Just taking my 15 minutes...

tiffanyirene · June 2014

So my DD is 3 and speech delayed. We just put her in a home daycare to get her around other little kids since we don't know anyone with children, sad I know. Anyways, this is her first week of full days and it hasn't been going too great. She's been struggling with nap time, won't eat meals over there (because she is crazy picky, we knew it would be this way but want to see if she'll eat if she realizes she has no other option) and potty time has nothing short of a disaster, each day she's been there.

Today pretty much started out the same as the rest, her teacher took her to go potty she had a melt down after going potty and proceeded to run around screaming and crying. Coupled with some other personal stuff going on my day was shaping up to be a real winner of a day. Anyways, a couple hours pass and I get a text from her teacher saying she went to the potty all by herself, and when I say all by herself I mean she walked to the bathroom and her teacher followed her and helped her take her pants off and she hopped on the toilet and peed....she has never done this before, awesome right? Lunch time rolls around, she only eats crackers, shocker. Then comes nap time, her teacher says it's time to lay down for a nap and she has a meltdown, puts the blanket over head and starts crying. She then gets back up and gets her crackers, eats a few more, and runs to the potty....yes that's right 2 times in a row now! Comes back and her teacher says it's time to take a nap and she goes to her little mat, lays down and pulls the blanket over her and goes to sleep.

So all in all, I thought this day was going to be pretty craptastic, but now I'm on cloud 9 over her potty independence and that she went to sleep on her own!!!

bumpuser511563 · June 2014

Yay! That is awesome!

tiffanyirene · June 2014

Sigh - spoke to soon the daycare provider doesn't think she can handle my DD

funchicken · June 2014

Aw, just saw your update. That sucks, but if the day care teacher doesn't think she can handle her, it's better to look elsewhere. Have you looked into any centers? I SAH but I use a center for drop in care for DD2, and it's great.

bumpuser511563 · June 2014

I am sorry. I hope you find a daycare that is a good fit for your DD.

I do know what it feels like to be turned away. DS was in 4 daycares for the first 4 years of his life. One of those he lasted a week. The one he is at is a good fit for him because his daycare also runs the EI in our town.

tiffanyirene · June 2014

This her second try, we did a center first and she didn't even last a day there

. They recommended the home daycare we just tried with her as the teacher used to work for that center and was really good with children who required a little more attention. It's just such a bummer for her because she loved going and playing there. But, on the flip side I think it was our fault for not helping to better prepare her for that type of an environment. So we are going to take the next couple of months to work on giving her more structured days so that we can put her back in daycare and its not such a shock to her system when they take naps at a specific time or eat at a specific time.

ToastieSimons · June 2014

tiffanyirene said:

This her second try, we did a center first and she didn't even last a day there . They recommended the home daycare we just tried with her as the teacher used to work for that center and was really good with children who required a little more attention. It's just such a bummer for her because she loved going and playing there. But, on the flip side I think it was our fault for not helping to better prepare her for that type of an environment. So we are going to take the next couple of months to work on giving her more structured days so that we can put her back in daycare and its not such a shock to her system when they take naps at a specific time or eat at a specific time.

How did she not even last a day at a center? Every kid, even NT need time to adjust

tiffanyirene · June 2014

She was there for half a day and the Director thought she would be too much to handle

. They actually recommended the home daycare we took her too.

macchiatto · June 2014

I'm really sorry.

tiffanyirene · June 2014

-auntie- said:

tiffanyirene said:

This her second try, we did a center first and she didn't even last a day there .

That's really weird. Any 3 1/2 year old would need a period of adjustment to a new DCD. Less than a day? Either there's something really different about your kid or they aren't much of a DCD.

She has stayed with either myself or her grandma for her whole life and had very one on one attention. So when she is in daycare she just ends up being pretty demanding on the caretaker. For example at the daycare center she tried out for a day she found one caretaker that she clung to and wanted to always be around and it took that caretaker away from the other kids and they felt this would be an ongoing issue.

hey recommended the home daycare we just tried with her as the teacher used to work for that center and was really good with children who required a little more attention.

How much attention does she need? It sounds almost like they have a concern and are talking in euphemisms. I'm thinking the adult:child ratios in a center would be pretty decent.

The ratio at the daycare was 11-1 and at the home daycare it was much lower max 8-1 on a full day but typically it was 6-1. However, it was only the one lady and DD is having a couple problem areas that really took her from the other kids and she needs to be able to watch all the kids, not just our DD. DD was having trouble adjusting to nap time (over and hour meltdown) and she is also having issues with potty training (another post I have on here) and the home daycare provider could find no way of soothing her so these instances ended up in 45 minute to an hour melt downs.
It's just such a bummer for her because she loved going and playing there.

Huh? She was there one day. How do you know she loved it? Did she say? Did they say? This makes no sense.

She enjoyed the home daycare which she did for a week and a half. She was always super excited when we got there and took off running for the front door as soon as I got her out of her car seat. She did love the daycare center she was at for 1 day too, but I think that's only because they had a live rabbit, she loves animals.
But, on the flip side I think it was our fault for not helping to better prepare her for that type of an environment.

The thing is well developing kids don't need to be prepared. This sin't your fault, you did nothing wrong. An easier, typical child would have just joined in and been OK. It's as if the skills they need to be a preschooler are just there when they're needed.

I would agree with you on this normally, but I think we've failed our DD by not putting her around more children her own age and giving her so much one on one attention. It was partially us being lazy as well as at one time not wanting her to be upset. I feel like we could have better prepared her for a daycare environment by working on 1) not giving her everything she wants when she asks and 2) creating a more structured day for her in terms of meal times, nap time etc etc.

So we are going to take the next couple of months to work on giving her more structured days so that we can put her back in daycare and its not such a shock to her system when they take naps at a specific time or eat at a specific time.

So your plan is to keep her home and "work on structure"? Do you WOH? What has she been doing until now?

Maybe she'd do better with a shorter half day experience. Most kids would adjust to 2 different schedules and ways of doing things. TBH, all kids do better with structure- knowing the rules and schedule make their emotional lives easier for them to parse.

This behavior seems over-the-top for a kid who just has a speech delay. I wonder if it would make sense to have a full eval done to see if there is something else going on. Behavior is communication and she's clearly telling you something.

She stays with her grandma during the day, I work full time. I'd love for her to do half days except I cannot leave work to pick her up and take her home . We have not emphasized a very structured day for her so I think this is where some of her issues are coming from. She goes to a therapy center twice a week, right now they feel it's just a speech delay and this general lack of communication is very frustrating for our DD.

When I say work on structure I mean we make sure she has regular meal times always at the table, snacks always at the table, nap time always the same time (by herself, in her bed) and doing more activities during the day like art projects or playing outside. This is going to be a struggle to get her grandma on board because she typically wants to just keep our DD in her room and never get her out. This was fine when she was a baby but it's long past being a big problem and we were hoping daycare would help that but it appears right now she is just not ready for that environment.

I'm optimistic though that we her biggest problems will work themselves out in a couple of months (the potty issue and nap time issue) and we can bring her back. If it were not for those two issues she would have fit right in no problems. It's just that the daycare provider couldn't find a way to soothe her and calm her down .

funchicken · June 2014

tiffanyirene said:

-auntie- said:

tiffanyirene said:

When I say work on structure I mean we make sure she has regular meal times always at the table, snacks always at the table, nap time always the same time (by herself, in her bed) and doing more activities during the day like art projects or playing outside. This is going to be a struggle to get her grandma on board because she typically wants to just keep our DD in her room and never get her out. This was fine when she was a baby but it's long past being a big problem and we were hoping daycare would help that but it appears right now she is just not ready for that environment.

I'm optimistic though that we her biggest problems will work themselves out in a couple of months (the potty issue and nap time issue) and we can bring her back. If it were not for those two issues she would have fit right in no problems. It's just that the daycare provider couldn't find a way to soothe her and calm her down .

I find the bolded comment very concerning. Could you elaborate?

tiffanyirene · June 2014

My mother in law watches her during the day and likes to keep her upstairs in her (my DD) room playing with toys and games up there. She really only brings her downstairs to eat meals. When DD was a baby we didn't think it was a big deal but as she is getting older it's becoming a larger issue. We would prefer DD to be downstairs doing more structured art and sensory projects as oppose to doing whatever she wants upstairs with her toys.

In terms of taking her outside, in fairness our yard is a sad state right now so she hasn't had anywhere to take her and she doesn't want to leave the house with our DD. We are taking on the yard in the next couple of weeks and adding a playhouse, slide and sandbox for DD so there is actually something to do back there. I'm also thinking about seeing if any SAM would be interested in daytime play dates with my DD at our house so DD can get some time with other kids.

kcisthebombdotcom · June 2014

I would try to find a preschool with better adult to kid ratios. At my sons preschool there was 5 kids per teacher. I can't imagine sending my kid somewhere with 11:1--heck 8:1 is too much (and I'm referencing my typically developing preschooler here). Also know its likely nothing you did but just the way she is. I'm home with my kids and my son adjusted to,preschool with no issues at all so even if you put your kid in daycare from birth she would likely have the same issues.

funchicken · June 2014

KC_13 said:

I would try to find a preschool with better adult to kid ratios. At my sons preschool there was 5 kids per teacher. I can't imagine sending my kid somewhere with 11:1--heck 8:1 is too much (and I'm referencing my typically developing preschooler here). Also know its likely nothing you did but just the way she is. I'm home with my kids and my son adjusted to,preschool with no issues at all so even if you put your kid in daycare from birth she would likely have the same issues.

This. Have you had her evaluated by the school system? Is she receiving speech services?

The preschools where my two older girls have gone usually have a floater who comes in to help when there are new children who are having difficulty transitioning. I would expect it to take a good month for her to adjust, so I'm shocked that they would only give her one day to adjust. If you found a place with better ratios, is there any way you could send her for an hour the first day, two hours the second day, etc? You could also look at their daily schedule to figure out what activities might appeal to her and send her at those times for the first couple of visits.

I SAH, but I use drop in care for DD2, and she always did much better if I took her when they were going to have outside time or snack time.

Edit: oops I just remembered your intro post

. That's great that she's getting services.

tiffanyirene · June 2014

Hi Beaf12, we are looking into that option for DD however we are on summer break so nothing starts back up until mid-late August.

Just taking my 15 minutes...

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