Good Morning ladies - bare with me as this is a bit lengthy but I'd like opinions on the situation.
My husband and I had our first child in January. I'm employed full time as a therapist and rehab director and am compensated well for it. My husband's contract with the Navy ended in April. The plan all along was for him to get a job and for my mom to keep our daughter while we worked. I don't want to use daycare for personal reasons, and do not see anything wrong with using daycare (and feel it's quite helpful and appropriate for some families) it's just not what's best for our family right now. Since his contract ended, my husband has been home taking care of E while I work. Initially it was rough for me to handle as some of you may remember.
Fastforward to last week and my husband got a job, the job he wanted. I thought that I would be SO excited about him getting a job, but I wasn't. Now that it's coming closer to him signing the contract for the job I'm having second thoughts about him working outside of the home. My mom's health isn't the best and I'm concerned that by her keeping E it will decline. We both sat down and talked about it last night and made a list of pros/cons of both situations - him accepting the job or him staying home with E. On paper it makes sense for him to stay home with her and maybe get a part time job. Another option for is for him to stay home with her and go back to school for a degree in business and let the GI bill pay for tuition and while he's a fulltime student he would also receive a housing allowance that would help with the mortgage.
My concerns are that I would resent him for being able to stay home with her and not me. Foolish, I know, but that is my concern. Fortunately one of our paychecks allows for the other one to stay home with E, but unfortunately (for me for purely selfish reasons) it's not me that gets to stay with her.
Is anyone else out there in a similar situation that would like to share their story? I'm sure I'm leaving out details that are important but I'm rushing to get out the door to work.
Thanks for listening and any advice ya'll have.
Re: Stay at home Dad?
It sounds to me like going to school would be a great opportunity for your DH. If he can swing it, he should at least give it a try.
This is our situation too. But add that he works weekends.
You describe all of your feelings about the situation but what are his?
2010: Infertility
October 2015: missed miscarriage #2 at 11 weeks (trisomy 22)
What does he want to do? It sounds like there could be resentment on both sides if he HAS to be a SAHD.
If we were in this situation and DH was offered a job that he really wanted, I would never stop him from doing what he wants. But I also wouldn't leave my Mom to care for my children if I didn't think she could handle it. Have you thought about other daycare options?
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Trying for #1 since May 2010 l DX ~ Unexplained Infertility June 2011
IUI #1&2 = BFN; IUI #3 = BFP, m/c @ 6 weeks
November '11 ~ IVF#1 ~ ER 11/18 (29R, 17F) ~ 5dt of one beautiful blast on 11/23 = BFP!!
Beta #1 9dp5dt = 116, P4 = 28 ~ Beta #2 13dp5dt = 700 ~ Beta #3 20dp5dt = 9500, P4 = 26
1st u/s 12/27 - hb of 156!! EDD 8.10.12 **TEAM GREEN!**
Sweet baby boy born 8.18.12
Trying for #2
FET #1 - October '13 - c/p l FET #2 - December '13 - cancelled l FET #2.2 - 1.30.14 - BFN
~ More testing - hysteroscopy, endometrial biopsy & more b/w - all normal / negative~
Surprise BFP while waiting on FET #3 ~ beta #1 500; beta #2 1600; first u/s 4/3 - measuring 5w5d, no hb yet!; 2nd u/s 4/10 - hb 132, measuring 6w6d - EDD 11.29.14 **TEAM GREEN!**
Beautiful baby girl born 11.24.14
I only glanced through the replies. Everyone gave good advice though. It comes off a bit like you are possibly trying to force non-ideal situations because you have concerns about daycare.
Speaking from someone with an enlisted DH that is about to retire, if he found a good job that he wanted to do, I would strongly recommend that he takes it. It is very difficult for vets to find good jobs, and you said it is the job he wanted. The only concern that you stated was that you don't want him to work. Not that he doesn't want to work. If it isn't working for your family he can leave the job, but the same opportunity may not present itself again.
It also sounds that having your mom watch you infant fulltime is not a good solution. Does sound like you may have an option for backup care though.
Like CTGirl said, we will be happy to talk about daycare experiences. If you are set against daycare, I would have frank discussions with your DH and mom. And you need to listen to their points of view.
Throwing leaves