Delivery Room

TC0514 · June 2014

Who will be in there?
I'd like for it to be just me and my husband, however I know my mom wants to be there since she was with DS. (Not my husbands biological child but has raised him since he was a baby). I'm trying to find a way to let my mom know I want it to be a special moment between DH and I.. Without her feelings getting hurt. Also I worry that if my moms in there than of course my MIL will probably think she should be in there too? Just curious if anyone has thought this far ahead or am I over thinking this lol!

huntress17 · June 2014

That's why I'm glad I have c sections only OH can be in there. Plus I always thought it would be kinda awkward for MIL to be in looking at everything you have ha ha. But that's just me. My mom was in with me when I was in labor with DD but there were somethings that were done to try and get me to progress that things just kinda showed ha ha. But she is my mom. It's kinda different to me. Good luck

TC0514 · June 2014

See I'm all for my mom being in there during labor, mother in law as well. It's just the actual pushing and delivery part I'd like to have just DH.

ckwick · June 2014

With our first, my parents were outside "waiting" and came in soon after, which worked out great. We'll probably do the same this time around, and again just keep it to myself and my husband. I think as hard as it may seem, you're best off doing what feels right to you and your husband/significant other. Your mother's can still be very involved, just maybe step out for the final push and delivery. Good luck!

shan24 · June 2014

My mom was in the delivery room when my sister had my niece. I think she kind of expected to be able to be there, too, when I deliver. She said something along the lines of "I want to be there" and I flat out told her no. My mom and I have that kind of relationship, though, and she wasn't hurt by it. Although, she's still trying to change my mind.

I can see how your situation is a bit different, where she was there for your first. I would tell her exactly how you said it here. That you want it to be a special moment for you and your DH and that you would love her to be there after (however many) minutes, hours, days after delivery.

lizgrace03 · June 2014

DH only. Everyone else can wait outside or do whatever they want until after he's born.

turtles7 · June 2014

My mom and DH will be there the whole time.

Carebella · June 2014

I knew from the get go that I only wanted DH in the room. But if something happened where he couldn't be there and my mom could, then I'd want her there. Everyone else is more than welcome to wait outside the room but until baby is out and I'm ready I don't want anyone else in the room.

As for how to tell your mom and MIL, you can definitely try the hospital rules thing or have nurses or a doula kick people out when you'd like. But I think they should respect anything you tell them. It's your body and a very special time in your life with DH. They had their time and got to choose who was there. This is your time.

mamatohne · June 2014

Ask her to baby sit ds let her know that would be much more helpful!

mussalynn · June 2014

DH and our doula (and our midwives of course). I'm not a big fan of all the attention being on me, so the idea of going through labour while a bunch of family members stand around watching makes me super uncomfortable.

TC0514 · June 2014

Thanks girls! I guess it's so hard because she was the only person I had the first time around. (19years old and no help from the BD) she went to everything with me and for that I can never thank her enough. However, I've said from the beginning I want things differently this time "the right way" with my husband being the one with me for everything. She understands that but she's already said she really hopes to be in the room for this baby as well. My plan for right now is to have her there for labor and then everyone leave when it's time to push! She can come in soon after I just really want that "moment" with my husband. And he is ok with her being there... But he want his mom there too.. not happening!

erinwithtwins · June 2014

No moms in the room for me. I think I'll let them know once the babies are born. Huge likelihood of a CS anyways. My mom is the type who would say she understood she needed to leave and then totally weasel her way in and stay. No way she's at the hospital. This is your time do what you want. Good luck!

NunyaBennis · June 2014

Part of me would love to not call anyone until after all is said & done, but that would cause lots of hurt feelings & drama. While we'll request that people not come to the hospital until we call with the all-clear, both sides of our family are ready and willing to camp out in the waiting room for days. NMS, but who's gonna stop them? As for visitors actually coming into the L&D room, my husband & I will use our safe word as code for GTFO if needed at any point by either of us.

jessa1228 · June 2014

I only want H in the room with me. My family lives 3 hours away, H's is 1.5 hours, and I'm really tempted to not tell anyone until AFTER baby is born so that we get ample bonding time. Knowing people are waiting for us in the waiting room would stress me out I think.

Lilwatz · June 2014

I'm planning on my husband and sister--who offered to fly down because my mother passed last year. I am very excited about having them both there (I was there for one of my nephew's births as well, so I've seen all of her!).

However, I feel every woman here should do whatever they want and if people's feelings are hurt hat is on them, not her.

BiJiHaCa17 · June 2014

With DD my DH and Mom were there through it all. This time it will just be my DH and nurses. After I had DD my Momsaid she just wanted to watch DD this time around.

Edited where did the rest of my post go?

AnnieRoo13 · June 2014

I really only want DH in there, but my MIL heard the doctor say that I'm allowed two support people and she told me she'd be honoured to be one of them. I totally ignored it when she said it because my SIL had already told me that she'd been mentioning it so I knew it was coming. I sound like a bitch, but I feel like it's one of those things where you kind of have to wait for me to ask you. And I'm not going to. I also don't really want everyone waiting outside while I give birth. I'd like a couple hours of just DH, the LO and I to get to know each other before the family chaos begins. I already know these are going to be unpopular opinions in DH's family but it's my baby and my vagina, so my choice.

sweetbabyrahe · June 2014

DH only. With DS, my parents, inlaws and sibs were around during labor and waited in the waiting room during pushing and delivery. All those people annoyed me and DH had to kick them out when I was about 7cm dilated. This time I would prefer no one at the hospital during labor and maybe just in the waiting room during delivery to visit right after, but we'll see

missnacholover · June 2014

DH and medical folks. No one else. Unless you are in the medical field, you're not welcome unless you were there at conception.

kimberly_ann81 · June 2014

We've had just DH and me for my other two births and will do the same this time. My MIL will be watching the other two while I'm in labor. You could ask your mom to watch your son instead of being in the room with you.

Honestly I wanted a few people in my room as possible when laboring. The quieter the better for me; not even music. I hated the band they put on the belly to monitor the baby as well.

TC0514 · June 2014

KUinCBUS said:

WildFlower810 said:
Haven't we already had this thread somewhere?

But anyways... me, DH, and midwives. Idk if my MIL will come for the birth or not, if so, she'd be welcome to be around during early stages of labor but not when things get really intense. My own mom will find out I was in labor when we tell her the baby has arrived.
---
We did have a similar thread a week or two ago:

https://forums.thebump.com/discussion/12347337/who-in-your-delivery-room

I'm guessing it will be a frequent topic of conversation

Ahh I didn't realize there was thread! Sorry girls. Next time I'll be sure to search further

thanks for all the responses

wallygirl · June 2014

It will be very similar to DD. I don't mind if people are in the room while I'm laboring but everyone but DH is out when it's delivery time. My hospital allows 5 in the l&d room. So last time dh, my mom, step dad, mil and sil were there. It ended up being great that they were there. We had some complications during l&d and DD ended up in the NICU. DH went with her and my mom came back to my l&d room with me. I was there for extra time before being moved to PP room because of the complications. So neither I nor DD were alone.

alexgenie · June 2014

I'm a FTM and I've actually been given some really good advice by women who've birthed before about this particular topic.
Originally I said "I only want DH in there with me, end of story" but have been told it's good to have one other person as a 'runner' during the lead up. So if you need ice chips or a wet face cloth etc etc they can get it rather than your SO having to leave you repeatedly.
I think my mum would be too emotional and opinionated so I'm thinking of asking one of my SIL's who's very similar to me (calm and very matter-of-fact) and who has birthed twice.
As for actually giving birth- it'll be just DH, midwife and any other medical professionals that I might need.

rox825 · June 2014

Just H, I don't really want anyone waiting at the hospital either, I want the first couple of hours to be family bonding time. My mom will be at our house 5 mins away watching the dogs so if necessary she can get there fast!

kaimee27 · June 2014

ClrkKntismyAE said:

My MIL thought she was going to be in the room when DD was born. I finally told her that if you haven't seen my vagina prior to delivery then it wasn't going to happen during labor. If you are worried about hurting anybody's feelings, let the nurses be the bad guys. They don't mind. Tell your MIL and your mom that your doctor or the hospital won't allow more than one person in the room during delivery. Then, tell your nurses that you don't want any visitors. Another favorite of mine is not telling anybody that you are in labor and just calling after the baby is born. That might not be possible with another LO though.

This is true-I've often told patient's with large groups of visitors that seem to be overwhelming them to just let me know if they want me to enforce our visitors policy. Sometimes they just don't feel comfortable doing it themselves and most nurses are happy to do it if we just know that that's what you want. Just try to find some time alone with your nurse for a few minutes so that you can tell her. Otherwise, call before you arrive when you're on your way and ask whoever you talk to if they could pass the message along to the charge nurse (he or she will let your nurse know when you're assigned to them).

As for me, I'm hoping to just have DH and my mom in the room with me. I'm hoping my older sister and MIL won't mind. I wouldn't mind them there for the early part maybe, but when I'm pushing those two are the only ones I want there besides the nurse and doctor.

mb314 · June 2014

No way would I want my mom or MIL there. Thankfully they live out of town. With DS it was just me and DH and I liked it like that. We may hire a doula this time so that would be our only additional person

ColtiersMom · June 2014

My mom and MIL wanted to be in the delivery room. I told my mom to leave right as I was about to start pushing and she seemed a little upset but understood. With this next child if my mom wants to be in there, that's fine, my little sister wanted to be in there the first time as well and since she doesn't have children if she wants too also-that's fine. I don't mind as much this time as my first. In reality, if you are very self conscious about people looking at your lady parts-you better just get over that because there will be a dr, possibly a resident, multiple nurses (we have 3), and your baby's nurse all stari. At your vag cheering you on:)

phdprocrastinator · June 2014

I only had DH the first time around. That's our plan for this time.

One suggestion for you with the whole mom/MIL thing: at my hospital, there was a limit to how many people could be with mom in the delivery room. I think it was two people. You might check into your hospital to find out their policy. If you're ok with MIL visiting while you're laboring, that might be a compromise.

Personally, I know I would feel like I needed to entertain visitors, and would pressure myself to "hurry things along" - which can't really be done! Oh, and once the pushing started, there was no way to keep decent!

meeshybee · June 2014

I have no problems with visitors during labor. My family has come to sit and chit chat with me at some point during all 3 of mine and I was grateful for it. Until the point where the contractions are on top of each other there's quite a bit of down time and, honestly, I get bored. For example, say your contractions are 4 minutes apart and 1 minute long. In an hour, that's 15 minutes of contractions and 45 minutes of nothing... and it can last quite a while.

During the actual delivery, it's just me and DH. My mother says that having 5 of her own was enough for her and MIL has never asked to be there. Not that I would have allowed it if she had. I would have told her as politely as possible, but I would have said no regardless of whether or not it hurt her feelings. My hooha, my business.

missnacholover · June 2014

I don't understand why people get their feelings hurt over new parents not wanting them in the room. Why can't people realize this is not all about them? Grinds my gears.

nighthawkswife · June 2014

only hubby.

TXPyroMom · June 2014

I plan to have DH, my mom and our 8 y/o daughter in the room for the delivery. Our DD will have the option to stay or leave the room. My mom will be able to take her out of the room and leave her with other family members if she chooses not to stay. DH doesn't handle blood well, so he is all for having my mom in the room with us.

I am fortunate in the fact that I don't have to 'hurt' my MILs feelings by not having her in the room. She lives 6 hours away and even though she wants to drive in for the delivery, DH has stated that she won't be called until I am about to deliver.

DH and I will have to hurt her feelings when we very plainly tell her that she will not be allowed to stay in our home the first week after the baby arrives, or at any point will she be allowed to stay in our home beyond 3 nights in a row. We aren't mean, it's just that she and DH aren't close and he was raised by his grandparents.

missnacholover · June 2014

TXPyroMom said:

I plan to have DH, my mom and our 8 y/o daughter in the room for the delivery. Our DD will have the option to stay or leave the room. My mom will be able to take her out of the room and leave her with other family members if she chooses not to stay. DH doesn't handle blood well, so he is all for having my mom in the room with us.

I am fortunate in the fact that I don't have to 'hurt' my MILs feelings by not having her in the room. She lives 6 hours away and even though she wants to drive in for the delivery, DH has stated that she won't be called until I am about to deliver.

DH and I will have to hurt her feelings when we very plainly tell her that she will not be allowed to stay in our home the first week after the baby arrives, or at any point will she be allowed to stay in our home beyond 3 nights in a row. We aren't mean, it's just that she and DH aren't close and he was raised by his grandparents.

We are converting our guest room to the baby's room so this isn't a huge issue. However, we are trying to express to folks that we don't really want people coming over and camping out at our house from like 8 am - bedtime when baby is first born.

I think the 3 nights in a row rule is perfect. When we move in the spring and have a guest room, we'll be limiting visits to 3-4 nights. "It's what works best for us and our family." We're not going to do it to be mean, it just is stressful having guests for extended periods of time!

TXPyroMom · June 2014

missnacholover said:

TXPyroMom said:

I plan to have DH, my mom and our 8 y/o daughter in the room for the delivery. Our DD will have the option to stay or leave the room. My mom will be able to take her out of the room and leave her with other family members if she chooses not to stay. DH doesn't handle blood well, so he is all for having my mom in the room with us.

I am fortunate in the fact that I don't have to 'hurt' my MILs feelings by not having her in the room. She lives 6 hours away and even though she wants to drive in for the delivery, DH has stated that she won't be called until I am about to deliver.

DH and I will have to hurt her feelings when we very plainly tell her that she will not be allowed to stay in our home the first week after the baby arrives, or at any point will she be allowed to stay in our home beyond 3 nights in a row. We aren't mean, it's just that she and DH aren't close and he was raised by his grandparents.

We are converting our guest room to the baby's room so this isn't a huge issue. However, we are trying to express to folks that we don't really want people coming over and camping out at our house from like 8 am - bedtime when baby is first born.

I think the 3 nights in a row rule is perfect. When we move in the spring and have a guest room, we'll be limiting visits to 3-4 nights. "It's what works best for us and our family." We're not going to do it to be mean, it just is stressful having guests for extended periods of time!

We recently moved into a 5 bedroom house, so we have plenty of space, it was more MILs attitude about the whole thing. In February, when we told her we had bought a house she said 'That's great, now I have a place to retire. Does my room have it's own bathroom???" And she was being completely serious... ugh, some people.

akatiegrl · June 2014

i plan on having DH and my mom in the room. my mom and i are super close and i really want her with me. i think i'll need her!

and then my sister-in-law would also like to be in the room, as well as do birth photography. so as of right now i 'think' i'm okay with that. we're all pretty close. but i'm not afraid to tell her if i change my mind and want less people in there at times.

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