UO Thursday

ohioloveyou · June 2014

After reading all this, I'm thinking my UO is that I am not a fan of the term, "brown people." I feel like that cheapens the wide range of ethnicities and cultures it ends up encompassing.

Raesofsunshine1 · June 2014

Nicb13 said:

ohioloveyou said:

After reading all this, I'm thinking my UO is that I am not a fan of the term, "brown people." I feel like that cheapens the wide range of ethnicities and cultures it ends up encompassing.

I shudder at that too.

What about the term "white people"? Wouldnt that be doing the same thing?

ohioloveyou · June 2014

I guess you could say that. Although I think historically the term "white" has been associated with privilege that just isn't associated with "brown" the same way. I think maybe that's whats bugging me. It's hard to dissect, but I'm just not a fan of the term.

MrsL2B · June 2014

One of the reasons I've come up with for being excited about having a boy is that now my husband will have someone to make fart jokes with. Because, you know, we girls never find that stuff funny.

staryb · June 2014

mcclan03 said:

I think profiling should be part of the standard security practices at airports, train stations, etc. My DH and I fly often, and it drives me crazy to see the incredibly inefficient, wasteful, and often useless practices the TSA follows, paid for by our tax dollars.

The way I think of it is: if I lived in, say, Saudi Arabia, and suddenly short blonde women in their 30s started crashing planes into buildings and regularly trying to terrorize large groups of innocent people in that country, I would absolutely expect to start getting pulled out of line and asked a few questions every time I tried to board a plane in Saudi Arabia from then on.

I am socially liberal about just about everything else in this world, but IMO this country's security procedures place far too much emphasis on political correctness and not nearly enough on common sense and proven success (case study: Israel).

OK, first off I actually do see where you're coming from here but this is not ok! I think PPs have covered this pretty thoroughly but I have a more personal story to share to explain my point of view. I have a cousin who married an Arab man and as a result I have family from Saudi Arabia who I love dearly. After 911 my first thoughts were of them as I knew that some of them were in the US, I was terrified that because of racial profiling that someone might bully or even really hurt them. Upon expressing this to some of my friends one of them was even ignorant enough to ask me for where they lived so he could joke about going after them, I was furious!

A couple of years later my other cousin who still lived there flew in to visit us. I believe he was planning on tacking a taxi to leave the airport because no one was there to pick him up. Airport security detained him based only on his ethnicity and locked him in a room for hours until his mom came to pick him up personally. His skin isn't even that dark, he honestly looks more Caucasian than Arabian and was born in the US making him a citizen in both countries but because his home country is Saudi Arabia and his name is very ethnic they saw him as a threat. Thank God he was cooperative and there were no further actions taken.

russinangl · June 2014

youngin12 said:

My (probably very around TB) UO is DH and I will prefer for our children to go to private school.

My DH went to private school starting in 3rd grade and and I went to public plus teach in public so it is a huge debate in our household

MorganWP · June 2014

russinangl said:

youngin12 said:

My (probably very around TB) UO is DH and I will prefer for our children to go to private school.

My DH went to private school starting in 3rd grade and and I went to public plus teach in public so it is a huge debate in our household

It hasn't really been brought up yet because DD is barely a year old. But I'm dreading the private vs public debate that I know will probably come up. SO went to catholic private school and I went to public school.

persephonerose · June 2014

I live in Texas and while reading this I was looking out my window wondering which if you live next to me and are judging my yard. LOL

Also living in Texas I am stuck with idiots who believe in "therapy" for homosexuality. I wish we would become a blue state, and quickly.

I don't plan to buy much pink because I know family will. I am not opposed to it, but they are all excited to buy pink. So I am going to stick to the other colors. I also let my son wear pink and play with "girl" toys.

I don't even know where to go with the profiling stuff. My children will be Irish/Spanish and I constantly worry about what it will be like for them. DS1 is very pale and I feel awful that I hope he and the twins look "white" so maybe he wont have to be faced with those issues. (Should have been a confession for Friday). Being white myself I have never had to deal with profiling like that and I don't know how I would teach them about such a complicated subject.

ss265 · June 2014

persephonerose said:

I live in Texas and while reading this I was looking out my window wondering which if you live next to me and are judging my yard. LOL

Also living in Texas I am stuck with idiots who believe in "therapy" for homosexuality. I wish we would become a blue state, and quickly.

I don't plan to buy much pink because I know family will. I am not opposed to it, but they are all excited to buy pink. So I am going to stick to the other colors. I also let my son wear pink and play with "girl" toys.

I don't even know where to go with the profiling stuff. My children will be Irish/Spanish and I constantly worry about what it will be like for them. DS1 is very pale and I feel awful that I hope he and the twins look "white" so maybe he wont have to be faced with those issues. (Should have been a confession for Friday). Being white myself I have never had to deal with profiling like that and I don't know how I would teach them about such a complicated subject.

@persephonerose, FWIW, I am a "brown" person and it's been at least 10 years since I was pulled aside for additional security checks (I can only remember it happening once and then they just searched my bag and it was a couple of years after 9/11). I am not even a U.S. citizen and even when traveling internationally, they have never detained me for any reason. I really don't think profiling occurs as frequently as people seem to think it does. DS looks a lot like me and I have never once worried about him having problems traveling.

persephonerose · June 2014

@ss265 I think most of my fear stem from having a racist Mom. She still stays things like "those" people. I keep telling her that when she says that she means my son. She says he doesn't count, that he looks white. It just makes me sad that people still think that way you know?

ss265 · June 2014

persephonerose said:

@ss265 I think most of my fear stem from having a racist Mom. She still stays things like "those" people. I keep telling her that when she says that she means my son. She says he doesn't count, that he looks white. It just makes me sad that people still think that way you know?

Yup, I know. My Mom will sometimes say things like that too and it drives me nuts when she makes generalizations based on someone's race. Maybe I'm naive but I have never had to deal with overt racist treatment from people - I feel that you can avoid hanging around people like that. I live in Texas but in the DFW area which is pretty diverse so I don't usually come across people who treat me differently based on my race.

I honestly feel that I dealt with a lot more racism in my home country - people like to categorize you based on race and there are race related government policies, job discrimination, etc. It is the main reason why I don't live there anymore although I feel guilty about living so far away from my family.

persephonerose · June 2014

@ss265 I am sorry you have to be so far from your family. That must be really hard.

atraveller · June 2014

ss265 said:

hgielrebmik said:

My seemingly UO in todays society is that I think marriage is a lifelong committment. I think to many people go into marriage thinking its until one of us changes our mind. Marriage is hard work, but if something is broken, you fix it, not run away. It seems to me that not taking DHs last name seems like a lack of committment, or a way to make a divorce easier. You can call me old fashioned...I just don't get it.
Yes, you are old fashioned. Just like I don't judge you for changing your name, I would appreciate you not judging me for keeping my maiden name. It has nothing to do with my commitment to my marriage.

I'm kind of in agreement here. I don't think there should be judgement on keeping maiden name or taking husband's name. It's simply a matter of choice and has nothing to do with commitment. I kept my maiden name for three reasons - 1. It's a great last name and even my DH thinks mine is better than his

; 2. Everyone in my professional world knows it and tough sometimes when you change it. 3. - Such a pain to change - SS#, bank accounts, insurance, email addresses, etc.... I just haven't had that kind of time. I might change it at some point - but probably not. I go by hyphenated sometimes and often I call myself Mrs. DH's last name and sure I may do that when my Lo gets into school, just for convenience sake. My sister-in-law did the same thing - she goes by her husband's last name in a lot of circumstances but legally kept her maiden. In the end, it's a small thing and not something any of us need to be judged about.

atraveller · June 2014

Nicb13 said:

BreandMikewedding said:

Jennifer18131 said:

I don't like iced tea. Living in South Louisiana, when someone finds out, you'd think I shot their mother.

Come sit next to me. I'm also a Southerner and hate sweet tea. It tastes like nasty sugar water to me.
I love iced tea! Love it! I have an iced tea maker and I have two pitchers in my fridge at all times. I don't like sweet tea though. It isn't very popular in az. When I lived in Florida I had to get used to sweet tea being more common.

We are Arnold Palmer lovers (iced tea/lemonade combo). That shit is delicious. Straight up iced tea? Yuck.

I've lived in south and north - so had both iced tea and sweet tea - I prefer it straight up - but then add a little of my own sweetness to it - the problem with sweet tea - at least in a lot of the places I always went to was it had like a gallon of sugar. I prefer lemonade anyways!

hgielrebmik · June 2014

atraveller said:

ss265 said:

hgielrebmik said:

My seemingly UO in todays society is that I think marriage is a lifelong committment. I think to many people go into marriage thinking its until one of us changes our mind. Marriage is hard work, but if something is broken, you fix it, not run away. It seems to me that not taking DHs last name seems like a lack of committment, or a way to make a divorce easier. You can call me old fashioned...I just don't get it.
Yes, you are old fashioned. Just like I don't judge you for changing your name, I would appreciate you not judging me for keeping my maiden name. It has nothing to do with my commitment to my marriage.

I'm kind of in agreement here. I don't think there should be judgement on keeping maiden name or taking husband's name. It's simply a matter of choice and has nothing to do with commitment. I kept my maiden name for three reasons - 1. It's a great last name and even my DH thinks mine is better than his

; 2. Everyone in my professional world knows it and tough sometimes when you change it. 3. - Such a pain to change - SS#, bank accounts, insurance, email addresses, etc.... I just haven't had that kind of time. I might change it at some point - but probably not. I go by hyphenated sometimes and often I call myself Mrs. DH's last name and sure I may do that when my Lo gets into school, just for convenience sake. My sister-in-law did the same thing - she goes by her husband's last name in a lot of circumstances but legally kept her maiden. In the end, it's a small thing and not something any of us need to be judged about.

Why is everyone allowed an opinion unless its a conservative opinion. Then suddenly we are judgemental for making a generalized opinion. I wasn't judging anyone, I don't even know you. I simply said I don't understand it. Marriage is two people becoming one unit. I didn't mean to come off as judgemental, simply that to me, taking my husband's last name was a no brainer. I also don't understand why some married couples keep their finances separate....who am I judging now?

LightBright515 · June 2014

I'm not against gay marriage.

I'm "brown" and I enjoy being able to get through security sans harassment.

I usually go out of my way to park where no other cars are located. The way people feel about parking next to SUVs/Trucks is how I feel parking next to minivans. Kids will kill your car doors!

Private school is popular where I live for preschool. Our public school system in my county is top notch! I started at private school.

2goingon3 · June 2014

ohioloveyou said:
After reading all this, I'm thinking my UO is that I am not a fan of the term, "brown people." I feel like that cheapens the wide range of ethnicities and cultures it ends up encompassing.

My mom's of south Asian decent, I refer to myself as "half brown" all the time (my dad's white). It's cool, I don't mind being referred to in that way, and neither does anyone else I know (of course I can't speak for everyone). We have a large south Asian population where I live, so it's pretty common for me to get asked if I speak punjabi and for me to reply "no, I'm only half brown".

I'm also pleased I don't get hassled at airports. Thank you TSA for not assuming I'm a terrorist because of my awesome natural tan.

I have no problem with pink for girls and blue for boys because they're both readily available, and I don't think it has any effect on their personalities. Gender isn't defined by a color.

I forget what the rest were, so I probably don't have an opinion on them.

archi35 · June 2014

theresat858 said:

This thread got all crazy and long.

I fart in front of DH. I used to blame it on the dog (not always, but sometimes). Sometimes now I blame it on DD.

I couldn't wait to change my name when I got married. I now have a last name that everyone can spell and even if I do have to spell it out, I can spell it once and they get it...common English words as a last name FTW. My maiden name is now my legal middle name and I still use it professionally, but it is cumbersome. I'm going to encourage DD to use my mom's maiden name as her mom's maiden name for security purposes. Mine is not worth the trouble of trying to spell it over the phone and have someone get it right.

I do think its idiotic when TSA spends time making the 75-year old man with a broken arm take off his shoe in case its a bomb.

Coming in the next morning as usual to the spin off

You summarized my responses perfectly here - 'nuff said for me.

ss265 · June 2014

hgielrebmik said:

ss265 said:

hgielrebmik said:

My seemingly UO in todays society is that I think marriage is a lifelong committment. I think to many people go into marriage thinking its until one of us changes our mind. Marriage is hard work, but if something is broken, you fix it, not run away. It seems to me that not taking DHs last name seems like a lack of committment, or a way to make a divorce easier. You can call me old fashioned...I just don't get it.
Yes, you are old fashioned. Just like I don't judge you for changing your name, I would appreciate you not judging me for keeping my maiden name. It has nothing to do with my commitment to my marriage.
I'm kind of in agreement here. I don't think there should be judgement on keeping maiden name or taking husband's name. It's simply a matter of choice and has nothing to do with commitment. I kept my maiden name for three reasons - 1. It's a great last name and even my DH thinks mine is better than his ; 2. Everyone in my professional world knows it and tough sometimes when you change it. 3. - Such a pain to change - SS#, bank accounts, insurance, email addresses, etc.... I just haven't had that kind of time. I might change it at some point - but probably not. I go by hyphenated sometimes and often I call myself Mrs. DH's last name and sure I may do that when my Lo gets into school, just for convenience sake. My sister-in-law did the same thing - she goes by her husband's last name in a lot of circumstances but legally kept her maiden. In the end, it's a small thing and not something any of us need to be judged about.
Why is everyone allowed an opinion unless its a conservative opinion. Then suddenly we are judgemental for making a generalized opinion. I wasn't judging anyone, I don't even know you. I simply said I don't understand it. Marriage is two people becoming one unit. I didn't mean to come off as judgemental, simply that to me, taking my husband's last name was a no brainer. I also don't understand why some married couples keep their finances separate....who am I judging now?

Saying that not taking your DH's last name means that you are less committed to your marriage IS judgmental. If you had just said that you don't understand why someone wouldn't take their husband's last name and stopped there, it would have been one thing but you went one step further. Lots of other women here had the same opinion as you but none of them were accused of being judgmental.

ss265 · June 2014

persephonerose said:

@ss265 I am sorry you have to be so far from your family. That must be really hard.

@persephonerose, you're sweet but I've lived away from them for 15 years now and I'm used to it. Having DS did change things a little and it hurts that my Mom is much closer to her other grandchildren than she would be to DS but I try not to dwell on it since I could never move back there. (I don't really want to and DH refuses to move so far away from his family).

wildflower75 · June 2014

@persephonerose said:
I don't even know where to go with the profiling stuff. My children will be Irish/Spanish and I constantly worry about what it will be like for them. DS1 is very pale and I feel awful that I hope he and the twins look "white" so maybe he wont have to be faced with those issues. (Should have been a confession for Friday). Being white myself I have never had to deal with profiling like that and I don't know how I would teach them about such a complicated subject.

@ss265 said:
@persephonerose, FWIW, I am a "brown" person and it's been at least 10 years since I was pulled aside for additional security checks (I can only remember it happening once and then they just searched my bag and it was a couple of years after 9/11). I am not even a U.S. citizen and even when traveling internationally, they have never detained me for any reason. I really don't think profiling occurs as frequently as people seem to think it does. DS looks a lot like me and I have never once worried about him having problems traveling.

Ummm @ss265 just because YOU haven't been profiled doesn't mean that it doesn't occur as frequently as people seem to think it does. It also depends on where you live and where you are flying to. Racial profiling happens all over the place (not just airports) FREQUENTLY!! You mentioned you live in the DFW area where it is pretty diverse... I'm in NYC and that's about as diverse as it can get and I am sure I can get 100 people everyday to tell you they have been racially profiled! Don't ever think just because it hasn't happened to you in the past 10 years it doesn't happen as frequently as people think!!!

ss265 · June 2014

wildflower75 said:

@persephonerose said:
I don't even know where to go with the profiling stuff. My children will be Irish/Spanish and I constantly worry about what it will be like for them. DS1 is very pale and I feel awful that I hope he and the twins look "white" so maybe he wont have to be faced with those issues. (Should have been a confession for Friday). Being white myself I have never had to deal with profiling like that and I don't know how I would teach them about such a complicated subject.

@ss265 said:
@persephonerose, FWIW, I am a "brown" person and it's been at least 10 years since I was pulled aside for additional security checks (I can only remember it happening once and then they just searched my bag and it was a couple of years after 9/11). I am not even a U.S. citizen and even when traveling internationally, they have never detained me for any reason. I really don't think profiling occurs as frequently as people seem to think it does. DS looks a lot like me and I have never once worried about him having problems traveling.

Ummm @ss265 just because YOU haven't been profiled doesn't mean that it doesn't occur as frequently as people seem to think it does. It also depends on where you live and where you are flying to. Racial profiling happens all over the place (not just airports) FREQUENTLY!! You mentioned you live in the DFW area where it is pretty diverse... I'm in NYC and that's about as diverse as it can get and I am sure I can get 100 people everyday to tell you they have been racially profiled! Don't ever think just because it hasn't happened to you in the past 10 years it doesn't happen as frequently as people think!!!

Good point. I was just pointing out that not every single tan person gets pulled aside for additional checks.

JessAnnJ · June 2014

Emerald27 said:
I was married at 22 immediately out of college, and without having established my name professionally or something. I was THRILLED to change my name to DH's!!! For me, it's just part of the "two becoming one" thing...a last name is your family name, and you're joining DH's family.

Same, except I was several years older and had already obtained a professional degree. I was thrilled to change my name and be announced as DH's last name and I'm proud to have DH's name. I dropped my middle name and made my maiden name my middle name so there wouldn't be any confusion when I was originally applying for jobs, but I don't write out my full name anymore. I have a much higher salary and DH does most of the cooking and cleaning so we don't exactly fit the gender stereotype mold, but the name thing is just something that I didn't even consider not doing.

I'm curious in what areas this is not what the majority of people do? I know that not everyone does it, and I don't care either way if other people change their name, but it has pretty much been the norm with people I know and I've lived in the Northeast and currently live in the Southeast.

What I do not like is when things are addressed to Mr. and Mrs. John Smith. Not DHs name or my last name but just an example. I get that it shortens things, but it really rubs me the wrong way for some reason.

JessAnnJ · June 2014

@MorganWP‌ - you can make your middle name whatever you want. You do not need three or even two. You can drop the others. Not saying that you need to do that, just wanted you to know it's an option. I replaced my original middle name with my maiden name.

[Deleted User] · June 2014

I took my DH's last name because maybe I am a little old-fashioned and traditional. But so what? I don't think being old-fashioned is such a bad thing. It's a pretty harmless practice, imo.

DH's sister is a big-time feminist, so she kept her maiden name. She also didn't have her dad walk her down the aisle on her wedding day because the whole "man giving away his daughter to another man" idea is offensive to her. I have nothing against her viewpoints, however as another PP said, if you only keep it as a statement of feminism it really doesn't make that much sense, since your maiden name is your father's name. And his father's name. And his father's and so on. Unless you just make up a new surname with your spouse, and start your family under this new name, then I guess you could consider yourself truly free of the whole patriarchy thing.

TheOtherJacobsons · June 2014

I don't have a particular affinity to my father, so I was more than happy to get rid of my last name. Had I thought about it earlier in life, I would have considered changing my name to my mother's maiden name, especially since my Grandfather was the closest thing I had to a father growing up and he lived across the country.

My H and I have separate finances and a joint account for joint expenses like mortgage, bills, etc. We even take turns taking each other out to dinner. We lived together for 8 years before we got married and were an equal partnership, so that pretty much stuck after we got married. The only difference being that we then opened a joint account.

My H did ask my mother for my hand since he's old fashioned and I really think it was rather romantic. I didn't have my father at my wedding, but I did ask my mother to walk me down the isle. It was a way for me to show respect to her for raising me on her own. I didn't want for there to be any "who gives this woman" stuff though because I do feel that this is an archaic custom that doesn't enforce equality in a relationship, so she walked me down the isle, hugged me and then DH, and went to her seat.

I don't think much of what anyone else chooses to do. Take a name, don't take it, have a traditional marriage/wedding, or a contemporary one. I would take offense if someone judged me for my decisions, so I really don't think it's a good use of my energy to judge someone else for theirs. I am not referring to extreme circumstances though. I do have some issues with how women are treated in other cultures and religions, but that's a topic for a whole other discussion.

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