NBR: T&P please

TradeMama · June 2014

My mom was just diagnosed with uterine cancer. She will most likely come live with me since she lives 12 hours away. Does anyone have any advice on taking care of a sick parent? I'm feeling kind of lost.

caden1206 · June 2014

I am so sorry. Sending T&Ps.

c-elizabethf · June 2014

I'm so sorry

sending thoughts and prayers!

telicious2 · June 2014

So sorry to hear this! Maybe check out the American Cancer Society for information and numbers to call? Lots of Ts and Ps!

My stepdad died of lung cancer 9 years ago and my mom used Hospice when he was nearing the end.

Blueyed228 · June 2014

I dont have any experience taking care of a sick parent, but I have taken care of (terminally) sick relatives.

Your mom is lucky to have you and you are doing a great thing helping her while she gets treatment. The suggestions for support groups is a good one.

aintnoyuppiemom · June 2014

Thoughts and prayers.

My best advice is to make sure that you still set aside special time for you and your husband It is hard having family in your personal space and it is a lot of work taking care of sick family (depending on the extent of her needs). It is great what you are doing, but I know from personal experience (and I hope from my mistakes you can avoid it) that it is really important to make your Husband and kids feel important too once in awhile (and yourself). It looks like you will have a lot of help and I think I you will do great.

just so you know where I am coming from my grandfather lives with us he is in his mid 70's and over 300 pounds. He has diabetes and heart problems and goes to dialysis three times a week. Having sick family members takes it toll. Cooking special meals (that the rest of the family doesn't like) or cooking several options, being tired from driving to all the appts, getting the meds, and the cleaning. (cleaning might not be a big problem for you I just know my grandfather can be a slob. ie bloody bandages on floor, snotty tissues on floor, facial shavings on floor.)

I Hope things go smooth for you it will be a transition, but just know you are doing the right thing. Good luck and I hope your mom regains her health, and I am sorry that she is going through this.

TradeMama · June 2014

I had a hematologist/oncologist for my anemia while I was pregnant and my OB's husband is an oncologist. Thankfully, since DH is a physician I know a lot of doctors.

bhjones1980 · June 2014

I am so sorry to hear this, no advice to add to the great stuff that has already been posted.

aintnoyuppiemom · June 2014

I just re-read my suggestion a long with everyone else's, and of course they are correct about the support group and medical help. I know I did not touch on any of that, so I wanted to explain why. You already know you will do everything in your power to help your mom which is why you are already preparing for her to move in. Also these resources will be presented to you as you go through this process. They are great things to look into ahead of time and I am sorry I didn't add them in.

I suppose I didn't add those things in because the day to day care of a sick family member becomes a day to day routine. You know it must be done in order for their health and so you just do it. There isn't any real thought involved. You just do it because you have to.

I mentioned the other things because by the end of the day you are exhausted, and sometimes you feel defeated. And as much as you want to because you are a good daughter (like I hope I am a good granddaughter) you cannot make your whole life about this is illness. It will be hard to separate from it but on occasions you have to in order to have some normalcy in your life and for everyone around you to feel loved. I do not know if that makes any sense. But I know from personal experience that once in awhile I would make something for my grandfather for dinner and make sure he took his meds and insulin and was settle for at least a hour or two and I would make a special dinner for my husband watch a movie and just be us. I didn't do it all the time, and I made sure that my grandfather was taken care of too, but we needed couple time just like parents need couple time from their kids once in a while.

smg2302 · June 2014

Big creepy internet hugs are going your way!

My dad doesn't live with me, but growing up he was always very ill. As a result my mom took on every responsibility. IN a way it can be crippling to make assumptions about what the individual can and cannot do for themselves. The case manager reminds her that she needs to empower my dad and not do for him. I would try to make sure you are communicating well with your mom about her needs. Encourage her to be honest and let her guard down, but continue to do the things she is capable of and enjoys doing.

+1 to the support group ideas as well, but proceed with caution. Again, my mom went to some support groups for spouses od people with PTSD and most sessions turned into pain olympics instead of true support. Take what you can and don't feel badly about the cards you've been dealt.

Good luck, and I hope her treatment works!

TradeMama · June 2014

Thank you everyone for your thoughtful replies.

MauLoaM0M · June 2014

I'm so sorry. Many thoughts and prayers for you and your family.

CNJ4EVA · June 2014

So sorry to hear about your Mom's diagnosis. My mom is very sick with emphysema and COPD. She doesn't live with me, but I do her errands, shopping, cleaning, etc. She also suffers from skin ulcers, which I try to clean and dress for her daily. It can be very taxing, especially when you have your own kids, job, etc to deal with. You're such a caring person to take on her care. Parent or not, it's a lot to deal with. T and P's and lots of strength to you and your family! Edited to fix which parent you were referencing. Sorry about that.

Boo0512 · June 2014

Prayers for your mama and for you! Sorry that you are going through this

PumpkinAndThePeanut · June 2014

No advice, but thinking of you and your family.

pnutg · June 2014

Sending prayers for your mom and all of you.

snowgirl427 · June 2014

I'm so sorry to hear this and will keep your mom in my prayers. Here is my advice... Keep cognizant of your own abilities and get help in when needed (for you and your mom). This can take many different forms... For example, maybe you don't want to be spending time cleaning that you can instead spend with your mom, so you may have someone come clean a few times a week. Also, treatment can be a beast and you may find that through the course, it is simply to difficult to be the one providing all of her care. If that is the case, then get some home healthcare assistance. Just don't be afraid (or ashamed to ask for help). Her treatment will be tough for everyone. You will probably find yourself thinking "I just need to do this, I just need to do that". We (as women) tend to place so much of the responsibility as caretakers on ourselves and it will be very important to recognize that you can't do it all.

You (and your family) are embarking on a journey that will change you in ways you can't imagine. You are going to experience significant heartbreak along the way (even with a full recovery for your mom which I pray she will see). I absolutely agree with others to look for support groups... and also - not knowing your religious background - if you do have a religious belief, turn to that. In the fog it can often be difficult to remember that you aren't alone.

Sending you some hugs!

sundaesprinkles · June 2014

You have been given some great advice above. I don't have any experience with this, but just wanted to add that I'm sorry your mom, you, and your family are going through this. I hope she makes a full recovery. Big hugs to you!