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October 2013 Moms
Good touch bad touch
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Good touch bad touch
My mom was abused as a child and it caused her some life long issues that she still hasn't addressed. Then I was abused as a child. I have struggled with understanding why she didn't do more to protect me, given that my circumstances were almost identical to hers. But, when I went to her about it, she stayed very hush hush about it and it did not have the effect I expected it to have on my situation. She really didn't address it at all.
This has shaped much of my attitude toward parenting and what I'll do to protect my girls. The cycle stops here with me. No more. It has also shaped my thoughts and decisions on how many kids I want and the space between the kids I have. I want to make sure I have the capacity to fully protect and attend to the kids I have and with the way my brain works, I couldn't handle lots of kids close together and feel like I was doing that.
CPS came to my school and pulled me out of class to talk to me about it. No clue on how they knew about it. I truly believe this was an act of God. I was able to get counseling which helped me tremendously.
I used to not speak about it because I was embarrassed and ashamed. I'm very open about it now to help make people aware of how sick people are, and to give hope and encouragement to the survivors.
My daughter will know at a very young age about what's appropriate and what's not. I will share with her my story when she's older.
Hugs to you!!!!
My breakthrough was when I finally decided to forgive my uncle completely. He doesn't know that, but in my heart I do. My uncle is disabled and lives with my grandma. I do not want to ever see him again, but was thinking of writing him a letter. Who knows if I will ever write it or even mail it to him.
Wanted to share a song that has helped me stay strong through the storms of depression.
Music helps me a lot too, thank you for sharing that song. As far as your forgiveness goes, you are very smart to give up that burden and also very brave. It is a difficult thing to do. I have made a lot of progress in forgiving the person who abused me but a much more difficult time forgiving my mother. Maybe it's misplaced anger. But, I have talked with her and I really don't think she can acknowledge that it went on, let alone her part in it. I think our relationship will always be strained.
I'm shocked at the number of parents who don't believe their children. I had always stressed to my dh's parents that secret telling was a huge no-no for small children (they used to sit in the living room and whisper in each other's ears), but they thought I was nuts (and a young 20 something who didn't know anything).
When I worked for Planned Parenthood, we had a 14 year old who came in accompanied by A foster parent and a detective because she had been molested by her mom's boyfriend and his brother. She had told her mom and she didn't believe her. The mom thought it was a jealousy thing and the daughter just wanted her boyfriend. It took this young lady getting pregnant by one of them for her to be removed from the situation. For this reason, I am firmly pro choice.
I Said No!
www.amazon.com/Said-guide-keeping-private-parts/dp/1878076493/
We have this, and it's good to use as a conversation-starter.
Very glad this thread came up. This is such an important issue to address, and to make sure kids know the warning signs at an early(ish) age.
This is what I have to do about a certain family member, too. I have no "proof" and haven't come out and said anything specific about it, but I am definitely NOT letting them be unsupervised with my children. Really sad and scary that this is how things are.
Luckily we are the only ones who have kids on this side of the family but that will probably change with in the next few years.
It's a lot better, in my opinion, to be on alert than to have to go through the pain/emotions of molestation actually happening. Listen to your gut. I had no clue any of the stuff was happening while it was happening. After the fact, I realized there were a few clues that I didn't pick up on. I felt so guilty.
And not only would I but I have told other parents who I won't let me children be alone with. No child should be out into that risk!
Unfortunately, if I don't approach things in just the right way with my family, they tend to freak out and blame the messenger.
Unfortunately, if I don't approach things in just the right way with my family, they tend to freak out and blame the messenger.
This is my problem too. It's an immediate family member who is always at any of the family gathering or holidays. This side of the family is very close and if I put something like this out their I'm sure it will not be taken well. And god forbid in wrong I don't want to put that out there and him suffer when he is innocent. Ugh I dunno how I could even approach the subject with anyone.
I know I should say something if I suspect but I have no real evidence to prove it other than my creep radar and a few odd moments that threw up red flags. There was no actual touching or whatever cause if that was the case he would be exiled and everyone I know would know what happened.