Hi and thoughts on 2nd child after c section

jfb29 · June 2014

(Sorry, this got a little longer than I planned...)

Hi Ladies! I know I haven't been on here in a very long time. I got annoyed with mobile so stopped coming onto the site and I'm never on my computer at home. I started back to work which also took some adjustment and have been busy trying to fix things that were messed up when I was out!

Additionally, I've also been trying to work through things regarding my birth. I had a c-section and while it wasn't a "traumatic" experience, it was definitely not positive for me. I don't remember much from getting the spinal until a good 10 hours later, meaning I don't remember holding my sweet girl for the first or even second or third times. I don't even remember my OB coming in the next morning (DD was born at 10:35 pm). I feel like I missed so many firsts.

Anywho, I've always wanted more than one child but have been finding myself trying to decide if I really want to have a second bc I find myself getting anxious at the thought of a potential second c-section. Don't get me wrong, I love my daughter and am happy we have her and don't regret her in the least. I'm not afraid of the pain or recovery from a second c section but I'm weird about my stomach and just don't want it cut open again bc it creeps me out (I've only seen my scar once and that was by accident). Additionally, I can't say I'm excited at the potential of going through IF treatment again and all that it brings.

As I'm working through these emotions, I have felt very alone. DH is trying to understand but doesn't get it. I don't have any friends who've had c sections. DH just keeps saying "wasn't she worth it all?" And my favorite (insert sarcasm) "the pups had surgery down there and they are find" (comparing my c section to them getting spayed - really?!!). He has been trying to understand and he sent me the link below. It's been nice reading through it to know I'm not crazy for my emotions and that I'm not alone in feeling them. I just wanted to share in case anyone else is feeling this way. There are some good thoughts and suggestions that are helping me: https://www.plus-size-pregnancy.org/CSANDVBAC/csemotionalrecov.htm

Again, I hope you all are doing well!

acdiaz11 · June 2014

I've had mixed feelings about my unplanned c-section too, especially since I have a lot of friends who are pregnant and they are getting to experience natural birth.

Are you nervous about getting pregnant again at all, or just the thought of a RCS? Is VBAC an option for you? I plan to do a lot of research on VBAC and talk to my doctor at my next appointment. This might be an option for you and help ease your fears.

coreyeliz · June 2014

I've been having similar feelings. I always wanted two children, but following my c-section, I just don't know. I'm more afraid than I think I should be of having a second one. As it is, I'm 3.5 months out and still can't feel anything down to my labia on my left side. I'm seeing a physical therapist, and she's great so I hope it helps. It looks like I might have nerve damage beyond just the norm on that side. But enough about me. I'm almost sick of myself cuz I just want to get over it, I feel like I should, and I'm frustrated that I'm not.

The only advice I might give you would be to try and not be afraid of your scar. It was really hard for me to see mine and worse to touch it. But I've been doing scar massage with my physical therapist, and as hard as it was at first, it's actually really helping. It's also helping that rope-like feeling of the scar tissue to smooth and soften.

Whatever you end up deciding regarding additional children, I hope you can find peace with it. I just want to send you a hug.

katykatykaty · June 2014

I'm sure everyone knows by now that my c-sections aren't a big deal to me, so take this with a grain of salt... The second one was so much easier! It was scheduled, I knew what to expect, and I wasn't exhausted from labor. The recovery was much easier, too. Plus I didn't have time to focus on the experience because I was really busy with my toddler.

TradeMama · June 2014

I had an emergency CS with DS and got pregnant pretty much right away after. The 2nd CS was much less stressful because I knew what to expect. I would have had the option for a vbac too if I hadn't been diabetic.

pepperedmoth · June 2014

I have similar fears. My surgery itself was fine, but we were separated after birth (like, different hospitals) and that was really painful for me.

I definitely want a second child --- it's not enough to deter me! --- but now I have this huge fear that we will be separated again. My emotions around our separation, the image of him being wheeled off down the hallway, etc., etc., are the clearest memories of my birth BY FAR and so whenever I imagine having a second child those are the first thoughts, feelings, and images that pop to mind.

So yeah, I hear you. I don't think that the way I feel is necessarily unhealthy --- I don't perseverate on it or think of it too much until someone asks about my birth or a post like this brings it up (I do have occasional nightmares). I do plan to see a therapist that specializes in that kind of trauma before baby #2. There's one less than a mile for my house so that is really less extreme than I make it sound. It's not a huge trek or anything; I was just googling for plain old therapists and realized that she was just down the road. ;-)

Maybe explore something like that?

I realize we're bothered about different things but I hope I was still helpful! I do hope to VBAC but I'll be chill with it if I have to have surgery again . . . LIS my problems aren't around the surgery itself but really the whole experience.

jfb29 · June 2014

Thanks ladies. It's nice to know I'm not alone! I do realize that a second planned c section isn't a big deal but for me it is. Again, this is just because I am very sensitive regarding my stomach - I really have no reason for this but it just is. I knew sort of what to expect the first time, as I worked in L&D during college but it is different when it's you. I also know stats and that even with a VBAC I'm increased chance of another section. Also, they kept talking c section to me bc of the history of big babies in my family (DD ended up being 8-11) so I almost feel like that's what they wanted to do with me from the begining even though I said nope.

I got flustered at my PP check bc my period literally started in the waiting room and I just wanted to get out of there. Plus it was with the OB who delivered DD and he is just plain awkward and my doc who I saw prior to getting pregnant switched practices. Now DH is looking to get a promotion we are waiting to hear on that would have us move across the country. I do need to ask my questions regarding my situation to a doc but can't figure out who to go to. Or do I just wait until we move (which I don't have a timeframe on right now).

I want another kid I just don't want to be cut again. It has nothing to do with the pain or recovery - it's just the thought of being cut that I don't like.

cmb2 · June 2014

Major lurker, but I felt the urge to respond. Sounds like you might benefit from seeing a midwife vs an ob. And just because you see a midwife does NOT mean you have to even consider going med free, it's just a whole different type of relationship/caring (in my experience).
I had to have a c section with my DD at 36w due to HELLP syndrome and was really bummed about it, but just had a successful vbac with my DS in March. It helps to know all your options and what pros/cons are. I really really didnt want another c section even though my experience really wasn't that bad, but I just learned to accept the fact that it might happen and I was at least able to research more about it before the second birth. Give yourself a little more time to feel what you need to feel and talk/think it out.

kaking78 · June 2014

Thanks for posting this link. I fall in the failed induction category and it's reassuring to see that what I feel/felt is pretty common. There are quite a few of us on here who had a lot of processing to do after unplanned c-sections. You're definitely not alone.

bumpuser10054788 · June 2014

I also have similar feelings about my unplanned CS and the complications afterward. I never posted by birth story here because I had a hard time expressing how I felt afterwards and, given I've gotten complaints when I make posts that are too long, kind of figured that no one would care or read it anyway.

My contractions never got super painful and I was only dilated to 5 when LO's heart rate started dropping and things went very quickly from "everything's going great, we can put you on intermittent monitoring" to "prepping for a C-section now!" Unfortunately the OB on duty was one I had only seen once before, had a rather brisk bedside manner, and didn't really seem interested in discussing if there were any other options. So I feel like I never got the chance to mentally process/accept what was happening before they were handing DH scrubs and wheeling me off to the OR. I remember silently crying as they were putting the spinal in.

Afterwards, I only got to hold LO and attempt to BF a few minutes before they realized my blood pressure and body temp was tanking (low point was 93 degrees) and the situation changed again. I vaguely remember them talking amongst themselves about things I couldn't understand, taking my blood pressure and rectal temp over and over, and DH constantly telling me everything was fine. I remember starting to panic that I was dying and they weren't telling me and I'd never see my LO again.

I was given tons of fluids that caused me to swell up, had a ton of blood draws to check for infection (which all came back negative), and lots of precautionary antibiotics. I was under a Bair Hugger for probably 24 hours until I was re-stabilized and wasn't allowed to BF or pump during that time. I still believe that at least partially caused the issues with my milk not coming in and LO not being able to figure out how to latch.

I'm so grateful that LO is a happy healthy baby and if it was go through all that or not have her here with me now, I'd go through all that and more. But it doesn't change that it was not at all how I envisioned my birth experience.

To this day we still don't have an explanation for what happened (other than possibly a reaction to the anesthesia), and I feel like I need one before I ever attempt to have another child. DH is already talking about having another kid as soon as LO is a year old and I just fear having another repeat of everything.

So no, you definitely aren't alone.

SmittyPants · June 2014

I understand how you feel, but for me, my c-section was a choice because I didn't want to go through what I did when I gave birth to my first vaginally (long story, I'll spare the details). Like others have said, look into a possible VBAC and also know that you're only a few months out of the experience so don't put pressure on yourself right now to decide if having a second is what you want.

jfb29 · June 2014

Mine was failed induction too. I never got past a 5 and she just wasn't dropping at all after 17 hours. Supposedly DH overheard OB in the OR saying he thought if I even got to pushing my uterus wouldn't have been able to handle it and probably would have ruptured. Why he thought this I have no clue. I just don't want to get pushed to it again. Looking back I was kinda pressured into an induction and I should have said no. Maybe if we waited a week things would have turned out different. DH even said that the other night...hugs to all of you ladies!

kaking78 · June 2014

I'm with you @bsouls‌ . As much as I hated my c-section and the complications that came with it, I will opt for a repeat over another induction. Pitocin can suck it.

redwagonvent · June 2014

I was planning a natural birth until my 40 week ultrasound showed baby breech. I had 24 hours to completely switch mentalities. I am a weenie and was surprised how well I accepted the situation. They gave me no choice. I was very fortunate. I had an easy recovery and very little extreme discomfort. When the disappointment set in for me was finding out they don't let you try VBAC in Atlanta except for one MD. I also kept seeing friend after friend have vaginal deliveries. I did yoga up to 38 weeks and read all the books but didn't get to have my baby on my chest right away. I never even had a contraction. It has definitely been harder to accept since leaving the hospital but so many of my friends had far worse recoveries than I did and are jealous of my experience! It is so strange. I researched and switched practices to a renowned VBAC doctor and feel some renewed hope. I also know several moms who lost babies and realize that birth really is about the lil cherub at the end of the day and my scar is my reminder that a beautiful girl came into my world and took sacrifice and courage to get here.

saisongbird · June 2014

I don't have much to add as I have many of these fears as well. Thank you all for sharing your thoughts and perspectives - it seems that many of us had failed inductions and It makes me wonder why these methods lead to what it seems an increased number of c-sections.

clo1982 · June 2014

I had 2 and my first experience was awful. Like you i missed all of the firsts that occur on that first day as I was either puking or just completely loopy. I was in a ton of pain for quite a while and although I loved my daughter, I really thought 'I'm not sure I want to go through this again.' But...I did. And all I can say is that my experience this time was a total 180 degree change. I knew going in that the pain meds made me sick so I told them ahead of time and they acted accordingly, not putting any morphine in my spinal. I got a drip afterward to manage pain and the low dose didn't have the effect on me that the spinal did. I also was unable to get out of bed for over a full day last time because I wasn't with-it enough for them to trust my ability to stand. This time I was up as soon as the spinal wore off, which I am certain had a positive impact on my pain level and recovery.

I had no pre-labor plan so I wasn't disappointed by a c/s. I just didn't want to have that awful experience again. This time I was completely alert, no nausea at all.I bf within maybe 30 minutes of being stitched back up and seriously within 2 days of surgery I felt like I could go for a walk. They discharged me a day early because I was doing so well and didn't want to stay at the hospital any longer.

Anyway my point is that you can use the knowledge you gained in your experience this time to help ensure a better outcome next time. As for the scar, I can't see mine unless I'm looking in a mirror naked. It's very low and although there is still a bit of residual swelling, it is already starting to go away and looks worlds better than my initial one did after a full year!

Also a vbac is something to consider!

redwagonvent · June 2014

Oh one thing that may have made my experience good was I demanded no extra pain meds in my epidural other than the standard fentanyl. My sister also warned me of nausea so I asked for zofran in my IV before the epi went in. I also did a very low dose of morphine and then weaned off meds on day 3. My mind was very clear through the whole experience and since they leave the epi in for about 12 hours, I was comfortable. I refused Percocet and am so glad I did. Zofran is amazing if you get nervous or are worried about nausea. I had already taken it in early pregnancy so I felt comfortable using it.

jennybean80 · June 2014

Induction does lead to higher rates of c-section, which is why you should only be induced if there is a medical reason (post-dates, diabetes, ruptured membranes, PIH, etc) and not for reasons like "I want baby to be a Taurus" (I've seen it). It's a cost/benefit situation. If baby NEEDS to come out you have two choices, attempt an induction or go straight to c-section (or I guess the third option is do nothing and hope nothing too bad happens).

jfb29 · June 2014

@Jenstwins‌ - they kept talking to me about inducing at 39 weeks bc of historical big babies in my family and DD was measuring on the bigger side of things. I kept saying no. They did a scan at around 37 or 38 weeks that showed my amniotic fluid levels were right on the border of being too high so they did another scan and, while still considered within normal limits it had increased. So they did another scan right before 40 weeks and it had increased again to just above normal. So they used that to talk me into an induction. Plus I had my mom pushing for one on the other side and I just wanted everyone to shut up so I gave in and was induced at 40 weeks. Looking back I should have said no. DD wasn't too big but she just never dropped. She wasn't ready. I had no other indication of needing to be induced. My BP was always on the lower end of normal. No GD even though they had insisted I would have it bc I have PCOS. I didn't advocate for myself enough and that is no ones fault but mine. I know they will push for a repeat c section. Day and I talked and if they tell me I have to have a RCS we won't try again. If they are willing to let me do VBAC we will. We can't get pregnant without IF treatment bc of DH's problem unless by some miracle that fixes itself.

jennybean80 · June 2014

@jfb29‌ it drives me nuts when medical professionals push for things like induction with such thin reasoning like a familial history of big babies. In Canada, LGA (large for gestational age) is now considered a "risk factor" but not an "indication for induction". I've seen women deliver 10lbs+ babies with zero tearing, and you can't really predict which women will or won't be able to deliver a big baby.

I hope you find a VBAC friendly provider, and are better able to advocate for yourself. Good luck!

pepperedmoth · June 2014

This article bears reposting:

https://www.bestdaily.co.uk/your-life/news/a573059/a-healthy-baby-is-not-all-that-matters.html

wildhoney4508 · June 2014

I, too had an unplanned c-section with DD1 due to an induction that stalled at 7 cm after 16 hours of active labor and she was sunny side up. Never mentally prepared for it and thus started a dark path of PPD/PPA....has hoped for a VBAC with DD2, but I never went into labor on my own and my practice was not comfortable with me going past my due date.(if they weren't, neither was I!) so, we scheduled a RCS, of which I ended up having and it was NOtHiNG like my first one. Much easier, shorter recovery and I remember everything. I was walking the same day. It's still major abdominal surgery, but overall, it was a really good experience. I got to pick my favorite doctor and she even took a pic with me the next day. She is patient, brilliant, and so amazing-I wouldn't have had it any other way. If I had VBAC-ed, that would have been great too, but it was ok. After DD1, I swore I wouldn't have any other kids (it was that traumatic for me) and I so mourned for my loss of experiencing a vaginal birth. At the time I felt it was what we were supposed to do, so why couldn't i do it? Just such a dangerous mental road for me to have gone down. Thank The Lord I am no longer there. I read this book called A Good Birth, I believe about how it's not just about how healthy baby and mama are and that's all that matters. It's about YOU being good with it-and that so DOES matter. I was ok with how this last one turned out. I don't feel "jipped" anymore and I feel like having a c-section is just another way of a baby being born. Took me over a year to get to this place, though. You have to do what's best for you, when the time comes. Good luck with what you decide!

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