Question about celebrating Fathers Day/Mothers Day

sundaesprinkles · June 2014

I have a question for y'all and I'm hoping I can word this without sounding like a :bz

Before DH and I became parents, we of course tried to visit all of our parents on their respective holidays. DHs parents are divorced and remarried, so we have three sets of parents. Things got a little more complicated when we got married and moved 50 miles away from everyone six years ago, but it wasn't that bad because it was just us and of course back then the day was all about them so of course we wanted to visit them.

Well ever since we had DS I feel like those holidays are ours now too. We get them a card and a gift and send them in the mail. And we also call them on the actual day. But I really don't think we need to run around to all three sets of parents anymore. Right now DS doesn't understand these holidays yet so we don't do much to celebrate, but it's important to me to spend the day together as a family and I just think it's easier to start this precedent from the beginning.

Well this is the second year in a row of this change and my mom still keeps asking me if we're coming over for Mother's/Father's day. I feel bad but I feel confident in my choice. DH's parents have not said anything negative about this.

Do y'all celebrate with just your DH and kid/s or do you do something with your parents/in-laws on these holidays? My grandparents died when I was young so I don't know how my parents would have handled things.

sundaesprinkles · June 2014

That's the thing though. On average I would say we see my parents every two weeks. My mom is just super needy with me and wants to see me all the time. My dad is kind of an oddball and doesn't do much with her except go out to eat. She hasn't worked since I was born and she doesn't have any friends, so she gets lonely. Before I got married we did everything together. Now I always feel guilty, but I have my own family now and my own traditions I want to start.

Blueyed228 · June 2014

We usually host a BBQ for fathers day for our family.

This year for Mothers Day my sister and I took my mother out on Monday for a nice day with all the kids.

beatlechicksteph · June 2014

We live nowhere near our family right now, so we just celebrate just us. When we do move, my family is still nowhere near us, but we'll probably do Mother's Day with MIL, and FIL passed away this year, so Father's Day will always be a little hard I think.

sundaesprinkles · June 2014

I guess I feel like it's too hard too see all three of them in one day, and if I go see just my parents DH will get butthurt about it. (He constantly keeps score.) Our two families only get together for special occasions (I.e. Our wedding, showers, DS's first birthday) so it would be weird to combine them together. Plus It wouldn't work with DHs parents being divorced anyway.

So we see no one, and my mom guilt trips me. Sorry this more like a vent than a question I guess. I just wanted to see if it was normal to want to celebrate with just us.

CNJ4EVA · June 2014

Once the time comes for you to celebrate the holidays yourself, my opinion is that it's understandable to want to do that.

We try to include our parents in the celebrations, but it's easier because everyone is local. When push comes to shove though, I don't think any apologies need to be made for wanting to celebrate with your own little family.

smg2302 · June 2014

tricia560 said:

My mom was needy when I first moved away from home and wanted me to drive home for every major holiday (500 miles!). When I was single, I would do it as often as my work schedule allowed, but when DH and I got serious, I had a chat with her. In our case, I was able to point out that growing up we didn't go see HER parents for every holiday, and that was because we liked to have time together as a family unit. She hadn't wrapped her head around the fact that I was in the process of forming my OWN family unit as an adult, and that means change. It just does. In my opinion, it should, especially once there are kids involved.

So much this. We live 4 hrs from my family and 1.5 hrs from DH's. This year we did mother's day just the three of us. We're lucky because I'm an only child, so my parents are willing to come to where the events are happening. When DH and I were only dating and I wanted to spend some of the holiday's with in-laws, they had a hard time with it, but once we got engaged it was acceptable. We're considering, in the future, for larger holidays renting a large house where we can all stay and enjoy the holidays together rather than compartmentalizing, but that's more for Christmas, Thanksgiving, etc. I think in this case it is totally reasonable to want to be with DH and LO. Maybe offer her a makeup day where you do stuff just the two of you?

john5111 · June 2014

I totally get where youre coming from...DHs fam lives over 3 hours away and mine an hour away..before LO we have been going to both for every holiday.. and no not for mothers/fathers day typically.. I would never attempt that. haha For major holidays I want to try alternating but well see if we ever get there.. its too much running around and I feel like we dont have the time to enjoy it. I always get so stressed over the holidays and trying to please everyone! I need to stop! LOL

aintnoyuppiemom · June 2014

This year my DS's birthday fell on mother's day. So I really just wanted it be mine and his day. Well DH slept in until noon and then we had to go see his mom ( I didn't mind at first we bought flowers and cards so I figure a half hour each mom would be plenty and then we could go out to dinner the three of us.) Then his family decided to all go out to dinner with us. So then when we finally got home I spent an hour with my mom. So I do not care what my husband wants for fathers day his butt is getting dragged to lunch with my dad and dinner with his. I didn't get to relax, neither does he.

So my personal opinion is the same as yours mail them a gift and call (or maybe do something the day before or after.) but I do not see why it cannot be about your family now.

bumpuser8130818 · June 2014

Now that these are our holidays to celebrate as well, our parents don't expect the day to be about them. If we do plan something with them, it's not on the actual day (but usually on the Saturday before). For us, these are special days to spend with DS and not so much about our parents anymore. We do get them nice gifts and cards, but we don't feel the need to spend the day with them.

blush64 · June 2014

Woth my ex we split the day because we lived so close to everyone. I was alone for so long that we just celebrated with my family. My husband does not celebrate with family and at this point we don't do very much together. I do stoll visit my family.

I want to always keep it simple.

MAdams728 · June 2014

Any type of holiday has been a battle for our entire marriage, and now it is even worse.

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