If you're going to adopt a second time....

sgb721 · June 2014

My husband and I have always wanted to have multiple children (he says 3 and I say 4). Our family will be built through adoption.
That said- for those of you that have adopted once, or are just thinking of adopting more then once, when did you go back on the list?

Right now we're 20 months into our first adoption process (4 months paperwork/home study and 16 months approved and waiting). While I know the timeline can vary greatly for each adoption journey, we've been taking a lot of criticism for saying we'll be starting another adoption journey right after we finalize our first adoption. They say finalization is around 7-8 months... so if you added 20 months to that (or heck I'll even do 12 months) our children could be 20 months to 28 months apart. How is that so different then biological children close in age? Irish twins are only a year apart.

Thoughts, Input, Experience?

bumpuser794640 · June 2014

We are planning to do foster/adopt for additional kids (as well as not trying/not preventing), but we want to maintain birth order, so we will probably wait to start the licensing process until he's closer to two (so, about a year after finalization and 17 months after bringing him home).

[Deleted User] · June 2014

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sgb721 · June 2014

@Pinkie78 I appreciate the honesty. That's why I wanted to ask others who have children through adoption or who are going through adoption

orangecupcake · June 2014

When we adopted DD1, we decided to start again when she turned two, as we though three years was a good sibling difference. When she turned two, we were trying to sell our house, so we waited until we moved and settled. She was about 2.5 at that time. We actually were matched on Tuesday with a three month old girl. We brought DD2 home yesterday! The girls are 3 years and one month apart.

summergirl79 · June 2014

We are in the waiting stage of our second adoption. We weren't ready until DS turned 2 and started the process then, becoming active a little under 6 months after restarting the process and have been waiting for 6 months so far....

CaptainSerious · June 2014

We adopted twice. In fact, we went back to adopt a child we met while we were adopting M.

We waited about 6 months before starting the paperwork for the second adoption. At the time, we thought we were adjusting nicely, but we didn't realize that many of the difficulties of the attachment process were still to come. It probably was a blessing in disguise, because I'm not sure we would have started the adoption in the midst of the worst of M's attachment acting-out behaviors. This is likely a concern that someone adopting infants wouldn't have to give too much consideration to, and if I were in that position, I would likely focus on when it would be easiest to add another child due to the scheduling and patterns and rhythms of the family as a whole.

When it was all done, J came home almost 2 years after M.

mommit · June 2014

thank you

lafayettegirl · July 2014

We adopted a baby last year (finalized in August 2013) who is now 17 months. We are looking to re-start our paperwork this August. We were on the waiting list just about a year, but know we could have 1 day or several years of waiting so we wanted to get through the initial sleep deprivation (hard but worth it) and the adjustment of parenthood. Being on the parenting side of it, there were a lot of milestones both DS and we, as parents, had that we did not necessarily expect when we were waiting to be matched. Growing pains that we just didn't anticipate having as much of an effect on us as they actually did, if that makes sense.

A PP said do what feels right to you. I agree. You can plan a timeline for starting again, but be flexible. Not complaining, but parenthood is a shock to the system. Some people need more time than others, stuff comes up (selling a house, getting a new job, deciding you want a little more or less time as a family of three than you first anticipated), and so you just have to try to trust your gut once you are in the middle of "life."

Good luck to you!!! Parenthood is the most wonderful, exhausting, amazing journey and you will get there!!

erinmc1 · July 2014

I think it's smart to cross one bridge before you start preparing for the next one. We were positive that we were going to adopt two, and now, our little boy is 16 months old, ULTRA-active, but with some gross motor delay and growth challenges, and we're feeling pretty well done. I agree with the PP that said sleep deprivation is no joke. I wanted to be a mom more than anything on earth, and those first 8 weeks, I was so tired and miserable, I wasn't sure I was cut out for it after all.

I love my son more than life itself, and after a lot of discussion, another adoption journey isn't something we want to revisit. He's enough, and our family feels complete. I'm not saying this will be the case for you, or not, but give yourself some wiggle room. You never know what the future holds. Building your family through adoption teaches you that, if nothing else: plans are a fun idea, but life rarely adheres to an itinerary.

Best of luck on your journey! It's an emotional experience, but one you'll never regret.

If you're going to adopt a second time....

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