Unsolicited advice from a July 2013 mama

RDK24 · June 2014

Hi ladies,

I was in your shoes one year ago, anxious as all get-out for my LO to arrive. I've been reminiscing a lot lately as LO's first birthday is coming up fast and I wanted to wish you all the best of luck.

And, if you don't mind the intrusion, 3 quick pieces of unsolicited advice I wish someone had given me as a first time mom one year ago …

1. Even if you're not anticipating a c-section, learn about what it entails and what recovery will be like. I stuck my head in the sand on this since the idea really scared me. I ended up with an unplanned c-section, and would have been a whole lot better off emotionally/mentally had I been realistic about it as a possibility.

2. If you're planning to try breastfeeding, take a class. Or at the very least, watch a youtube video or two about latching, etc. Again, head in the sand here, and I found out the hard way that hormonal and sleep deprived is no way to learn how to breastfeed a baby. For some, it's not as intuitive as you might hope. It's a learned skill. (And FWIW, the early difficulties have been well worth it and bf-ing has been a very rewarding experience for both of us.)

3. Sleeping for only a few hours over the course of 72 in the hospital is no way to start off life with your baby. Hospitals love to have you "room-in" with your baby to promote bonding, breastfeeding, etc. If I could do it again, I would have asked for LO to go to the nursery for a few hours so I could relax enough knowing she was well-cared for (I was very nervous about knowing how to care for her) to get even just a couple more hours sleep.

Again, don't mean to intrude on a BMB that isn't my own, but a year ago I found myself really wishing someone had given me the above advice. So, if it helps even just one person, I wanted to pass it along.

Congratulations to all and GL!

Jelly26 · June 2014

Thanks!

tealowl · June 2014

I'm a STM so I already know everything.

U GUISE CANT HAVE MY MOMMY SECRETZ

RDK24 · June 2014

TheAnne said:

Pretty sure we're good on advice around here. Congrats on your kid's upcoming birthday but we've had 1000 threads on each of the topics you've brought up and are pretty squared away with what options we all have and who recommends what.

Ok, sorry to bother you then. Like I said, I didn't get that kind of advice and it would have helped me so I was truly just trying to pass it along to others in the hopes that it would be helpful. Didn't mean to add an unnecessary thread.

netsirk2013 · June 2014

RDK24 said:

TheAnne said:

Pretty sure we're good on advice around here. Congrats on your kid's upcoming birthday but we've had 1000 threads on each of the topics you've brought up and are pretty squared away with what options we all have and who recommends what.

Ok, sorry to bother you then. Like I said, I didn't get that kind of advice and it would have helped me so I was truly just trying to pass it along to others in the hopes that it would be helpful. Didn't mean to add an unnecessary thread.

But you did anyways. Go away!

zellatrix · June 2014

Let me know if you need any advice on kindergarten.

cuntasaurusrex · June 2014

As a FTM I actually don't have any problem with this thread. She at least had good intentions.

TexasGirl81 · June 2014

Hi @RDK24‌!!!

chevronseven · June 2014

Yeah I'm with @aliletz‌ . I do see the point of the STM's, but the title did kind of give a heads up of what would be in here.... I appreciate the thought even though it was unnecessary.

ETA: tagging @netsirk2013‌

BBColt78 · June 2014

Am I the only one at a hospital without a nursery? Seriously, just the NICU, rooming in only.

Should I switch hospitals?

iris427 · June 2014

I think most of the OP was actually sound advice. *shrug*

littlemissmarla · June 2014

BBColt78 said:
Am I the only one at a hospital without a nursery? Seriously, just the NICU, rooming in only.

Should I switch hospitals?

My hospital doesn't have a nursery either!!

iris427 · June 2014

littlemissmarla said:

BBColt78 said:
Am I the only one at a hospital without a nursery? Seriously, just the NICU, rooming in only.

Should I switch hospitals?
My hospital doesn't have a nursery either!!

Mine doesn't either.

BBColt78 · June 2014

iris427 said:

Am I the only one at a hospital without a nursery? Seriously, just the NICU, rooming in only.

Should I switch hospitals?
My hospital doesn't have a nursery either!!
Mine doesn't either.

Ok whew. Totally thought I was getting ripped off. Don't get me wrong, I need to take care of my own kid but a little nap at the hospital would be fab!

mrscurlygurl · June 2014

littlemissmarla said:

Am I the only one at a hospital without a nursery? Seriously, just the NICU, rooming in only.

Should I switch hospitals?
My hospital doesn't have a nursery either!!

hehe...I just noticed your siggy gif. Awesomesauce.

iris427 · June 2014

BBColt78 said:

iris427 said:

littlemissmarla said:

BBColt78 said:
Am I the only one at a hospital without a nursery? Seriously, just the NICU, rooming in only.

Should I switch hospitals?
My hospital doesn't have a nursery either!!
Mine doesn't either.

Ok whew. Totally thought I was getting ripped off. Don't get me wrong, I need to take care of my own kid but a little nap at the hospital would be fab!

Yeah I'm not real thrilled about it. I'll have plenty of "rooming in" with my kid once I'm discharged, let me get a little break right after I give birth.

jnnfrrose6 · June 2014

RDK24 said:

TheAnne said:

Pretty sure we're good on advice around here. Congrats on your kid's upcoming birthday but we've had 1000 threads on each of the topics you've brought up and are pretty squared away with what options we all have and who recommends what.

Ok, sorry to bother you then. Like I said, I didn't get that kind of advice and it would have helped me so I was truly just trying to pass it along to others in the hopes that it would be helpful. Didn't mean to add an unnecessary thread.

You also said you had your head in the sand about your suggestions. Are you sure no one discussed/advise you about these things a year ago?

TurtleMonsters · June 2014

^^ ain't that the truth. They get better at 4

Kind of sad J13 didn't have that kind of advice. What did you all talk about?

iris427 · June 2014

jnnfrrose6 said:

RDK24 said:

TheAnne said:

Pretty sure we're good on advice around here. Congrats on your kid's upcoming birthday but we've had 1000 threads on each of the topics you've brought up and are pretty squared away with what options we all have and who recommends what.

Ok, sorry to bother you then. Like I said, I didn't get that kind of advice and it would have helped me so I was truly just trying to pass it along to others in the hopes that it would be helpful. Didn't mean to add an unnecessary thread.

You also said you had your head in the sand about your suggestions. Are you sure no one discussed/advise you about these things a year ago?

I definitely ignored a lot of good advice with my first and had to figure it out the hard way. I'm probably still doing that. Parenthood makes me feel like I know nothing on the regular.

Tiffles · June 2014

We don't have a nursery either, but the lovely nurses that worked the front desk, offered to take my DD for a few hours, so I could get some sleep. I fed her, and they took her. I got 2 full hours of uninterrupted sleep, and when I woke up I actually went looking for her because I missed her haha. But it was fantastic!!!

drunkenhandstand · June 2014

Your BMB didn't cover breast feeding, c-sections and hospital stays? What a bunch of slackers. You clearly had good intentions and at least good grammar so I will be nice.

Thaaaaaannnnnnnks???

brooklynesque · June 2014

I appreciate the advice. Thank you.

likeanoldtimemovie · June 2014

But can you give us advice on what to pack in our hospital bag?

MTAtlanta · June 2014

I was on my first bump board two years and the tone was more relaxed and less snarky than this one seems to be. I haven't been as active on this one for a few reasons, but i must say these ladies can be very funny.

Congratulations on your first year, and thanks for sharing your experience. :-)

baxterdreamer · June 2014

likeanoldtimemovie said:
But can you give us advice on what to pack in our hospital bag?

SweetTamale38 · June 2014

RDK24 -- Thank you very much for dropping by. Even though I have a 13 and 11-year-old that I have been through so much with, many things have changed since then, and I really feel sometimes like I'm doing this for the first time. Today my husband took my car to get my installation of the car seat inspected. Even though I read the manual and felt pretty confident I knew what I was doing, they burst my bubble -- I had it in wrong in a couple different ways! I used all the dumb latches AND the seatbelt -- and it turned out to be overkill. Well, the book didn't say to use one or the other...SHEESH! ha ha ha ha I felt so dumb!

Your helpful reminders are appreciated. I wish you the best with your little one. I bet this first year has just flown by you... just my two cents: Don't blink -- the years seem to pass by faster and faster as they grow bigger. Soak it all up while you can!!!

ghostof5letters · June 2014

Just like yourself OP, those who choose to bury their heads in the sand will continue to do so.

I'm sure very similar advice was posted on July 2013 bmb and you chose to ignore it multiple times, no matter how wise and timely the advice was.

Salsera29 · June 2014

Dayum guys. Maybe these pumps have sucked the snark out of me but I didn't see anything wrong with the OP. Unnecessary, yes, but hardly deserving the level of snark it brought on.

mrscurlygurl · June 2014

Salsera29 said:

Dayum guys. Maybe these pumps have sucked the snark out of me but I didn't see anything wrong with the OP. Unnecessary, yes, but hardly deserving the level of snark it brought on.

3rd Trimester-ness...many of us are thisclose to this gif all the time:

runrinserepeat · June 2014

The advice itself? Meh. Problem is that everyone and their mom wants to tell me these days what they think I should do and I'm sick of hearing it. If I have questions, I'll seek out women I know and respect to ask their advice, rather than listen to yet another stranger who somehow knows what's best for me, kthx.

TallMomma29 · June 2014

I totally see both sides here. On the one hand, it is clear that OP had good intentions and her advice is pretty sound.

On the other hand... Most people are not remotely interested in unsolicited advice, especially from a stranger, especially while pregnant when unsolicited advice especially abounds. Unsolicited advice tends to come off very condescending because it implies you think the person doesn't know better or wouldn't think to ask on their own. It seems like someone who already had a kid would remember how annoying it was to constantly have everyone chiming in with unsolicited advice... But maybe you forget that after time like you forget the pain of childbirth! ;-)

ghostof5letters · June 2014

Well, 100+ 8 month+ pregnant women that are pretty mentally over being pregnant being given (yet again) unsolicited advice from a stranger.

Sure, that was going to go over like a pregnant pole vaulter.

bullybutt · June 2014

I don't recognize a 1/3 of the people who commented on this thread. Is my head in the sand also?

BBColt78 · June 2014

ashleysyn2 said:

We also don't have a nursery. 2 babies, 24/7, while recovering from a c-section. Awesome.

@ashleysyn2 Good call. I will not complain anymore.

And look at you twin momma! Past 37 weeks! You go girl!

BBColt78 · June 2014

ghostof5letters said:

Well, 100+ 8 month+ pregnant women that are pretty mentally over being pregnant being given (yet again) unsolicited advice from a stranger.

Sure, that was going to go over like a pregnant pole vaulter.

Ok, someone here is willing to take one for the team and try this, right? I wanna see.

baxterdreamer · June 2014

@ghostof5letters‌, stop making me laugh!!!

) I love when there is gif perfection to back up a funny.

BBColt78 · June 2014

ashleysyn2 said:

ashleysyn2 said:

We also don't have a nursery. 2 babies, 24/7, while recovering from a c-section. Awesome.

@ashleysyn2 Good call. I will not complain anymore.

And look at you twin momma! Past 37 weeks! You go girl!
You complain all you want! My suffering does not negate anyone else's. I am just not sure where my babies are expected to go when Big Brother is on. (Kidding, kind of.) And thank you! They're coming out in 4 days!

I can't wait for BB!!