Shower vs. party after baby arrives?

gimmeyronionrings · June 2014

My mom wants to throw us a shower in a couple months back in my hometown. The problem is, it is not financially responsible for us to splurge on the flight, hotel, car rental and unpaid time off of work (you know, with the baby on the way and all). My mom also brought up the idea of having a "meet the baby" party after he/she arrives, but stressed it would not be a baby shower. DH and I are grateful that she wants to celebrate her first grandchild, but we have never had an expectation of a shower or party and certainly have no expectation of receiving gifts.

My questions for you guys are 1) Have you ever had/been to a "meet the baby" party? 2) If so, what was it like? 3) Did guests bring gifts like they might at a shower or was it more of a fun get together with food/drinks?

I appreciate all opinions on this, as I have no experience with any of it as a FTM! Thanks for reading my novel!

OhBaby+2013 · June 2014

I had a meet the baby instead of a shower for DS. We didn't know what we were having and I was due at the end of January and I felt a shower before would have been too much for everyone around the holidays. The party was a simple afternoon cake and coffee party. My family all lives a few hours away so it was great that everyone got to meet DS when he was little.

nebrtwin · June 2014

I have no input on the "meet that baby" party, but another thing to consider if you're having to travel back to your hometown (especially flying) is that it will be difficult to take gifts back home on the plane. If you do decide to do the actual shower I would stress to your mom for people to purchase gifts off of an online registry to have them sent directly to your home.

Being that I live in Germany, I have seen many instances where families back home want to throw showers but it's just not feasible to travel that far on the parents-to-be's part, so what they do instead is throw a "Skype" baby shower (or FaceTime, etc.). A friend of mine's family did this and it turned out great. She had friends over to help her celebrate the shower, gifts were sent ahead of time, as well as games that were played. Her mom was in contact with one her friends here so she was able to be in on the planning but had majority of the control, the friend basically got what ever decorations/food/etc was needed on our end in Germany (her mom paid for it still), and then her mom invited family and friends from back home to her house to watch/play games/participate.

Duckie419 · June 2014

I've done meet the baby parties. I think I've gone to about 3 and two out if the three were just like showers except there was a cute little baby to play with and cuddle. The ladies registered before baby and you could send your gifts to them. Or since you seem to be uncomfortable with gifts you could do a diaper party.

CandEChicago · June 2014

I think the PP had a good point about traveling with the gifts so make sure you and your mom plan for that. Otherwise I think meet the baby party is cute but be sure to give the baby enough time to develop an immune system before you travel.

mc0113 · June 2014

Meet the baby parties are all my family does - no baby showers due to tradition/superstitions. We usually do it associated with the Baptism though. We have everyone over for cake/coffee and time to hangout with everyone.

I think that would be a great idea because then ultimately you kill two birds with 1 stone. You get to go home to visit family AND they get to meet your new baby all at once.

BankerBSN · June 2014

If I had a meet the baby party a TDap would be mandatory if you are going to attend. I just do not like the idea of all those people foundling my new baby. I will be sticking to a shower before birth.

kz's_girlygirl · June 2014

When my sister was pregnant with her daughter she was stationed on the other side of the country and traveling home for a shower wasn't possible. We held a shower for her here, and invited her friends and our family, and then skyped with her. Most people sent gifts straight to her, but those who brought a gift, we just opened during the party and sent afterwards. It worked out really well, and she still got to see everyone, get well wishes etc.

A meet the baby party sounds like a good idea in theory and was appealing to me for a few reasons, but like PP's, I would not be comfortable having people holding/touching my newborn though, especially during winter time cold season. It would end up with me wearing baby and not letting anyone get too close, lol.

Jessie333 · June 2014

My family threw me a shower before dd was born and my SIL threw us a meet the baby party about a month after she was born. For that, there was no expectation of gifts. A few friends did bring gifts, but those were friends of dh who didn't go to the shower. It was nice and low key. It was also nice to have everyone meet her at once instead of having people coming over constantly to meet her.

keliaqt · June 2014

My cousin did a meet the babies shower (she had twin girls). She was living in Hong Kong when she had the girls but knew she would be moving back to the states shortly after the girls were born. It was still like a baby shower though since she still needed a lot of baby things once she moved back to the states so she did register and everyone brought gifts.

RayRay007 · June 2014

It is common in my region to have baby showers after the baby comes; in fact, showers before the baby are pretty much unheard of. This way, every one can meet the baby and they all know what sex it is, name, etc, so they can personalize gifts. Here, no one gets large gifts so it's not like you'd be waiting on a car seat or something.

drpayne · June 2014

I never wished for a house full of people while nursing and sleep-deprived. I'm also not a fan of a lots people passing around my babies in the middle of cold/flu season. It's just not my thing.

ajlmom · June 2014

With my culture we do 1-month or 100-day party after the baby is born and I've been to lots of those. People usually don't bring gifts but give money. Since we're pretty Americanized we have baby showers too. So I guess for me it's the best of both worlds.

If I were you I'd wait to have a meet the baby party as you wanna save your time off for the arrival of this little one. Your family can still buy you gifts from your registry online. I hope your local friends will throw you a shower where you live and get you lots of stuff. Good luck!

Edit: typo

Sarah1253 · June 2014

My side of the family will have the shower before and then my husbands side is talking about having it after because one of the aunts comes to visit in January.

At first I hated the idea but I am getting used to it. We always have them before the baby is born in my family.

brittandjp · June 2014

I've been to two meet the baby parties. Both were exactly like a shower, only this time everyone is fighting over who gets to hold the baby next.

gimmeyronionrings · June 2014

Our LO being around so many people immediately popped into my mind and I mentioned that concern to DH. It's especially scary considering there is a whooping cough epidemic back in my home state. Ugh. That's one big reason I would bite the bullet and just go for the shower. I also have no idea what life will be like once baby arrives, like PP said above, what if we have issues and traveling is out of the question? With that being said, if we did do a "meet the baby" party, I would opt to wait a few months at least.

As far as gifts go, I am by no means opposed to receiving gifts, I just wanted to make it clear that we have no expectations and aren't gift grabby types. My mom and I did talk about having guests ship gifts if they were too cumbersome to take on the plane.

So much to think about! I genuinely appreciate all the points you guys brought up. Once DH is home from out of town we'll sit down and talk about it seriously. Thank you so much for your input ladies!

nolanova85 · June 2014

BankerBSN said:

If I had a meet the baby party a TDap would be mandatory if you are going to attend. I just do not like the idea of all those people foundling my new baby. I will be sticking to a shower before birth.

This, exactly! I recently saw an invite for a meet the baby party that labeled it a "sip & see," which I thought would be fun for our group of friends. Cocktails and a baby - who doesn't love those things? But then I realized I'm having a baby in cold & flu season. And I'm kind of a freak about the TDap shots. So if we do it, we would probably wait till spring...and at that point it may be kind of silly.

ETA: just to clarify, I'm a "freak about the TDap shots" in that no one will be around my baby - even grandparents - in those first few weeks if they haven't had their shots/booster.

Manateearmz · June 2014

BankerBSN said:
If I had a meet the baby party a TDap would be mandatory if you are going to attend. I just do not like the idea of all those people foundling my new baby. I will be sticking to a shower before birth.

This is exactly what I came here to say. Newborns are very susceptible to illness, that I would be very cautious about being around that many people touching my baby at that time. I would perhaps do it after 9 or 10 weeks when they've had a good round of shots.

mc0113 · June 2014

ashtonkitty1 said:

mc0113 said:

Meet the baby parties are all my family does - no baby showers due to tradition/superstitions. We usually do it associated with the Baptism though. We have everyone over for cake/coffee and time to hangout with everyone.

I think that would be a great idea because then ultimately you kill two birds with 1 stone. You get to go home to visit family AND they get to meet your new baby all at once.

I'm curious as to what the superstitions are relating to baby showers? Not judging, just wondering.

I'm with the others who are expressing concern about passing newborn around to lots of people.

---------
We don't put anything for an unborn baby in your house until after the baby is born just in case (God forbid) something happens then you don't come home without a baby and a house full of stuff to pack up. It is believed that the baby isn't truly to be celebrated until after it is born and my parents/aunts won't even buy anything before the baby is born.

DoctorWorm222 · June 2014

DH's family threw me a "meet the baby" party since I was on bedrest almost my whole third trimester. We waited until Evie was 2-3 months old b/c I was nervous about crowds/illnesses/etc. I actually liked it quite a lot. I'm not typically keen on being the center of attention. This way, people were more focused on the baby than on me. DH was also there, and I doubt he would have attended a more "traditional" baby shower.

perfectlove09 · June 2014

gimmeyronionrings said:

Our LO being around so many people immediately popped into my mind and I mentioned that concern to DH. It's especially scary considering there is a whooping cough epidemic back in my home state. Ugh. That's one big reason I would bite the bullet and just go for the shower. I also have no idea what life will be like once baby arrives, like PP said above, what if we have issues and traveling is out of the question? With that being said, if we did do a "meet the baby" party, I would opt to wait a few months at least. As far as gifts go, I am by no means opposed to receiving gifts, I just wanted to make it clear that we have no expectations and aren't gift grabby types. My mom and I did talk about having guests ship gifts if they were too cumbersome to take on the plane. So much to think about! I genuinely appreciate all the points you guys brought up. Once DH is home from out of town we'll sit down and talk about it seriously. Thank you so much for your input ladies!

Are you from Colorado? That's where I live and I was so worried about the whopping cough as well when LO was born December 2012.

I was all ready to have a 'sip and see" until reading these responses lol. I must have major pregnancy brain because I wouldn't let anyone near DD until they had their TDap shot and here I Was thinking "OH I'll just have everyone over for a sip and see after LO is born" What was I thinking?

gimmeyronionrings · June 2014

perfectlove09 said:

gimmeyronionrings said:

Our LO being around so many people immediately popped into my mind and I mentioned that concern to DH. It's especially scary considering there is a whooping cough epidemic back in my home state. Ugh. That's one big reason I would bite the bullet and just go for the shower. I also have no idea what life will be like once baby arrives, like PP said above, what if we have issues and traveling is out of the question? With that being said, if we did do a "meet the baby" party, I would opt to wait a few months at least.

As far as gifts go, I am by no means opposed to receiving gifts, I just wanted to make it clear that we have no expectations and aren't gift grabby types. My mom and I did talk about having guests ship gifts if they were too cumbersome to take on the plane.

So much to think about! I genuinely appreciate all the points you guys brought up. Once DH is home from out of town we'll sit down and talk about it seriously. Thank you so much for your input ladies!

Are you from Colorado? That's where I live and I was so worried about the whopping cough as well when LO was born December 2012.

I was all ready to have a 'sip and see" until reading these responses lol. I must have major pregnancy brain because I wouldn't let anyone near DD until they had their TDap shot and here I Was thinking "OH I'll just have everyone over for a sip and see after LO is born" What was I thinking?

-----------------quote box fail------------------

I'm from California

I'm seriously leaning towards a shower because I'm all freaked out about so many people holding our LO. Eek.

gimmeyronionrings · June 2014

Thanks again ladies! I really appreciate the different perspectives

I found some cheap flights that might make the baby shower trip doable. Just have to see what DH thinks.

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