Hello, let me introduce myself first..
For the first 30 years of my life, everything was smooth and worry-free. I was my parents’ most beloved child, found my true love in college, and happily married him after graduation.
At work, I was my boss’s most valued employee. Whenever I was in charge of a project, colleagues would inevitably say, “Oh, then I’m totally at ease.” I was constantly named “Employee of the Year,” with generous bonuses every year.
Later, I started my own business. Within just three months, I had broken into the market and started making money. By the fifth month, I was earning twice my previous salary. Growth was steady month after month. Right when the business needed more hands, I serendipitously met an amazing partner, and the company reached a whole new level.
Really, it seemed like at every step, whatever I needed, a pair of hands would always place it right in front of me, just in time.
My Two Girls: Ellie & Mia
Meet Ellie, My Firstborn
In 2020, my husband and I decided to have a child. After trying for over a year, we finally got the news in 2021 that a little one was on the way. In 2022, we welcomed our first child, Ellie. She made me a mother.
She is utterly adorable—big eyes, rosy skin, chubby little hands. Every time I look at her, I can’t help but give her a kiss. She is pure joy, and I love her more each day.
But as a first-time mom, I faced unprecedented difficulties. The postpartum tearing wouldn’t heal, and the pain was excruciating. Clogged milk ducts made my breasts hard as rocks. The severe sleep deprivation… And what was even more crushing was that, with zero parenting experience, I was clueless when faced with her unexplained wailing, night terrors, refusal to nurse, constipation, diarrhea, fevers… I desperately searched online, longing for one accurate, truly useful answer!
It was during this time that I thought, once I make it through this “dark” path, I must leave a light on for other new moms.
And Then Came Mia
Ellie had just turned one when I got pregnant again. In 2024, we welcomed our second daughter, Mia.
Completely different from Ellie, Mia is a great eater and sleeper. Although she had her fussy moments in the first two months, starting almost from month three, she became super easygoing. She feeds on schedule, gradually sleeps through the night, loves her solid foods, and adapted quickly when I had to stop breastfeeding due to mastitis.
This made me realize just how vastly different babies can be! It made me even more determined to write about my experiences.
Why I Had to Start This Blog
The Catalyst: A Life Pivoted
After Mia was born, my business also began to decline sharply. I had no choice but to close it and become a full-time mom. My work no longer involves Excel and Word, but instead revolves around changing diapers, washing bottles, making baby food, and managing household chores…
This has been a monumental challenge for me. All my past achievements seem irrelevant now. Managing two young children has brought me a sense of frustration I’ve never known before.
The Daily Reality
They are always fighting over things. When one is in my arms, the other immediately demands to be held too. When I try to cook, Ellie wants me to read her a book. When I attempt to load the washing machine, Mia has a diaper blowout, and I must drop everything to change her…
By the time I finish all that, I see the cup of hot coffee on the table has gone cold again. And it’s not until evening that I remember, “Oh my goodness, the clothes are still in the hamper, unwashed!”
Of course, being a mom is filled with happiness, but that doesn’t negate how hard it is.
My Promise to You
Because I’ve walked this path myself, I won’t just tell you how joyful motherhood is, like many websites do. I want to share my real, unfiltered experiences so every new mom can find a “companion” here.
I want to tell you: you are not alone. What you’re going through, I’ve been there too. Your breakdowns, your helplessness, your moments of losing control—I’ve had them all. You don’t need to feel guilty. This is just a small, necessary stretch of the journey for every mom.
My Hope for This Space
I really want to share my parenting experiences—not just the warm, glowing moments, but to honestly document the pitfalls I’ve stumbled into, the tears I’ve shed, and the “survival wisdom” I’ve scraped together in utter exhaustion.
The Goal: A Mom’s Toolkit
I hope this blog becomes a “mom’s toolkit,” filled not with vague theories, but with:
- Practical Tips: Like how to quickly figure out why a baby is crying, tried-and-true methods for dealing with clogged ducts, or how to efficiently manage the daily grind with twins (or two under two) solo.
- Pitfall Avoidance Guides: Sharing the baby products I regret buying the most, and those “game-changer” parenting hacks. Letting you know which parenting anxieties you can let go of, and which principles are worth holding onto.
- A Community for Moms: I hope my stories connect me with more moms like you. We can cheer each other on in the comments, share our own tricks, turning the storms we face alone into a journey we walk together.
The Bigger Vision
My previous career taught me to analyze data, solve problems, and optimize processes. Now, I’m applying all those skills to this new “position” of Mom. I want to prove that a mom’s value is absolutely not confined to the home. The mindset, resilience, and creativity we built in our careers can shine just as brightly—perhaps even brighter—in this more complex, long-term “project” of raising humans, and can even be transformed into a force that helps others.
My hope is simple: that every mom who opens this blog can let out a sigh of relief and say, “So it’s not just me.” Then, she can find a bit of practical info, a dose of comforting solidarity, and return to her sweet, chaotic mom-life with a little more confidence and a little less weight on her shoulders.
This road? Let’s walk it together.
Noethola
member
Re: PGAL Check-in
Upcoming appointments? We have our anatomy scan on June 17. Looking forward to seeing him again.
Symptoms/cravings? Can't stop eating and I'm obsessed with meat and spicy foods.
QOTW: We still haven't told anyone but plan to after our anatomy scan. I have had to break the news of loss five times already that telling people is really hard for me. It's like I feel the need to prove to them that maybe just maybe we will get to bring our son home this time. I also feel like I need to set some ground rules with them like no showers and no posting on Facebook etc. My husband really didn't want to announce to family until a month before my due date but that's just not realistic obviously. We are going to a wedding today so I expect that some people will ask. I know that friends and family will be thrilled and know what we have been through to get to this point but telling people makes me feel so vulnerable. If anyone here can relate to that I would greatly appreciate any advice you have. I told my therapist that I hadn't told yet and she was surprised that I haven't even told my mom who I am so close to. I also know how hard it is to see pregnant people even now so the last thing I would ever want to do is to hurt someone without knowing it so I feel like I try to cover my small bump. PGAL is so complicated but I feel so blessed to finally be here.
Open topic: I've been feeling some guilt lately for my daughter and my four other angel babies who never got a chance of a full life and the bond that I am starting to feel with my son. I want so badly for my son to outlive me that I can cry thinking of it but I feel guilty that my angels never got that chance. Obviously I know that there are absolutely no guarantees with bringing my son home either. I also feel guilty that I haven't been mentally able to visit my daughter at the cemetery since I got pregnant this time. I think about her every single day but I can't bring myself to go to the cemetery right now and that's hard. I wish I could just be naive and joyous like most pregnant women are. I feel so blessed but so guilty at the same time. Not sure if any of this makes sense but it feels so good to get it out.
Do you have any upcoming appointments or milestones? appt on 6/16
Any pregnancy symptoms or pregnancy cravings or aversions? My whole body is starting to ache, I've had some bh contractions that gave me a scare. the next 14 weeks are going to drive me nuts.
QOTW: If you have already told friends and family about your rainbow pregnancy, has everyone been supportive? Dh's side of the family doesn't know yet, we are planning on telling them soon. My family is small and they have been supportive of us but they are afraid for us. Did anyone tell you it was "too soon" or "about time" or other negative comments? WHen I first found out and I told my sister she said " I wish you would of waited a little longer" she explained that she didn't want me to go through what I went through again, and that my body and heart have to heal.
@MrsGerman It's so sad what you said about announcing a new pregnancy making people forget your first baby. When people got excited for me I felt that way too.
How far along are you? 29 weeks
Do you have any upcoming appointments or milestones? Well I am on summer vacation from teaching now and I'm starting to feel panicky because last summer is when everything started to go downhill and we lost our boy.
Any pregnancy symptoms or pregnancy cravings or aversions? still feeling pretty good!
QOTW: If you have already told friends and family about your rainbow pregnancy, has everyone been supportive? Did anyone tell you it was "too soon" or "about time" or other negative comments? If you have not yet told people, do your forsee anything like this? (I hope you all receive nothing but support!)
People have been great, but they all say "It will be perfect this time" or "Nothing like that will happen again." Of course that's what you want people to say, but they just have NO IDEA how life-threatening that whole situation was to my health. Feels like they just brush off this huge traumatic event in out lives.
Open Topic. What is on your mind this week? Just slowly counting the days as we inch closer to August...
first son stillborn 7/20/13 at 39 weeks due to Acute Fatty Liver of Pregnancy
It's a girl! Baby Anna was born August 3, 2014!
Do you have any upcoming appointments or milestones? My first OB appointment was yesterday after the RE released me last week. Got my blood drawn for the Panorama test. FX that everything will be ok.
Any pregnancy symptoms or pregnancy cravings or aversions? Heart burn.
QOTW: If you have already told friends and family about your rainbow pregnancy, has everyone been supportive? Did anyone tell you it was "too soon" or "about time" or other negative comments? If you have not yet told people, do your forsee anything like this? (I hope you all receive nothing but support!)
Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?
first son stillborn 7/20/13 at 39 weeks due to Acute Fatty Liver of Pregnancy
It's a girl! Baby Anna was born August 3, 2014!