"I Am the Mom"

Hyaline · June 2014

terri_doula2010 said:

Oh come on, @Hyaline. Don't bust my bubble. I was being tongue in cheek about it being an oxymoron. And I was proud of my joke. :P

LOL it was a good joke, I'll give you that

And I think we're on the same page about it!

melody921 · June 2014

Hyaline said:

terri_doula2010 said:

Oh come on, @Hyaline. Don't bust my bubble. I was being tongue in cheek about it being an oxymoron. And I was proud of my joke. :P

LOL it was a good joke, I'll give you that And I think we're on the same page about it!

I have no problem with abstinence being included in sex ed and even mentioned as the one surefire way to not get pregnant or get an STD. I have a very big problem with that being the beginning and end of the sex ed curriculum.

hmp1 · June 2014

melody921 said: Hyaline said: terri_doula2010 said: Oh come on, @Hyaline. Don't bust my bubble. I was being tongue in cheek about it being an oxymoron. And I was proud of my joke. :P LOL it was a good joke, I'll give you that

And I think we're on the same page about it! I have no problem with abstinence being included in sex ed and even mentioned as the one surefire way to not get pregnant or get an STD. I have a very big problem with that being the beginning and end of the sex ed curriculum.

Agree. And a GYN, Pedi, Family doctor is the right place to have a policy in place. Not a law and not for random hospital visits. Government can stay out of my family's sex talks thanks.

juliane2004 · June 2014

terri_doula2010 said:
Guys. What IV said is in fact terrible. But it isn't uncommon. That's the point she was trying to make (I think). It could happen in sooo many families. I'm sure it has happened in so many families.

Also, apparently the medical records part is a moot point. I was telling DH about this last night and he worked for a company that did electronic medical records software a few years ago. There are tons of rules and regulations surround EMR that we pretty much never know about until it pertains to us.Apparently teens, maybe preteens, have always had the right to opt out of their parents seeing online medical records.

I think it is important to point out that no one blocking a child's medical records from a parent. JUST the online portion. That's what the story said. It just requires more effort for the parent to find out and they won't be sitting at home checking for something else, find bcp, and beat the crap out of them.

@Juli In all due respect, hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahha I know a lot of people who were Mormon growing up. Very...very few practiced abstinence. Abstinence only education leads to shows like 16 and pregnant.

Actually I wasn't Mormon till I was 18. And I still didn't have sex until my wedding day. I'm just saying it's not an impossibility.

juliane2004 · June 2014

melody921 said:

Hyaline said:

terri_doula2010 said:

Oh come on, @Hyaline. Don't bust my bubble. I was being tongue in cheek about it being an oxymoron. And I was proud of my joke. :P

LOL it was a good joke, I'll give you that And I think we're on the same page about it!

I have no problem with abstinence being included in sex ed and even mentioned as the one surefire way to not get pregnant or get an STD. I have a very big problem with that being the beginning and end of the sex ed curriculum.

Why?

MarisaKathleen · June 2014

juliane2004 said:

Hyaline said:

terri_doula2010 said:

Oh come on, @Hyaline. Don't bust my bubble. I was being tongue in cheek about it being an oxymoron. And I was proud of my joke. :P

LOL it was a good joke, I'll give you that And I think we're on the same page about it!

I have no problem with abstinence being included in sex ed and even mentioned as the one surefire way to not get pregnant or get an STD. I have a very big problem with that being the beginning and end of the sex ed curriculum.
Why?

Because for most teens today it's just not realistic. Even 12 years ago when I was in high school, there were a lot of people having sex. When all we do is tell them no and explain why abstinence is best, we're depriving them of the knowledge that they need to make educated choices and protect themselves.

I'm not saying by the time they get to high school and sit through sex ed they won't already have a pretty good handle on things based on what they see on tv and the internet, but IMO, giving them more facts is a better option. It never entered my mind when I was a teen having sex that I could get an STD because BF and I were only doing it with each other and had only been with each other. It worried me I could get pregnant. Sex ed gave me a whole lot more to be cautious about other than just the possibility of reproducing.

hmp1 · June 2014

juliane2004 said:

Hyaline said:

terri_doula2010 said:

Oh come on, @Hyaline. Don't bust my bubble. I was being tongue in cheek about it being an oxymoron. And I was proud of my joke. :P

LOL it was a good joke, I'll give you that And I think we're on the same page about it!

I have no problem with abstinence being included in sex ed and even mentioned as the one surefire way to not get pregnant or get an STD. I have a very big problem with that being the beginning and end of the sex ed curriculum.
Why?

For one, I don't think you need to wait until you are married to have sex and I have no shame in the fact that I had sex in high school. So my kids will learn about protection and the feelings and responsibility that come along with sex as well as the consequences. I want my kids to feel comfortable talking about sex with an adult they trust whether it be me, their health teacher, their doctor, or youth minister and I don't want them to be shut down with their questions by only hearing "don't do it, end of story".

melody921 · June 2014

hmp1 said:

juliane2004 said:

Hyaline said:

terri_doula2010 said:

Oh come on, @Hyaline. Don't bust my bubble. I was being tongue in cheek about it being an oxymoron. And I was proud of my joke. :P

LOL it was a good joke, I'll give you that And I think we're on the same page about it!

I have no problem with abstinence being included in sex ed and even mentioned as the one surefire way to not get pregnant or get an STD. I have a very big problem with that being the beginning and end of the sex ed curriculum.
Why?

For one, I don't think you need to wait until you are married to have sex and I have no shame in the fact that I had sex in high school. So my kids will learn about protection and the feelings and responsibility that come along with sex as well as the consequences. I want my kids to feel comfortable talking about sex with an adult they trust whether it be me, their health teacher, their doctor, or youth minister and I don't want them to be shut down with their questions by only hearing "don't do it, end of story".

Basically, what @hmp1 and @marisakathleen said. I think abstinence-only education makes the assumption that all kids are going to believe exactly as the adults in their life do. Just bc parents push abstinence doesn't mean teens will agree or comply. I'd rather err on the side of providing as much education as possible, sharing my beliefs with my kids and then letting them use the combination of family morals and facts to form their own ideas. At least then if they do choose to have sex, they'll hopefully be smart about it. Saying "just abstain" (sometimes) leads to knocked up teens with diseases bc they're too afraid to discuss the pill, condoms, getting their partner tested, etc.

Hyaline · June 2014

juliane2004 said:

Hyaline said:

terri_doula2010 said:

Oh come on, @Hyaline. Don't bust my bubble. I was being tongue in cheek about it being an oxymoron. And I was proud of my joke. :P

LOL it was a good joke, I'll give you that And I think we're on the same page about it!

I have no problem with abstinence being included in sex ed and even mentioned as the one surefire way to not get pregnant or get an STD. I have a very big problem with that being the beginning and end of the sex ed curriculum.
Why?

My reasons:

1) Unless we're talking about a religiously affiliated private school (in which case, the following is not applicable) the worldviews that parents and their kids ascribe to can't be expected to include abstinence universally. So the curriculum should be more inclusive, not dictated by one worldview.

2) It's not realistic to NOT arm kids with the knowledge of what a condom is and what BC is. If anything, it can help them make a more informed choice that might be abstinence. "This is a condom. The way you horny kids use them, they have a 24% failure rate, which means five kids in this class would get knocked up if you were all having intercourse using this type of protection." (Statistic made up but not too far off if I recall correctly.)

3) Kids encounter most of this information anyway. Let's provide them with neutral, objective information to counter the crap info they're getting or deducing from half-info.

4) As a parent, I can still share my hope that sex is something my kids will wait for. The school doesn't need to do that for me.

5) I maintain that as a parent I have a right to know what's included in this curriculum so I can better accomplish #4.

6) They're going to have sex at SOME point. It's not like even the kid who waits until marriage can't use that information about BC at that point. (Yes, I know some people do not believe in BC at all even then. Exception, not rule.)

terri_doula2010 · June 2014

juliane2004 said:

Guys. What IV said is in fact terrible. But it isn't uncommon. That's the point she was trying to make (I think). It could happen in sooo many families. I'm sure it has happened in so many families.

Also, apparently the medical records part is a moot point. I was telling DH about this last night and he worked for a company that did electronic medical records software a few years ago. There are tons of rules and regulations surround EMR that we pretty much never know about until it pertains to us.Apparently teens, maybe preteens, have always had the right to opt out of their parents seeing online medical records.

I think it is important to point out that no one blocking a child's medical records from a parent. JUST the online portion. That's what the story said. It just requires more effort for the parent to find out and they won't be sitting at home checking for something else, find bcp, and beat the crap out of them.

@Juli In all due respect, hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahha I know a lot of people who were Mormon growing up. Very...very few practiced abstinence. Abstinence only education leads to shows like 16 and pregnant.
Actually I wasn't Mormon till I was 18. And I still didn't have sex until my wedding day. I'm just saying it's not an impossibility.

I didn't say REMAINING abstinence was an oxymoron. I said TEACHING ONLY abstinence was an oxymoron. Just because you did doesn't mean your kids will, regardless of how you raise them or what you teach them. I think it is prudent and safe for you to give a full education (or at least not get in the way of others giving such an education) INCLUDING abstinence, but also safe sex, STDs, healthy sex, etc just in case your little angel decides to have sex before marriage.

Studies have proven time and again that abstinence only education doesn't do anything useful, and it actually leads to more pregnancies and disease for those kids who do have sex without a proper education.

terri_doula2010 · June 2014

UO pertaining to this thread.

While I obviously won't urge them into sex or set something up for them, I hope my kids DON'T wait for marriage to have sex. Especially with whoever they marry (if they marry). Wouldn't it suck to get to the bridal suite and have no idea? Or the two just not have a spark in that way? Yeah, it would suck. And then that would lead to unhappy people, perhaps divorce, etc.

I want my kids to be happy adults. Thus I want them (as adults) to have sex successful and pleasure-fully. Sex isn't just about procreation. If you are only having sex to procreate, you are missing out on one of the most fun passtimes ever.

I will also encourage my kids to masturbate.

Hyaline · June 2014

terri_doula2010 said:

UO pertaining to this thread.

While I obviously won't urge them into sex or set something up for them, I hope my kids DON'T wait for marriage to have sex. Especially with whoever they marry (if they marry). Wouldn't it suck to get to the bridal suite and have no idea? Or the two just not have a spark in that way? Yeah, it would suck. And then that would lead to unhappy people, perhaps divorce, etc.

I want my kids to be happy adults. Thus I want them (as adults) to have sex successful and pleasure-fully. Sex isn't just about procreation. If you are only having sex to procreate, you are missing out on one of the most fun passtimes ever.

I will also encourage my kids to masturbate.

Eh, the "it's bad to wait for marriage" attitude is as closed-minded as "you must wait for marriage." I have always thought the "what if you don't have a spark" argument to be just asinine. You know if you have spark with someone without taking your pants off. And even if you're not naturally awesome at sex together out of the gate doesn't mean you're set up for divorce or going to have an unhappy, unfulfilling marriage anymore than being crappy at washing dishes together means that. It means that as a couple you have something to learn together.

Believe me, I knew well before DH and I had sex--and he's the only person I've ever had sex with, and it was shortly before our wedding--that we "had spark." And yes, we fumbled a little with the first time. Big whoop. You have your first time sometime, if my daughter wants it to be with her husband on their wedding night I see nothing wrong with that. And if she prefers it be earlier with someone she ultimately breaks up with, I'm fine with that, too.

terri_doula2010 · June 2014

Without even thinking hard, I know a couple who married without having sex first. They physically couldn't have intercourse. He was too big, she was too small. She went to doctors, used dialators and such. Still couldn't. They were married for at least a decade. It was frustrating for both of them. They both ended up cheating on each other. She found she could have intercourse with a less thick dude. It ended up being a terrible marriage and led to a really messy divorce.

That is an extreme case, but it does happen. I can't know ALL the weirdos.

terri_doula2010 · June 2014

I really wonder in that particular case. They are both horny as hell and the lack of sex destroyed them. They got married fast and I really wonder if they mistook that horniness for love.

But this is a particular, extreme case.

juliane2004 · June 2014

I just feel like it's hypocritical of me to expect them to be abstinent AND give out / teach about condoms & birth control.

Flamingemu · June 2014

juliane2004 said:

I just feel like it's hypocritical of me to expect them to be abstinent AND give out / teach about condoms & birth control.

That is kind of the point of the conversation - huh. A well rounded sexual education includes abstinence is best, but this is what condoms & bc protect against. I don't think it is hypocritical to arm your children with the tools they need to make the decisions that are right for them.

Like Hyline said above - this is the % failure rate when you don't use these properly, do you want those odds, etc.

Nita2603 · June 2014

juliane2004 said:
I just feel like it's hypocritical of me to expect them to be abstinent AND give out / teach about condoms & birth control.

Huh?

terri_doula2010 · June 2014

juliane2004 said:

I just feel like it's hypocritical of me to expect them to be abstinent AND give out / teach about condoms & birth control.

They still have free will regardless of what you expect. I think it is irresponsible not to educate them (or allow them to be educated elsewhere) in case they go against your wishes.

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