Can I open a can of worms?

narabug · June 2014

Ok, I know this is a bit of a controversial topic, but I really need opinions from both sides. And I've seen how you ladies can (generally) keep things very polite during discussions of controversial topics.

We're having a boy and now we have to decide whether or not to circumcise. We know a bit about both sides of the argument, but not enough to really come to a decision. DH told me what he knew about it, gave his "opinion" (basically he sees both sides and doesn't have one) and said it's up to me.

Help?

NavyFlyer · June 2014

I'm sure there are many reasons not to, but I am going to. I kid you not, my sisters husband (31 years old) just had to have an adult circumcision because of recurring infections. It was humiliating and extremely painful for him.

Not saying this happens to everyone. I have zero idea on statistics or research. Just saying my only experience with it is watching that poor man have to go through that at his age.

ETA: Non-circ folks please don't yell at me for saying this lol. It's just my personal experience, I realize you might have many many arguments to prove this to be a stupid point. Still happened though haha.

TheOtherJacobsons · June 2014

This was an OU a few months back... and it didn't go so well. Both DH and I are for no circumcision.

I think this is supremely unfair of him to put this on you. I would personally spend some time understanding why you don't really have an opinion either way. I kind of feel like people who are not for circumcision feel strongly about it, whereas people who are for it either don't really have an opinion or also feel strongly about it. Circumcision is definitely the norm, but that is changing. I think the statistic is something around 40% of men in the US are uncircumcised (don't quote me). I have really not heard a good enough argument to get me to change my mind.

I am going to leave it at that. I don't feel like getting in another fight about it.

saraheh007 · June 2014

We chose not to circumcise our son because the arguments "for" weren't convincing enough. But as others ahave said, this is a personal decision that you and your husband will have to make for your son. You have plenty of time to do your own research and decide what you think is best. And I guarantee as our due dates get closer, this conversation will repeat itself on the board!

ETA - spelling

MorganWP · June 2014

We discussed this when I was pregnant with DD, before we found out it was a girl. This time we did again a little more indepth now that we're having a boy.

I left the final decision up to my SO because I felt, as a woman, I wouldnt be able to know what it would be like to clean/have a penis.

That said, we've decided to not circumcise. My SO isnt and he doesnt think its a necessary thing to do.

I would say that it depends on what the father has. If he's cut then he probably wouldnt know how to teach a son to take care of his if he wasnt. If that makes sense.

wildflower75 · June 2014

I have a friend that has a 13 year old son and for the past 3 years he has been begging her to get circumcised so that he can "look like everyone else". I am not sure if there is something going on in locker room (he plays a lot of sports) or what but all I know is that he really wants it.
Hearing that broke my heart.

But even before her story I always knew that I would circumcise. That being said, I don't know if I could be there when it happens - that might be a solo mission for DH

atraveller · June 2014

Admittedly, I don't know much about both sides of the argument, so won't offer you an opinion as I do think its a personal decision. I come from a Jewish background - though I'm non-practicing, but because of that I kind of always figured if it was a boy we'd circumcise (but without the whole ritual that my culture follows- as I don't believe in having a whole ceremony around it). My DH is not Jewish but is circumcised and we both agreed if it was a boy we'd circumcise in the hospital.

All above said, your post inspired me to read some of the arguments and I can say - both are compelling, so I'd go with what you feel in your heart you want to do and forget what anyone else says.

AppleGrapeMSTK · June 2014

We circumcised DS1 and will with DS2. I brought it up with my OB, and he was very pro-circ. He stated that odds of contracting HIV through sex acts was significantly decreased if the man was cut.

My OB did not cite sources, so I can't prove anything.

lilmissfancy · June 2014

We decided we are getting our son circumcised for appearance purposes. I am dreading the healing process afterward because I don't want him in pain.

vrj0522 · June 2014

We decided to circumcise DS and if we have any other boys we will do the same. There are a few medical/health benefits to circumcision per the AAP, however, I feel that the decision to circumcise is mostly based on religious, social, and cultural reasons and that's why it's so 50/50 in the U.S.

Here is something you can read on the benefits of circumcision… I'm sure someone else will provide something on the reasons not to circumcise.

https://www.mayoclinic.org/tests-procedures/circumcision/basics/why-its-done/prc-20013585

lrobi13 · June 2014

We are going to circumcise. I have read some of the pros and cons but ultimately that was a choice that made by Dh and myself .

Bebelove0947 · June 2014

This topic hasn't came up this time around yet, but I'm assuming that we will circumcise DS2. We did with DS1 and although DH and I discussed it last time, I ultimately left the decision up to DH. As a female I don't feel I could really understand one way or another. I can do the research and ask the questions but it's not something I will have to deal with personally. DH understands this topic much better and will have to deal with it in the future with both boys.

Do the research, ask the questions, talk to DH about his thoughts and feelings about it and come to a decision based on what you guys feel is best for your son.

lct2008 · June 2014

I am probably the worst example- we were going to circumcise but were self pay and I did not have $800 to shell out. Alas ds is uncircumcised. I am happy with the decision though and understand why many feel it is unnecessary and many feel the need to do it. I think it's a really personal decision. We are religious and that was one of my main reasons/ desires to circumcise but the more I researched the more I saw modern circumcisions aren't even the same thing/procedure as in the Bible. The only thing I am worried about is like the story a pp wrote about needing a circumcision later in life for certain complications. So this probably is no help and is just be rambling but I figured Id give my input

Runninggal28 · June 2014

I see both sides of the argument and I think we are going to circumcise but mainly because DH would prefer it. We haven't made the final decision yet but that is what we are leaning towards. Besides it not being medically necessary, I currently live in Australia and they do not circumcise in the hospital. From my understanding, it is an elective procedure done later that we would have to pay for (around $600). Also, in the EU they do not circumcise in the hospital either so most males from there are not circumcised. I am not 100% sure on this statistic, but I think the US is one of the few nations who still perform routine circumcisions. I can definitely see the rate of circumcision declining in the coming years.

[Deleted User] · June 2014

I'm kind of in the same boat here, OP. We're having a boy and this circumcision decision has been tugging at my brain since we found out. I was almost hoping for a girl just so I wouldn't have to think about this! Haha.

Anyway, DH and I really can't come to a consensus here. He's uncircumcised, so he votes no, but says if I really want our baby circ'd then that's fine too. I'm more worried about the social aspect, I suppose. The PP who mentioned her friend's teenage son who wants to be circumcised so he can look like everyone else - that is my biggest fear with this. I don't want my son to be pissed at me when he's older for making this decision for him. And despite the counter-argument to this, I can't really imagine any scenario where a teenage boy is angry at his parents for circ-ing him and wishes he still had his foreskin.

I'm sure we will ultimately end up NOT circumcising, just due to the fact that my DH isn't. Plus we'll be saving money by not having the procedure I suppose... I just keep worrying my parents will think I'm a hippie or something when they change his diaper for the first time and see him uncut, since boys in my family were always circ'd. And yes, I still care what my folks think. I wish this decision were easy!

Firemanswife11 · June 2014

So glad to see this discussion. I actually searched for it earlier today because we are on the fence about whether to circumcise or not. (Actually, I'm the one on the fence.)

Although we aren't officially finding out the sex until this weekend, I'm pretty sure it's a boy. And my OB doesn't circumcise, so I'm not sure what we would do in that instance? I'm a FTM and totally uneducated on this stuff.

griffers · June 2014

We are going to circumcise, purely for social reasons.

narabug · June 2014

Thank you everyone who's taken the time to respond so far. This and a little more reading I've done since I posted has helped me to form more of an opinion. I'll have to bring it up with DH again and see if we can have a more solid conversation.

@theotherjacobsons - I feel that it's unfair of him to put it on me as well, and I'll definitely be pushing him for more of an opinion. And I'm taking your advice about trying to figure out why I don't have a solid opinion.

russinangl · June 2014

We are going to circumcise ... our decision is whether or not to do it in the hospital or at home as part of the bris

[Deleted User] · June 2014

crawford411 said:

I work in a pre-surgical facility and I see a lot of men coming in later in life to have this done due to phimosis (condition where the foreskin gets stuck) or from chronic infections. A lot of these are older men who are in poorer health and can't clean as well as they used to. However, some are younger men. Almost all of them do it later in life due to infections, but we do get some elective ones.

I can see both sides and we are having a girl (so I don't really get a vote)... but if you don't circumsize, you need to teach EXCELLENT hygeine. One word: smegma.

Yes, this was my other concern! I have heard from nurses who work with elderly people about how a lot of times they need to get it done at that stage of their life due to infection and being unable to clean it thoroughly themselves. I brought this up to my husband once during a circ debate and his response was, "Yeah but if you're too old to take care yourself anyway, what does it really matter at that point?" :-<

ohioloveyou · June 2014

We will be circumcising for hygiene reasons and because DH is and feels strongly about it.

trisharenee0316 · June 2014

We are having it done.

Here is a pro/con article the WSJ had a while back with informed individuals on both sides: https://online.wsj.com/news/articles/SB10001424127887324798904578531063301112102. And this is another one I found helpful with respect to getting some positive feedback regarding circ. https://www.circinfo.net/pdfs/GFParents-EN(US)2012.pdf.

pushgal84 · June 2014

I'm on the fence if only because I need to look up more statistics on the instances of adult men, or non-newborns, needing to be circumcised for medical reasons. If I feel like the chance of needing the procedure later in life it's high enough, it may sway me to get it done proactively right after birth. I'm not sure how high that percentage would need to be too warrant the procedure, but I'm not totally comfortable ruling out circumcision until I do more research. I will under no circumstances have it done for social reasons or as my MIL put it, because "little boys need to look like their fathers". Where's an eye roll smiley on mobile when you need one?

dana2die4 · June 2014

I understand if you are on the "non circumcise" team, however, every adult man I have come in contact with who isn't circumcised wishes that he was. Our friend just recently under went an adult circumcision and said it was the worst thing he has ever gone through and wishes his parents went through with the surgery when he was a baby. Although, people will argue it should be a choice, I'm pretty sure "most" men would choose to be circumcised over not being at all.

Emerald27 · June 2014

DS is circumcised and this little boy will be too. It was important to DH that we do it, and I did not feel strongly either way, so I let him make the decision.

We had the procedure done the second day in the hospital so that we had had plenty of bonding and breastfeeding time together beforehand. We also requested maximum pain medication. It was very fast, and healed easily with minimal work, and he showed no signs of discomfort following the procedure.

I would make sure that if you opt for circumcision, you discuss it with your OB and pediatrician in advance so that you choose the practitioner you trust for the job.

slsl509 · June 2014

I'm indifferent but DH is in favor so if this baby is a boy we will circ. I have personally never seen an adult male that wasn't circumcised.

Kendrav4 · June 2014

Both of my boys are circumcised and if this is all boy he will be also. My DH felt strongly about getting it done and my pedi supports it to lessen the chance or infection so we did it and I am happy we did.

Kendrav4 · June 2014

For some reason it won't let me edit. My dad wasn't circumcised until he was teen and said he wished it would have just been done when he was a baby

SaphireShimmer · June 2014

For us, we had planned on doing it but it was too pricey at the time for us and timing just didn't work. However, we ended up having it done when DS was about 8 months as he was having issues with it (the holes weren't lining up so the foreskin would balloon painfully every time he went.
Why we had planned on it was a family history of problems (DH, his dad and his grandpa) as well as easier to keep clean and infection free.
With this one we are planning on seeing if we can get it covered under health care seeing as there is such a history. But we will have to wait and see how things go.
My biggest issue is whether the doctor is competent and the pain management. We had it done in the hospital under anesthesia by a really good urologist.

irrekb · June 2014

I watched the movie "What to Expect When Expecting" (the comedy, it came out last year). It was funny and a couple had this argument the entire movie so I kind of giggled at your post. We're having a girl so we never really thought about this. Good luck, and remember, no matter your choice there will always be people with an opinion.

JJsMum · June 2014

Wow, seems like we are in the minority here. Neither of my boys are circ'd, and this one won't be either. With DS#1, I looked at the research and talked to a few pediatricians, and came to the conclusion that I was okay either way. DH did his research and came with me to talk to pediatricians too. I basically told DH that I didn't have any particular leanings, and since I didn't have the equipment and couldn't relate, I'd let him make the decision if he had a preference. He chose to leave our boys uncut, and we are totally content with that decision. We always said that if our boys choose to get cut later, we would absolutely support their decision.

I have a friend with LOs the same ages (both within a couple of weeks) as my boys who did get her boys cut. She said she actually regrets the decision because both of her boys had hard recoveries from it. Her youngest actually had to go in and have it re-done because they didn't get all of it the first time around(?!).

persephonerose · June 2014

DS1 is circumcised and our new son will be too. I have dated a few guys who weren't and they always had trouble with the foreskin (tearing, infections, ect). This played a part in our decision.

The only part I wish they had warned me about was the possibility of penile adhesion. DS1 had this happen regularly for the first year of life and we really had to stay on top of pulling the skin back and the pedi had to unstick it a few times.

meggiev123 · June 2014

We'll be leaving our son uncircumsized. If we were currently in North America I think we'd likely lean against it (DH isn't, and I don't see an overwhelming medical reason to do it), but since we're in Ukraine where it's definitely not the norm, it's more of a no brainer for us. I don't want a doctor who doesn't do this everyday anywhere near my boy's penis!

Lindzoid · June 2014

I would do it again if this LO comes hit a boy. I would rather do it as an infant than have problems later on in life.

kikimeemee · June 2014

Husband is from Europe as are his 10+ friends that live in our neighborhood. All grown men in their 30s and 40s that were not circumsized and are healthy and clean today. Besides the embarrassment factor for teenage boys that I imagine may happen in a locker room, I honestly don't understand why circumsition became popular. Seems like it's purely social pressure to have the foreskin removed but I have not looked into this medically nor fully. And the suspects I mention above are all born outside the US and did not grow up here (it's worth mentioning).

flygyrl2929 · June 2014

We have chosen to Not circumcise. DH feels strongly about this and I was fine either way.

ashie0610 · June 2014

vrj0522 said:

We decided to circumcise DS and if we have any other boys we will do the same. There are a few medical/health benefits to circumcision per the AAP, however, I feel that the decision to circumcise is mostly based on religious, social, and cultural reasons and that's why it's so 50/50 in the U.S.

Here is something you can read on the benefits of circumcision… I'm sure someone else will provide something on the reasons not to circumcise.

https://www.mayoclinic.org/tests-procedures/circumcision/basics/why-its-done/prc-20013585

Agree with all of this 100%.

We did a lot of research and I was so torn on this for DS, and ultimately we made the decision to circ. Once we found out we were having a boy, we had an anti-circ friend in our ear sending us links to opinion-based websites, which I think made it even harder for me emotionally.

I honestly don't think I would have been 100% comfortable either way. I hated knowing that I essentially was cutting off part of my baby's body, but I also was terrified that my sweet boy could someday be an anecdotal story who would have to go through the horrible pain of having it done later in life for whatever reason.

The thing that pushed me over the edge to feeling more comfortable with it was the resident doctor who saw I was having a hard time the day that the procedure was to be done. He said that in our area, about 80% of newborn boys get circ'ed. Following the herd, maybe, but it made me feel better about our decision.

Everyone will have a stance, for some they will arrive at the decision easily and others will have a tough time. You just have to make the call and try not let it get to you either way.

Liss1481 · June 2014

DS1 was circ, and this little boy will be as well. DS1 only had 1 functional kidney, and even though infection risk is low, his pediatric urologist at CHOP definitely recommended it to decrease risk of pyelonephritis. We probably would have decided to circ anyway (DH is), but his urologist's strong rec was enough for me.

Syllessa · June 2014

After reading/researching the pros and cons, and making sure FI did as well, I let him make the decision. I definitely lean towards having it done, but both ex-husband (with ds1) and FI feel much stronger about it. So, both my boys will be circ'd.

lrobi13 · June 2014

This thread led to a discussion in our house last night, although we had already decided to get him circumcised (which we are still planning on doing) it was interesting to bounce some of the thoughts you ladies had off DH. He simply said, all guys care about is finishing. If you can do it either way then it really doesn't matter.

kgrisham18 · June 2014

We aren't having a boy so it's not an issue but we would have chosen not to circumcise. My DH isn't and he is very set on having any future sons not circumcised either. Totally fine with me, I think he gets the say in the matter. I know your husband says it's up to you so this isn't very helpful but that's my story and I'm sticking to it.

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