please help

astridz077 · May 2014

I can't get happy or excited about being pregnant. I have never been pregnant and DH and I have only been TTC for a little while. Sounds like a dream come true right? The truth is I suffer from severe anxiety and depression. I am not comfortable being on meds during at least my first trimester but will consider going back on after. Instead of being happy I am convinced something is going to go wrong. I am 5+ weeks along and haven't had much in a way of symptoms other than some cramping, sore nipples and peeing more often. I stress over my pregnancy and then stress increases my risk of complication so I stress about that. I will not be emotionally capable of handling a miscarriage. My folks had told me I shouldn't have a baby (I have not told them and dont look forward to It) due to my emotional issues and im starting to realize they were right. I am never going to make it to my first parental visit two weeks away never mind 9 months. Does anyone have any stories of being over 35 and having a successful first pregnancy? Some tips to relax? Words of wisdom? Anything? I really don't have anyone except DH to talk to and he just can't relate.

NicoleWI · May 2014

It's very possible to have a successful pregnancy! And not many symptoms can be completely normal, especially so early. It's hard to get through first tri. I would strongly suggest at least talking to your OB ASAP about this issue. Even if it's not meds right now, perhaps there are some other things she/he could suggest. Or maybe there are some completely safe meds that would really help you.

moroccojade · May 2014

Nicole gave some great advice.

I would also seriously consider consistent therapy. And yoga or some sort of gentle exercise where you can breathe, relax and stretch. Also consider massage therapy and acupuncture.

MOST moms in my area are over 35... Many over 40, and many into their 50s!!! Age is not that big of a deal. The media has hyped it up, but then there is some good research showing that it's not that big of a deal.

Lots of people don't have many symptoms till after 6 weeks... some always feel pretty normal!

And...

Congratulations! Be gentle with yourself. Tell your OB everything. Accept any help that is offered to you.

astridz077 · May 2014

I've found most OB's don't want to be involved until you're a bit further along, especially in a first pregnancy. I also know that even if I have a good first exam there is still a long road ahead of possible issues. I spoke to my GP and my OB about meds and the concern I have is that even the safest can effect pulmonary development in the first tri. The OB had suggested if I didn't want meds to consider them after the first trior even start a week or two before my EDD to lessen possible (and likely) postpartum depression. I just need to find a way to cope with this fear and anxiety. Even my husband noticed I talk about the pregnancy/baby in abstract terms to avoid getting attached. I just hate feeling this way. It just sucks and im miserable and worried all the time.

stephzrn · May 2014

I'm a lurker here but I'm hoping you continue to seek help. I was 40 when I delivered my first and only baby. I had a very easy pregnancy with hardly any side effects. I made my RE do a repeat US because I was so nervous because I had recently had a loss. I swear I had no symptoms. Every thing went smoothly and I just tried to remember to keep my faith with God. I also have body image problems and was terrified of how being pregnant was going to affect my body. I had thoughts of gaining and gaining and never losing. After all, I'm having a baby at 40. All my fears never came to reality. I had a very healthy baby and for my body, it didn't change as much as I thought in my head and I'm actually more laid back now and if my body isn't perfect, I don't care because the love and time I get with my son is worth so much more! Please don't give up and continue asking for help and talking about your feelings. The love you will develope for your baby will be so unexplainable.

dragonfly711 · May 2014

I am so sorry how you are feeling. I am 40. I am 36 weeks pregnant. I had a Mmc a year ago last February.

I also suffer from depression usually brought on with a tragic loss or something super upsetting.

I went off meds before we started TTC. I have been off of them since before the Mmc. I really thought the Mmc would have put me over the edge and bexome depressed again. It did not. 6 months later we were pregnant again.

This time I was super nervous the first trimester. Hard not to be after a Mmc. I did try not to worry and went to all my appointments.

First it is good that you except that you are feeling this way. Do not feel rhat you should not have a baby. Having a baby is scary and so many emotions but we all go through that.

Me being 40 has made me worry too.

Have you talked to your Dr? I would sooner than later if you have not. Also I think if you are up to it a therapist. Someone who is neutral. Not family.

Yoga is also calming and nice too. I just started. Wish I started sooner.

Please know you are not alone and something's you are going through is normal to be worried. Especially in first tri.

Thinking of you. Chat any time you need.

dragonfly711 · May 2014

Oh forgot. I didn't have any symptoms. No morning sickness. No hurting or bigger boobs. Still don't. Later on exhaustion came in felt nauseous but never got sick.

Heartburn came later on in 2 nd tri.

Don't go by symptoms. They can trick you.

danieleandwayne · May 2014

First of all-- kudos to you for being so self-aware. That's huge and will go a long way towards handling any post-partum depression or other anxiety issues that come up along the way.

1) The VAST MAJORITY of women 35+ have healthy and uneventful pregnancies and perfectly healthy babies.

2) This is the very beginning of worrying about your baby/children. It takes a lot of getting used to. I was not prepared for the physical reaction to having a child-- the second she came out of me, I started experiencing the proverbial "punch in the gut" whenever I thought about anything happening to my daughter. It literally causes me to catch my breath. Luckily, we have 10 months to prepare ourselves for this-- if anyone ever tells you about it. (Which I just did! :-) )

3) You are not the first-- or the last-- woman with anxiety and depression to have a child. Yes, the challenges for you are different and they can seem huge and overwhelming. And I'm sure it doesn't help to have people automatically discounting your ability to handle this. You never know what you can handle until you actually are faced with adversity.

4) The actual mathematical odds of having a baby with Downs at > 35 is still tiny-- it's barely higher than for those under 35. That's from the genetic counselors I saw before my dd was born (when I was 38 yrs old).

5) Counseling counseling counseling. Like pps said-- talk to someone who is trained to listen and guide you through non-pharmaceutical ways to handle this added stress and anxiety. And if you need to, take the meds. If the good of taking the meds outweighs the bad of their side effects, then take them. You're no good to the baby if you are physically/emotionally unstable during the pregnancy-- especially with all the hormonal changes that occur. (I'm saying this as a nurse, not just as a fellow pregnant mom.)

6) Hug yourself. You are going to hear a lot of doubts-- from others, from yourself. No mom starts this journey knowing everything. Even as a nurse, I question myself all the time about things concerning my dd that I would NEVER question my judgment on at work with my patients and clients. Kids make us feel stupid and awkward. From the time they are embryos until the time they are adults with kids of their own. So hug yourself. You're doing an amazing thing-- scary as hell, but amazing. Hug yourself.

Bigboneded · May 2014

@astridz077‌ ((((hugs)))). Its a scary place tobe, but you are not alone and your feelings are normal, if more severe. PP have a lot of good advice. Which I am going to take, I get some work related anxiety and could use a room full of pregnsnt yoga buddies :-) I dont know where you are, but look around for some resources to help you through this first part! You can do it :-)

ScubaMomma · May 2014

@astridz077 I am so pleased to see the phenomenal amount of support in the above messages.
I was a month shy of 40 yrs when I had DS. Aside from the term "high risk" that followed me around like a dark cloud, my pregnancy was amazing. No morning sickness, no sore breasts, my hair was thick for the first time in my life, skin glowed. I took a very long time to show and felt I was missing out on that big belly I dreamed of having (it came eventually!).
It was a perfect pregnancy.
I had struggled with depression for a few years before that and really feared going off my meds. and how it would affect me. There was definitely an adjustment period, but as mentioned above, counselling is key. If you can get out of the house and go for a walk, that may help too.
Good for you for being so aware and reaching out as you are!
There is a reason you became pregnant, please do not feel that this is a mistake or that you should not have a child.
Trust that everything is going to work out, even when it doesn't feel like it will...it will.

I wish you all the best!

kursem · June 2014

it will be fine I am 34 now but will be 35 when I deliver (so i've been lurking around this board as i relate to a lot of what's being discussed)....but the reason i'm responding to your post is because i'm bipolar so i can DEFINITELY relate to that piece of it I actually just found out that i'm pregnant this week (first OB appt is on Monday) but i've been super nervous about the effects my meds could have had on the baby already. Working with my doctor to wean off of them, and depending on how things go I may go back on them later in the pregnancy.

My best advice (I have a daughter so have been through another pregnancy and a bad post-partum depression) is to just breathe and take it one day at a time. Realize that you may have mood swings that have nothing to do with your depression, and everything to do with the changes your body is going through Realize that just because you suffer from depression that does NOT mean you can't be a fantastic mommy And if you don't go back on meds later in pregnancy, definitely talk to your doctor about doing so after the baby is born - people with a history of depression can be more susceptible to post-partum depression.

Congratulations, and wishing you a happy and healthy pregnancy

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