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Babies on the Brain
Carolyn12214
member
MIL
Carolyn12214
member
My husband and I are excited about our baby due in early December. I'm the youngest of four children, and the first to give my parents a grandchild. My husband is an only child, with over-emotional, over-obsessed parents. Obviously I have a problem with the attention they give us. We are, for the most part, pretty private, chilled out, practical people. I dreaded the phone call telling them that we are expecting. I also dread talking to her... 'how are you feeling' or 'are you tired?' or 'oh you heard the heartbeat!!!!!!' and 'when is your next doctor's apt?' I do fully acknowledge he is an only child and our families are different, I just have no interest sharing the specifics about everything and acting fake-excited with her. I don't know how to communicate without seeming distant or rude. Anybody else have issues with in-laws? Any advice on how to keep a good distance without seeming rude or disinterested?
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Re: MIL
^^^^ this. If you think you will be inundated with phone calls and questions.....just send emails or make the calls first...... :-)
From the tone of your post I'm sorry but I think the problem here is your attitude. If those questions drive you crazy what would you like them to do, pretend you aren't pregnant? Not speak to you at all? I think some soul-searching might be in order to figure out exactly why you feel the need to avoid connection with them. Are you perhaps a little jealous of your DH's close relationship with them? Does he also find them to be overly involved or is it just you?
Instead of closing yourself off from them maybe you could practice allowing you and your baby to be loved by them. Try just talking to your MIL for 5 minutes about the pregnancy, you could even write down ideas ahead of time if you're nervous.
Life is too short to cut people off for basically loving you all too much. I truly hope you reconsider and try to use this life change as a way to strengthen your relationship with them.
also if not wanting to write emails. maybe start a blog and share with all family/friends. or maybe vlogs on youtube to share with family/friends. answer the same type of questions each week - symptoms, baby bump picture/viewing, cravings, etc. this is also a great way to document your pregnancy to keep for your LO. you can share with your MIL, that you know they are excited, but instead of answering the same type of questions with everyone, that you'll do this. if they continue to ask questions that you know you blogged/vlogged about, advise that they read/watch that. if they still have questions, make sure to pleasantly answer them.
It's your IL's first grandchild ffs.
this is not my style. i was trying to give some ideas to this mom-to-be on how she could share information with others.
it doesn't have to be rude to MIL..
MIL: how was your appointment today, you had one right?
Mom: yes, i did, we listened to the heartbeat, it sounds great. i go again in four weeks for another visit where we may have an ultrasound. i'll be sure to show you the picture after the appointment. i also will be updating my youtube/blog with information. have you read that yet? i have been putting up pictures of the baby bump changing. i will share additional information with you too, but lots of people are asking questios and are so excited for this baby, and we couldn't be more thrilled.
MIL: oh really? i remember you said something about a blog/youtube a few weeks ago. i'll check it out.
If she's calling you every couple of days, that's no biggie. It's a 5 minute phone call. I get that it can be annoying to get the same questions over and over, but I'd just go through it. If she knows you have an appointment and calls that evening after it to ask how it went, then that's, again, totally kosher. Can your H talk to them sometimes about things? Or if they start getting actually pushy about things (ex: I need to be in the room for the birth! We're visiting for 3 weeks after the baby is born and we're staying with you!) you need to know your H is going to be on your side about actual issues, not ones that are overblown.
I have a family that's all over the map, but we're really close. I talk to my mom, dad, and grandmother at least twice a week. H's family is the occasional check-in kind, and it's also pretty fragmented. Families work differently.
Me-31, H-27
**Loss 1-Cycle 7(June 2013) at 5w6d-CP**Loss 2-Cycle 11(October 2013) at 5w4d-CP**
**Loss 3-Cycle 14 (January-February 2014)-M/C dx 2/10, EP dx 2/24, MTX 2/25**
Beta Hell--hCG finally down to 0 - 6/20/14
SA normal. Genetic testing normal. Hormonal testing normal.
HSG 6/30/14 - found blocked left tube and 2 'bubbles' on uterine wall.
Hysteroscopy/Lap--8/4/14 - Tubes unblocked. Polyps removed from uterine wall. Septum removed.
9/30/14--Off the bench! Unmedicated TI through December 2014
BFP 12/14/14!!! Beta #1, 12/16: 990 Beta #2, 12/18: Over 2000! Beta #3, 12/22: over 8000!
U/S #1, 12/23: gestational sac, possible heartbeat
U/S #2, 12/30: HEARTBEAT! 128bpm, measuring right on at 7w EDD: 8/19/2015
U/S #3, 1/9: BPM in the 180s, IT'S HAPPENING!!!
I can see why you use the word "prinsess" in your SN. Very fitting.
Actually by "haters" I mean people who come here to criticize and judge instead of offer advice. You actually seem to be the one getting nasty with anyone who offers an opinion different than yours without knowing all of the facts. That says a lot more about you than it does about me. You said yourself we only get a glimpse of people's lives based on what the write, yet you use extremely abrasive words here and assume to know about people's lives. And in case you'd like to know, Princess Lolly is a Candyland character. If you'd like to know about me though, I live on a farm, run half marathons, backpack, camp, kayak, fish, bike, garden, work out and carry a 380. Maybe you could ask instead of making assumptions next time... because we all know what assumptions make.
A lot of money.
I"m the youngest of 4 also but if you weren't having the first grandchild in your family you might think of it a little differently. I had my parents' 5th and 6th (twins) grandchildren so to them it was just more grandchildern. They haven't visited much or don't ask much about how the kids are doing, etc and they get super excited and are so involved with my sister's kids, who had their first grandchildren. It hurts really bad to not have them be as excited or ask questions so I'm so thankful that my inlaws have given me that with asking questions and wanting to visit and be involved. My advice is to not take for granted your inlaws and try to appreciate how much they care. I never thought that my inlaws would be the grandparents that would be the more helpful ones with support, buying diapers/clothes, etc. You may realize how important they are when your baby is here.