Expecting Baby #2 and having worries.

LishaT92 · June 2014

I am 17 weeks pregnant with my second baby. My first is 3 years old and although I put a lot of thought into having a second child and don't worry about finances and the bigger thoughts that arise with having a baby; I constantly get upset worrying about how my daughter will handle the split attention. I don't ever want her to feel like less or as thought she was replaced. Anyone else have worries like this? What do you all do to keep the love and attention balanced? I worry about it often and I cry every time it crosses my mind.

huntress17 · June 2014

I'm right there with you!!! I'm terrified that my dd will think I love her less

. But I talked with my mom and she told me just to make sure she is involved as much as possible and make sure to tell her how much you appreciate and love her

.

rahkitt · June 2014

Our hearts just get bigger when we add to our families. And learning to share attention is a good thing. Her life will be enriched by the new baby, even if she doesn't realize it right away.

Maelara · June 2014

I'm in the same position (except DD will be 16 months when this baby gets here). I'm going to try and involve her in everything and once I can, have special mommy and me time with her. I bought her a Stella doll and it has a ton of accessories (strollers, feeding, carriers, etc.). I'm *hoping* that she can take care of her baby while I take care of my baby. We will see if it works.

Shonanny · June 2014

I do worry about that too. Sometimes I hope I have a girl just so my DS will be my only boy. Then I think it would be great for him to have a brother. I have just been calling the baby "our baby". That seems to make my son feel equally involved as I am. Now he is 4 so he is able to understand a quite a bit more and is more independent than a two year old. If I get gifts for the baby I have been letting him open them. He loves that too!

jlove253 · June 2014

I've been a little concerned too. A friend of mine who had her second recently would have her husband/mom bathe the new little baby while she had special one-on-one snuggle time with her first born. Then she'd bathe her first while DH snuggled the baby in the bathroom. She said it was really special for everyone. I've been thinking about doing something similar.

ccam · June 2014

DS will be a little over 2 when the new baby arrives. I think at first his world will definitely be rocked! But I think that is true with any big life change. He will eventually get used to the baby and it will become like second nature. Right now, we try and talk about the baby as much as possible - he waves to the baby and gives my belly kisses, he says "love you baby".

The three of us do everything together as much as we can. I think we're going to try and split up a little before the baby gets here - have DH give him a bath and then I'll read him a book, or something like that. Switch up our regular routines so that he gets used to not always having both of us there all the time.

I am nervous about the initial reaction but I think DS will be a great big brother.

sweetbabyrahe · June 2014

I am also worried because DS will be just over 3 when baby is born. He is so used to doing what he wants, having all of the toys to himself, and having our undivided attention. I am hoping that I will be able to set aside some time for me and DS every night and also to include him in baby things as much as possible because he loves to help. We are bringing him to the a/s next week to try to include him in that. Also, I received advice that DH should bring the baby in when we come home from the hospital and I should come in directly to greet DS...so that he still feels special. I think no matter what, it is going to be a huge adjustment that will just take time to get through.

minniemom112 · June 2014

I've thought the same, but more on DH's perspective. DS will be 6 and starting kindergarten so thankfully and hopefully it won't be too hard on him since he'll be making his own friends at school and will have a new environment to be in during the morning, but since he's not DH's biological son I worry he'll feel left out or jealous when he sees DH with his baby sister. He's grown up with him and that's HIS dad, so I get sad at the thought of him feeling hurt. But we try to involve him in everything we can so he knows know one will ever take his place

morrkim · June 2014

I worry about this as well since she will be getting two new siblings at once and she will be around 2 when they arrive.

moroccojade · June 2014

My daughter will be 7 when this baby comes... So I am not worried. I often call #2 "her" baby, and she quite likes that. I know she will be a big help and will adore that child. She is secure in her relationships with me and DH and knows the baby will take a lot of our time and effort. But she fully plans on being a part of the care team, so I think we will be good.

mussalynn · June 2014

I've been worried about this too, DS will be 21 months when baby arrives. Like @Maelara, I'm going to get him a "baby", so that we can practice diapering, swaddling etc. before baby comes, and then he can take care of his baby while I'm taking care of the actual baby. I also read a great tip - I think it was on another similar thread on this board - about getting him a special toy that he gets to play with while I'm nursing baby, so he still feels special while I can't give him attention.

It really really really breaks my heart the thought of him feeling left out or unloved, so I really hope everything works out okay. And I really hope he likes his little brother or sister!

mb314 · June 2014

It's totally natural to feel this way. I actually felt this way about my dog when pregnant with DS (which seems ridiculous now!). Honestly, I think it is good for kids to have siblings for many reasons. It teaches them how to share attention, and to be a little more independent. Plus, as we get older, I think it is really helpful to have a sibling to help deal with aging parents.

My 21 month old DS is a real mama's boy. I do worry a little about how he'll react, but I really think in the long run it will be a good thing for him. We will just need to make sure he spend one-on-one time with him each day, and I hope that as the baby gets bigger, the two kids are close and have fun together.

mb314 · June 2014

ccam said:

DS will be a little over 2 when the new baby arrives. I think at first his world will definitely be rocked! But I think that is true with any big life change. He will eventually get used to the baby and it will become like second nature. Right now, we try and talk about the baby as much as possible - he waves to the baby and gives my belly kisses, he says "love you baby".
The three of us do everything together as much as we can. I think we're going to try and split up a little before the baby gets here - have DH give him a bath and then I'll read him a book, or something like that. Switch up our regular routines so that he gets used to not always having both of us there all the time.
I am nervous about the initial reaction but I think DS will be a great big brother.

@ccam - I started to talk about the baby in my belly to DS too, but since he is just starting to talk more and to identify body parts, I now have this huge fear that he is going to point to a fat person's stomach and say "Baby!" so I've stopped

kjmommy1214 · June 2014

DD will be 23 months when baby arrives. My MIL thinks that she will take it really heard. I have faith in DD, though. She is already very independent and mommy's little helper. I think having her take care of her baby and help with the real baby will make her feel important. My only hope is that we can continue easing into potty training so that we only have one in diapers (a woman can dream).

meeshybee · June 2014

lissydee said:

I felt the same way when pregnant with my 2nd. I was pleasantly surprised how easy the transition was when he was actually here. And my first took to his brother no problem...but he was also younger at the time (18m). This time I worry about how to handle 3. The majority of those that I know who have 3 said going from 2 to 3 was the hardest. So yeah...a bit scared of that.

I was also really worried about this when I was expecting my 2nd. My DS was 17m and I felt so guilty for taking away his "babyhood". It definitely went way easier than I expected. He was in that "helper" stage so I used that to include him in everything I could; fetching diapers, paci, blankets, anything at all. He was so happy to help!

As far as 2 to 3, it was easier for me than 1 to 2. Both kids were already used to having to share my attention. I was also used to multitasking all the mom stuff. And the kids were older, so they could help more and they also understood that I would get to them when I was done with the baby.

rahkitt · June 2014

meeshybee said:
As far as 2 to 3, it was easier for me than 1 to 2. Both kids were already used to having to share my attention. I was also used to multitasking all the mom stuff. And the kids were older, so they could help more and they also understood that I would get to them when I was done with the baby.

Thank you for that! I'm going to be making the transition from 2-3 and definitely found 0-1 the hardest! I'm really thinking it won't be so bad this time, since my kids are 7 and 4 and so much more aware of what's going on and looking forward to helping.

LishaT92 · June 2014

I plan on constantly including my daughter in daily things for the baby when he/she arrives. I constantly talk about her being a big sister and ask her what kinds of things she would like to do when the baby gets here. If I get catalogs we look through them together, I have bought her several big sister outfits, and plan on having a little something special going on for her during the baby shower. I am glad to know others feel the nervousness I feel and that it isn't an abnormal thought haha. It is just my biggest worry and I am just wanting to do all that I can for both my kids as equally as possible.

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