December 2014 Moms

Any second baby shower plans?

EssaG12EssaG12 member
edited June 2014 in December 2014 Moms
This is my second child, we tossed/sold/donated most of my firsts things figuring we were done at one. And if it's another sex that's another story; so question: anyone else thinking of having another baby shower for the second child?
~Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind
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Re: Any second baby shower plans?

  • Pretty much everyone I know IRL has a shower for every baby. I do not want one. We don't need anything and we just had a baby shower barely over a year ago. I don't want people thinking we're having another baby for the party and gifts we get for it.

    Also, if this baby is a different SEX than our first, we will take the responsibility of buying a few clothing items. For the most part, if the baby is warm I'm happy and she can wear whatever DS wore. But maybe with a headband.
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  • I didn't mean clothes alone. Regardless of gender (my 1st can wear whatever color he wants); and I have no wants for anyone to buy furniture or big items. I meant diapers, bottles, etc. things we gave away and could use. Will I throw my own? No. But just gettin opinions.
    ~Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind
  • Thank you didn't mean insult to anyone or offense.
    ~Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind
  • Two first time posts from two different people using "gender" within 5 minutes of each other ..... Hmmmmm
  • Two first time posts from two different people using "gender" within 5 minutes of each other ..... Hmmmmm

    I don't know if you're trying to insinuate anything but I meant no harm; regardless of sex my son and 2nd are allowed to wear whatever color they want. That's all I was trying to say.
    ~Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind
  • Nope. I have a sneaking suspicion my friends will throw me a little get together because we do for all our friends. No gifts expected, no games, alcohol for everyone else, and just about 5 close friends.
    I technically could have a shower because my youngest is 5 and this is my husbands first.. but I don't want one. I had my shower with my first.
    T: 10/04/06 L: 4/22/09 Baby: EDD: 1/30/14 MMC & D&C: 7/3/13
    Baby 2: EDD: 8/06/14 CP: 11/13




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  • My opinion is that second showers are ok as long as they are really, really small and you only invite your nearest and dearest or people that probably would have bought you a gift anyways.

    That being said, I wouldn't feel comfortable telling people how to spend their own money whether it is diapers, wipes, clothes, books or whatever else.  I wouldn't even mention gifts on the invite and let people give out of the kindness of their hearts if they felt so inclined.  
  •  
    achickpea said:
     I don't want people thinking we're having another baby for the party and gifts we get for it.

    Does this seriously happen? Two parts I guess - first, do people really have babies for the parties and gifts? Second, do you know people who would actually think this about you?

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  • sarasarat said:


     
    achickpea said:

     I don't want people thinking we're having another baby for the party and gifts we get for it.

    Does this seriously happen? Two parts I guess - first, do people really have babies for the parties and gifts? Second, do you know people who would actually think this about you?

    I know no one like this, but a few friends were thrown 2nd and 3rd showers but they called them diaper showers. Everyone brought diapers for a raffle then the rest of the time was fun games and hanging out and no gifts were necessary
    ~Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind
  • sarasarat said:


     
    achickpea said:

     I don't want people thinking we're having another baby for the party and gifts we get for it.

    Does this seriously happen? Two parts I guess - first, do people really have babies for the parties and gifts? Second, do you know people who would actually think this about you?

    I know a few people who are either like that or expect a shower with every pregnancy. I don't think anyone thinks it of me, though.
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  • Here's another question to think on. What if you're on baby 2 and didn't have a shower for the first. Would it be okay to have one for baby 2?
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  • Here's another question to think on. What if you're on baby 2 and didn't have a shower for the first. Would it be okay to have one for baby 2?
    I think it would be, but then I might be alone. I think if someone wants to throw one for you, why not...
    ~Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind
  • I will not be having another. My family threw me a very large, very over the top (in a nice way - we just don't do a lot of big parties) shower for my son, and that will be the only one. 

    I am however very blessed to have an amazing friend with a serious shopping habit that will be lending/giving me a ton of items from her LO which is AWESOME and incredibly helpful. 
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  • Welcome.  Congrats on the 2nd LO on the way.  

    Not that I want to give this thread much more viewing, but the topic of second showers came up in (I think towards the end).  Just wanted to pass it along so that you can see some of the opinions that were recently expressed there as well. 



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  • @CandEChicago thanks for the link; I didn't mean to start an uproar, just wanted some people's opinions on showers for other children and what they thought about it. That's all... Doesn't mean I get one doesn't mean I do; just curious..
    ~Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind
  • While I am sure you were well intentioned.  I wanted to make sure you got the link so that you can understand some of the responses that you may or may not get on this subject. 


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  • ZAP12ZAP12 member
    I had a horrible shower with my first. It wasn't my hosts' fault. All my friends had gone home from school for the summer and my friends from home weren't back yet. And we had just moved back to the states, so we didn't have a lot of close friends. It ended up being my best friend, my hosts, my mom, and some of my mom's friends. It was just embarrassing and I wouldn't want to do it again.
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  • @CandEChicago : I merely wanted people's thoughts on multiple showers to compare; thank you. I've had some friends that have and some that haven't and was getting a mass opinion (apparently opening pandora's box)
     
    For the rest of you: Thank you for your opinions. I'm not begging for a shower, or gifts, or furniture, or supplies; didn't get them with my DS's shower and won't ask for them now. I strictly wanted to know if you approved or disapproved of multiple showers. I should've worded better; thanks again for all your time and opinions
    ~Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind
  • I highly doubt we will have a shower or anyone will host a shower for us.  We have enough from our first and MW's Aunt has given us some of her youngest clothes in case we have a girl.  My family is spread all over the USA so I know no one will do one for us.  MW's work may do some shower for her since it seems like that is what they do.  She works for a team that is all women.
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  • katehgee said:
    Someone I know is having a shower for #2, and they had a "gender reveal" where they collected money for cord blood banking. I wasn't around for the first baby birth, but if I has been I'd probably be annoyed with all this extra gift giving. I personally will only have one shower regardless of how many babies I have in the future.
    Oh Dear Lord, how obtuse and rude can people be.
  • Unless someone got "fixed" idk why you would ever get rid of or toss any if the baby things you already had. . .
  • I think for a second LO I would do a baby shower after the baby is born so everyone can meet the baby and if people feel so inclined to bring a gift great. It's baby's BIRTHday it should be celebrated and so should you! You deserve it after the pregnancy and birth
  • Yeah, we were not really planning on having another one. We gave away majority of our stuff to people who needed it. Why would I hang on to things when I know someone less fortunate needed them more then me? Plus, seriously who hangs on to everything from their first, things get damaged, become expired or lost.
    I personally think there is nothing wrong with having a celebration for a 2nd or even 3rd child. If your in it for the gifts that's your hang up not mine. I always saw a baby shower or a sprinkle as a way to celebrate with friends and family the BABY not just the mother and to ask for things.
    But as seen from the previous post I seem to be tacky and unpopular in my opinion.
  • effaniw1 said:
    Unless someone got "fixed" idk why you would ever get rid of or toss any if the baby things you already had. . .
    Some people don't have the space to keep everything. We moved to a different country and since we didn't expect to get pregnant during our stay here we left everything for our boys in storage that they weren't currently using (swing, bouncer, newborn clothes...etc.). With not knowing what kind of a home we would find why take unnecessary stuff with you? 

    That being said, I'm in the opposed to a second shower camp but I also won't turn one down if my friends throw one for me (that would be rude of me). My friends here are like my family since I am so far from home, and since they weren't around for my first pregnancy they are beyond excited...so I wouldn't put it past them. 
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  • I'm definitely in the second showers are tacky camp. Thankfully, my family and friends agree and people aren't volunteering to have a shower for me the way they did with my first LO. I'm not big on being the center of attention anyways.

    That being said, this second baby is a different sex than my first. I will have more things to buy than I originally thought, but DH and I are fully prepared to buy those items.
  • I think it's tacky and gift grabby. My SIL wanted to throw another shower and I said no. They only thing we need is a double stroller and clothes (if it's not a boy). I figure if our parents ask what they can get, we will ask them to go in on the stroller with us. Other than that, if people want to give a gift then they can. But I won't be having another shower.
  • I personally don't have a problem with people having a second shower as long if someone wants to throw one for them.  If people are invited but they don't want to give a gift or go because they went to a previous shower, then they don't have to go.

    That being said, I really do not want another shower.  I have everything I need and I feel like people were beyond generous the first time around.  
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  • effaniw1 said:

    Unless someone got "fixed" idk why you would ever get rid of or toss any if the baby things you already had. . .

    There are many circumstances for getting rid of baby things that you are no longer using. In my case I got divorced and moved into a small apt. Who knows what my future was to hold and if I'd ever get married and have babies again. Fast forward 8 years later and I am now happily remarried and pregnant! :) This is my husbands first and my third and while we don't expect a shower, friends of ours are already looking forward to throwing us one.

  • I will definitely not be having a second shower, but DD is only 15 months old and we have more than enough stuff for this baby. IF a friend offered to host a shower, I would politely decline or ask that the party be held for some other purpose and if they wanted to hang decorations and play silly games fine, but no gifts. In fact, for DD's first birthday, we invited all of our friends and their children to our house for a BBQ pool party and didn't tell anyone that it was a birthday party because we didn't want people to bring gifts. We had a few decorations up and party favors for the kids, but that was it. To us it's about being with people you love and having a good time. (A few of our friends got bent out of shape because we didn't tell them it was for DD's birthday and they would have brought a present. We we explained that our gift was the pleasure of their company and they got over it.)
  • I feel like a shower is an act of love. It is for your dearest family and friends to honor you and your baby. It should not ever be expected. I had a wonderful shower 2 years ago and felt very blessed, but I would never expect those people to come to another shower! I chose to get pregnant again, and it's my responsibility to pay the expenses.
    It used to bother me when my friends would ask "what are your parents buying for you? Mine bought our baby furniture". I'm like......whaaaa?
    I also think it is so tacky when I get shower invites from people I hardly know.

    But, if someone offers to throw you a second shower- go for it- but please be tasteful in who you invite. And be very, very grateful.
  • I didn't read all the posts but am curious as to what you would say in my situation. My son will be 28 months when lo is born. I really wanted a baby shower with him. My mom said she would throw me one, told me to create a registry- and then didn't. I really just wanted to play the cheesy games, have some cupcakes and talk about stories. I spent my whole pregnancy people asking when my shower was and I just said no plans were made that I know of yet. The last month of pregnancy I was quite upset about it. We bought bare minimum for my son. I told my one friend I really want a shower before the baby this time...I'm not sure if she will remember though. I am now a high risk pregnancy and have gone through so much the last 7 weeks....if I make it to 20 weeks and baby is healthy I want to celebrate. If my friends forget I'll throw my own. I don't care about the gifts but I do want to play silly games and share stories. I'm finding out the sex this time but I hope people will still want to celebrate even if I have another boy.
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  • BeevolBeevol member
    This is my second and so far no one has mentioned wanting to throw a shower or sprinkle for us. I kind of want to have a party to celebrate this pregnancy though, not for the presents but because I like parties and celebrating milestones (a new baby for DH and I, becoming a big sister for DD). I kind of hate the idea of showers though - generally, I love to attend them, but I never feel comfortable having one for myself... I prefer to celebrate without people feeling obligated to buy me things. 

    That being said, if you need baby stuff put out feelers for hand-me downs to friends with kids and hit garage sales/rummage sales, you can find awesome deals. 
  • I guess I disagree with your definition of a shower being all about gifts. I am under the belief a shower is a time to celebrate a baby coming into the world and the mother who has carried the baby. I welcome the time for women to come together and chat about pregnancy. I also see your point in saying you can only be welcomed into motherhood once. However I look forward to a time where I can get together with my aunts and discuss their experiences..(this has yet to be done as family functions are huge and hard to have real conversations when looking after a little one)..even experiences relating to welcoming the second or third child....and how motherhood will change. I guess it just comes down to the idea of traditional views. Traditionally a woman would always have a shower for a first baby....families and friends were close together.

    Also I would like to add my son did not need anything. I bought him all the essentials. I look forward to purchasing more "luxury" items this time.

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  • Mrw218Mrw218 member
    Um I feel like if ppl are going to buy you gifts it should only be essentials and maybe some nice to haves. Luxury items as you put it should be bought by you bc they are just that.....luxuries only if you can afford them or if someone like a sibling or parents are doing something super nice for you. The shower is a luxury as well. I would never put what I consider luxury items on a registry. I can say too that hopefully your idea of luxury is different from what I'm thinking.
  • @effaniw1‌ as I described earlier we gave away bottles we had never used to someone more desperately in need. I gave away no furniture and kept memorable clothes and neutral clothes. I meant the shower as more of a diaper party. I don't want anything replace, heck I don't need a shower; but I won't turn one down and I wouldn't ask for anything more than diapers
    ~Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind
  • Darbie914 said:
    Susan2685 said:
    I didn't read all the posts but am curious as to what you would say in my situation. My son will be 28 months when lo is born. I really wanted a baby shower with him. My mom said she would throw me one, told me to create a registry- and then didn't. I really just wanted to play the cheesy games, have some cupcakes and talk about stories. I spent my whole pregnancy people asking when my shower was and I just said no plans were made that I know of yet. The last month of pregnancy I was quite upset about it. We bought bare minimum for my son. I told my one friend I really want a shower before the baby this time...I'm not sure if she will remember though. I am now a high risk pregnancy and have gone through so much the last 7 weeks....if I make it to 20 weeks and baby is healthy I want to celebrate. If my friends forget I'll throw my own. I don't care about the gifts but I do want to play silly games and share stories. I'm finding out the sex this time but I hope people will still want to celebrate even if I have another boy.
    First, I am so sorry for all that you have gone through.  My pregnancy was not high risk but it was stressful enough as it was so I can't imagine all of the extra worries/stress that go with being high risk.  I'm also sorry that your mom dropped the ball on your shower.  I'm sure that was hurtful.

    However, a baby shower is to welcome you to motherhood and provide the MTB with gifts she will need for the baby.  Once you are a mother, you cannot be rewelcomed.  Showers after the first are tacky, no matter what the circumstances are (unless it's the first child for the father).  You buying the bare minimum for your son was your fault- no one else's.  You decided to have a child, you must plan to provide everything for it.

    If you throw your own, that's tacky.  A shower is a gift and if no one wants to throw one, then you don't get one.  You also should never ask someone to host one for you.  That's a lot of time and money and someone shouldn't feel obligated to do that.  

    If you want a celebration, just have a casual party with friends and family.  Maybe a BBQ where you can swap stories, hang out, and eat good food.  

    I don't mean to sound harsh and I apologize if my post comes off that way.  But your situation doesn't warrant another shower and to throw your own is extremely rude.
    I keep seeing this exception. Can someone explain it to me? This is my 3rd child, but my boyfriend's first -- but still I would expect no showers. To me, men could care less about showers, so why would this be a good reason for me to get a shower? Just curious. :)
    M born 1/6/09 - A born 12/31/10 - baby BOY RCS 12/2/14 

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