What do you think about this?

jesuisfatiguee · June 2014

@expatmama basically said everything I couldn't articulate.

ally2011 · June 2014

I didn't mean to derail the thread, just was curious. I totally understand that toddlers don't know how to manage their emotions and feelings and part of our job is to help them learn to do that. But I also know that they will keep doing whatever gets results they want.....tantrums here get completely ignored and then lots of positive engagement when over. I speak kindly to my dd and kiss her cheeks while putting her in the car seat even while she flips out, but I am not bribing her to do what she is supposed to do. I guess I should say "yet" since we all know what happens when moms say never

ally2011 · June 2014

DC2London said:

ally2011 said:

DC2London said:

luxannie said:

Am I the only one whose child would have never consented to being locked up - PNP, dog cage or otherwise? Dude is high maintenance...

Considering what I have to do to coax him into his car seat, I can't fathom a cage going over very well.

Not trying to sound snarky at all, but I don't understand this.....my dd flips out plenty when I put her in her car seat....but she's 15 months old so I just put her in there.....not sure I understand why coaxing is needed?

By "coaxing," what I really mean is, "I pin him down with my full body weight while he arches his back and screams." The kid is big. And strong. Does your child never fight you on this?

Oh, haha!! Yes, that I totally get. She arched her back yesterday while yelling "no no no no" because she didn't want to leave grandma and grandpa's house. I mean, I'm glad she likes them, but come on. I was envisioning a trail of treats to the carseat when I read "coax". Lol.

jesuisfatiguee · June 2014

+adamwife+ said:

@expatmama

As far as respect goes, I get what you're saying, but I also feel like respect is such a subjective thing when you're talking about kids. A toddler being in a cage has no sense of shame. It would be disrespectful to put a child in the cage when it causes them shame or makes them feel disrespected, but a toddler has no clue. To me it all has to do with intent. Is the intent to keep them safe or to punish them? That's a very different thing. Putting a child in a cage with the intent of punishing and disrespecting them, to send the message that they are an animal, is completely abusive and unacceptable.

This is such a grey area for me. I think things can be disrespectful regardless of whether the person feels disrespected, especially if they are not developmentally capable of feeling shame or reading a situation well enough to see any disrespect is happening.

Would you see nothing wrong with putting a mentally disabled person with the mind of a 2 year old in a cage for their own safety during a garage sale or something similar? They wouldn't know better, and wouldn't feel disrespected, but wouldn't that still be disrespectful?

ETA: wording

DublinMama · June 2014

ally2011 said:

DC2London said:

luxannie said:

Am I the only one whose child would have never consented to being locked up - PNP, dog cage or otherwise? Dude is high maintenance...

Considering what I have to do to coax him into his car seat, I can't fathom a cage going over very well.

Not trying to sound snarky at all, but I don't understand this.....my dd flips out plenty when I put her in her car seat....but she's 15 months old so I just put her in there.....not sure I understand why coaxing is needed?

Because that's how she chooses to get her baby in the car and it works for her.
:-/

I think this is all subject to interpretation. For example, as a teacher, I'm also "legally mandated" to report. But that mandate doesn't extend beyond the four walls of my school and the children in it. If one of the students shares something with me, or I witness something sketchy, yes, I am mandated to report it. But happening on a yard sale with a baby in a dog cage would not be within the realm of what I am legally obligated to do.

FWIW, I would not be calling CPS. If the dog cage was the only strange thing that was going on in that situation (as in the baby was clean, appeared well nourished, happy, and by all accounts well supervised), I would think it was a dumb ass move to do for the exact reasons others have shared...because someone else could call CPS and make drama for them.

I share this in the hopes that nobody calls CPS on me, but yesterday all of us were outside washing cars. I had a beer, and finished it. I put the empty bottle on the grass. DS wandered over and picked it up. I guess someone walking by could have called CPS and reported I was giving my baby beer. Which on the surface, might be how it looked. Or that maybe DH and I were intoxicated and not supervising him (WHICH WAS NOT THE CASE). Certain situations are somewhat like those crayons like yellowgreen or blueviolet. One person can say it's blue, and the other can say it's violet. It can be pretty subjective. But I think if you're going to be calling CPS, you better be damn sure it's one or the other.

Puck1182 · June 2014

@a13049‌ is it weird that I half expected/half hoped that in the case of the girl who really liked that dress, that CPS did a home visit and found a closet full of the same outfit, Doug Funnie style?

... And on that note, I just realized I might be the Abed of our BMB.

Puck1182 · June 2014

And since this thread has pretty much spiraled out I control, I'm just going to leave this here... Vintage baby cage:

jesuisfatiguee · June 2014

Puck1182 said:

And since this thread has pretty much spiraled out I control, I'm just going to leave this here... Vintage baby cage:

Let me go on record as saying this, too, is fucked up.

kleigh926 · June 2014

I was at work all day so I didn't have much time to catch up with this and I'm sure I missed some things while just trying to skim through. Thanks for all your thoughts and opinions, very interesting to see all points of view. I'm a mandated reporter as a nurse, but I didn't think I needed to report anything outside of work.

wifeofadam · June 2014

je+suis=fatiguee said:

+adamwife+ said:

@expatmama

As far as respect goes, I get what you're saying, but I also feel like respect is such a subjective thing when you're talking about kids. A toddler being in a cage has no sense of shame. It would be disrespectful to put a child in the cage when it causes them shame or makes them feel disrespected, but a toddler has no clue. To me it all has to do with intent. Is the intent to keep them safe or to punish them? That's a very different thing. Putting a child in a cage with the intent of punishing and disrespecting them, to send the message that they are an animal, is completely abusive and unacceptable.

This is such a grey area for me. I think things can be disrespectful regardless of whether the person feels disrespected, especially if they are not developmentally capable of feeling shame or reading a situation well enough to see any disrespect is happening.

Would you see nothing wrong with putting a mentally disabled person with the mind of a 2 year old in a cage for their own safety during a garage sale or something similar? They wouldn't know better, and wouldn't feel disrespected, but wouldn't that still be disrespectful?

ETA: wording

If you're talking about a mentally disabled adult, you would have to have a "cage" that would be the same size for them - big enough for them to roam around in.

For the record, we used to do that with mentally disabled adults all the time. They were called insane asylums. Now, for some, they are called jail cells, I guess. You're containing the person in a "cage" for the safety of themselves and others.

ETA: I'm not advocating putting mentally disabled people in cages, FTR.

kelly321 · June 2014

I guess part of the reason I think calling CPS is going overboard might be a lack of knowledge about the CPS system. Like someone else said (not enough time to go back and find who), if CPS came to my house, I would freak.out. Like, physically ill, not be able to sleep for days if not weeks, walk around with my stomach in knots and vomiting / diarrhea for days. Not to mention I would turn into a helicopter mom because I would never, ever, ever want a second report to go in because I would be afraid they would take away my kids. That is why I would not call CPS over something like this that I see as a stupid choice but not dangerous for the child. I would not want to bring that sort of stress into anyone's life if I didn' feel it was absolutely necessary.

And from how some of you describe wha happens, it does sound rather non-threatening, but really, how would you feel if they showed up at your door? Knowing the system, would you be able to laugh and say, "No, really, everything's fine, come in and have a look. She just loves to wear the dress every day and I hae to fight her every morning." Or would you also be wondering who had reported you and what they thought of you as a parent and what you now need to be careful of so you don't get reported about something else that's minor, as well?

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