the front of the building (nearest the entry door), but never stay in his stall. It's not like he would purposely park in between two spots, but he would usually back into the space and two wheels would either be on one of the lines or a bit over into the next parking spot. Well, after months and months and months of this, I got sick of it. About two months ago I drove into the parking lot, it was pouring rain, and the dude had parked over the line so no one could park next to him. Granted, I only had to park maybe 3 or 4 parking spaces further from the door than I would have if he had left a spot open, but it's the principle of the matter! If you can't handle a gigantic truck like that, you shouldn't be driving one. Anyway, I took a picture, came inside, made a sign on my break and went and stuck it on his windshield. It just said, "Please be considerate of others when parking your truck." You know, nothing rude, but it included the picture which showed his truck, an empty parking space right next to it, and the FULL parking lot in the background so he could see just how douchey his carelessness is. Anyway, he has no idea it was me who left the note, but ever since that day he parks like an angel!

) A few other people near my cubicle who would also complain about the guy knows what I did and they are all so grateful.

So the moral of the story is I think something needs to be said to this woman. Everyone, the entire office, will be happier for it! I agree that you might need to wait for the next time she does something like this, since sitting on the String Cheese Incident (heh) for 6 weeks might come off a little cray. But when she returns, even if you find out she jacked someone else's stuff, you should still white knight and confront this beeyotch.

slsl509 · June 2014

Poo candle. I actually LOLed.

MrsSinner402 · June 2014

apk4 said:
Okay, I've debated putting this out there, but it's a possible alternative.
When I was in college I had a random roommate that was off the wall crazy. She would constantly talk about abortions, while singing to Jesus, as she cooked horribly smelling foods. She was messy, late to pay bills, used our food, laundry detergent, etc. I can't even describe how much she bugged me. I was nearing graduation and trying to quit going to the bars all the time, so I started making candles as a hobby. Around this time, I also decided to move out early because of this girl. Sooooo, as a parting gift, I made her a poo candle.
I put coffee beans in the bottom of the jar, sprinkled in some dog poop chunks, and then poured the white wax over all of it. You could only see wax and coffee beans from the outside. I gave it to her as a gift the day I moved.
Only my super close friends know this. I'm not necessarily proud of it, but whatever, I was young. Now whenever I joke about someone making me irrationally annoyed or mad, my friends always tell me it's time to send a candle.
TL:DR- This one roommate annoyed me so much I moved out early, I made her a poo candle disguised as a coffee candle. OP, you always have that option haha.

I'd like to place an order of one Poo candle, please. I need it within 6 weeks. I'll be giving it as a get well soon gift as she's recovering from surgery.

[Deleted User] · June 2014

MrsSinner402 said:

Okay, I've debated putting this out there, but it's a possible alternative.
When I was in college I had a random roommate that was off the wall crazy. She would constantly talk about abortions, while singing to Jesus, as she cooked horribly smelling foods. She was messy, late to pay bills, used our food, laundry detergent, etc. I can't even describe how much she bugged me. I was nearing graduation and trying to quit going to the bars all the time, so I started making candles as a hobby. Around this time, I also decided to move out early because of this girl. Sooooo, as a parting gift, I made her a poo candle.
I put coffee beans in the bottom of the jar, sprinkled in some dog poop chunks, and then poured the white wax over all of it. You could only see wax and coffee beans from the outside. I gave it to her as a gift the day I moved.
Only my super close friends know this. I'm not necessarily proud of it, but whatever, I was young. Now whenever I joke about someone making me irrationally annoyed or mad, my friends always tell me it's time to send a candle.
TL:DR- This one roommate annoyed me so much I moved out early, I made her a poo candle disguised as a coffee candle. OP, you always have that option haha.
I'd like to place an order of one Poo candle, please. I need it within 6 weeks. I'll be giving it as a get well soon gift as she's recovering from surgery.

So you'd like me to add a bow? Red or pink?

MrsSinner402 · June 2014

apk4 said:

MrsSinner402 said:

apk4 said:
Okay, I've debated putting this out there, but it's a possible alternative.
When I was in college I had a random roommate that was off the wall crazy. She would constantly talk about abortions, while singing to Jesus, as she cooked horribly smelling foods. She was messy, late to pay bills, used our food, laundry detergent, etc. I can't even describe how much she bugged me. I was nearing graduation and trying to quit going to the bars all the time, so I started making candles as a hobby. Around this time, I also decided to move out early because of this girl. Sooooo, as a parting gift, I made her a poo candle.
I put coffee beans in the bottom of the jar, sprinkled in some dog poop chunks, and then poured the white wax over all of it. You could only see wax and coffee beans from the outside. I gave it to her as a gift the day I moved.
Only my super close friends know this. I'm not necessarily proud of it, but whatever, I was young. Now whenever I joke about someone making me irrationally annoyed or mad, my friends always tell me it's time to send a candle.
TL:DR- This one roommate annoyed me so much I moved out early, I made her a poo candle disguised as a coffee candle. OP, you always have that option haha.
I'd like to place an order of one Poo candle, please. I need it within 6 weeks. I'll be giving it as a get well soon gift as she's recovering from surgery.

So you'd like me to add a bow? Red or pink?

Let's go with brown. Bahaha

k8tie887 · June 2014

Ok. I figured out revenge. No meds, no finger pointing... Go to amazon and search hairbo sugar free gummies. Read some of the reviews. Put them where you know she will help herself to excess amounts. She will have explosive diarrhea... Apparently they contain a sugar substitute that will cause GI disaster if you eat more than a few... Just saying...

imagine7696030614 · June 2014

People stealing food annoys the hell out of me. Especially stealing food from a pregnant lady. I think the sign you made was pretty clever and hopefully she'll leave your food alone for now on. Just don't understand the audacity of some people..who just helps themselves to other peoples food?

TheOtherJacobsons · June 2014

persephonerose said:

I would put a sticky on her desk that said something like "I know what you did" and just leave it at that.

@persephonerose This legit made me lol.

pnwlover12 · June 2014

HelloSweetie1 said:

This post made me think of Ross and his sandwich on Friends.

Honestly OP, sometimes in life you have to let things go... I think 4 or 5 pieces of cheese is one of those instances.

Also, do you really want to be a person that "confronts" someone about a few pieces of cheese when they are recovering from surgery? That in it's own right isn't very gracious or professional.

Surgery does not negate thievery!

I am loving this thread (while I feel terrible that MrsSinner was robbed) but reading these responses is highly entertaining and hilarious.

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