Sorry I have been MIA

Jellybean71514 · June 2014

Hi ladies,

I've been taking a break from the board I guess in one sense trying to just focus on other things and move forward but in another sense I feel I just wanted to forget what's happened - I can't. The grief comes in waves and I realize that I still need the support .....I am so very sorry I haven't been much support lately for everyone but hope you will understand while I lurk back in. the past few weeks I've been still struggling with my DF and trying to get the house done on my own and I missed my window of TTC because he and I are at odds so often arguing over things- probably a good thing I guess to put TTC on hold a bit. We went to a wedding Friday and I lasted 2 hrs until staring at the very pregnant girl in front of me became too overwhelming and I had to leave ... sobbing no less thinking that should have been me right now .... so clearly not ready for that environment I guess. I start work tomorrow ....it's been 3 months and I'm full of anxiety but know I need to get back and start making money again. I think I am having more good days than bad at this point but the bad ones are still really significant. I see some new members here now and feel so awful to have to welcome them but this board has been so wonderful to me that I am glad they found it too. Thanks for listening xo

lexusolsen · June 2014

I hope work goes well. Some days are tough but it has been helpful for me to feel more like myself.

I'm sorry the wedding was challenging for you. Newly pregnant people don't bother me but the "about to pop" like I should be bother me too.

I'll be thinking about you today.

jonahsma · June 2014

I'm sorry you've been dealing with all of that. ((hugs)) to you. I think it's ok to take a bump break, sometimes we need to. I remember "trying to forget' but I feel that by doing that it made everything else harder. when I tried to forget it didn't allow me to grieve how I was supposed to. My mind blocked everything but my body didn't If that makes any sense. It would physically be hard to get through the day. i'm rambling.... sorry. Anyhow, Welcome back we will all get through this together and you'll always have support here, always.

edited- punctuation

Jellybean71514 · June 2014

@lexusolsen‌ yeah she was about to pop which should be me right now so it was really really hard to look at her and why I had a meltdown..... I'm anxious about work but know getting through the first day will be the hardest and over soon xo
@jonahsma‌ I agree, trying to forget doesn't help much thanks for understanding I am trying to cope I guess and just re focus my life in a sense as we say 'find a new normal'

*Thanks both for listening and the support- looking forward to brighter days ahead xo

LyndseyTS · June 2014

It's okay to take a break...I've been away too (mostly preoccupied with trying to stay on top of work), but I'm so grateful for this board. I hope that things continue in a positive trend overall for you @Jellybean71514‌

ikrystal · June 2014

It is ok to take a break. Sometimes we all need one. No apologies necessary. I'm sorry the wedding was hard for you. I feel the same way when I see pregnant women and I try to avoid them at all costs. You are not alone.

mmsweeney1 · June 2014

** ticker **

Glad you're back! It's always so much to deal with and something new always pops up. Maybe one day you're able to handle missing your baby, but then comes the fighting with your partner, etc. It really is a long road but hang in there!

Jellybean71514 · June 2014

Thank you ladies ... @ashtog‌ @LyndseyTS‌ @mmsweeney1‌ @ikrystal‌ - I am at work now and had a few moments but no complete meltdowns ..... seeing pregnant co workers, changing my calendar pages that was still left at the last date I was here before I lost Joseph and throwing away any what i consider 'pregnancy snacks' was probably the toughest but tomorrow will be a new day and hopefully a bit easier - it's all so much to take in as time goes on and you're trying to rejoin reality and get acclimated to a new normal, everyone one here at work is walking at regulated pace I'm just trying to fall into that pace now I guess with them- I think the arguing with DF lately is probably elevated because of our emotions and some stress but we have known each other over 20yrs so we are both committed to getting thru this together even when it gets ugly ..... thanks again for listening xo

TeamWinForever · June 2014

Good luck with the transition back to work. I went back last week myself, and while it hasn't been easy, I do think getting back into a somewhat normal routine can help. I agree that it's hard to go back and see everyone else is still the same, yet we are so changed. I still feel out of place at work, but I suspect it gets easier over time.

erinel · June 2014

Good luck back at work, I hope it is somewhat healing for you to be back in a routine.

And I hear you about seeing women about to pop, that is difficult for me too.

Jellybean71514 · June 2014

Thanks again for listening I do agree the routine of getting up and being back at working itself will help me xo

gracie5107 · June 2014

I'm glad that getting back to work sounds like it has gone as well as it could. I hope that continues and the routine helps you to feel more normal.

Also, I'm sorry about the wedding. Any big celebrations like that are hard for me too. I always think about what it should be like.

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