Husband issues!

morganrochel · June 2014

My husband and I decided once we got pregnant I would work as long as possible and then get to stay home for good. We'll I am miserable! I work in corrections so I am on my feet nearly 8 hours if I even make it into work. I am 16 weeks today and he knows I'm not sleeping, still have morning sickness, and I'm never comfortable. He told me I needed to suck it up until at least August! I'm having twins and the last sonogram measured the babies a week a head. I would like to put my two weeks in tomorrow when I get to work but I don't think my husband will be on with it....... I don't know how to tell me I'm done and it would be better for me if I was at home resting. Any advice would be helpful! Please and thank you. Sorry it's such a long post.

PacoCat33 · June 2014

I think you need to have a long talk with your DH and tell him how miserable you actually are. I'm sure you'll need to look at your finances and share with him what your plans will be at home. I would go to dinner, or have a dinner at home when the tensions are low. Good luck!

CandEChicago · June 2014

Ate there any modifications that can be made at your work place (desk work, flexibke hours, reduced hours, etc)? That would be the first place I would look at so that I could try for the additional couple of paychecks.

Otherwise discuss with your OB (and eventually HR) if there thoughts on potential workplace accommodations.

Then if those don't work I would tell DH that I have tried and it is getting really uncomfortable.

Not sure if this is what you wanted to hear and if they are feasible in your line of work but figured it would be a good starting point.

roleanagrant · June 2014

I agree with the pp, try talking to him and letting him know how miserable you are feeling. Maybe even offer to try and look for some work at home like babysitting or whatever, it wouldn't be a lot of money, but it'd be meeting in the middle.

JaymeeLH · June 2014

I know how you're feeling, the further along I get the more I come to terms with reality that I'm not going to be able to go very far if I have to stay on the road at work. FI would like me to work as long as physically possible so that we aren't trying to survive on just one income, or reduced to when I can pick up shifts at dispatch. You need to be honest with him and you should sit down with HR and see if there's any way that they can accommodate you, I don't know if maybe they can move you to a security desk or have you work the gate, something that doesn't require you to be on your feet the full 8 hours and also takes you out of the realm of possible violence

lionyloo32 · June 2014

I think unfortunately this is something only you and your H can decide together. I can understand being uncomfortable and not wanting to be at work, but like a pp said, sounds like him wanting you to work is a financial decision. I would definitely look into what your options are at work. Maybe they can accommodate you in some way, or maybe you'll hit that magical time where you actually start feeling better! Fingers crossed for you!

CandEChicago · June 2014

JaymeeLH said:
I don't know if maybe they can move you to a security desk or have you work the gate, something that doesn't require you to be on your feet the full 8 hours and also takes you out of the realm of possible violence

THIS! If there was any risk for violence I would be surprised they haven't already moved you to a safer location (assuming they know). I don't want to think about worst case scenario but I can't imagine that as a rational human being that they as an employer would put themselves at the additional risk (legal, medical, etc)

ghostof5letters · June 2014

You've got a long way to go before you start throwing the pregnancy card. Everyone is tired at 16 weeks, lol. I'd look for work modifications before giving two weeks notice before you're even 20 weeks.

knitsandgiggles · June 2014

This doesn't sound like a husband issue. It sounds like you spoke to him and you didn't like the response you got.

What do you do with corrections - your typical day? There are many women who are "not sleeping, still have morning sickness, and [are] never comfortable." Many of those women still manage to work, quite a few of them on their feet all day. Even with twin pregnancies. Also, these factors aren't going to magically go away once you are "at home resting" either.

allonsyalonso · June 2014

I'm really sorry you're so miserable, but if there is a financial need for you to be working than I'm going to side with your husband. PPs have made a great point about trying to have work modify your responsibilities. Try that first.

A lot of us are miserable and still suffering from morning sickness and still have to work because ends need to meet. I have a cushier job situation now, but when I was pregnant with DS I was on my feet 40-50 hours a week and sometimes those were very late nights. Not to mention the stress of being the boss and trying to make sure things were running smoothly and would continue to do so while I was gone. I worked right up until my due date even though I wanted to quit at 35 weeks or so. My husband would have laughed at me if I said I wanted out at 16 weeks.

Again, I am very sorry that you are so miserable, but this feels like DH didn't give you the answer you wanted so you came to a board where just about everyone is feeling pretty lousy and while I don't know everyone's situation, my guess is a lot of us will have to work right up until we have our babies. You have my empathy... but if you guys need your income I think you need to figure out a way to keep working unless your OB says you can't work anymore.

nesenotes · June 2014

They have to give you breaks because of your pregnancy. Most places will modify your position. I would talk to your employer. I think it's better to work and get the income while you can. By week 35 I was dying to be done. But with twins they will put you on Mat leave sooner. Ultimately the choice is up to you two. Sorry you feel miserable!

feeshah · June 2014

I'm confused as to why your job hasn't moved you to a desk job yet. Have you told them you are expecting? I work military law enforcement and I was required to tell them within two weeks of finding out I was expecting. They moved me to a staff position with a quickness. Now I push papers in an office. It's boring as fuck. But I can work a full day without any real issues.

I don't like that he told you to suck it up. That was very insensitive of him.
You are growing not one but TWO LOs.
I agree with everyone else. Have an honest talk with DH about how you are feeling.

bibliophiletory · June 2014

i work in a detention center, and i know that the officers at least get moved to "light duty" at some point during their pregnancy. if it's possible that you could just tough it out for a month or so more, and then transition to light duty, then you might be able to relax a little more now, knowing that the light is at the end of the tunnel. but like PP said, it's really early to be leaving a position at this point because of pregnancy, even with twins. you might also feel silly putting in your notice now, and then if the M/S fades in three weeks, you're sitting home and feeling fine with no job.

AllTheTeaInChina · June 2014

nesenotes said:
They have to give you breaks because of your pregnancy. Most places will modify your position. I would talk to your employer. I think it's better to work and get the income while you can. By week 35 I was dying to be done. But with twins they will put you on Mat leave sooner. Ultimately the choice is up to you two. Sorry you feel miserable!

She's pregnant not disabled. They don't HAVE to give her breaks because she's pregnant. Now if her doctor puts restrictions on her ability to work, they will have to make accommodations. OP made no mention of talking to her employer about modifications to her job duties.

AllTheTeaInChina · June 2014

Hufflepuff42 said:

There's a fine line here. The EEOC says that employers have to treat pregnancy like any other temporary disability . Long and short of it is: If you give more frequent breaks to anyone else with a temporary disability, you have to offer more frequent breaks to the pregnant woman, too.

Pregnancy complications, such as pre-e will cross the border into ADA territory, and will require reasonable accommodations.

Some states and municipalities have enacted reasonable accommodation laws for pregnant women above and beyond what the EEOC requires.

Additional source: https://www.employmentandlaborinsider.com/discrimination/usually-not-the-only-laws/

Anyone in HR I might be forgetting? This manager might very well be missing something...

Pregnancy on its own is not a temporary disability. Medical complications related to pregnancy may qualify as a temporary disability but per the OP, she's tired and has morning sickness. She didn't say if she talked with her employer and requested modified work duties.

MaineMama · June 2014

eldunlap said:

24 weeks is a very long time to sit at home doing nothing. If you absolutely cannot work, how do you expect to convince your DH that you will keep the house clean, make meals, be a homemaker?

This. I am a homemaker now, I got done my job a week before my scheduled csection with my third child. BUT my H and I have a deal, the house/meals are my job, the paycheck is his job. He is (of course) a reasonable person, we are equal partners in how money is spent, raising the kids, all that crap.

Some days staying at home is a million times harder than working. It is not better or worse, its just different, and I know from being on both sides of the fence that it is easy to idealize how life could be if you could just do X

morganrochel · June 2014

Thanks everyone. We talked last night and he would like me to stick it out for at least another month. I told him I would try to make until August but told him he couldn't get upset if half way through July I had to stop working. The heat and my hips are going to be a huge factor on how long I stay at work! I also have to go to a perinatologist for a special sonogram in July and my doctor told me this will determine when my bed rest will start.

perfectlove09 · June 2014

AllTheTeaInChina said:

Hufflepuff42 said:

There's a fine line here. The EEOC says that employers have to treat pregnancy like any other temporary disability . Long and short of it is: If you give more frequent breaks to anyone else with a temporary disability, you have to offer more frequent breaks to the pregnant woman, too.

Pregnancy complications, such as pre-e will cross the border into ADA territory, and will require reasonable accommodations.

Some states and municipalities have enacted reasonable accommodation laws for pregnant women above and beyond what the EEOC requires.

Additional source: https://www.employmentandlaborinsider.com/discrimination/usually-not-the-only-laws/

Anyone in HR I might be forgetting? This manager might very well be missing something...

Pregnancy on its own is not a temporary disability. Medical
complications related to pregnancy may qualify as a temporary disability but per the OP, she's tired and has morning sickness. She didn't say if she talked with her employer and requested modified work duties.

When I was pg with DD I overheard my boss tell my coworker "while she's pregnant we're required to treat it like a disability" fucking pissed me off. Then I started thinking about it and talking to other peolple...he was right. As much as it still makes me mad to think about. And that was just at the beginning of my pg when I was always running late bc I was throwing up alllllll morning.

MaineMama · June 2014

morganrochel said:

. The heat and my hips are going to be a huge factor on how long I stay at work! I also have to go to a perinatologist for a special sonogram in July and my doctor told me this will determine when my bed rest will start.

@morganrochel- what is wrong with your hips that would require bedrest? I just ask because I have Ehler-Danlos hypermobility and hip dysplasia with severe osteo arthritis. My hips give me a lot of problems during pregnancy (and all the time, lol) But I was able to get an awesome body brace that might help you

Mikesfan · June 2014

I had twins and my doc wrote me out of work so I got disability from 24 weeks on. I was just so uncomfortable, sick, and couldn't function at my job at the time. I threw up every day so standing on my feet was causing issues with fluid retention and dizziness.

You should talk with your husband and explain all of this to him. Men really don't get it sometimes and having twins is no easy feat. Talk to your doctor too and I bet they will be very receptive to you getting written out sooner rather than later so at least you won't be "out of work" and will have some disability support if its warranted.

ghostof5letters · June 2014

morganrochel said:

Thanks everyone. We talked last night and he would like me to stick it out for at least another month. I told him I would try to make until August but told him he couldn't get upset if half way through July I had to stop working. The heat and my hips are going to be a huge factor on how long I stay at work! I also have to go to a perinatologist for a special sonogram in July and my doctor told me this will determine when my bed rest will start.

Have you spoken to your employer about modifying your responsibilities? I'm going to guess that you haven't and don't really give a shit.

AMcLaws · June 2014

ghostof5letters said:
You've got a long way to go before you start throwing the pregnancy card. Everyone is tired at 16 weeks, lol. I'd look for work modifications before giving two weeks notice before you're even 20 weeks.

All of this. I'm 35 weeks today and still haven't been able to throw the card. They can adjust your duties or reduce your hours. I'm on a reduced hours schedule because I have an irritable uterus, and have contractions every 3-15 minutes apart. Ask your doc and your boss about accommodations. They CAN be made, and allow you to work longer. FWIW, I'm still battling morning sickness. And I'm exhausted all of the time. So yeah, not a good enough reason to quit working.

Csltdk · June 2014

I love that this thread is titled "husband issues"... Seems to me like you have all the issues, not your husband.

Unknown · June 2014

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AllTheTeaInChina · June 2014

Hufflepuff42 said:

@perfectlove09, @alltheteainchina - Where am I going wrong here? Maybe *my* pregobrain conflating stuff possibly, and I can give that. I know it's not automatically a temporary disability, but I also know I potentially will be in deep if I offer light duty to my surgery recoverer from last post but not to my pregnant woman. Much as we don't want to think of ourselves as disabled b/c we can still do a lot of things...

(per: https://www.eeoc.gov/laws/types/pregnancy.cfm
Exact quote:
"If a woman is temporarily unable to perform her job due to a medical condition related to pregnancy or childbirth, the employer or other covered entity must treat her in the same way as it treats any other temporarily disabled employee. For example, the employer may have to provide light duty, alternative assignments, disability leave, or unpaid leave to pregnant employees if it does so for other temporarily disabled employees.").

Editing took place after I realized there was a quotebox fail.

I think we are basically saying the same thing. It really, really bothers me when people say pregnancy is a disability and we are entitled to special treatment. This is for a normal pregnancy, not talking about medical conditions or complications along with pregnancy. Of course there are things that might be dangerous and contraindicated while pregnant and modifications must be made but OP made no mention of talking to her employer. She said she wasn't sleeping well and had morning sickness. Being tired and nauseous is not a disability.

morganrochel · June 2014

Have you spoken to your employer about modifying your responsibilities? I'm going to guess that you haven't and don't really give a shit.

This is my second pregnancy with this department and I know what can be done and won't be done so don't tell me I don't give a shit. I have tried. Also have you work in corrections before so you know of first hand what I deal with on a daily basis? There is no "easy modified" work detail I can get on a daily basis.

morganrochel · June 2014

@morganrochel- what is wrong with your hips that would require bedrest? I just ask because I have Ehler-Danlos hypermobility and hip dysplasia with severe osteo arthritis. My hips give me a lot of problems during pregnancy.

I have had problems with my hips since high school. I found out I have a fractured vertebrate and was told it was a normal injury. I didn't figure it would be an issue being pregnant. I didn't have near the problems with my hips with my first pregnancy add I'm having now.

perfectlove09 · June 2014

Hufflepuff42 said:

AllTheTeaInChina said:

Hufflepuff42 said:

@perfectlove09, @alltheteainchina - Where am I going wrong here? Maybe *my* pregobrain conflating stuff possibly, and I can give that. I know it's not automatically a temporary disability, but I also know I potentially will be in deep if I offer light duty to my surgery recoverer from last post but not to my pregnant woman. Much as we don't want to think of ourselves as disabled b/c we can still do a lot of things...

(per: https://www.eeoc.gov/laws/types/pregnancy.cfm
Exact quote:
"If a woman is temporarily unable to perform her job due to a medical condition related to pregnancy or childbirth, the employer or other covered entity must treat her in the same way as it treats any other temporarily disabled employee. For example, the employer may have to provide light duty, alternative assignments, disability leave, or unpaid leave to pregnant employees if it does so for other temporarily disabled employees.").

Editing took place after I realized there was a quotebox fail.

I think we are basically saying the same thing. It really, really bothers me when people say pregnancy is a disability and we are entitled to special treatment. This is for a normal pregnancy, not talking about medical conditions or complications along with pregnancy. Of course there are things that might be dangerous and contraindicated while pregnant and modifications must be made but OP made no mention of talking to her employer. She said she wasn't sleeping well and had morning sickness. Being tired and nauseous is not a disability.

Gotcha...

------------------------
Right

I think we're all on the same page. It really made me mad that he said that and I never asked for special treatment...I was just thankful that he didn't fire me for being late every morning for weeks on end. ... And spending a good portion of the day sick in the bathroom.

I think he would have been sympathetic anyway but I'm pretty sure that if he tried writing me up or firing me over it he'd be worried about a law suit. I don't know.

morganrochel · June 2014

eldunlap said:

morganrochel said:
Thanks everyone. We talked last night and he would like me to stick it out for at least another month. I told him I would try to make until August but told him he couldn't get upset if half way through July I had to stop working. The heat and my hips are going to be a huge factor on how long I stay at work! I also have to go to a perinatologist for a special sonogram in July and my doctor told me this will determine when my bed rest will start.
You've already given up so why continue to go? I hope we don't see a bunch of whiney posts about how bored you are! Being bin pregnant is hard, it sucks, but in most cases it is not cause for stopping your life. I realize there are exceptions, and maybe your case is one, but it seems like you just don't feel like doing anything. Good luck. What are you going to use as an excuse after you give birth? Trust me, nobody cares as much about mom after the baby comes.

I posted on here to have some advice - positive advise. I'm not stopping my life because when I quite my job I get to stay home with my 3 year old which I've wanted to do since he was born. There is no need for your comments if they are not constructive.

perfectlove09 · June 2014

MrsAngelaMarie said:
I don't have any sympathy for you..
Toughen up. I am an ICU nurse and in addition to moving, turning, lifting heavy and morbidly obese patients during 12 hour shifts with barely any sitting at all, I am constantly being exposed to diseases and conditions that could hurt me and my baby and I will continue to do so until I go into labor.

This seems a tad harsh. Since being pregnant you're not supposed to lift over a certain weight anyway (at least according to my drs) you could decline to do the heavy lifting. Half of my friends are nurses and have had their duties adjusted during pregnancy. The last thing an employer wants or needs is a pregnant woman injured or infected with a terrible disease on their watch. You are obviously more than capable to do these things and it sounds like you've been doing it a long time. But that doesn't quite give you the right to tell OP that she's a whimp and to toughen up. If she couldn't do your job (which is what you're comparing to) before she got pregnant there's no reason to assume she should be able to handle that kind of work now that she is. But good for you for being able to do it

OP it really sounds like you need to talk with your boss. Even before you have another conversation with your husband. Find out what they are willing to do and go from there. You might find that you're going to be REALLY board if you have to be home now. And if bed rest really is in your future....you should be enjoying ALL the time outside of that house as possible. It is tiring right now and there are days I wish I could crawl under a rock and hide from work/child/husband/chores....

Besides. It'll be healthier for you to
Be out walking around and moving and not sitting around the house sedentary.

morganrochel · June 2014

bunny0711 said:

morganrochel said:

morganrochel said:
Thanks everyone. We talked last night and he would like me to stick it out for at least another month. I told him I would try to make until August but told him he couldn't get upset if half way through July I had to stop working. The heat and my hips are going to be a huge factor on how long I stay at work! I also have to go to a perinatologist for a special sonogram in July and my doctor told me this will determine when my bed rest will start.
You've already given up so why continue to go? I hope we don't see a bunch of whiney posts about how bored you are! Being bin pregnant is hard, it sucks, but in most cases it is not cause for stopping your life. I realize there are exceptions, and maybe your case is one, but it seems like you just don't feel like doing anything. Good luck. What are you going to use as an excuse after you give birth? Trust me, nobody cares as much about mom after the baby comes.

I posted on here to have some advice - positive advise. I'm not stopping my life because when I quite my job I get to stay home with my 3 year old which I've wanted to do since he was born. There is no need for your comments if they are not constructive.

Oh honey, you can't dictate how people respond to you on the internet.

I know I can't control it. I just don't understand why people have to be this way. I just wanted advice from other pregnant women on how to approach the subject. And for people to judge me from one post is pathetic.

ghostof5letters · June 2014

morganrochel said:

morganrochel said:

Thanks everyone. We talked last night and he would like me to stick it out for at least another month. I told him I would try to make until August but told him he couldn't get upset if half way through July I had to stop working. The heat and my hips are going to be a huge factor on how long I stay at work! I also have to go to a perinatologist for a special sonogram in July and my doctor told me this will determine when my bed rest will start.
You've already given up so why continue to go? I hope we don't see a bunch of whiney posts about how bored you are! Being bin pregnant is hard, it sucks, but in most cases it is not cause for stopping your life. I realize there are exceptions, and maybe your case is one, but it seems like you just don't feel like doing anything. Good luck. What are you going to use as an excuse after you give birth? Trust me, nobody cares as much about mom after the baby comes.
I posted on here to have some advice - positive advise. I'm not stopping my life because when I quite my job I get to stay home with my 3 year old which I've wanted to do since he was born. There is no need for your comments if they are not constructive.

Oh honey, you can't dictate how people respond to you on the internet.
I know I can't control it. I just don't understand why people have to be this way. I just wanted advice from other pregnant women on how to approach the subject. And for people to judge me from one post is pathetic.

You didn't want advice, lol.

You wanted to be coddled and have your tush patted and told that your husband is a big meanie.

ghostof5letters · June 2014

morganrochel said:

Have you spoken to your employer about modifying your responsibilities? I'm going to guess that you haven't and don't really give a shit.

This is my second pregnancy with this department and I know what can be done and won't be done so don't tell me I don't give a shit. I have tried. Also have you work in corrections before so you know of first hand what I deal with on a daily basis? There is no "easy modified" work detail I can get on a daily basis.

********

So what you're saying is that I was correct, you haven't spoken to your employer and don't really give a shit about work modifications because your mind is made up.

Am I right?

allonsyalonso · June 2014

But people are giving you advice based on their experiences of having to work all through a pregnancy which pretty much always sucks. You aren't getting a lot of sympathy because most of us have to work throughout our pregnancies whether we feel like it or not.

Does your family need your income? If so, considering you are about to have 3 kids, your husband is justified in expecting you to work until you are put on bed rest because your doctor says you can't work anymore.

perfectlove09 · June 2014

chayshay1408 said:
I just got caught up after my first comment and have to add:

As my mother just told me not too long ago...

"should have married rich if you wanted to pop out babies and not work. suck it up buttercup"

So welcome to the world of working mothers who have mortgages to pay. who also feel like shit doing it.

Unless your doctor says 'it is hazardous to your health to work' you need to work. Your husband isn't an asshole for expecting that of you.

Oh to have married rich....;)

perfectlove09 · June 2014

perfectlove09 said:

chayshay1408 said:
I just got caught up after my first comment and have to add:

As my mother just told me not too long ago...

"should have married rich if you wanted to pop out babies and not work. suck it up buttercup"

So welcome to the world of working mothers who have mortgages to pay. who also feel like shit doing it.

Unless your doctor says 'it is hazardous to your health to work' you need to work. Your husband isn't an asshole for expecting that of you.
Oh to have married rich....;)

Actually come to think of it my mom warned me NOT to marry "rich. "My fathers name and he's and ass lol

MaineMama · June 2014

chayshay1408 said:

Unless your doctor says 'it is hazardous to your health to work' you need to work. Your husband isn't an asshole for expecting that of you.

This times a bajillion. And FWIW I DID work part time in the medical office of my local state prison. While pregnant. Have any of you ever tried to get blood drawn from a non-compliant prisoner who has confirmed BBPs? (Other than the ICU commenter, I'm sure she and I could compare LOTS of BBP hazard stories )

Work for as long as you can, and don't spend your paycheck on ANYTHING. Live off your husbands check, it will give you the experience before it is your only option.

lionyloo32 · June 2014

Ainslie325 said:

bunny0711 said:

morganrochel said:

Thanks everyone. We talked last night and he would like me to stick it out for at least another month. I told him I would try to make until August but told him he couldn't get upset if half way through July I had to stop working. The heat and my hips are going to be a huge factor on how long I stay at work! I also have to go to a perinatologist for a special sonogram in July and my doctor told me this will determine when my bed rest will start.
You've already given up so why continue to go? I hope we don't see a bunch of whiney posts about how bored you are! Being bin pregnant is hard, it sucks, but in most cases it is not cause for stopping your life. I realize there are exceptions, and maybe your case is one, but it seems like you just don't feel like doing anything. Good luck. What are you going to use as an excuse after you give birth? Trust me, nobody cares as much about mom after the baby comes.
I posted on here to have some advice - positive advise. I'm not stopping my life because when I quite my job I get to stay home with my 3 year old which I've wanted to do since he was born. There is no need for your comments if they are not constructive.

Oh honey, you can't dictate how people respond to you on the internet.

This. You had to known before you posted that there are many women on this board who have dealt with the same situation that you have or worse: physically demanding job, severe and ongoing morning sickness, and pregnancies difficult beyond just the number of fetuses they're carrying. You also had to have known that many of these women continued to work their regular schedule, perhaps with modifications, all the way up to delivery. // Positioning your husband in this conversation as the "issue" doesn't sit well with a lot of those who have responded because many of us, in similar situation, have understood the anxiety that the prospect of our no longer working causes our spouses and have continued to do as much as we could for as long as we possibly could. You have wanted to stop working, by your own admission, for a very long time-- before these babies and the discomfort that has accompanied them. This is almost certainly as transparent to your husband as it is to all of us. Keep in mind, he is looking at a loss of income that will, barring any unforeseen change of plan, become permanent once the baby is born. As the now sole provider, this can be terrifying. I, for one, don't blame him for wanting to see you tough it out for as long as you possibly can. You are, in the long run, getting exactly what you want. You get to be home with your kids. This is a massive change in finances and lifestyle for your family, one executed largely at your urging. Try to understand that he's simply attempting to ease this transition for his family as best he can and is looking to you for you part in making that happen. // While I do agree that it would be insensitive for a husband to simply tell his wife "suck it up" when she's feeling terrible, you need to understand just how many women do exactly that. Maybe that will help you better understand the tone of some of the responses you received today and also your husband's lack of understanding as to why you can't possibly work longer.

ALL of THIS.

ColeyCannoli · June 2014

MaineMama said:

eldunlap said:

24 weeks is a very long time to sit at home doing nothing. If you absolutely cannot work, how do you expect to convince your DH that you will keep the house clean, make meals, be a homemaker?

This. I am a homemaker now, I got done my job a week before my scheduled csection with my third child. BUT my H and I have a deal, the house/meals are my job, the paycheck is his job. He is (of course) a reasonable person, we are equal partners in how money is spent, raising the kids, all that crap.

Some days staying at home is a million times harder than working. It is not better or worse, its just different, and I know from being on both sides of the fence that it is easy to idealize how life could be if you could just do X

*******
So true. I made a conscious decision to get pregnant during the only time I could be guaranteed a full year deferment from school (the only kind they offer) so I could hopefully have a baby who sleeps at night by the time I have to study for the USMLE. I quit work, moved and now I'm a housewife. I still have pretty bad ms and all but I honestly miss working already. I'm signing up to tutor and babysit just to get something to do that isn't cooking, cleaning, taking care of the pets, or organizing.

To each their own but this staying home thing isn't nearly like vacation and I feel crazy guilty if I don't think I'm doing enough to earn this down time (decorating, crafting, working on computer projects). Plus my pgal brain gets to gets plenty of time to overanalyse.

Unknown · June 2014

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morganrochel · June 2014

I admit, I judged you. I am still judging you. From my perspective, I have spend my ENTIRE life (and tons of money) becoming an educated woman who can contribute to society, use my brain to make meaningful change in this world, as well as support myself and my family if needed. I completely resent the fact that, due to minimal support for young families and the outrageous cost of childcare in this country, I feel as though I can be either a great Mom or a great professional, but not both. I also resent the fact that men (DH included) generally do not feel this same pressure. I personally have a low threshold for women who are so quick to give up work. Emphasis on the SO QUICK. I can not relate. Maybe it is because I think they are lazy, maybe because it is because I think they lack substance. Whatever it is, I admit that it is a judgement, and I take ownership of that.

I too went to college and worked hard. I have a dream of helping people and working in the corrections field. I've worked at the job I have now for 6 years. I haven't loved every minute but I know I have helped people. I work hard every time I am at work. I decided to not go for a promotion in my job bbecause I know I want to stay home with my children. I take pride in what i do when I'm there. I'm far far from the definition of lazy. I don't sit on my ass when I'm home. I cook, I clean, play with my son, play with our pets. I work out in the flowers when I can. I take my son outside to play in the water or go for a walk when I can. I do a lot for my family and I am by far from the free loading lazy worthless mother/wife many people here are judging me to be.

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