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October 2013 Moms
Jalee85
member
IUD - DH is worried about it
Jalee85
member
So my DH is pretty useless with care of D. He absolutely refused to take her our of the car seat yesterday. He claims that he is afraid he is going to hurt her. He is a big guy but he needs to get over it.
I was initially thinking of trying for baby #2 at the end of summer. However, with DH being such a child, 2 under 2 would be crazy.
I told him that D will have to be old enough for him to care of, before we start trying again. He was cool with this. Then I mentioned I wanted to get an IUD, and he voiced a fear that it may not be reversable.
Has anyone else's DH voiced a similar fear. I can't do conventional medicated birth control, because of my blood clotting disorder. So my options are basically either condoms or a IUD.
If I remember right I think there is a small risk right?
FWIW, I know DH is a supreme douche canoe. I am very disappointed in him. I understand his fear, but she almost 8 months old now...smh
I wouldn't be surprised to have a CV sighting...lol
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I was initially thinking of trying for baby #2 at the end of summer. However, with DH being such a child, 2 under 2 would be crazy.
I told him that D will have to be old enough for him to care of, before we start trying again. He was cool with this. Then I mentioned I wanted to get an IUD, and he voiced a fear that it may not be reversable.
Has anyone else's DH voiced a similar fear. I can't do conventional medicated birth control, because of my blood clotting disorder. So my options are basically either condoms or a IUD.
If I remember right I think there is a small risk right?
FWIW, I know DH is a supreme douche canoe. I am very disappointed in him. I understand his fear, but she almost 8 months old now...smh
I wouldn't be surprised to have a CV sighting...lol
Picture for your time
April2014 Siggy Challenge - Bunnies
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Re: IUD - DH is worried about it
On the IUD- paraguard (non-medicated/copper) has been around a long time. I have heard of someone getting pregnant with it inserted, but have not heard of infertility happening with any of our patients. I worked in women's healthcare for 8 years.
@stefmurph glad to hear that you never ran across any problems.
Got an IUD 6 weeks after dd1. Had it in for 5 1/2 years. Had it removed and used condoms until we were ready to try again. Conceived dd2 the first month we tried. No problems here!
This.
I have no interest in being a single parent. Especially to two under two. It seems like he is completely failing to live up to his end of the parenting stick, so I certainly wouldn't do anything (especially unprotected sex) to bring more children into such a lopsided family dynamic. Tell him to freakish step it up. The "oh, I might hurt her" thing is just a lazy, uneducated excuse...
I didn't grow up with a father. So I was totally abandoned as a young kid. He is still not in my life. I've told him that he needs to spend time with her. So every day when he comes home from work he holds her and plays with her.
The down side to this is that if she fries instead of figuring out a way to soothe her himself. He hands her back to me. The way he hold her doesn't seem natural. He doesn't try to change things to keep her happy. I want to help him get better, but I don't want to criticize the ONLY thing he does.
He really isn't home that often. I do hope that he will be better once she is older. However, I do fear that there will always be a new excuse.
I'm not sure how to "force" him to do anything. Do I refuse to change my daughters diapers. What if he just doesn't change her.
I could just leave the house. Stay away all day, but he is only home during the day on Sundays. I fear it will just turn into an argument. It may be my only option though.
I was just wondering if anyone else's spouses were concerned about using an IUD.
Edit- push hit to soob
I'm going to ask because I haven't seen it addressed. Is there some sort of history with your husband as to why he's uncomfortable with Delaney? DH and I went through stages with Callie. At first he didn't want to feed her because she wouldn't latch on the the bottle right away for him, then once I showed him, his new excuse was he was worried about her choking. Now he will feed her a bottle, but is uncomfortable when she gags when she eats food pieces. But I'm slowly teaching him and reassuring his actions. He doesn't change poopy diapers, but he has to clean up chunky vomit because I don't do vomit very well. It's slowly getting better, but he had a breakdown of he was afraid he was going to hurt her, drop her, etc. I told him she's going to get hurt, she's not a china doll and I needed his help. I hope you can talk with him or encourage him to help you more.
As far as the IUD, I wouldn't be too concerned about he infertility aspect. It is a small risk, but has been a safe, effective bcm for years.
DH is a big boy with a ton of muscles. He literally wrestles cows all year round. I think that he has a fear of being to strong. A good example is he won't have sex with him on top. He is afraid he is going to hurt me. So as ridiculous as it all sounds. I do think he has a legitimate fear of hurting D and myself. He has also never gotten into an altercation in fear of losing his cool and forgetting to hold back. So I feel there is an issue. I wish there was a way to address it. To help solve these issues.
Once again none of these are good excuses I was just answering @StefMurph 's question. He has always been fearful of being to strong and hurting somebody.
"He has also never gotten into an altercation in fear of losing his cool and forgetting to hold back"- Not much needs to be said about this.
Worried about an IUD causing future infertility? Wants to have another child but doesn't care to help with his first? It sounds like he wants to control you and make sure he can keep you needing him in the future. If you only have one kid, it's easier for you to leave.
You don't have to respond, but this is raising all sorts of abuse/manipulation red flags.
I hope that's not the case. Get an IUD, stat. You don't need to procreate with someone like this again.
Francesca Pearl is here! Josephine Hope is almost 3!
If leaving her with him for a few hours is an option, try it. Maybe an hour first, then two then four, etc until he gets more comfortable. Esp now that crying for more than 3 minutes isnt akin to torture for the LO's. He has to be able to care for her, she has to know she can count on him and that starts early.
I am on my second mirena. Risks are minimal and from everything I've read/heard/experienced the reproductive system bounces back quickly. We believe it took about 5 months between accidental falling out (outside influences helped, its rare.) And getting pregnant with A.
do it.
I would sure hope that he would step up if I was gone. I don't think he would completely neglect her. Although, if she popped and he thought "well she will be home soon" I'm guessing he would wait.
Maybe I should suggest counseling. I know that he will think it's ridiculous, but perhaps it will make him realize that I'm serious.
I'm a SAHM and I love to take care of my daughter. However, I still shouldn't have to do it all.
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I was specifically asked what I thought the issue was. I answered the question that was asked of me. These are his reasonings not mine. His excuses not mine.
1. My definition of neglect would not be the same as DCFS would consider neglect. He's never taken care of her therefore I have no clue what he would do.
2. I didn't know guys could get PPA. Something to consider.
3. He enjoys what he knows of Fatherhood.
4. I'm not sure what to say on that one. We do not split child duties. Does that equal unhealthy? I said I didn't want to get into a heated argument because I get to emotional to quick. We do have discussions.
To answer your original question, no my DH doesn't care what type of BC I use as long as he gets the sex.
Ygpm