Who in your delivery room?

silverwings72

FTM here. Who are you allowing (or not allowing) in the delivery room? Do hospitals have a rule about how many people are aloud in the room with you? I would love for my mom and sister to be able to be with my during the birth, husband is a given, but what about mother in law?? Then I had my best friend tell me she would also like to be in the room. Guys, I am pretty modest, always have been. I don't want all these people seeing me all cray cray and naked as a jay bird.... I'm thinking I would want my mom with us for support and guidance, and sister for comfort, but now I'm thinking maybe we shouldn't allow anyone in the room because it will be less chaotic. This is MIL first grand baby so I'm sure she will want to be there as well. Agh! What are you ladies doing? Any STM with some guidance?

wallygirl

Only 5 are allowed back in L&D room at my hospital. My mom, dad, mil, sil and husband were all there while I was laboring but when it came time for the actual delivery only my husband stayed. Will be the same this time as far as delivery. I just feel like it is a very private time between a husband and wife.

CoffeeAndWine

My first two I had DH only. My mom was in the room for number 3. I am also a pretty modest person so I didn't want anybody extra in there the first time. Now it's just not that big of a deal. I feel like everyone has seen it lol.

Honestly it's whatever makes you happy and comfortable. The last thing you need is the people in the room stressing you out when you're delivering.

And fwiw, I would never be okay with my MIL being in the delivery room. It would make me feel way too awkward.

KMW08

I'm thinking only dh, maybe my mom. Definitely not my dad or IL's.

I'm actually thinking about not really wanting anybody around after delivery. This won't happen, but I'm putting my foot down & only my parents, the IL's and one aunt are going to be allowed.

abbyful

My hospital only lets you have 2 people. (Note: If you are thinking about a doula, that's one of your "people".)

This time is the same plan as last time: DH only.

Celticlass6

My hospital only allows two other people in the room with you. I'm sure your hospital has something in place. Just ask your OB or check out the hospital website.

That being said, only DH will be in the room with me. My mom would stress me out too much and I am looking forward to bonding as a family with the baby and husband.

Carebella

My plan is just my husband and maybe a doula. If my mom happens to be in town and if my husband needs a break, I'd have her come in. I'm also a very private and modest person so the less people, the better, at least in my book.

SweetMelissa5

Whether there's a limit to how many people can be in the room will depend on the hospital's policies, so you'll want to check with your hospital on that.

As for me, with my oldest, my parents came by to see me, but I fully intended to have them leave when it came time to push (I ended up with a c-section and only my now-husband was allowed in for that, so I didn't have to kick them out or anything).

With my second, my parents came by with my son (I wanted him to meet his sister as soon as she was born), and my mom ended up staying in the room along with my husband while my dad stayed in the waiting room with DS.

With my third, only my husband was there (and there were actually really strict rules in place about even visiting with only the parents and grandparents of the new baby allowed in the maternity ward due to a flu outbreak).

With this one, it will most likely just be me and my husband again, although I'm hoping that my mom will be allowed to bring the other kids by to meet the new baby soon after he/she is born.

Knottie1454621357

I plan on just having my husband in with me. I don't know if I could handle more people in my delivery room with everything going on.

sunflwra

My husband- that's it.  Considering there were about 10 other medical personnel in the delivery room, that was more than enough

runningmama14

I just want DH.  I have a friend that does amazing birth photography and I would love to have her there, but she said no because she lives too far away and she's afraid she would miss it.  I can't quite make myself get excited about anyone local, so I probably won't have a birth photographer.

I'm not down with having people there waiting, so I won't have anybody in the room prior either.

bigmamaT26

Only three people are allowed in my hospital l & d unit, so it will be SO, mom and SO mom if she wants to be there...lol

Bandia12

Yes, most hospitals have a limit of people allowed in the room with you and most OB's do as well. The hospital limit and OB limit may not match, so make sure to ask both of them what their protocol is. My hospital and OB with my son both allowed as many people in the room as I wished. I could've had a birthing party if I wanted to :P. This time around, I think I have a 3 person limit unless otherwise discussed and agreed upon.

I had 5 family members (including DH) in the room when I was laboring with my son. They all would've been kicked out when it was time to push, except DH and maybe my mom. Idk, I wasn't going to make that call until that moment came. Unfortunately, I was taken for a c-section so of course DH was the only person in the room.

With this baby, I want to limit the people allowed to hang around while I labor to prevent distraction. When I go to push it will just be me, my husband, and my doula. 

You are not obligated to have people in your room that you don't feel comfortable with. Do NOT let anyone guilt you into having them present. It is all about you, your SO and this baby you are bringing into the world. Whoever else you want in the room is purely up to you guys, and it should be people you are fully comfortable with being present. On that note... if anyone is bothering you that you thought you would want around nurses don't mind kicking them out for you to prevent an awkward situation, and they are quite good at it . 

Sorry that got lengthy :P.

JustJainey

DH for sure, but otherwise don't think anyone else.

morrkim

My parents were there while I was in labor, but we sent them to the hotel because we thought I wasn't going to deliver for a while and I was going to try and get some sleep. We called them to come back when they said I was ready, but they didn't get back in time. I kind of liked it that way even though it wasn't planned that way. It gave h and I some bonding time. It felt kind of awkward when my mom got there because they were stitching me up. I think I might like my family there for labor, but when it comes to delivery I think I want a little more alone time before parents show up.

PandaCon

My DH and my mom were there for me.  My dad stopped by to have dinner with my mom and say Hi while I was in labor so that was no big deal.  

This time will probably be the same. My mom might have DS though so it could be just me and DH. 

If my MIL asked to be there i would flat out refuse. Not that I don't LOVE my mother in law but my privates my decision. Plus there are already plenty of people that are there when pushing starts so I didn't need anymore.  

It was nice that my DH could focus on talking to me and holding me. My mom would refill water, get cold washcloths etc and stayed pretty quiet, did what DH and I needed. She is also my best friend so it wasn't weird to me at all. 

kimberly_ann81

I just had DH with me the last two times and probably this time as well.  There are so many other people in the room with to begin with (dr, two nurses at least, DH, and you) that any more would just be too crowded for me.

kjmommy1214

I had/will have DH and MIL in with me. My dad came and went with SD. I was in the hospital 48 hours before I delivered. So, they stopped by to check on me and DD.

I asked MIL to be there. She is very helpful having worked in LD&R. I knew that I could trust her opinion because she was there for me and DD. She even held my right leg as I pushed. I am also a modest person, but in the moment and thinking back, it has never bothered me. She also cut DD's cord. DH was creeped out by it. MIL was also very helpful in the beginning with breastfeeding. She is very respectful of our wishes, which helps the situation of having her there immensely.

You always have the choice of putting people at the head of your bed. Also, my hospital said as long as they could do what they needed to do, they had no rules on how many people.

lil_shocker

Full disclosure- I didnt read the pp. I usually do, so sorry.

Our hospital has a limit for people in the room, I think it's maybe 2 or 3 people in addition to yourself, so that if something goes wrong, the extra people arent in the way of them responding. IWhen I had my son, it was just me and my husband, the nurse and intermittently the mw. I didn't want anyone else with me aside from him because I didnt want to worry about them or deal with them. I had more important things to do! Especially since my husband slept through labor and woke up when it was time to push (I am still pissed about that. This time I am throwing shit at him if he falls asleep.)

If you don't want them there, don't feel like you need to let them, even if it is the first grandbaby. They can visit you after when everything is cleaned up and safe and calm.

If you want your mom but not his mom, that's totally fine because you are the one going through a very difficult and scary process. You need the support that will best help you get through. The labor/delivery room is most certainly not a place of etiquette or equal footing among family.

crystaldh

The more is certainly not the merrier in this case! Probably just my DH.

@runningmama14 The idea of a birth photographer intrigues me. I've never seen professionally done pictures from a birth. Does your friend have a website?

mslynn2012

With DS I had JUST DH. It will be the same this time. I feel it's a time for just us. After we had our skin to skin and family bonding time we had everyone come in. I'm SO glad we did it that way and will do so again!

ktibbits1

Definitely DH, possibly my mom but I'll have to see how DH feels about it. It would probably be nice as a private family moment, but my mom was a L&D nurse so she'd be good support. But we also live far apart so that may make the decision for me

lil_shocker

crystaldh said:

The more is certainly not the merrier in this case! Probably just my DH.

@runningmama14 The idea of a birth photographer intrigues me. I've never seen professionally done pictures from a birth. Does your friend have a website?

Check with your birth location on photographer restrictions. Where I delivered didnt allow pictures being taken when the baby was actually being delivered.

brooklyngirl18

im not sure yet i know my mom would really love to be in the room but i don't know how i feel about that and we haven't discussed it. she's way more touchy feel than me and i feel like i'll want it to be just me and dh. my mom is a nurse and used to work in the nicu so i feel like she'll get in the dr and nurses business also lol. it never occurred to me that people can come in and out while laboring and when when it comes time to push you can kick them out. that might be a good compromise. 

turtles7

Dh and my mom. Everyone else will be kicked out when it's time. Dh will not be able comfort me like my mom when I'm in pain or will get tired of holding my hand and piss me off. Lol

erinwithtwins

JUST DH for me but I'm not close to mum & hate MIL. Easier to say no one else in my book.

mrsodonnell12

Husband, midwife, birth assistant, kids If they behave and photographer.

carafern

Just DH and maybe a doula. As a FTM I'm pretty freaked out about the prospect (still have 6 months to get used to it) and I don't think having extra people would help me.

My advice would be to stick with your choices of your mom and sister and DH. And as PP have said, there's often a limit.

Knhlittle

I'm kinda stressed about this too. Everyone seems to think they are going to be in the delivery room. My parents, his parents, his step mom. DH says it should be just us. Half of me just wants him but I also want my family to be apart of it. But ALL of them?!?!

MindyAndRyan

I may have just Ryan and I, or I may have Ryan and my best friend, who is an amateur (but amazing) photographer and I know she'd love to be a part of it. I think it would be wonderful to have photo-documentation of the process, but sometimes I wonder...do I really want pictures, or do I just need the memory?

Melissa2216

Only DH was with me. It was just the two of us the entire time. His parents stayed in the waiting room and he kept running back and forth giving them updates.

runningmama14

The more is certainly not the merrier in this case! Probably just my DH.

@runningmama14 The idea of a birth photographer intrigues me. I've never seen professionally done pictures from a birth. Does your friend have a website?

@crystaldh

My friend's website https://www.sarahmaxeyphoto.com She's in Kansas City. Honestly, until she started doing it a few years ago, I never thought it would be my thing either. She just captures everything so well. I was my sister's coach for both of her births and it amazes me how much it blurs and I wasn't even the one doing all the work! As pp said, some hospitals have a policy against shooting photos during the actual birth. I've heard that as long as your person is staying out of the way and not making their presence known, no one will say anything to them. Probably depends on the hospital though.

ETA: here's a good resource to find a birth photographer in any area - https://birthphotographers.com/find-a-birth-photographer/

venussapphire

Just DH. It's a private moment just the two of us. Also after LO comes I'm limiting visitors. I'm happy they are wanting to meet the LO, but the priority is my family (DH, DDand LO)

I think having a ton of people during labour is super odd. I would only allow people there that you are ok if they see you naked and at your craziest.

lincoln79

This is a great thread. Since we are intended parents of a LO coming into the world by gestational carrier, I think it will be our GC, her husband, mh and me. She tends to labor very quickly, so I don't think any of our family could get here even if we wanted them too (we have told them to stay home until later).

This is definitely we need to talk to the OB at our appointment on June 2nd. We are so grateful that our GC wants us in the room.

jlove253

I wanted to add something I didn't see anyone else comment on yet. When we did our hospital tour for dd's birth, the staff told us they have an unofficial rule of two people at a time in the room, but really they only enforced it if we told them we wanted them to do so. If I wanted no one in the room, the staff would tell anyone there were no visitors allowed. Really, they just wanted to protect the laboring woman.

I let any family (in-laws were the only ones close enough to come) visit while I labored, but only the women did (don't blame the men at all for staying out, especially since dd was the first grandbaby so none of the guys except FIL had experience with l&d). Then when pushing it was just DH. I liked it that way . I think since a SIL has had a baby this time the guys will come say hi, after the epidural haha!

mamatohne

A lot of hospitals also have issues with birth photography (law suit issues). So if you are hiring a photgrapher, make sure it is allowed by your hospital.

lizgrace03

I am only allowing DH!!  Our hospital has it's own birth photographer- might be something else to check into for people interested in that.

SarahHeck

The first time I wasn't letting anyone in that room besides my husband. I am pretty modest and I didn't like the idea of people seeing all my business! But then the day came and between shift changes and med students I ended up letting the entire hospital see everything and they were all strangers. Whatever! This time I don't care who is there, but it will probably just be my husband and maybe my best friend because she's a nurse in labor and delivery at tge hospital I'll most likely be at.

MsMolly520

DH only. It was planned with DS that we would call family 2 hours after delivery to allow our little family bonding time. I ended up with an emergency c-section and was so out of it the rest of the day that no one came until the next day. I'm having a RCS so it will likely be the same scenario depending on what time in the day it's scheduled for. But I agree with the others -- it's up to you who you want in the delivery room. Don't let anyone pressure or guilt you into letting them stay.

ShelleyElla22

With my first two I only had DH in the room. I didn't want anyone around at all, especially while I was laboring (I barely wanted DH there!). I didn't want to feel like I needed to entertain someone. This one will be the same. I am fine with people coming as soon as baby is born but this mama needs to labor in peace!

runningmama14

tarynleann said:

A lot of hospitals also have issues with birth photography (law suit issues). So if you are hiring a photgrapher, make sure it is allowed by your hospital.

I've never heard any around here having issues.  My friend has even been in on a few c-sections where they let her in the OR for photos.  I suppose it's regional.  

ETA- but defintely worth asking to make sure!  It would suck to find that out the day of, although, I'm sure the pros know which hospitals in their area have an issue.